Kate Beckett was not counting down the days until the first day of Fall.

She wasn't.

She only knew there were four days of summer left because... Okay, she was counting down the days until Fall.

But not because a certain writer said he would be back working with her in the precinct, no, it was because she couldn't wait to start wearing all of her favorite coats.

Right.

But if she kept telling herself that, she would start to believe it. And then she wouldn't care if it was Fall or not.

Unlikely.

She had to think about anything else but the writer, because she refused to think about what it meant if she didn't.

Deep down, she knew what it meant though. And she hated herself for it.

She had opened her heart up to that stupid man and he had taken it from her and crushed it. And here she was three months later, still torn up about her misfortune while he was probably galavanting away in the Hamptons, without a clue that she was pining for him. Pining for a man that she had turned down and rejected countless times. Pining for someone she purposely hid her feelings from and ran as far away as she could, ran from what could have been.

She didn't blame him for the situation anymore. After two weeks of being without her partner, she accepted that it had been mostly her fault.

The mistake that had started this whole mess was Tom Demming. She never should have agreed to see him. Who in their right mind agrees to date one person when they really have feelings for another? It was now painfully clear that she hadn't been in her right mind. And then she had to taunt the poor writer and throw Demming in his face. Nope, she wasn't in her right mind at all.

And boy did the consequences of not being in the right mind suck.

They say hindsight is 20/20. Yeah well, they and hindsight can shove it.

For the whole summer, besides case work, Beckett couldn't think about anything or anyone other than Richard Castle, and how she royally screwed up her chance to be with him. After two years of closely working with him, he was tattooed on her brain. He had bulldozed his way into her life without giving her a choice on the matter, and now her mind wouldn't let him go. Her stupid heart ached for him. And here she was, alone, driving herself mad with scenarios of what could have been, and where they would be right now if she had just given in and... No, dammit. She had to stop this.

Realizing she had been staring at her computer screen for the last fifteen minutes, agonizing over something she couldn't change, Beckett shook herself out of her misery and looked up to find Esposito and Ryan sitting across the bullpen at their desks. Grabbing her coat off the back of her chair she stood up and reached for her keys. "Hey guys. I'm gonna head down to the morgue and give Lanie a visit. I should be back in an hour."

Ryan and Espo both looked up from their mountain of paperwork and just stared, Ryan quickly glancing at Espo silently pleading for him to say something. Kate was already halfway to the elevator when Espo spoke up. "You okay, boss?"

"I'm fine guys." Kate called over her shoulder. "I've just got to have a change of scenery. Be back in a few." With that she stepped into the elevator and let the doors close on the worried expressions of her boys.

One thing she knew, she was tired of having them give her those looks. She couldn't stand the pity that was constantly in their eyes. They knew what had happened to cause her current state and it was obvious they still had concerns. She really needed to get out of this funk. She just wasn't sure how.

"Hey, girl. Espo text and warned me that you were coming. What's going on?" Lanie had finished her most recent autopsy and just gotten the place cleaned up so that she could have a proper sit down conversation when Beckett arrived.

"I love those boys, but I seriously wish they'd mind their own business sometimes." Kate was already frustrated and she didn't need anyone looking after her. "Anyways, nothing's up, I just thought I'd come see you."

Lanie ushered Kate into her office and closed the door so no one could eavesdrop. "Uh huh, sure. Because Kate Beckett comes to the morgue just to talk. This is about Castle isn't it? Spill."

Growling in frustration, Kate sat in the chair and dropped her elbows to her knees shaking her head no. "This isn't about him, Lanie, it's about me. It's been three months. Why can't I let it go? I just... I wanna move on and be able to think about him without it hurting so much. I don't want to miss him anymore. Is that too much to ask for?" Leaning back in the chair, she let her head fall back to stare at the ceiling tiles so that maybe Lanie wouldn't be able to see the tears in her eyes.

It didn't work. Lanie was already up and handing Kate a Kleenex. "My goodness, girl. You're in love with him."

