A/N: This is a Kate/Ari Songfic for the song Ours by Taylor Swift. I tried to stay as close to the NCIS storyline as possible, but I also wanted it to fit the song. Sorry if there are some minor inconsistent details. Also, I did not write this to try to make an excuse for Kate's death. I absolutely adore Sasha Alexander with all my heart, and there was no excuse for Kate's death. She will forever be remembered. Other than that, enjoy! :]
Ours
Elevator buttons and morning air
Stranger's silence makes me wanna take the stairs
If you were here, we'd laugh about their vacant stares
But right now, my time is theirs
Agent Todd walked in to work and shook her umbrella to rid it of the rain that was coming down with a vengeance outside. She folded it up as she headed for the elevator to go up to the squad room. A man that she did not recognize held the elevator door for her, and then asked what floor she was going to.
Physically, Kate was at work, ready for another day at the office with her team, but mentally, her mind was elsewhere. All Kate could think about was the man she had left at home that morning. She knew it was wrong, the relationship she was having with him. Gibbs would probably never speak to her again if he ever found out. Plus, she probably would be out of a job if anyone knew. Even her best friend, Abby, could not know about this. After all, this was not just any man that Kate was having a secret love affair with. His name was Ari Haswari, and he was the one her boss was after.
Seems like there's always someone who disapproves
They'll judge it like they know about me and you
And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do
The jury's out, but my choice is you
Kate sat down at her desk, but glanced up only to immediately find Tony's suspecting eyes already staring at her.
"Can I help you, Tony?" Kate snapped. She was in no mood for Tony's teasing today.
"You look upset, Kate," he said sincerely.
"I am just...lost in thought, I guess," she replied.
"Okay. Well, I'm here."
"Thanks, Tony."
The entire day, her team had been asking her questions similar to Tony's. Abby had been the most concerned. For a moment, Kate didn't think Abby was going to let her out of her lab without an explanation, but eventually, she let it go.
Kate hated doing this to her team. She hated lying. Not that she was lying; she was just avoiding telling her team some personal information. And that was okay, right? What business did her co-workers have, knowing who she was dating?
It's completely their business, Kate thought to herself, when your boss is venomously searching for the man who slept in your bed last night.
The truth was, nothing was wrong with Kate. The entire day, her team had been asking her what was wrong, when in fact, everything was so seemingly right. Kate had recently admitted to herself that she really had feelings for Ari, and she could tell by the way he touched her, by the way he talked to her, that he had feelings for her, too. Maybe he even loved her. Maybe she even loved him.
Kate was happier than she had been in quite some time. She just wished that if she told her team- her family- that they'd feel this way, too.
So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high, the water's rough, but this love is ours
Kate opened the door to her apartment that night to the sapid smell of food being prepared.
"Is that you, my Caitlin?" said the deep Israeli voice coming from her kitchen.
Instead of answering in words, Kate just dropped her gear next to the front door, walked in to her kitchen, and wrapped her arms around Ari from behind.
Resting her cheek against his back, she said, "I missed you today."
"I have missed you today, too, my Caitlin," Ari replied. "I went to the store. I am making you dinner. I hope you like it."
"Be careful," Kate warned, "If you go out, you might get caught. My boss is after you. He wants you, dead or alive."
"No worries," Ari said, turning around and taking her in to his arms, "I will not get caught."
Happy to be reassured, she buried her face in to his muscled chest. She did not know how long this would last before one of them was caught, but while he was here with her she wanted to make the most of it.
You never know what people have up their sleeves
Ghosts from your past gonna jump out at me
Lurking in the shadows with their lip gloss smiles
But I don't care 'cause right now you're mine
Kate took Ari by the hand and led him to the kitchen table. They both liked this- eating dinner together, as if it was a common, completely normal occurrence.
Ari looked up at her and watched as she neatly ate her dinner. She was so graceful, alluring, and captivating to watch. No matter what she was doing, it seemed Ari could not take his eyes off of her. He had never felt this way about anyone before. Was it possible that she was changing him for the better?
For reasons he could not describe, when Ari was with Caitlin, he felt compelled to be loyal and trustworthy. Maybe he just never wanted Caitlin to see the terrible things he had seen as a child; he wanted to protect her from the things he knew could hurt her. Or maybe she was giving him a chance to start over, create a new life as a normal, contributing member of society.
Now Kate looked up at him, and their eyes met.
"You are beautiful, Caitlin" he said.
She smiled. "Thank you".
"You had a good day at work today, yes?" He asked.
She was quiet for a moment, then diverting his actual question, said, "I am happy with how things are right now, Ari, between me and you …but at work…what will my co-workers say when they find out?"
"That is not for them to decide, my Caitlin," he said, "This relationship is between you and me. No one else's opinions should matter besides ours."
"And what is 'this relationship'?" she asked curiously, taking a bite of her dinner.
Ari sighed, then thought for a couple seconds before responding.
"I think I have waited long enough to tell you that I have...feelings for you, Caitlin, very deep feelings. I wish to be with you. You bring out a side of me that I know does not come out often."
Kate was silent. She liked what she had heard; it confirmed her suspicions that this was more than just a short-lived extracurricular activity. At the same time, however, what was she sacrificing for this relationship? Her job? Her friends? Her family? How long would this go on?
