Reaching for the Heart
I closed my eyes as Carter walked away from me. Now I had no one. The two most important men in my life with in the past couple of years would both be in the Congo shortly. I'm not quite sure what to do next. I headed to my apartment, stopping on the way to get some beer. I'm going to need it tonight. Walking through the door, I set down my bag and placed my keys on the table.
I popped open the first beer, savoring the taste. I'd been sober for a while, but had never forgotten the wonderful feeling of alcohol in the system. I went through my second, third, I lost count after that. I started feeling a little dizzy, and was quite ready to collapse somewhere when the doorbell rang. I opened the door to find Carter standing there. God knows how I even made it over there; right now I was barely recognizing the two people in front of me.
"What the hell happened to you Abby?"
"I don't know. Maybe I had a few beers." I slurred.
"Abby! You didn't! How many did you have?"
"Dunno. I lost count at three…" I know what he's thinking. Who cares? I sure don't.
"I think we better get you to bed, you aren't looking too sweet. " He started to move me towards the bedroom. "I hope you didn't drive like this." He said under his breath.
"Only if you join me…" I tried to kiss him, but was a little off. He seemed surprised, but I was just starting. I wrapped my arms around his neck and started doing a little dance of my own. Kissing his neck, shoulder blades.
"Abby, you're going to bed. Without me in it. I don't know what the hell you think you're doing, but I'm sure adding me to the equation even more wouldn't help very much. My flights in two hours, I don't have time to baby sit you." He forced me to relax. He lay down with me, tucking me in his arms like he used to, before his grandmother died, before that scene in the hospital. For now, all's right with the world. I closed my eyes and enjoyed it before a thought came to me.
"John, what happened?"
"What do you mean?"
"To us." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
"Too much stress, I don't know. But I do know that I will always cherish the times we had. We had the real thing there. It just kind of fell apart, life happened." He kissed me on the forehead just before I fell asleep. The next morning I woke up with the worst hangover. There was no one beside me but there was a note.
Dear Abby,
I need to leave for my flight. I 'm leaving you this because I have a strange feeling we might never meet again. It's just a feeling I have( we both know how trustworthy my feelings are), but just in case. I want you to know that I will always love you. Things just didn't work out for us. Luka needs my help, and I know that's where I'm needed for now. I love you. Take care of yourself, even if only for me. That means no more episodes like tonight's.
Always,
John
By the name was a spot were there had been moisture. I came to that conclusion as the lines ran together. For his sake and mine, I hope his feeling is wrong. A tear made its way down my cheek and joined his on the paper. 'If there is a God, preserve him. He's all I have left.' I buried my head in my hands and just cried.