Jerking her head down to glare at Lanie, Beckett scoffed. "What? No, Lanie that's-" she regretted making eye contact with Lanie. The woman had an impeccable sense of when she was lying. Exhaling long and hard, she looked down at her hands, "Yeah...Yeah, I think I am." Beckett covered her face with both hands to hide the tears and embarrassment she felt. "I'm such and idiot, Lane."

"Oh girl, I knew you had it bad, but I didn't realize you were in this deep. Kate, why didn't you say anything to him?" Lanie's question was soft with no trace of blame or accusation.

"I tried! You all saw me pull him aside at his farewell party."

"I know, but if you had such strong feelings why not say something before?"

Beckett swallowed the tears down before she answered. "Because I didn't know I loved him. I was scared. I was a jerk to him. So many reasons. I mean, I pretended not to like the guy for two years. Hell, I really didn't like him the first few months he was around. I couldn't just come out one day and say "Hey Castle, I really like you, so we should date," could I?"

Laughing a little, Lanie rubbed Kate's shoulder. "Yeah, Kate, that's exactly what you should have done. Then you wouldn't be in this mess. I'm sorry, girl."

"I just need to get over it and move on."

"Well, I know the perfect doctor to help you with that," Lanie said as she pulled a sticky note off her desk to write his name and number down.

"No thanks. I'm not ready to date, at least not yet. Give me a little time and then I might take you up on this guy, okay?"

"No problem, but this guy won't stay single long. He is fine, like Greek god fine."

"Okay, but I should probably go. I just needed to vent a little. Thanks for listening. I owe you a girls night." Beckett stood and and straightened the wrinkles out of her pants.

"Yeah you do. Take care of yourself, okay. It will get better." Lanie gave Kate a quick hug and squeeze of her shoulders.

Beckett pulled her cruiser out into the busy Manhattan traffic and slowly made her way back to the precinct. As her car inched forward in the concrete jungle, Beckett checked her face in the rearview mirror and made sure there was no trace of her previous tears or the sadness that she felt.

Coming to a stop at a red light, she took some deep breaths and did her best to clear her mind of all thoughts Castle. As the light turned green she eased her foot into the gas pedal and looked both ways. When her car was in the middle of the intersection, Beckett happened to turn her head left to look down the cross street. With no time to react, the last thing she saw was a mack truck barreling towards her driver side door.

She braced herself the best she could.

Then black.

Nothing.

Esposito had noticed that Beckett had been gone a little over 3 hours now. He wasn't trying to keep tabs on her but ever since the start of summer she had been down in the dumps, so he tried to keep an eye out on her. It was unusual for Beckett to be gone longer than she said she would be, but he tried to chalk it up to some serious girl talk with Lanie. He quickly sent out a text message to check in with Lanie, just in case.

No longer than a minute after he hit send, Captain Montgomery came out of his office straight for Ryan and Esposito. "Boys, grab your stuff." They both froze, turned their heads and frowned at one another. "Beckett's been in an accident and has been rushed to the hospital."

Both the boys jumped up and were on the Captain's heels in an instant. Ryan spoke up as they rode the elevator down to the garage. "Sir, she said she was only going to be gone an hour. When did this happen?"

Montgomery sighed as he stared straight ahead. "I just got the call, but the uni's on scene said it happened about two hours ago."

"Two hours ago?" Espo was livid. "Why are we just finding out about this?"

"I don't know, but trust me, I lit into the guy on the phone. The precinct should have gotten a call as soon as they I.D.'d her as one of our own. They did, however, get a hold of her dad as her next of kin pretty quick after the wreck, so he should already be at the hospital when we arrive. And the officer said she was unconscious when the bus pulled away. That's all I know." The three men rushed to their cruiser's and got inside. Before Montgomery closed his door he yelled over to the detectives, "Light 'em up boys."

When they all three arrived, they were met with Beckett's father, Jim, and Lanie, whose morgue was closer to the hospital than the precinct. They were still in the waiting room hoping they would hear from a doctor soon.

