The Muse tapped me on the shoulder while I was stranded in the Newark airport on Christmas eve, and this is the result. It's more Matt as we hope he would be, I think, than as he was much of the time, but I'm a romantic and an optimist, so the title of this one is not in the end ironic. Enjoy!
I'll be home for Christmas...
Kitty gave the rich brown wood of the Long Branch bar a final buff, then folded the rag and tucked it underneath. A few final thunks and Sam had the last of the chairs flipped up onto the tables.
"Are we going to close up now, Miss Kitty, or do you want to keep the doors open a little longer?"
Kitty could hear the sympathy in his deep basso voice. He thought she might want to leave the lights on a little longer, in hopes that Matt would make it back for Christmas. She DID very much wish he'd make it back, but she knew with a sureness born of years of disappointments that the odds were not good. The snow had stopped falling by noon, but not before a fresh foot of it was added to the good 6 inches already there. It was bound to make the trip back from Wichita even slower going for Matt and Buck, assuming he was even on his way.
If he had any sense, he was warm and dry in a Wichita hotel. Part of her hoped he was. But he had promised, despite her protests that he not risk it if the weather was bad, that he would be home for Christmas this year. And Matt Dillon was a man who took his promises seriously - often to her great frustration, since they tended to take him away from her at the worst times. But this time, despite herself, she knew Sam's guess was right - she was still hoping he might make it, even at this late hour, with Christmas almost arrived.
She sighed quietly and turned to smile at her loyal bartender. "You go along, Sam. I'll lock up behind you. I just want to have a nightcap before I turn in, and admire the tree a little before I snuff the candles for the night."
"Okay, Miss Kitty. I'll be back in the morning to help you get things set up for Christmas dinner."
Kitty pulled the wooden doors closed behind Sam's retreating back, shivering a bit from a gust of wintry air. Flipping the latch to lock herself in, she felt her heart sink a little. One might think after so many years that it would get easier, being without him on special occasions, but somehow it never did. He'd missed her birthday again this year, and his own. He hadn't made it to the Fourth of July picnic, or the Harvest Festival dance, or the Ford County Sociable. He'd barely made it back while it was still officially Thanksgiving, and had to rush off again the next day. Even for him, it had been a particularly disappointing year. And now here she was, standing in the silence of her darkened saloon on Christmas Eve, preparing to spend yet another holiday without the man she loved.
Walking behind the bar, Kitty straightened her shoulders. No point in wallowing in her disappointment. She knew it was a long shot, with all this weather, that he'd make it back. In fact, thinking of him safe and warm in Wichita made her happier than imagining him riding across the snowy Kansas plains in the bitter cold. But she couldn't lie to herself - having him safe and warm here with her would make her happier yet.
Reaching under the bar, she pulled out the bottle of good whiskey she kept hidden there and deftly poured herself a generous draught. Might as well enjoy the tree for a bit before turning in. They'd had a festive time decorating it that afternoon, with Festus stringing popcorn garlands and eating half the supplies, Doc supervising Newly as he hung the ornaments and mounted the candles in their tin holders, and Sam climbing a ladder to place a new golden angel, bought on impulse during her last trip to St. Louis, atop the tree.
Now in the darkened saloon, the candles glowed softly, their warm rays reflected in the shiny glass balls, creating little kaleidoscopes of color on the curved surfaces. Underneath the tree were a number of packages, wrapped with varying degrees of skill, but all festive in their own ways. After dinner tomorrow they'd take turns opening gifts, warmed by Kitty's best brandy, and even more so by each other's friendship and love. They would sing carols, and listen to Festus tell stories of Christmases past featuring his endless supply of unusual relatives, while Doc fussed about this or that improbable detail. They would toast absent friends and talk of the year to come. Anything to stretch out the good feelings.
Kitty's eyes fell on a small box wrapped neatly in bright red paper with a simple blue bow. It was Matt's 'public' present from her, a pair of cuff links for the dress shirt she'd gotten him on his birthday. They were a mellow 18-carat gold, and featured the state seal of Kansas. She'd planned to make him try them on with his new shirt, still hanging unworn in her closet thanks to his missing so many occasions this year. In fact she'd had in mind a private celebration, starting with him in his new finery, and ending with him in nothing at all.
Kitty knocked back the last of the whiskey and set the glass down with a firm thump. Not this year. If she wanted to feel Matt's arms around her this Christmas, it would have to be in her dreams. She'd been running on dreams a lot this year, so she supposed she should be used to it. But she wasn't. She could never bring herself to stop hoping, and wanting him here with her, especially now, when people gathered their loved ones close and celebrated the bonds that nourished them the rest of the year.
