History Repeats Itself
Story Title: History Repeats Itself
Story Summary: Her frustrated sighs linger in the air, taking just enough time to allow her lungs to fill again before evaporating. Her thoughts churn together, centering solely on the topic for so many other internal debates. Gregory House. Episode tag - "Let Them Eat Cake".
Genre: Angst/Friendship
Chapter Focus: Prompt #353 of the 1000 Theme Challenge, "History Repeats Itself"
Chapter Rating: T/PG-13 for mild language and giving in
Word Count: 1000+
Author's Starting Notes: I decided I wanted to post something today. This and "Alone" were my top contenders. I wanted to choose pieces that could stand alone without needing something else. And pieces that I didn't have a good twenty things based off of. Here is a bitter House/Cuddy oneshot looking in on Cuddy. It takes place right after "Let Them Eat Cake", and thanks for reading. Review please.
Time Stamp: Posted December 2008
14: History Repeats Itself (#353)
A wise person once said that "to know one's past is to know the future". Lisa Cuddy seemed to have missed that lecture, for she somehow ends up in the same position she was in years earlier.
Her head rests on the familiar desk in a notch that could only be formed by chipping away at the edge out of boredom. Her frustrated sighs linger in the air, taking just enough time to allow her lungs to fill again before evaporating. Her thoughts churn together, centering solely on the topic for so many other internal debates.
Gregory House.
Why did she fall into his trap back then? And, why does she still do it? How can it be that after everything that man has put her through, over the years, she is just as keen to dive into him head first? He has always been the exact same. He has not changed at all since last she was in this situation. She had thought she was the one to grow up and mature. She was then, and is still, wrong.
James Wilson stands in the doorway of her office. He watches her with silent eyes. He looks for the tell that always comes with House related drama. It's this little quirk she does every time he is the source of a problem. Wilson always waits until he finds it to speak, but he isn't seeing it. Not even after waiting for twenty minutes outside her office.
"The longer you wait won't give you a better topic," she mutters. His face flushes. He never considered the option that she knew he was there.
He steps into the room cautiously.
"I was waiting for something," he says, she looks up at him.
"For what?" she asks.
"A sign, that maybe this conversation won't have to do with you and House, or maybe that it would," he answers.
"There is no conversation, Wilson. He's House. I should have known better," she recites.
"I'm just curious as to what happened in the time from when you left this office, gleeful, to you returning, confused," he says.
"Not confused, irritated," she corrects.
"At House?" he supplies.
"Myself. This isn't the first time this has happened," she admits.
"What has?" he questions curiously.
"Me trying, him failing, him doing something un-remarkably sweet, only to be found in the arms of another woman moments later," she clarifies, "The only thing is, this time we don't have twenty years to fix the damage. Hell, between his drug habit and the psychotic patients that walk through those doors, we probably don't even have ten."
Wilson moves awkwardly to the seat in front of her new desk. He gazes on, waiting for her to continue her train of thought.
"This isn't the life I wanted for myself," she adds, "Not at all. I always wanted the modern lifestyle. The white picket fence, fancy job, cute kids, husband - the whole shebang. And, what do I get? A hospital that can't function without me running in circles all day, a job that is amazing with good benefits but insane hours, no family, no husband, and feelings for a man who will never understand."
Wilson nods slowly. He knows where this is coming from.
"This whole House-Joy situation isn't making things any easier," Wilson tacks on.
"It was never meant to. I was just looking for a way to have a piece of that falling dream. I know I can't, now," she says sullenly.
"Why can't you? The husband thing isn't fully out of this world," Wilson tries, she gives him a look, "Unless of course, you have a certain guy in mind. A certain guy who will, uh, never understand?"
She gives a humorless chuckle.
"Way to go, James. You finally got one right," she praises sardonically, "Although, it would be ideal if it wasn't. Correct, I mean. He is a horrible choice, definitely not husband material. Not even boyfriend material. He is incapable of acting his age, or considering other people's feelings. And, his private displays of compassion and personal knowledge aren't ever enough to make up for all the other crap he does on a daily basis.
"I-I should have known better than to trust him, or hire him, or lo…"
Wilson leans forward. He only needs to hear her say it once. A simple admittance of what they all know has been there for way too long, before Kutner and Thirteen, before Cameron and Chase, even before Wilson and Stacy; a pure, unconventional love.
"I… think I should probably call it a night," Lisa says. Wilson groans.
"You aren't calling it a night. You need to go talk to him. Go talk to the man you love," orders Wilson defiantly.
"James," Lisa mumbles warningly.
"Don't 'James' me, Lisa! For years I have been dealing with the two of you, and I don't want to wait until the next time he dies, or your hopes get slashed like tires, just to see even a bit of improvement. You are worse than newborn puppies who won't separate from their mothers for anything. You two can't let go of your own damn problems and just accept the other one. He isn't going to change. Neither are you. Get over it, and do something, damnit. Because, if you don't make that step now, you won't get the chance," Wilson warns.
"I've never had a chance. The only one to ever get one was Stacy. She blew it," Lisa deadpans.
"Who's to say you will though?" Wilson stresses.
"The same man who says that 'everybody lies'," Lisa says. Wilson sighs. The stubbornness of brunettes has reared its ugly head. There will be no getting through to her now. And, just when he had gotten so much done, kicked straight back to the starting line.
"Fine, don't try. You're going to regret this for the rest of your life, you know that, don't you?" he asks her seriously.
"I know," she admits forlorn. He shakes his head at her.
He pushes back his chair in defeat. Maybe he should just get a new hobby. Huddy-matchmaker doesn't seem to be working out so well.
"Do you want to know what happened next, Wilson?" she asks loudly. He turns to her.
"Sure, why not?"
"He winds up in the hospital for an overdose, and everything else fades to black," she says.
"Ever think of maybe writing a new future?" he asks.
"What's the point? The last overdose led to him solving a case. The one before that found him his own department. And, the one before that eventually got him and Stacy together. Obviously, there's a pattern here."
"Drugs make his life better, then worse?"
"They all happened without my intervention, with me in my world and him in his. It's the way things are meant to be."
"The way they're meant to be, or the way things are easier?" he demands.
"Both," she replies.
"You can't stay out of his life," Wilson points out.
"I can if I leave the hospital," she says, "I got an offer for a position at a hospital in Florida. I'm going to take it."
"Did you run from him in the past, too?"
Lisa smiles.
"How do you think I ended up here?" she asks rhetorically, "The history always repeats itself."
"It doesn't have to," Wilson practically pleads.
"Yes, it does, James. I'm sorry," she says.
"So am I."
She looks up, and their gazes meet. He sees it then. She's waving the white flag, giving up on not only House, but everything. He doesn't know if he can imagine a Lisa Cuddy without dreams. Or, maybe he just doesn't want to.
If this happened in the past, Wilson only wants to know two things. How does he just let it all go, and how the hell he can bring it all back again. Now that he thinks about it, his answer is most likely waiting for him in a little trip down memory lane with the other side of this deadly coin. It's a good thing Wilson always loved social studies.
© Everything written above belongs to me (FF user, Paint Me a Symphony). If somebody is out there pushing this as their own, they are lying. I may not own House M.D, or its characters, but I do own this.