Lanie walked into Esposito's arms and hid her face in his neck. "Javi, I can't believe this. I just saw her a couple of hours ago. If I had just kept her talking a little longer or-"

"Hey, no chica, this isn't your fault. You can't think like that."

Ryan couldn't help but butt in. "Lanie, was she okay when she left?"

"I mean, she wasn't okay, okay but it's not like her mood caused this either. She was definitely safe to drive if that's what you are asking. She may be going through some things but it wouldn't affect her like that, Kevin."

Ryan nodded in agreement and then took a seat. There was nothing any of them could do until they knew what was going on and if Beckett was okay.

Finally, after a few long minutes, the doctor who was in charge of Beckett's care came into the waiting room.

Jim made himself known as the next of kin but also allowed the other four to stay and hear what the doctor had to say.

"Well, folks, I'm Dr. Mason. It's unfortunate that we have to be meeting this way but I'll go ahead and fill you in. When Miss Beckett was brought in, she was unconscious. There were no head injuries that we could find beyond the obvious scrapes and cuts of glass from her driver's side window. We took her for an immediate CT scan of her brain. The report came back negative for any brain bleed or even a concussion. So as far as we can tell she did not suffer any kind of head injury."

Jim cut in before the doc could say anything else. "So why is she unconscious then?"

"Uh, well, that's a good question. Sometimes in events like this where there is such a traumatic impact, the brain can shut itself down, in a sense, to keep itself safe. We are fully expecting her to wake up soon. When that happens, we will evaluate her further for any unseen trauma to her head. However, our main concern right now is her left wrist. When the impact of the collision occurred, I'm guessing she must have put her left arm up to brace herself. Because of that, both bones in her forearm, the radius and ulna, broke where they meet at the wrist joint. It was a pretty severe break, so as soon as she wakes up, one of our orthopedic surgeons will take her to surgery to set the bones back together with a plate and screws. That's usually an outpatient surgery, meaning she could go home the same day, but since she is unconscious we will just have to wait and see when she will be released. Do you guys have any questions?"

Everyone nodded no and thanked him for his time.

"Well, that's it for now. A nurse should be down shortly to take you to see her." With that, Dr. Mason turned around to head back where he came from, leaving the five people to think about all that was just said.

After several hours had passed and everyone had been able to check in on Beckett, only Jim and Lanie were left by her bedside.

Beckett didn't look too bad physically. Besides her bandaged arm and a few small cuts on her face, she looked normal. Her color was good and her hair was still pretty much in place. If Lanie didn't know any better, she would think Beckett was only taking a nap.

It was now well into the evening when Lanie saw Jim nodding off. She patted his knee and watched him come out of his dazed state. "Why don't you go home and get some rest. I can watch after our girl here."

"That's okay, Lanie. I'm fine." Jim gave her a small smile that didn't quite make it to his eyes.

"I know you're fine but you need to rest and I have the day off tomorrow. Go home and get some sleep and come back refreshed. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

Jim nodded and made his way over to Beckett's side whispering close to her face. "You're going to be okay, sweetheart. Lanie's here with you and I'll be back tomorrow morning. I expect you to be up by then. Don't cause too much trouble." He turned and gave a small wave to Lanie and then left her alone in the hospital room.

Lanie brought her chair closer to the bed. She stared at Beckett for a few minutes until she couldn't keep quiet any longer. "Come on, Kate Beckett. This is not like you. Wake up, girl. You got us all worried. What's going on in that head of yours?" When she received no reply, Lanie leaned back and closed her weary eyes.

Sometime later, after dozing off, Lanie woke to frantic movements from the hospital bed.

She jumped into action. "Beckett! Kate, shhh, hold on. You're okay. Calm down, sweetie." Lanie brushed the hair out of Beckett's face to get her attention.

Beckett took in shallow, short breaths, staring with panic into Lanie's eyes. Gripping the sheets, she came up onto her right elbow, looking around the room. Her gaze once again landed on Lanie. Getting her breath and thoughts under control, she finally uttered the only words she could manage.

"Where's Castle?"