I wrote this story for the Swan Queen Big Bang 2015. Thought it was time I'd share it here. There is amazing fan art that goes with this story, but I'm an idiot and have no idea how to link it :)
Emma was absolutely exhausted after her last push. Exhausted enough to almost miss the absolute silence that followed after her own voice gave out- almost. As her head slowly moved to the side it felt as if she was watching a movie in slow motion and all she wanted was to hit the screen in order for the movie to play at its normal speed. Still frames edged themselves into her brain; the narrowed eyes of Doctor Sullivan as she looked between Emma 's legs, the nurse who gave Emma a poor attempt at a smile, and the blue-skinned, limp body of the baby that she had carried for almost nine months.
It was the sound of her own sob that finally brought her back to reality, "Why is he blue? " She screamed as her hands wrapped around the rail of the hospital bed. "What is wrong with him? "
"Emma, I need you to take a deep breath. We're doing everything we can," Doctor Sullivan said. "Your baby inhaled the meconium in your amniotic fluid and it's blocking his airways."
"I- I don't understand what's happening," Emma cried out as she reached for her baby with a hand. "Why is he not crying? They said he would cry. He's supposed to cry!"
"Emma, look at me," Doctor Sullivan said as she covered Emma's hand with her own. "Meconium is your baby's feces and he has inhaled it. We're doing everything we can to make sure your baby can breathe, okay?"
"Where are they taking him? "
"To the NICU, I promise we will take you to him as soon as we can."
"Please, help him. "
Emma jolted awake and sat up straight as she threw off the sweat-drenched blanket. She switched on the nightlight when the door softly creaked and opened.
"Mom, are you okay?" Henry said as he took tentative steps into his mother's bedroom.
"All good, kid. It was just a nightmare," Emma said as she tried to muster up the strength to give her a son a smile.
"Are you sure? You were screaming."
"Just a nightmare, Henry. Go back to sleep," Emma murmured as she glanced at the alarm clock. "Actually, are you hungry? I could make pancakes."
"At 4 A.M.?"
"Why not, right?" Emma smiled as she got up from the bed and wrapped an arm around Henry's shoulder and kissed the top of his head. "Just don't tell Regina, I'm not in the mood to play 'dodge the fireball'."
Henry chuckled, "Has she actually ever really tried to fireball you?"
"Once or twice, kid. But not for quite some time now," she said as they walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. Henry sat down on one of the chairs at the kitchen island and spun around in his seat.
"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked with a small frown. "You know you don't have-"
"I'm fine, Henry. I promise," Emma cut him off with a smile until he gave her a small nod.
"Will you tell me more about New York?"
Emma's hands trembled as she set the pan down on the stove, "Of course. Where did I leave off last time?"
"You went to see the Lion King with Madison," Henry pointed out. Madison was their next door neighbor during the time Emma and Henry had lived in New York for a year, while all of Storybrooke was cursed once more. She had turned out to be a great friend and Emma was determined to stay in contact with the woman.
"Right," Emma murmured. Her eyes closed briefly and she hissed when her hand touched the hot pan. "Fuck." Henry rolled his eyes and got up from sitting and guided Emma towards the chair.
"You're too clumsy, Ma. I'll do it."
Emma sighed a breath of relief, "Thank you."
"So, New York?" Henry asked as he got to work. Emma couldn't help but smile at the scene that unfolded before her eyes. It was no secret that she was the worst cook in all of Storybrooke, Henry had definitely inherited his cooking skills from Regina.
"You know how emotional Madison can get. The Lion King was definitely a tearjerker for her. I think she went through several packages of tissues. She bought all the merchandise she could find and ate a gallon of ice cream when we got home."
Henry grinned, "I'm sure you helped her with that."
"Maybe," Emma said sheepishly.
"Vanilla ice cream with all the chocolate syrup."
Emma groaned, "God, it was good."
"Is she still together with Nick?"
"God no. She dumped his ass when he kicked down her door. Good riddance, you know? In the four months I was with her, she had two boyfriends. She met this guy, Marcus, at a bar and well.. You're too young for the details of that endeavor. Let's just say that they didn't last. She went to see the Lion King four more times and I don't know how she did it, but she met some of the crew members and started dating one of the elephants."
Henry laughed, "She's dating an elephant?"
"Well, you know. The guy who plays an elephant. He seemed nice enough. I think they're still together, but you know what she's like, secretive to a fault. I mean, I lived with her for four months and it took me at least a month to figure out she was seeing someone again."
Henry smiled as he put the plates down and sat back in his chair, "What about you?"
"Hm?" Emma hummed as she shoved a fork full of pancakes into her mouth.
"Did you date anyone while you were in New York?"
