SUCK
Life inside the tall, strong walls of the Alexandria Safe Zone isn't all that bad, really; and after everything that they have been through - together as a group and alone, as just her - Beth knows that she doesn't really have any room to complain about the way it is within these walls. It goes without saying that life here is absolutely nothing like the life that they built for themselves when they were living at the prison, but Beth knows that the reason behind that is most likely because of the fact that the people who make up her family are not the same people that they were when they were all living at the prison.
So it only makes sense that things are different now.
And besides, Beth isn't the same girl that she was back there at the prison, either. Maybe she had been the same at the beginning; just after the gates of it had crumbled under a tank and the yard of it had burned, just after she ran for what felt like it was weeks with only Daryl Dixon for company. But the second that her light blue eyes had blinked open to the ceiling of the hospital, absolutely everything about her changed - not necessarily quickly and all at once, but even so, she still changed - and Beth had eventually come to terms with the fact that if she really wanted to survive, then change was something was just inevitable. Something that she could not afford to fight against.
When you care about someone, hurt is just part of the package.
She remembers the words that she spoke on that day and how she had meant them so strongly at the time - and hell, she still means them just as much now, too. Because it's true. And at some point on her journey, Beth also realised that when you want to survive in a world like this - in a world where the dead roam the streets in search for human flesh, and yet the living are somehow more intimidating than they are - then change is also part of the package.
And god, did she want to survive. Ever since that day when she had wanted so desperately to die, Beth has known that she was wrong, has known that instead, she wants to live - and for as long as she possibly can, too.
So. She changed.
Beth likes to think that she's matured since the time that her family lived inside the gates of the prison, too; and although she doesn't like to think too much about what happened to her father that day - about the brutal way in which he was butchered right before her very eyes - Beth does like to think that he might be proud of her right now, wherever he is; that he might be proud of who she has become along the way.
And it isn't as though she's some sort of angel who walks around without sin, not after what happened in that hospital and not after what she did to Gorman and the rest of the men just like him on the road to Alexandria, but Beth does know that they all deserved what she gave to them more than anything else. She thinks that somewhere along the line, that might just make up for it.
The sound of Carol's cheery voice calling her name from where she is currently busy inside the kitchen causes Beth to snap out of her wandering, troubled thoughts, and the blonde quickly snaps back to reality. She blinks her wide blue eyes open and closed several times before she hurries over to where the older woman is located, a smile gracing her pretty features as she practically dances through the living room and into the kitchen.
Tonight, all of their family are coming over for dinner at the three bedroomed house that she shared with Carol and Morgan and Daryl - they all meet once a week (the night changes depending on everyone's varying schedules) and tonight, it's their turn to host - and as the older woman asks if she would be able to give her a hand with the spaghetti, Beth nods her head up and down and quickly gets straight to work, flashing Carol a grateful smile as she does so.
Her arrival to the Alexandria Safe Zone seemed as though it happened so long ago now, although it can't have been any more than three months ago, and after all of the commotion had died down - after long, trembling hugs and tears and sobs and muffled explanations and mumbled apologies - Beth had been invited for an interview with Deanna. Apparently, the older woman had heard a lot about her (although what it was that she had heard and who exactly she had heard it from, Beth was not to know) and Deanna immediately assigned her to work with the younger children in the school from Monday to Friday.
Today, however, is Saturday; and Beth has been desperately searching for something to distract her with all day until her family arrive for dinner. As someone who has never really been all that great at cooking, Beth usually just floats around whenever Carol is preparing the meals; but the older woman seems to be getting more and more perceptive of her and how she is coping with - well, with everything - and she seems to always just know when to step in and distract her from her thoughts.
It's not something that either of the women ever actually discuss, but it's something that Beth is definitely grateful to Carol for, and the blonde knows that the older woman understands that.
And in all honesty, moments like these are becoming less frequent. When she had first arrived in the Safe Zone, it had seemed as though Beth had needed Carol to rescue her from herself on a regular basis, but she finds that it's much easier to cope nowadays. The doctor doesn't even provide her with pain meds any more - she stopped just over two weeks ago - and Beth thinks that's a huge step in the right direction.
