A/N: Happy New Year everyone! So... um, I was scrolling through stuff and browsing and came across C'est La Mort by The Civil Wars and then I started listening to it and next thing I know, this happened. It is a one-shot where Beth lives but Daryl doesn't know it until he does. That's all I'm going to say. So I hope you enjoy because I certainly enjoyed writing this. Excuse me while I bask in feels now...
Oh also, I literally didn't read through this to make sure that there aren't any grammar issues or whatever so please excuse them all should you find any.
C'est La Vie, C'est La Mort - Such is Life, Such is Death
He feels her fall into step beside him but when he looks she isn't there. She isn't there to lead him to find a drink or to burn a cabin down or to find a bar. She isn't there to tell him that he's being a jerk or that she hates snake over a fire or that there are still good people in this world. She isn't there to remind him to stay who he is and not who he was.
She isn't there.
But yet somehow her presence is.
He feels her walking with him and feels the ghost of her hand sliding into his and intertwining her fingers with his. He still feels her warmth and her soul and everything about her lingering next to him. Maybe that's why he still sleeps and maybe that's why he doesn't dream. Maybe that's why he's still here and still carrying on and still surviving. Maybe it's because even in death she's still leading him.
She's still giving him a purpose and still showing him the way. He will never know for sure and maybe all of it is just in his head. But with the pain and the horrors and the memories of everything, he finds that he cannot put that thought away. He cannot deny himself this because this is all he has of her. This is all he has to cling onto and maybe that's unhealthy and maybe he really ought to let her go. But with so many words unspoken and with so many lives they could've lived, he can't help but hold onto the very thought of her still being here with him.
He needs her and he will always need her.
So maybe the light doesn't shine at the end of his tunnel anymore and maybe he will never feel right again. But he feels warm at the thought that she is still here; that somehow or another she still keeps watch over him.
He feels more alone than he has ever felt in his life but then at the same time he strangely doesn't. He feels as if she is still there with him; as if they're sitting in that kitchen and she's there writing that note and he's telling her not to bother. He still feels as if she's sitting across from him in that cabin and telling him of a life she thought they could've all had. He still feels her all around him and next to him and he isn't alone. Not really.
She is there with him when he sits up late into the night keeping watch over his family. She is there when they walk in the day and when he sometimes disappears into the forest to hunt. She is there when he tracks and when he holds his crossbow up and stares down its length at the deer that crosses his path. She is there when they come across a cabin and when he sees an unmistaken shed at the back with a cupboard of moonshine jars. She is there when Carl decides to try one of them and gets hopelessly drunk while everyone sits around and watches bemused at the kid's hopeless demise. She is there next to him when they decide to make it for Alexandria's Safe Zone because they had nowhere else to go. She is always there next to him and that's okay.
Maggie is there beside him as well a lot these days. Maybe she feels Beth lingering beside him or maybe she's just trying to let him know that he isn't alone in all of this. He finds comfort in Maggie's company though and Glenn's too. The two of them are never far from where he is and though he has never said it he is sure that they know he is appreciative of their company.
Rick checks in with him from time to time and he understands that the man is just concerned. But he always brushes it off with a ''m fine' and walks away because he is fine. He isn't great, never will be. But he is fine and he will always be okay.
They walk for what feels like years but in reality only weeks and she is there every step of the way. It doesn't go without incident though but they all make it despite a few bruises here and there and a few broken bones too. The priest acquires the most of injuries amongst them all. But by the time they've stepped onto that long and steady road leading to the gates of the safe zone the priest actually stands taller and walks a little more proudly too. He told the man what Beth had told him and that was all it took for the priest to decide to take a stance and change things. It was funny at the time and even now when he thinks about it that even in death her words still give people hope.
The safe zone is much like the prison; it is all boxed with fences and four gates. There's the north, the south, the east and west where they arrived. There were no metal bars though or cellblocks. There were houses and apartments and small roads running through the little town like a grid. It was nothing like Woodbury and there wasn't any crazy governors or leaders or cannibals. The people were simple and they were all welcoming. They even let them keep their weapons and he wonders if it was because they walked in there with a toddler and Carl and looked like the sort of people that could be trusted.
The people gave them two homes right next to each other with a shared lawn and garden and driveways and all that kind of suburb shit he wasn't used too. He wasn't sure where to go at first but when Glenn had clasped him on the shoulder he found himself falling into step with the man and with Maggie. Carol, Tyrese, Sasha, Abraham, Rositia, Tara and Eugene took one house and the rest of them bunkered down in the other.
It was strange at first to have a house to call home but in time he grew to the idea of it. He claimed the backroom for his own; it was the only room on the ground floor and everybody else slept upstairs. It was quiet and it was nice and was nearest to the backdoor; not that they needed to run anymore but old habits die hard.
She still remains with him wherever he goes and whatever he does until one day he doesn't feel her anymore.