She shook her head to clear the maudlin thoughts. As long as Matt was safe, that was what mattered. She had Doc and Festus and Sam and Newly here in town to share Christmas with her, and she would be grateful for that. Leaving the glass where it sat, she stood and took the candle snuffer from atop the potbellied stove. One by one she doused the lights on the tree, feeling her spirits sag a bit further each time she snuffed a flame. The saloon was very dark without the glow of the tree, but Kitty knew every board by heart, and she slipped easily between the shadowy forms of the tables to climb the stairs to her lonely bed.
Kitty awoke to find the sun just shy of the horizon, but already lifting the cover of night from the familiar objects around her. She couldn't figure out why she was awake, however. She was still alone in her bed - no large familiar form snoring quietly beside her. There were no noises from Front Street, and no call of nature needing attention. Her surroundings were still just dimly lit gray shapes in the pre-dawn stillness. And yet, clearly something had awakened her.
And then she felt it. A soft tug on her hand. There was something tied around one of her fingers. And someone was tugging on it. Lifting her hand, she saw there was indeed a piece of string tied around her middle finger. She tugged back, and instantly the string went slack. She could just make out the tail stretching across her room and disappearing under her door. She tugged again and the limp string came whipping toward her across the wooden floor. Her mind still muzzy with sleep, Kitty could only think how incredibly odd it all was.
Sitting up in bed, she removed the string and looked around her bedroom. It occurred to her at that moment that someone had been in her room tying that string on her. Her heart leapt - could it be? The sun had cleared the horizon and her room was growing brighter by the minute. Kitty threw back the covers and stood before she could reconsider the wisdom of leaving her warm nest so early. Shivering slightly in the cold, she reached for her robe and slippers, and then took another look around.
From her new vantage point she immediately spotted an addition to her décor. On her vanity sat a box wrapped in pretty gold paper, with a note card leaning against it. Moving to her vanity, she sat down and picked up the card. Her name was written on the envelope in Matt's strong, masculine script. Exhilarated and nervous all at once, she opened it up to read.
Kitty,
Happy Birthday, many months late. I wish I could be here with you for every special day. I hope you know that wherever I am, you are always in my thoughts, and forever in my heart.
Love, Matt
P.S. Get dressed and come downstairs...
Kitty felt tears sliding down her face. She brushed them away quickly, not wanting to risk a drop falling on the precious words. Carefully she leaned the card against her mirror so she could open the package. It was a flat and square, and when she removed the paper, she immediately recognized the name of the store stamped onto the top. What in the world had Matt gone and done, getting her something from such an expensive place? Raising the lid with shaking fingers, she beheld a lovely necklace made of deep red crystals. The main strand of the necklace was designed with a classic graduated effect, the delicate crystals arranged into smaller and then larger round florets. Small swags of crystals graced the center of the necklace on each side, and where they met a larger yet still delicate crystal floret was suspended.
Exclaiming in delight, she held it up to her neck. Matt had definitely learned a thing or two over the years about what she liked. She immediately resolved that she was going to wear it every chance she got, regardless of her dress choice for the day. Dress choice - he said to get dressed and come downstairs! He must be down there!
Leaping up, she hurried to her wardrobe and pulled out a black skirt and a lacy white blouse that would set off her new necklace. She didn't even consider bothering with her hair, simply brushing it quickly and tying it back with a piece of black ribbon. She took a moment to splash her face and put on some eye kohl, a bit of lip rouge and a light dusting of powder - vain, she admitted, but she wanted to look her best for him. After a quick turn in front of the mirror, she hurried out to the balcony.
Looking down, she saw that the tree had been re-lit. It cast a warm circle of light amidst the pre-dawn grayness of the shuttered room. Sitting at a table next to the tree was the love of her life, his big hands fiddling with the bow on yet another package. Just beyond that sat a picnic basket. What in the world? But nothing mattered - he was here!
"Oh, Matt. You're back!" Kitty let all her relief and love show in her voice. Matt's head snapped up to find her. His smile when his eyes met hers was brighter than the tree behind him.
"I was wondering how long it would take you to get ready - I think this may be a record!"
Kitty laughed at his teasing as she swiftly descended the stairs. He rose from the table and came toward her eagerly, meeting her at the bottom step.
"Oh, Matt" was all she said as melted into his embrace. She felt his strong arms anchoring her to him, and took a deep breath, wanting to know his presence with all her senses. Finally she lifted her head from his chest and stared up into his beloved face. He looked tired, but otherwise well, and his eyes were glowing with pleasure and even a bit of mischief.
He looked at the new necklace now draped around her neck, then met her gaze again, looking a bit uncertain. "Do you like the necklace, Kitty? When I saw it, it just seemed like it should be yours."
