NIKKI

CHAPTER 1

Nikki's head was spinning it had been a hell of a day. She grabbed a beer from the fridge walked through to the sitting room and plumped down on the couch. She let out a sigh and lay back against the cushion, how the hell had Eve found her? She had had no contact with her since the week after she was born. Her brain was in over drive, Stuart she hadn't seen him in three years before that chance meeting, snap her memory flooded back, Manchester the week before she had started at Waterloo Road, she had been in Starbuck's and a voice had pulled her away from the newspaper she had been perusing.

"Nikki?" she had looked up and seen a man standing there coffee in his hand and a plate with a ciabatta, "Nikki Boston?"

"Yes, Stuart, oh my god Stuart," Nikki had felt her stomach churn in shock, here was a man she had not seen for 14 years nearly 15 years the father of the child she had abandoned at a week old in to his care.

"May I?" He pointed to the empty chair at her table.

They had chatted a little but Nikki had been rushing down her coffee to get away from the situation she now found herself in. "Eve's doing well Nikki if you're interested; she's getting good grades at school."

"Right that's nice to know," Nikki was squirming she felt so inadequate; she really did not want to know anything about Eve, not because she didn't care but because she didn't deserve to know anything about her.

She remembered telling Stuart she was going to be teaching at Waterloo Road in Rochdale the army was in the past and she had been teaching in a school in Northamptonshire but had been offered head of English at Waterloo Road.

Stuart must have told his mother who had in turn told Eve but how had she found her in Scotland, she guessed it had not been too hard as the School had kept it's name when it moved. She would only have had to ring and ask for her. Infact Sonia had said there had been a call for her but no message had been left only a couple of weeks ago.

The day had not gone well she had eventually told Eve she had wanted an abortion when she had found out she was pregnant, she told Stuart he should not take the blame for her not seeing Eve any longer.

"God I am such a shit, I hate myself but I don't feel anything at all no motherly feelings nothing," what is wrong with me she had asked Christine, her reply had been, "you were young," what kind of an excuse was that? None!

She had been to Kacey's and sorted out her trip to America, she had more feelings for Kacey than her own flesh and blood. She was very fond of Kacey a girl who had been through so much. They had a good teacher student relationship; she admired Kacey and her sister Dynasty for wanting to get away from their families criminal roots, which was more than could be said for Barry Barry their elder brother.

She put the beer bottle to her lips it was empty she hadn't noticed herself drinking it; she had been so lost in her thoughts. Her phone beeped, it was Christine, "Hope you're ok Nikki? it isn't easy being a parent, take it slowly I know you want to be a part of her life now but it's going to be strange for a while. C xx"

Nikki text back, "Thanks, I don't want her to hate me but I don't deserve her after what I did, just have to hope I can be her friend. Nxx"

Nikki felt like a coiled spring, she could not relax; she decided to go for a run along the sea front to see if it would ease her racing brain and tire herself out so she could relax. She could have another drink but she had vowed never to use drink again to blot out the pain. That was another place another time a time that had changed her whole life once before.

After a shower Nikki sat down to do some marking, she was planning to have at least one free day over the weekend to go looking for a new carpet for her bedroom. It was the only one she hadn't changed since she had moved in. Her mind wondered back to Eve. She was a really pretty girl, the poem she had written sat on the coffee table, Nikki had wept in the car outside the Barry house, she knew deep down inside she had never really forgotten Eve or put her out of her mind completely. She had often thought of her but had pushed the thoughts away as quick as they had come to her. She reached out and picked up the poem, she read it again, tears sprung quickly to her eyes, she loved her daughter but she didn't deserve to love her she had been a terrible person but she couldn't live the life of a wife and mother she knew that before she found out she was pregnant with Eve.