And you'll say don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high, the water's rough, but this love is ours
Two more weeks passed. Whether Kate knew it or not, she was becoming two different people. There was Agent Todd, the sharp-tongued NCIS Agent who was completely focused on her work, and then there was Caitlin, who was warm and affectionate to the man who had practically moved in to her home. Would there ever be a point at which the two worlds became one?
The rest of the team had finally stopped questioning her change in personality- either that or she was becoming very good at hiding the fact that there was anything going on. Kate went about her daily business at work, and when asked about her personal life (usually just the typical pestering questions from Tony), she just brushed it off with simple, un-detailed answers.
Ari would come and go as he pleased during the day. Sometimes he had things to do- meeting with a contact, working on an assignment, etc. – and other days, he would go out just for the fresh air. He enjoyed knowing that he could hide in plain sight from Agent Gibbs. Sometimes, he would even tail the team, finding them while they were out in the field working a case. He had to stay at a distance, of course, so as not to be caught, but he loved to watch Caitlin work. The way she moved mesmerized him. However, no matter where he went during the day, he always had a well-prepared meal ready for Caitlin when she came home at night. He amused himself by making things she had never heard of or tasted before.
You are getting too used to this, Ari, he told himself. He knew he could hide from Agent Gibbs, but Mossad must know where he was. After all, he was still working. Would they care that he was staying with Agent Todd? He hoped not.
And it's not theirs to speculate if it's wrong and
Your hands are tough but they are where mine belong in
I'll fight their doubt and give you faith with this song for you
One night, as they were about to get in to bed to go to sleep, the words that Ari had been so afraid to tell Kate slipped out of his mouth.
"I love you, Caitlin," he said.
Kate stopped what she was doing and looked over at him. He was staring at her, anticipating her reaction. Had he said it too soon? Was it out of place? Ari realized that he had never said those words to anyone before. Not that he could remember, anyway.
However, her expression only softened. She walked over to him, wrapped her arms around his waist, and repeated the words back to him.
Ari leaned down and kissed her. He picked her up in his strong arms, and she wound her legs around his waist. He held her to him as tight as he possibly could without hurting her. Ari had never had a woman like this. He would never let her go.
Caitlin was so unlike him, but she was so accepting of their differences. He never once heard her bring up the fact that he was Muslim. She never asked how many people he had killed. She never asked him to quit the Mossad. Caitlin was one of the few people he had ever known that was willing to get to know him as Ari, not Haswari the violent, cold-blooded Satan of darkness.
'Cause I love the gap between your teeth
And I love the riddles that you speak
And any snide remarks from my father about your tattoos will be ignored
'Cause my heart is yours
Agent Todd was all smiles at work the next day. Keeping her love life a secret came easily to her now, but today she couldn't help but smile.
Yes, she hated the fact that not one of her co-workers knew about the man she was in love with, but at the same time, she was happy with the way things were. Her team not knowing about her personal life meant Tony didn't ask prying questions, and Abby didn't make her repeat every detail of the sex she had last night.
The suspense of getting caught kept their affair interesting, but they each knew that if they did get caught, they would find a way to be together again.
So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
Caitlin was at work, and Ari was at her apartment. He had just finished a meeting with a contact, and he was now sitting on the couch in her living room watching some TV talk show that made no sense to him.
His cell phone rang, and it was one of his bosses, so he answered.
"Haswari," said his boss's husky voice, "I have the next step of your assignment for you".
As Ari listened to the voice on the other end of the line, his heart sank, and eventually shattered inside his chest. He wished he had never gotten involved with this assignment, but he also could never betray his family.
After hanging up, he called his half-sister.
"Ziva," he said, "I need you to do something for me. Tuesday, I am to kill an NCIS Agent. After I do, I want you to kill me, Ziva. Do not let anyone else do it. I want you to kill me, do you understand?"
"Why, my brother?" Ziva asked.
She listened intently as her brother shared with her the information that no one in the world besides Ari and his Caitlin knew.
"You must never tell anyone, Ziva, do you understand? Caitlin's team must never know of our relationship. But I cannot live without her. If I am to kill her, I must die," he was quiet for a moment before continuing, "Get close to them, Ziva. Never let Caitlin's family and friends forget her. She must be remembered."
Ziva agreed, and then quietly hung up.
And don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
But they can't take what's ours
Ari had known this was too good to be true. He knew someone was going to tear them apart, but he never imagined it would happen like this or this quickly.
However, he could not let his beautiful Caitlin worry. He had to enjoy every moment with her, knowing that not only would these be the last few nights with the woman he loved, but that he would also be on the run for a while until his sister killed him. He had to run- if he made it look easy, they would suspect his sister.
He carried on business as usual, never letting her suspect anything. He continued to make her elaborate dinners, he held her every night, and memorized the taste of her every kiss.
He told her on Sunday night that he had to leave for a few days. He could not endure these final days. He couldn't live with himself, knowing that he was about to kill the one person in the world he loved more than he ever imagined possible.
She protested, but let him go. After their final kiss, Ari told his Caitlin one last time that he loved her, and that he would see her soon.
Ari wanted to get this over with; the thought of killing her tore his heart to shreds. However, Ari knew someone was going to do it, and he wanted to do it himself so it would be quick. She didn't deserve to suffer.
The stakes are high, the water's rough, but this love is ours