I Own Nothing

Author's note: this story is a part of the B3S Universe,

expect oddity and un-cannon-ness. I Hope you all like

this new-years project of mine, aside from finishing my

other open stories, I have several other bits of oddity

to subject Kim and Ron to. Enjoy!

It had been a strange couple of years for Doctor Drakken, his enforcer had settled down with the buffoon of all people, which, although unexpected, had a pleasant surprise in the form of her becoming less snippy, of course, her being four months into her first pregnancy probably helped.

Then there was the oddity of his once-arch nemesis Kim Possible getting married, which to be honest was one of the things he hadn't expected, frankly from the prudish manor that the young lady handled herself (according to Shego's critique) he expected she would die a virgin.

Shego said she had met the young man, apparently this, Steve Burnside she said his name was, seemed like a pretty version of Possible's sidekick but (once again, according to Shego) he didn't have the buffoon's IQ. In all honesty, he hadn't given the buffoon very much credit, so obviously Possible found herself a cute one who could barely tie his shoes, he knew the type, they seemed to flock to Shego, even if she did have no interest in them.

Of course then there was the pleasant surprise in hearing that Dr. Director of Global Justice had gotten herself knocked up. He remembered when he heard that one, it was in the monthly newsletter he got from the Inter-dimensional Guild of Mad Scientists a couple of months back, apparently no one has word on the father, it could have been one of her senior staff, but they were all unable to be reached for comment seeing as how they were all dead after that incident on Rockfort Island. Considering Shego was there looking for Ron, and she said who the group of them ran into once they reached the mainland, Drakken had his money bet that it was one of those maniacs from B3S, Bauman or Stivers.

Then there was the most pleasant of all surprises: Doctor Ritsuko Akagi.

He found it remarkably easy to get along with Ritsuko over the past few months, she was a slightly crazed, chain-smoking, neurotic, brilliant scientist, and he was a slightly deranged, vice-ridden, angry, brilliant mad-scientist. The two of them went together like coffee and cigarettes.

They had been dating steadily ever since that fateful evening in the hotel bar where they first meet during that robotics conference, it just seemed like fate had thrown them a bone, and they were both thankful.

And that long string of events led him to today. Despite the crimes he had committed, Drakken had always stayed on the super-villainy side of the fence, and after meeting Ritsuko, Drakken decided that perhaps finding a way to walk around without an arrest warrant on his head was probably for the best. Therefore, he had made several appeals to several different organizations, and he finally got back a response from an unlikely source.

He had been outside having a smoke one evening, shortly after having made an appeal to Global Justice again, when he suddenly had the distinct feeling of being hit in the neck with something. When he awoke some time later under armed guard, he met with a man in plain military fatigues that called himself Sargent Major Evans, US Army.

Sgt. Maj. Evans said that he was always interested in having another source of intelligence, and said if he would be willing to make himself available at the behest of the US government every so often, and promise to keep any of his shadier dealings off of US soil, he would be able to walk around a free man again, (at least in his home country)

That was almost a month ago. Drakken took the deal and was grateful for the chance to start over again, even though he received his first orders from the Sargent almost immediately, oddly enough, Ritsuko was invited to join in on this operation too.

It seemed that there was some kind of massive research project going on at an Air Force installation in the mid-west, North Dakota to be specific. An energy research project which, if successful would rival the likes of Stivers little toy, Zero-Point Energy.

Granted, Neither Drakken nor Ritsuko would even dare turn down an opportunity to work on something the likes of this, but it did beg to question where the research came from, which is why both of them were more than curious when they showed up.

Of course after arriving in the sweltering heat that was a North Dakota summer, and being given their standard swearing in under various statutes of secrecy, they both learned quickly who's brain was behind all this, a man believed dead by most of the world, Dr. Edward Kirk.

They had both heard of Kirk's research into what he referred to as 'The Third Energy' but seeing as how reports had been sketchy at best, they knew nothing of it's scientific basis, and decided to ask the man of the hour himself.

Talking to Dr. Kirk was... interesting to say the least, it reminded Drakken of his collage days with Dr. Birkin, they both seemed intent on showing the world their genius, and damned be the impact of their discoveries. It was slightly unnerving, especially considering what happened to William Birkin.

Drakken and Ritsuko had been called toward the end of the project, for last minute work, minor alterations, and general fact checking work, their real research duties would start if the final test proved successful.

Therefore, they were issued temporary quarters in Edward City, the small town that held the research staff and their families, it was small, but the city was great, they had good facilities, and a wonderful little bar called The Atom that had the best screwdriver Drakken had ever tasted.

But time flies and three weeks after their initial arrival, it was time for the final activation test, everyone had been on their toes for the past four days, running triple shifts to ensure correct activation sequences and no foul-ups.

Drakken wasn't happy that Ritsuko and himself hadn't left the lab in two days, (although he had to admit, when they couldn't get back to their room for the evening, and they had to improvise, it was a fun experience having sex on the lab's workbench) but he felt a lot worse for the underwater crews that serviced the reactor itself about 150 feet under the lake's surface, they probably hadn't seen the light of day in at least a week.

When the final test day came, they found themselves in one of the viewing rooms deep within the Third Energy Research Complex, a little ways from the Military Facility. Drakken was pacing in the final few minutes and going with the flow of several of his colleges in ignoring the non-smoking signs.

Thats when he felt a pair of arms encircle his waist and he turned to see the face of his girlfriend (he wasn't sure he'd ever get used to that) Dr. Akagi.

"Don't Worry, nothings going to go wrong."

Drakken hugged her back and gave her a half smile, "sorry, but when a teenager stops half your plans, you can't help but be a little cautious."

"Well, look at it this way, if there's a problem there's very little we could do from here, it's in fate's hands now." She concluded, looking just a touch worried herself.

Drakken smiled and kissed her on the forehead, "we can only hope love, we can only hope."

And as we all know, when the test activated and the generator overloaded, Drakken, Ritsuko, and the handful of scientists present stood in silent horror as the wave of overloaded particle charge came crashing toward them.

And just before they were all hurled back over 65 million years into the past, Drakken had but one thing to say, and considering that the only other person talking was Richards, and he was screaming for all he was worth, Drakken's statement could easily be considered the most elegant, that being:

"Why does this Shit always happen to me?"