Author Notes:
Semi-spoiler for Season One. Warning for loose word definitions and a hint at slash. There are some stuff I made up while being not too familiar with the culture Seth lives in, so any kind correction will be greatly appreciated. :)
Reverse Causality
..
.
Infatuation and love are two separate things, Seth ponders. Ah yes, contrary to popular belief, Seth does think deep thoughts. Where else does all his babble material come from? What else does one expect from a guy left to himself most of the time?
Infatuation is X-Men, Spider-Man, and all fantastic Marvel creations. Infatuation is nine hours of back-to-back watching the whole trilogy of The Lord of the Rings, is four consecutive days glued to Grand Theft Auto when he first got his hands on the game, is all that earns him his nerdy reputation. Infatuation is Summer's hair, Summer's eyes, Summer's lips; infatuation is six years spent fantasizing a conversation with his childhood crush.
Love sounds like something out of a girlish romance, which Seth knows not because he reads those, of course. His entire criticism of that genre has been based on a cheap novel he bought when he was thirteen, as the cover showed a couple embracing in a manner that looked downright sexy to a thirteen-year-old and he thought he could learn a thing or two. The not even half finished book never again sees the light of day.
And so love is something Seth never fesses up, because a teenage son at the prime of his rebellious age is not expected to say that, because two cool boys who hang out together do not say that to each other, because Summer will laugh at him if he ever gets that cheesy. Or probably because he is caught up in himself most of the time, as they say.
Infatuation is Summer's profile standing ever so stunningly among the crowd, but love is the actual words and smiles and kisses Seth finally gets to have with her, just like infatuation is rows of graphic novel collection on his bookshelf and love is page after page of sketches conceived in his head, born through his hands, stacked under his bed. Thankfully, Seth thinks, infatuation does bring love sometimes.
But in its uglier form infatuation is a delusion of the joy it'll bring being invited to parties, being cool and smooth and popular, a delusion that makes him forget the surprisingly tremendous fun he had talking to Anna about sailing and ComicCon and the anatomy of a frog. He honestly thinks that at a point of time he did love her, and looking back, he wishes he could be infatuated with her, but that wasn't the way things had gone.
Infatuation has brought him trouble after trouble Ryan has had to save him from, has made him discover the simple bliss of just staying home talking to Ryan, who really listens, who gives actual responses instead of the imagined voice of Captain Oats, in between lying around and chewing snacks and assaulting the game console.
One day he was talking with Ryan in the poolhouse, about music and chicks and all kinds of things and nothing in particular; and Ryan had laughed at something he said, the smile he deals out so sparingly back then spread out to Seth without restraint.
Then Seth realized, with some uneasiness, that infatuation can come from love too.
.
..