Life was always hard for me. I had trouble doing everything. It was difficult to talk to people, it was difficult to breathe, it was difficult to eat, and it was difficult to even lick my beloved cheezit banana cereal sundae which was, in turn, the only means of sustenance that I could possibly consume. My weight was 47 liters. I am now dead. However, I died a happy man because my meaningless life was given meaning in it's final moments all thanks to my sex goddess: Waluigi. Every night I would worship to the almighty WAAAAAAAAAH! I would masturbate nightly to gloriously sexy pix of Waluigi which disturbed the living crap out of my miserable parents. I didn't care. All they did was give me life: they did not give me Waluigi. Waluigi is all I need.
I would tell all the other kids at school about my new religion: Waahism. I scared all the girls away from me. All I wanted was someone to love Waluigi with me. However, while I was alone at school, I was in an active community online. I then realized that I was normal and that everyone else was the problem. The next day, I claimed this in my defense...only to be beaten up by the quarterback of our school's baseball team: Han Macmannington. After a particularly awful beating, I went home and pleasured myself to the sexiest anime I could find. However, it didn't compare to Waluigi.
I was so lonely and I tried crying myself to sleep. I decided to take matters into my own hands: I waddled up to my Waluigi Shrine of Waluigi and prayed and masturbated and prayed until my delicious pickle juice was all over the floor surrounding the shrine. It was no use. I cried more and then I started hearing something faint but comforting...and familiar.
"IT'S A MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!"
Waluigi came out of my shrine. I instantly came. Waluigi turned his head and smiled that sexy smile "Get on the bed, I'm going to SCREW you!" I leaped like a frogger onto my bed like the totally retro radster that I am. Then, Waluigi put his head right infront of my penis. I wondered what he was doing, but then the tip of his nose started to shapeshift into the most erotic thing imaginable the head of a flathead screwdriver. "Do you like my screwdriver nose?" he said firmly. "It's the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen" I replied. Then he inserted the tip of his screwdriver nose into the head of my penis. His head then disconnected from his body. His head then started turning and turning all while still attached to my penis. I farted and a fly came out buzzing around. This fly was also attracted to Waluigi. I knew I was normal, but I was also experiencing extreme pain...and pleasure. As I thought I was on the verge of being driven to orgasm. I felt a release but only because Waluigi tore my penis off.
Waluigi then jumped away from the bed and turned to me as I bled to death "Thanks for the penis!" He said nicely "It will make a fine addition to my collection". The then flew away into the sunset as majestically as only Waluigi could. I died smiling...for the first time in years.
...I'm in hell, aren't I?