"What time is everybody coming?" Beth asks, glancing up at the clock as she begins to boil some water in a pan, and Carol lets her know that their guests are expected to arrive in just under two hours time.
It's not been that long since Beth last saw everyone, but she's excited all the same, and she smiles at Carol again before she starts to stir the water, absent-mindedly humming along to a tune that she recognises but just can't recall the name of as she begins to prepare the food.
.
.
.
Dinner is delicious and Maggie is pregnant, and Beth really doesn't know how she feels about that - at all.
The most frustrating thing about it all is that even after what had happened to Lori, Beth knows what she would have still been ecstatic for her sister and Glenn had this happened this time last year, when they were all still living at the prison. It's a hard thing to accept, but Beth knows that she has become more bitter and more cynical since those days, and as much as she loves children and as much as she has felt like she's been waiting her whole life to be an aunt, the words that she spoke that day to Lori still swirl around in her mind as she stares wide-eyed across the table at her older sister.
How could you do that?
All that she wants to do is bolt, and the only thing keeping her sat down in her chair at the long table is Carol sat beside her. The older woman really is so much more perceptive than anyone ever really gives her credit for, and whilst everyone else fusses over Maggie with smiles and cheers and claps and words of congratulations, Beth is comforted by the feel of Carol's eyes on her own and a sympathetic smile being thrown her way from the grey haired woman.
(Beth is comforted by Carol's eyes, but she doesn't even allow herself to spare so much as a glance in Daryl's direction. The hunter is sat beside Rick, who is head of the table, and even though she can feel his deep blue eyes burning on to her, Beth knows that she can't look at him - not right now, not in this moment - and she just won't force herself to.)
As everyone continues to chatter on about the exciting news, Beth convinces herself of all of the ways in which Maggie being pregnant could be a good thing. She thinks on about how it's much better here in the Safe Zone than it ever was at the prison - both life in general and the practical side of things, too; which logically means that the birthing process should be a lot easier.
Here in Alexandria, they have doctors and surgeons and medical equipment and in-date medication and books, and they have people who actually know what they're doing. And then the news of Maggie's pregnancy means that her family will be extended by a niece or nephew for her, her actual kin; and it means that a new life will be born into this world -
- into this shitty, fucked-up world where the dead are walking and the living should be feared and nothing makes sense at all.
Squeezing her eyes tightly shut, Beth resists the urge to break down and cry right there in front of everyone, but Carol squeezes her hand from where she sits beside her and the gesture is enough to encourage Beth to compose herself for the time being. Everyone is still so caught up in Maggie and Glenn that nobody seems to have noticed her strange behaviour, and it is then - in that moment when she is feeling weak and vulnerable and so unsure of herself and of everyone else - that Beth turns her gaze onto Daryl.
He's looking right back at her, too; and if Beth had wanted to bolt before, then she really wants to now.
.
.
.
The thing is, Beth knew that something had been building between the two of them back then on the road, back when it had just been him and her and nobody else around them for what seemed like miles and miles and miles. Luckily enough for the pair of them, the moonshine that they had drank that night at the shack hadn't sent them blind; and it meant that Beth could clearly see the way in which Daryl Dixon was looking at her in those last few days that they had together.
In their time at the funeral home, he changed so much; opening up to her with words of his own, warming up to her with his touch and physical contact. Between the two of them, there had been so much potential for something bigger, something better; and Beth had told him that day when they had thought it had been a dog at the door that she wasn't going to leave him, and god, she had meant those words.
She had meant them so much.
But then she had been taken away from Daryl and for so long, she found herself wishing for him. Day-in, day-out, the blonde couldn't help but think that she was starting to turn into one of the lonely, mopey princesses that she used to watch in movies and read about in fairytale stories, all of them waiting on a man who would rescue her.
And she wasn't a princess and Daryl wasn't a prince, but Beth thought that it was better that way, and she knew in her heart that he would save her - one way or another.
Because maybe he would burst through the doors and storm down the halls of the hospital with the sort of burning anger that she had seem him possess when he had hauled her onto the porch of the shack; and maybe he would be loud and wild as he frantically called out her name, a crazed expression on his face until he finally saw her with his own eyes once again.
