Author's NB: Last year's Christmas story was based around Optimus, this year it's around Megatron. I thought I wouldn't be so preachy this year and so intend to inflict my warped sense of humour into it.

As for the title… well, seriously, as a person who enjoys anything that involves a series of explosions, a disembowelling or two, a throng of zombies and general mayhem, I always notice "gleeful" titles in the flicks I tend to avoid like the plague. I thought I'd take the piss out of it.

Furthermore, I'm aware its not even close to the big day, but I'm going to be insanely busy around then, and spending Christmas with my mum, who refuses to evolve beyond dial up. I am NOT going to attempt to upload stories to fanfiction over dial up!

ooOOoo

Happy Fun Gay Super Merry Decepticon Happy Merry Fun Christmas Time

(the old meaning of "gay")

Chapter One

There were four things Rumble and his equally delinquent brother Frenzy liked about flesh creatures.

1. WWF (much to Megatron's annoyance).

2. Jackass. (much to Soundwave's annoyance).

3. Home brew. (much to Hook's annoyance).

4. Christmas. (much to EVERYONE's – especially so, Deadend's annoyance).

The first three, well, they were pretty much self explanatory. Megatron didn't mind so much the WWF phase as long as it was directed at the Autobots, he for one, did not like being "close lined" by a cassette. Soundwave's grievances with Jackass stemmed not so much from the swearing, Primus knew the young twins had picked up their fair share from hanging around the Sleekers, but rather, that actual lack of success two small robots could have engaging in activities that usually harmed humans. How so? Well, the event where Rumble… well… it was too unpleasant to mention, but it involved a hive of bees and a horse. Homebrew, occasionally, if done correctly, high grade was a morale boaster, but usually it was Swindle who managed to "locate" an appropriate substitute, Frenzy's special recipe, as he was marketing it, was actually just kerosene and Coke. (not the drug). Regardless, such a mixture caused an influx of Decepticons to the repair bay to all bother Hook and interrupt his own carefully chosen and equally pedantic projects.

Ah, but Christmas, that was something that grated everyone's servos raw. Megatron was happy for Decepticons to spend their own time doing whatever pleased them, but it came with three rules:

1. Don't blow up the base.

2. Don't blow up the energon stores.

3. Don't blow up Megatron.

Such rules worked well… most of the time. But with Christmas, well, Megatron had stated on numerous occasion his dislike of humanity and especially any holiday they had crafted which involved "good will towards others", "peace" and "compassion" on Earth. The whole notion made him sick. He was aware, but not interested in, the human religious aspect of the day. And he was aware, and amused by, the human need to purchase objects of little use and then give them to others. It actually made him laugh to think humans were so attracted to such shiny things, but on the other hand, it annoyed him to no ends to think of all that precious energy the humans were wasting to make and then dispose of these iRods and Wees and Rags. Stupid creatures, he would grumble as he turned his attentions to the latest scheme.

But Christmas… how did Rumble and Frenzy develop such a like to such a concept? If they were human they would be considered to be in the age range of 14 – 16, just past the time of belief in Santa, but still young enough to be excited about the prospect of obtaining new gadgets. Time off school would have applied if they had been human, and what 14 – 16 year old boy wouldn't be dancing with (l33t) glee over that one? The first they came to know of it was a Simpsons' Christmas special, one where Bart accidently caused a destructive fire and then conned the town into giving them presents. The Simpsons were then banned by Megatron after all three of the aforementioned rules were summarily broken.

The twins then "Googled" Christmas and got a raft of websites from how Christmas was a tool of something called the "patriarch", some claimed that some people called the "Christians" stole it from some other people called "Pagans" who were then massacred – the twins liked that part, others were about Santa and Frosty, but the broad majority focussed on "sales" and "bargains" the humans could get from "doing all your Christmas shopping online".

What they found most fantastical about Christmas, was the opportunity to cause some mischief. The first Christmas they were aware, Frenzy decided to cause some distress to humans. Finding such things amusing, being a Decepticon "teenager" and all. He and Rumble had their own competition to see who could cause the most humans the most distress.

Frenzy action's that year horrified both human and Autobot authorities. But he lost the competition given that the Autobots invited all effected families to the Ark where Prime dressed as Santa gave out a raft of exciting presents, toys that did not exist in any human store. The cheeky con decided to break into human dwellings and steal the presents from under the tree.

Rumble wasn't to be outdone, his actions involved breaking into morgue and taking a rather large human male with a bushy white beard. He then obtained the bodies of several dead deer. He constructed a rather horrific scene outside one of the biggest orphanages on the night where several schools of children had come to compete in a carols contest. When they started to leave the venue that evening they came upon a site that looked like Santa had crashed on the front yard and he and all his reindeer (including a red nosed one) had died awful deaths from awful injuries.

He hadn't finished there; Rumble then posted the images on the internet on several children focussed websites and even went so far as to hack the TV net work signals.

There was very little Optimus Prime and his Santa hat could do to reverse the damage that the little punk had done. Megatron had found it all highly amusing. But ordered Rumble to shower constantly given the stink of dead deer. As Christmas was nearing, Optimus Prime had his Autobots on high alert. Every year the twins had managed to outdo themselves in the "mentally scar the children of earth – insert evil laughter here –. Subsequent Christmas antics should not be given mention due to the explicit nature of their… well… unpleasantness.

Rumble sat on one of the couch's in the rec room, bouncing a small ball against the wall to the side of the large screen that was displaying some strange human show. Incredibly large humans that had definitely exceeded their acceptable mass were panting and wheezing their way up a small incline, carrying with them sacks of cake and pie.

"This blows!"

Rumble threw the ball at the button on the screen, flicking the channel to something where humans on the opposite end of the size spectrum had removed their outer garments and were trying to appear alluring.

"Man! That's even worse! Nothing worse then their stick sized fleshies!"

"There's gotta be something else we can do!"

Rumble flicked the ball at his brother's head.

"Hey!"

Frenzy growled.

"Ooh, I know what we can do…"

Frenzy suddenly added as he caught Rumble's ball.

"Remember the three rules!"

"Nah, bro, don't you know what time of year it is!!"

"What?"

"You kerosene douche bag!! It's the 23rd December, two more days to Fleshmas!"

"HAHAHAH! With all the excitement of blowing up oil refineries and smacking over Autobots, I'd forgotten".

"Well, then, bro, lets get our plans up and running and may the best cassette win!"

"Hahaha! Thanks, bro!"

The two exchanged glares of competition and then each hurried off to their own quiet place to craft their shenanigans.