Emma shook her head, "Dating was the last thing on my mind." She narrowed her eyes as she looked at Henry, "Hey. I know I left pretty quickly and that I never really got a chance to explain, but you know that me leaving had nothing to do with you, right?"
Henry nodded, "I know. You needed some time after you broke up with Killian. Mom explained it to me. I was angry for a while that you left, but you called me practically every day, so I got over it."
"I'm sorry that I left like that. I just felt trapped and I needed space to breathe and I couldn't do that here, but I regret how I left that day. I should have explained it to you myself. I'm sorry."
"It's alright, Ma," Henry smiled. "I'm not mad at you, I'm just happy you're back."
"Me too, Kid."
"Have you heard from him?"
"Killian?" Emma cursed herself when she felt herself choke up.
Henry nodded.
"No. We last spoke when we broke up. Mary Margaret told me he left on the Jolly Roger and no one has seen or heard from him since." She inhaled sharply as her eyes glossed over, "I know you liked him, I'm sorry that things had to end this way, it couldn't have been easy for you either."
Henry shrugged, "I liked him, but I like you better."
"So, how's your mom?"
"She's okay, I think she was sad for a long time after you left."
"Why?" Emma frowned.
"No one to torture?" Henry suggested with a grin. "I know you've only been back for two days, but maybe you could come over for dinner soon?"
"Yeah," Emma replied not too enthusiastically. "Lots of people to catch up with. " She wasn't looking forward to it. Her parents had been over the moon when she had finally returned and their constant need to hug her absolutely suffocated her. She had missed them, but she wasn't ready for the inquisition that would no doubt follow soon. "You should go back to bed and get some sleep before school. I'll clean up. Give me a hug."
Henry smiled as he wrapped his arms around his mother, "I'm glad you're home. I missed you."
"I missed you too, Kid. Get some sleep, I'll wake you in a couple of hours."
She smiled when he kissed her cheek before running up the stairs. Her smile faltered immediately when she heard his bedroom door close and silent tears fell from her cheeks. Leaving Storybrooke when she did had been absolutely necessary, but she couldn't help feeling immensely guilty for leaving her son behind – again.
Emma slammed the door behind her as she took quick steps up to her bedroom.
"Emma?"
"What?" Emma snapped as she whipped her head around and saw Mary Margaret step forward. She flinched when slender fingers wrapped around her wrist and she pulled back before the woman could pull her into a hug.
Mary Margaret frowned, "What's wrong?"
"I'm leaving. Killian and I ended things and I'm suffocating here. I need space. I'm going back to New York. I'll stay with a friend for a while," Emma muttered.
Mary Margaret nodded, "For how long?" She knew it was pointless to try and get her daughter to stay in Storybrooke. Emma was as stubborn as her father and trying to convince her daughter to stay would only result in Emma pushing her even further away.
"A couple of months," Emma shrugged as she tossed her clothes in her suitcase.
"What? A couple of months? Emma, you can't...It's too long. What about Henry? "
"Regina will take care of him. She's his mother, she's done a fine job of being a mother for the past thirteen years, I'm sure she can handle a couple of months," Emma snapped.
"Okay," Mary Margaret said with a confused look. "I'm not saying Regina can't take care of Henry, Emma. But he needs you too. You have a responsibility towards him. You can't run every time things don't go the way you intended them to."
Emma laughed, "That's rich coming from you. You stuffed your own child in a wardrobe and left her to fend for herself. "
Mary Margaret sighed, Emma had forgiven her parents for their actions months ago, but whenever she felt hurt it was the first argument she pulled from her repertoire and it stung every time. "What happened with Killian?"
"It doesn't matter. We're over and that's all I want to say about it."
"Emma, please. Talk to me," Mary Margaret pleaded.
"I'm done talking. Every time I open my mouth to try and talk to people, things only deteriorate. I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to talk to David, I just want to get away so I can think. I can't do it here, everywhere I turn people look at me and expect me to fix all their shit. It's suffocating me."
"When are you leaving?"
"Right now." Emma turned to look at Mary Margaret, "I've said my goodbyes, and if you truly care about my well-being you'll let me go."
"I love you, Emma. If you need to go, then go. I'm not going to pretend that I'm happy about it, because I'm not, but I'm not going to try and stop you." She stepped closer to Emma and cupped her cheek, "Despite what you may think, you are my daughter and your well-being is the most important thing in the world. Promise me that you'll stay in touch. Call, text, or write."
"I promise," Emma murmured before pulling away from her mother. She closed her suitcase and pulled it upright, "I'll call when I get there."
Mary Margaret watched helplessly as her daughter made her way down the stairs and then let herself fall onto Emma's bed and cried as she heard the bug speed off.