Or maybe he would carry her out of the building in his strong arms in a similar way to the time that he had carried her around the funeral home, and then maybe they would both flip the place off together before he took her away - back to the woods, back to their family, back to wherever.
But then maybe he would choose to sneak her out instead, do the whole thing all quiet and secretively so that nobody knew until they came to find her the next morning. Maybe the pair of them would have ran through the night the way that they did when the prison had fallen, only this time they would do it hand-in-hand, neither of them wanting to look back at the monstrous place that had stolen her away from him.
Out of all of the different scenarios that Beth had constructed in the depths of her mind during her stay at Grady, she had honestly never thought much about the idea of him coming into the hospital along with the rest of their family. In her imagination, Daryl had always been alone, but it was so good to see all of the friendly faces of familiar people stood in that hallway.
And then she had been shot through the head, and then they had left her in the trunk of the car, and it had taken Beth weeks to make her way to Alexandria and find them all once again. Since her arrival to the Safe Zone, Daryl has been distant with her; as though he doesn't want to get too close to her again, just in case she disappears in front of his very eyes. It's something that Beth understands, something that she can appreciate, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't sting any less every time that he turns around to walk in the opposite direction of her or every time that he avoids even looking in her direction.
What changed your mind?
The question floats around in her head every time that he is near and even when he isn't, and despite the fact that she knows she's torturing herself with the ghosts of their past, Beth can't seem to help herself. It hurts, and yet it feels good, and whilst all she is doing is torturing herself, she thinks that one day, it might just be worth it.
All that she wants is for things to go back to the way that they were at the funeral home, back to a time where they were nestled nicely in one another's back pockets - not at a time when she slept in what had been his bedroom until she arrived and he slept on the couch or the front porch of the house.
.
.
.
The unexpected sound of quiet knocking at the wooden frame of her bedroom door caused Beth to jump in surprise from where she was curled up on her side in bed, and her light blue eyes widened dramatically as she pushed herself up to a sitting position. Under the door, Beth could make out the shadow of a pair of feet, and she frowned slightly as she placed the book that she had been reading face-down on her bedside table before she cleared her throat.
"Come in," Beth called out, her voice soft yet strong. At first, Beth had assumed that it was going to be Carol at the door with something to drink or some extra supper for her, but as the door creaked open and Beth caught sight of the tall, broad and dark figure that was lingering the doorway, she quickly realised that it wasn't Carol who had come to visit her tonight.
And she visibly swallowed at the sight of him.
Silently, Daryl walks into the bedroom as slow as he possibly can do, and then he gently pushes the bedroom door to a close behind him. It shuts with a click, and then it's just him and her and nobody else.
Just like she has been wanting for all this time - but now she doesn't have a clue what to do with it.
All of a sudden, her palms feel sweaty and her head feels a little dizzy (it's not necessarily an unfamiliar feeling, considering the headaches have been a regular occurrence since the incident) and Beth has the urge to vomit all over the bed. The last twenty four hours or so have been difficult, to say the least, considering the fact that Maggie hasn't necessarily been pleased with Beth's very un-enthusiastic reaction to the news of her pregnancy, and it doesn't take a genius to work out why Daryl is here all of a sudden.
Especially after he's been avoiding her so stubbornly for the past three months.
Not wanting to let any of her puzzled emotions get the better of her, Beth busies her hands by running them through the ends of her hair, and she calmly smiles up at where Daryl is standing a little awkwardly in the middle of the room. He looks so out of place, even just standing up in here - like he's too large and too strong and too feral.
Logically, Beth knows it not to be true; he's not necessarily as tame as the rest of them, but he has calmed down some over the last few years - especially compared to the wild animal that he was when he showed up on her daddy's farm. But still, it's almost amusing to see him standing there, and despite the fact that this had actually been his bedroom just a few months ago, she can't help but frequently wonder about how many times he actually did stay in here - even when it belonged to him and nobody else.
Carefully, Beth adjusts her position on the bed so that her knees are tucked up to her chest, and she wraps her arms around them; hugging them closer to her body. With curious eyes, Daryl holds her gaze for a little while longer before he slowly lowers himself down on the bed, and the sight of him perched at the end of her perfectly made queen sized bed has Beth wanting to burst into a fit of giggles.
