A/N. This is the first fanfic I've written in years but these two won't leave me alone! This is set somewhere after episode five, but may or may not incorporate later events, we'll see..Hope you enjoy, and please let me know what you think!
They both watch silently as the bodies are loaded into the ambulance. That's all they are now; bodies. Not a mother and son as they should be, not a wife or a brother.
"Should you go with them?" asks Sister Bernadette as Mr Jacobs, grief stricken and bewildered climbs in after the ambulance men.
"No, there's nothing I can do now. I'll file a report in the morning. They'll need your notes as well. There'll be some form of inquiry" Dr Turner replies, voice empty of emotion.
They both walk further out into the yard as the ambulance drives off, taking with it the noise and calamity that had been the norm for the last thirteen hours, and leaving behind a dead silence. They lean against the bonnet of Dr. Turners car, a lone street lamp lighting the area as they wait for one or the other to announce that there was nothing they could have done, that they did all they could, something, anything to break the dreadful silence.
"Would you like a cigarette?"
This is not something Sister Bernadette expected him to say.
"Yes. Please."
He's not entirely sure what answer he expected, but he hands one over and turns to light it for her, noticing that both their hands are shaking. Their eyes meet over their hands and for a second her face is lit up by the flame of the lighter, her glasses reflect the flickering light and he can't see her eyes. He flicks the lighter off and he sees a tear rolling down her cheek. He's about to lift his hand to wipe it away when she turns from him to face the street, raising the cigarette to her lips as she does. He turns as well and leans back against the car again.
They sit in silence, both of their thoughts on the mother and baby boy they have just failed to save. It's a long while before either talks but again it's Dr Turner who breaks the silence, this time with something she does expect.
"There is nothing we-"
"I know, Doctor." She pauses briefly, "I know, so please don't patronize me." Her voice is steady, devoid of any feeling and not reflecting the fact that her face is wet with tears.
"Sorry."
They carry on smoking and when they run out, Dr. Turner lights two more, all without any words passing between them. When he feels his own tears coming he reaches out and clasps her hand between them, the same one he tried to kiss just a few days ago. They carry on smoking in silence, hand in hand.
A shout that echoes from streets away startles them both back to reality and at almost the exact same time they drop their cigarettes, crushing them underfoot.
"I should be getting back to Nonnatus," Sister Bernadette says in the same blank monotone as before, pulling ger hand from his grip and walking over to her bicycle.
"No, I can't let you cycle half way across London at this time of night, leave the bike here and I'll drive you." Dr Turners steps after her, a hand on her arm to stop her.
"It's hardly half way, and I couldn't leave it here, Fred would have my head," Sister Bernadette shakes her head, refusing to look up at him.
"Then we'll put it in the back of the car. Let me drive you, so I don't worry. Please"
The hand on her arm tightens and she looks up at him and then down at his hand again.
"Please, Sister Bernadette, let me drive you home."
She looks back up at him, her eyes full of tears still.
"Okay then."
She climbs into the passenger seat while he stacks her bike into the back and then comes around to drivers seat.
It's a twenty minute drive to Nonnatus house and neither speaks for the whole journey. When he pulls up to the building, just before the bike shed, they sit in silence again. After a few moments Sister Bernadette speaks,
"I can see their faces. Even when I close my eyes. And I can hear her screams. And her husbands. But baby, he didn't make a sound. Good as gold-" She breaks off when she feels him take her hand again. Finally she breaks out in sobs and he puts his arm around her and pulls her towards him.
She cries in his arms, both of them ignoring the fact that her habit and his coat are covered in blood. (Her habit, he has to continually remind himself.)She sobs in his arms and his tears drip on to the top of her cap until the door at the top of the stairs opens with a clatter and Sister Julienne steps out, silhouetted against the light flooding out of the convent behind her.
They pull apart at the noise and without looking at each other climb out of the car. Sister Julienne walks down the steps towards them while Dr. Turner pulls the bike out of the back of the car and sets it in it's place under the shelter. They turn towards Sister Julienne as she reaches them.
"The Jacobs? How are Mother and Baby?" She asks, sounding as if she already knows they answer.
"They didn't make it. Baby was too small and Mother too weak for that long a labour." Dr. Turner sighs heavily.
"I'm sorry," Sister Julienne replies and after a pause continues, "can we offer you some tea?"
"No, I best be getting home to Timmy. Good night." Dr Turner answers, but the three of them stand in silence for a moment before he finally turns away and goes to his car.
Sister Julienne wraps an arm around Sister Bernadette and guides her up the stairs.
"Horlicks and then bed I think," she says, looking over her shoulder at the retreating lights of Dr. Turners car.