Later that morning after Emma had woken Henry, she stood outside of the Sheriff's office and sighed deeply before pushing open the door. For the past four months she had pretty much dodged all responsibilities, but she was ready to get back to it now. She was grateful that her job was still there, the solitude of the work always seemed to provide her with a sense of comfort.
The past four months had been absolute hell for her and despite not regretting to make the decision to leave for New York, she couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if she had stayed. She quickly pushed those thoughts to the back of her head, not wanting to think about it any further as she hit the power button on her computer.
She felt completely numb as she read through the reports of the last months - typical Storybrooke, nothing exciting ever happened when it came to the crime department. Most reports consisted of drunk Leroy wreaking havoc and a small smile spread across her face at the way her father's incident reports became snarkier over time. She couldn't blame him, drunk Leroy was boring and repetitive and while she liked the man, he was also a big pain in the ass.
Her morning was quite uneventful and she was about to get up to grab a coffee when the door to her office slammed open causing her heart to pound in her chest as she looked at the woman standing in front of her. "Regina," she gasped.
"Miss Swan," Regina said coldly before sitting down in one of the visitor chairs. "Welcome back."
"Thanks," Emma averted her eyes and took a sudden interest in the tiles on the floor that were in dire need of mopping session. Apparently her father didn't like to clean all that much.
"I need to get something off my chest," Regina said as she leaned forward and Emma's hands trembled in her lap.
"O-okay," Emma stammered.
Regina's eyes narrowed as she took in the fragile-looking woman in front of her, the Emma that had left Storybrooke all those months ago definitely wasn't the woman sitting in front of her now. "When you came to me the night you left, I understood the position you were in. I had no idea that you were planning on leaving for four months, Miss Swan. What on earth were you thinking?"
"I needed time," Emma snapped. "You don't have to understand, but you also don't get to judge me."
Regina shook her head lightly, "I'm not judging you, Miss Swan. I'm trying to understand what possessed you to leave for as long as you did. I appreciate the fact that you kept in constant contact with Henry, but surely you understand that leaving the way you did would hurt him."
"I know and I've already apologized to him for that. I had no choice though, I had to leave," Emma sighed out.
"Why?"
Emma gulped, "Why what?"
"Why did you have to leave? I can understand why you needed a short break to get over the pirate but four months? Explain it to me."
Emma sighed, "I don't owe you an explanation, Regina. I don't owe anyone an explanation. I left and that's it. I'm back now and I'm doing what everyone wants me to do, so I don't see what the big deal is."
"Something about you has changed, irreversibly. Do you care to tell me why that is?" Regina asked with an arched brow. "Henry said you were having nightmares when he slept over at your house. You were screaming and made him pancakes at four in the morning."
"He told you about that?" Emma asked in surprise.
"He is my son, he tells me everything. He is worried about you and quite frankly I can see why. You seem agitated for no good reason."
"Really? All these inquisitions aren't a good enough reason to become irritated?"
Regina scoffed, "This is hardly an inquisition, dear. You're the mother of my son and you up and left in a hot second and I had to deal with the repercussions of that."
"Look. I'm sorry that I left like that, but I.." Emma's voice trailed off as she fell quiet. She didn't know how to explain it to anyone without telling them the entire story and she wasn't willing to do that. Whatever transpired in the past four months, she wished to forget about it as soon as possible.
"What happened to you, Emma?" Regina asked, her voice more gentle this time.
"Nothing," Emma murmured.
"I don't believe you."
Emma bolted out of her chair and held open the door of her office, "Get out."
"Excuse me?"
"Get out, Regina. I have work to do and you're keeping me from it."
"Fine," Regina said as she stood up. "Henry wishes me to invite you for dinner tonight, but quite frankly with your current attitude, I'm not sure if I wish to do that."
"I- I can't. I will call him later."
"As you wish, do remember it's a school night."
"Yeah," Emma breathed out. "I know."
Regina looked at Emma once more and sighed before poofing out of her office. Emma rolled her eyes and slammed the door shut. She never should have come back, she should have stayed in New York where people minded their own business. She let herself fall down in her chair and took a deep breath as guilt washed over her and she cursed the nightmare she was still living in. All she wanted was for things to go back to normal. She needed things to go back to the way there were, instead of this constant state of hurt that she was currently living in.
Not one person in Storybrooke could possibly know what she had been through and while that was mostly her own fault for not sharing the details, she wished they would all just stop asking her questions. They had no right to do so, aside from Henry that was. She sighed as she thought of the son that she had left behind and her eyes welled up with tears. "Get it together, Emma," she murmured before wiping the tears from her eyes. "Just get it together."