And vomit. She still really wants to do that, too.
"Jus' wanted to check on you," Daryl says, the words spilling from his tongue quickly and unexpectedly. For a moment, all Beth can do is stare blankly at him, but it isn't as if he is actually paying much attention to her - apparently, the lines dancing across the palms of his hands are much more interesting than her face.
There is a part of her that wants to respond to his words. A part of her that's sarcastic - oh, you don't say, I couldn't possibly wonder why - and a part of her that's defensive - what are you, my chaperone now?
But then there's another part of her that doesn't want to say anything at all, and she justifies it to herself by thinking that he will probably continue on with his explanation, so long as she gives him the opportunity to. And she has to wait a minute in awkward silence, sure, but then Daryl is clearing his throat and shifting a little on the bed and his deep blue eyes make their way up so that they lock on hers.
The words come slowly this time; much more carefully, and it's clear that he's thought them through properly now, that he's not as panicked or as hurried as he was before. "I jus' wanted to make sure you were alright," Daryl says to her, his voice soft and calm despite the fact that his eyes are heated and his hands are trembling ever so slightly. "That's all."
All of a sudden, Beth feels shy, but she pushes that emotion right to the back of her chest and scoots over a little closer towards him on the bed. Thankfully, Daryl only reacts by visibly swallowing, and his whole body doesn't tense up the way that she had imagined that it would.
The way that it did do when he saw her standing at the gates of the Safe Zone, a hole in her head and mud on her clothes and tears trailing down her face.
As her hand comes to rest on the top of his bicep, Beth can't resist gently squeezing it, and her light blue eyes stay locked on his as she does so. "Thank you," Beth breathes out, the words gentle and sincere.
It's like a contest of who will look away first for a brief moment, but in the end, it's him. From the look on his face, it's as though he can't believe that she's really there, that she's alive and she's breathing and that she has her hand on his arm. So his eyes dart down to stare at where she is holding to him, and then they glance back up at her face and hover over the scars that stain her cheek and her forehead before his stare meets with her own once more.
She doesn't know how long they stay there like that, looking at each other in a way that reminds her of that time in the funeral home; a time of idunno and oh and now she feels that way all over again, her heart hammering against her chest in a way that is almost painful. And then she doesn't know which one of them leans forward first, or maybe they both meet in the middle like some sort of compromise; but soon enough, his lips are on hers.
.
.
.
The kisses that they both share with one another don't stay chaste for long, and whilst Beth is most definitely an adult who is responsible for her own decisions and actions, she's not entirely sure that she can actually be held accountable for ripping his shirt open and causing the buttons of it to tumble all around the carpeted floor of her bedroom.
At first, she can't help but be a little shocked and caught off guard - at both her strength and her boldness - and Daryl seems to be a little bit surprised, too; looking down around them both with raised eyebrows and parted lips. Both of their eyes raise from the buttons scattered across the floor back to one another's, and at first she doesn't know what to do - because oh my god, she literally just ripped open his shirt and she knows that Daryl might seriously not appreciate that at all -
- but then he's smirking at her and showing his teeth and then his lips are pressing back against her own once more. Shoulders sagging in relief, Beth is actually more than glad that she did it, because the action just seems to have spurred him on completely; pushing him to kiss her harder and faster, his tongue probing her mouth and licking at her teeth in the most delicious way.
So. Beth isn't at all sorry for ruining his shirt.
When their lips had first met, Beth had scrambled herself (a little clumsily) onto Daryl's lap so that she could kiss him as forcefully and as passionately as she possibly could; so that she could reach every single inch of him that was available to her, so that the only thing that separated them was their clothes. But now - now, Daryl has flipped them over so that he is hovering over her on the bed, and the two of them are resting horizontally across it so that both of their feet are touching the floor.
From where he is looming above her, Daryl looks as though he is completely lost in lust, and it's something that she feels mutual with him on. His lips are swollen and glistening with saliva from their kisses, his eyes are half-open and significantly darker than usual and his hands are wandering down to her jeans, popping open the button of them and yanking them down her thighs in one rushed mess.