"I love it, Cowboy." She reached up and pulled his head down toward hers. "And I love you." He needed no urging to sweep her into a long, deep kiss. She gave and received all the love and longing they'd both stored up during his absence.
Somewhat reluctantly he broke the kiss and stepped back, pulling her with him. "Come over here to the tree, so I can give you the rest of your surprise." His grin was infectious. She'd never been able to resist him when he smiled at her like that, and she happily let him lead her to the table. She took the chair he indicated, in front of the picnic basket, facing the tree. He took another and turned it so he was sitting very close, facing her.
A serious look settled over his face as he took her hands in his. He looked down at their entwined fingers, stroking his long thumbs gently across the backs of her hands. Finally he lifted his eyes to hers, and Kitty caught her breath at the intensity of his gaze.
"I really don't know why you still want me to be your man, Kitty, but I thank the Lord every day that you do. I know I've done a worse job than usual this year about being here when you want me... need me... to be. And I'm sorry, Kitty. More sorry than you can know." As she opened her mouth to speak, he shook his head. "Let me finish, honey. I'm no good at this, and it's important for me to tell you."
Kitty closed her mouth and nodded her assent. Matt took a deep breath and brought her hands up to his lips, placing a soft kiss on each in turn. Kitty shivered from his touch. Oh how she'd missed him!
When he looked at her again, his blue eyes were warm with love, and, she thought, the beginnings of desire as well. It was a continual surprise and delight to her that after so many years together, the flame between them still burned so brightly.
She smiled encouragingly and squeezed his hands. "Go ahead, Matt. I'm listening."
He took another breath. "I was determined to get back here for Christmas, because I've been planning this since Thanksgiving. That trip was when I found the necklace. I felt really bad about missing your birthday so completely, and I know it's not the same, but I wanted to give you something really special, to remind you how glad I am that you are part of this world."
He released one hand and tapped the picnic basket sitting on the table." I know how unhappy you were about my having to miss the Fourth of July picnic and the Harvest Festival too. This basket is my marker - as soon as it's warm enough, we have a date at Spring Creek - all day, with fishing and a picnic and... whatever else we might think of." His look was pure flirtation, and she batted her eyes back at him.
"Why, Marshal, I cannot imagine what else you could possibly think we'd... get up to... but I would be delighted to accept your invitation, and happy to join you in fishing and picnicking and.. whatever."
Desire was evident in his gaze now. As if unable to resist, he leaned in to press his lips to hers for a brief but intense kiss, then somehow forced himself to move away again. Kitty thought she was going to burst if it took too much longer before she could get him upstairs and start showing him how much she missed him. But he clearly had more he needed to say, so she sat patiently and watched as he reached for the package he'd been fiddling with earlier.
Handing her the package, he gestured for her to open it. "This is your Christmas present, Kitty. I wanted to get you something that would make you remember how much I wish I could always be here to hold you in my arms."
He paused as she opened the paper to reveal a beautiful finely-woven fringed wool shawl, patterned in large red roses on a cream ground. "Oh, it's beautiful!" Kitty lifted the garment and immediately wrapped it around her shoulders. "Oh, Cowboy..." She could feel more tears threatening to escape." This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, and I know it will keep me warm when you can't be here."
His smile was pure happiness. "I'm so glad you like it, Kitty. Roses always make me think of you, and now maybe they'll make you think of me, too." He ducked his head slightly, embarrassed by his admission.
Kitty wondered how it was possible for her to love him even more than she had the day before. And yet it was so. She thought her heart would burst with love for her sweet, sensitive, caring man. She reached out to touch his cheek. Holding his gaze, she leaned in slowly and took his mouth in a slow, heated kiss. When she finally pulled away, they were both breathing hard.
"Cowboy..." Her voice was a throaty whisper. "If you don't take me upstairs right now and show me how much you missed me, I won't be responsible for the consequences!"
The sun was fully up now, filtering brightly through the colored windows, but it could not match the brilliance of his smile, or the heat in his eyes. Rising quickly, he pulled her to her feet and wrapped his arm around her waist, steering her toward the stairs.
They made it to the landing before he was compelled to stop and pull her to him for another heated kiss. It was she who pulled back this time, tugging his hands. "Hurry up, Cowboy, and take me to bed, or I'll ravish you right here on the stairs!" At the flare of desire in his darkened eyes, she quickly added, "But now that it's morning, we're liable to be giving poor Sam an eyeful!"
His eyes widened at the thought. Leaning in for one more quick kiss, he took her by the hand, his eyes twinkling mischievously. "Let's go upstairs, then, so I can unwrap my Christmas gift." Laughing at his cheek, she grabbed up her skirt with her free hand, and the two of them rushed up the stairs together to begin their Christmas with a celebration of love.
Happy Holidays to all my GSO buds!