It's not smooth (of course it's not smooth, it's her and it's him and what more could or would she expect?) but it's perfect and it's brilliant and Beth gasps and groans as he kisses his way up her leg, right from her ankle all the way up to her inner thigh. Once he gets to her most intimate area, he trails his lips over her panties and inhales deeply in a way that causes her to shudder and squirm, and then Daryl moves all the way back down the length of her leg so that he can start the delicious torture all over again.
By the time that he has finally made his way back up to her core and is tugging off her panties, Beth is practically dripping wet, and it was getting to the point where keeping her underwear on was going to be incredibly uncomfortable. The cool air of the bedroom hits her centre as soon as Daryl spreads her long, pale legs as far apart as they will go, and despite the fact that she feels so exposed lay like this before him, the sight of Daryl Dixon kneeling at the foot of the bed with his head between her legs is one of the most erotic things that Beth has ever seen in her life.
Oh. It falls from her lips without her meaning for it to as Daryl begins to explore her with his fingers, her eyelids fluttering shut despite herself - despite the fact that she so desperately wanted to watch as he worked over her. His thick fingers are teasing as they trace over every inch of her lips, but never once move over the hood of her clit, and it's only when he has her hips raised off the bed and whispered words falling from her tongue - please, Daryl, please please please, I need it, I, please - that he gives in.
But instead of pressing the pad of his thumb to her throbbing clit, Daryl instead uses his tongue to stimulate it, and Beth wastes no time in grabbing one of the pillows that she sleeps on and covering it over her mouth so that she can let out a long, loud moan; her toes curling as she does so.
All of her life, Beth had been told that sex - and anything associated with the act itself - was a sin before marriage, but she thinks to herself that this sure as hell does not feel sinful, not in the slightest. This feels absolutely heavenly, and she whimpers and whines as Daryl laps at her cunt and flicks his tongue over her clit once, twice, three times; her hips bucking in an erratic manner against his mouth and stubbled chin as he teases her mercilessly.
It isn't as though Beth Greene is a stranger to an orgasm and pleasuring herself, but this feels better than anything that she has ever done to herself before. His name tumbles from her lips as she begins to feel that slow, burning sensation creep up through her abdominal area, and the muscles there begin to tense and relax at a fast pace as Daryl slips one of his fingers inside of her.
Another long moan escapes her lips, but Beth just can't seem to be able to keep her body still as she grinds herself relentlessly against his face, moaning and gasping and shrieking into the pillow. It gets to the point where Beth feels as though she's going to burst into tears if she doesn't come hard and come now.
But then Daryl sucks her clit into his mouth and slurps away at it and Beth can't help herself as she practically jumps off the bed and into the air, the pillow rolling away from her as a result of the sudden, quick movement. A shriek escapes her lips along with the sound of his name and then her juices are spilling out of her, and for a while Beth had honestly thought to herself that she couldn't get any wetter, but she can feel the liquid of her dripping down Daryl's chin and all down her thighs and all over her cunt as her entire body tingles, the aftershocks of her orgasm almost as pleasurable as the initial sensation.
Finally, after what feels like it could be forever, Daryl finally rocks back on his heels and wipes his chin with the back of his hand. Her chest is still heaving as she looks down at him, but then - before either of them can really think about it - Beth stretches out her hand and clasps it around his, tugging gently as to encourage him to come and join her on the bed.
Despite what they had just done, there had been a part of her mind that had expected Daryl to reject her invitation to join him, but the hunter does no such thing. Instead, he flops beside her on the mattress and stares up at the ceiling, his own chest rising up and down just as heavily as her own is.
Without a word said between the two of them - and with her panties still dangling around one of her limp ankles - Beth moves in the darkness of the room so that her hand meets with his, and then their fingers intertwine. One of his fingers is still damp from where it had been nestled inside of her, but Beth doesn't mind at all - in fact, it makes her swollen clit throb in a way that is almost painful as she thinks about what he has just done to her.
With that thought fresh in her mind, Beth cannot help but to smile softly up at the ceiling; and as she does so, Beth allows her eyes to droop shut. The last thing that she recalls before she drifts off to sleep is the feel of Daryl squeezing her hand with his own, and then she is gone; entering a world of slumber that is both peaceful and relaxing.
Thanks for reading and let me know what you think!