It's early in the day and the sun is barely there but enough to light up the long and winding road to the east gate where he stands guard. The instant his eyes fall on the two figures moving towards them he feels her presence completely leave his side. It's so strange and maybe he wasn't imagining all of that after all. But he feels suddenly very alone and very aware of the fact that she isn't here with him anymore. He tries to think about her and her face and her voice. He sees her as clear as he remembers in his mind but her voice is completely gone and he is suddenly feeling the weight of her death bearing down on him.
But one of the guards nudges his shoulder and he tries with every inch of will left in him to tighten his hold on the crossbow and to look ahead at these two figures. He will figure this out later but for now he will keep this place safe and keep his family safer.
He watches the two of them hobbling and walking and carrying packs on their backs. But the strangest thing is as he watches he feels her presence again though it's barely there. He makes out a man and a woman and the instant he makes out the colour of her hair and the outline of her frame, he freezes. His eyes are on her and the guards are talking around him but he doesn't hear them. He stares as if he is seeing a ghost and maybe he has finally lost it and really is seeing a ghost. But the way the woman walks and the way her pony tail sweeps from side to side as the two of them near the gates pools a warmth in his gut that he has never felt before.
It cannot be though. He held her cold hand and laid her body down in the grave. He buried her and cried for her. He put flowers on her grave.
Her face is so clear as day even with the rain and water dripping down the sides of her face. She doesn't seem to be looking at them though. She is looking to the man she is supporting and is saying something. But then she briefly looks toward the direction of the gate and he swears she looks directly at him.
He holds her gaze and he breathes, "Beth…"
"Who?" someone on his left asks but he ignores them and continues to stare at her.
He sees something pass over her face; something like relief and recognition and the widest smile he has ever seen her smile yet. He moves before he realises what he is doing and he drops his crossbow and his hands are clinging onto the edge of the gate and he is jumping down. There is only a few feet of space between the top of the wall and the ground but he doesn't wait for them to open the gates. He doesn't even give them any instructions like he is supposed to. He ignores the calls of his name and of the demands for what he was doing and has he gone insane. He crosses the space so quickly and even sees her too moving away from the man to meet him half way.
"Beth," he breathes again the instant she clings to him.
She says nothing though but from the way she holds him and the brief glance he caught of her face he saw everything he needed to see. He doesn't know if he cries into her shoulder or if it's just the rain but his heart explodes and his soul is so perfectly calm. She is alive and she is here and nothing could ever be as perfect as this.
"'s not right," he breathes and pulls back an instant later and curls a hand around her face, "I buried you? Are you real?"
She looks at him with so much wonder and so much trust and he feels as if there are a million things she wants to say to him. But she says nothing at all and just stares at him as if she's seeing the entire universe in his eyes. His eyes move from her eyes to the scars on her face and to that one in particular where he only remembered seeing blood and a hole and her death all wrapped up into one.
He feels her shift in his arm and suddenly he is aware of the rain and of the man that's hobbling closer to them. He is aware that he's standing in the middle of the road and thankfully there aren't any walkers nearby. But his focus is still on her and he can't help but wonder if maybe she isn't speaking to him because she doesn't know of him. The wound on her head could mean many things and the fact that she's here is a miracle in itself. But it wouldn't be a surprise to him if the bullet had taken away her memories too.
"Do y'remember me?" he asks softly and he sees her react and feels her shifting her hand and gripping onto his arm and nodding furiously.
She then shakes her head and blinks and looks all over the place and he senses as if she's trying to explain but not really able to find the words to do so. He is patient though; maybe not for others but for her he'd wait forever.
"She can' speak," the man murmurs and he looks to the left to see the man standing there now.
"What?" he demands but doesn't let go of her.
"I think the blow she took t'the head took that away from her," the man continues and he looks back to her.
He sees her crying even through the rain and he crumbles and pulls her to him and feels her arms curl so tightly around him.
"Jesus," he swears and shakes his head and feels her trembling against him.
"She can hear though and amazingly enough her memories are all well intact," the man continues.
He feels her clinging to him and he runs a hand up and down her back and murmurs ever so softly, "'s alright, darlin', I've got you."
He isn't exactly sure since when he thought calling her 'darling' was appropriate. But then she continues to tremble in his arms and he forgets about that for a while. He leads the two of them to the gates and the guards open it when he shouts up at them to do so. He leaves one of the guards in charge and it's probably a good thing he was promoted to guard leader a few weeks ago otherwise he wouldn't have been able to do that.
He never lets her go and they're both drenched and wet and he swears every step he takes toward his home he feels as if he's dreaming. But every time she squeezes his arm and every time she bumps into him brings him right back to here.
The rest of the day is a blur to him but it's filled with tears of joy and laughter and trying to figure out where they all went wrong. It turned out that the man was Morgan, the very same man that saved Rick all that time ago. It was funny the way the world turned and the way things just fell into place like this.
But it was too much for him and after he had heard Morgan relate to them his story of finding Beth and making their way here, he decided to step outside for a while to clear his head. Maggie of course was all in tears and Beth too; he figured the sisters needed some much needed time to just hug it all out. He would get a chance to speak to her later but for now he ventures out but not far. He just steps out the back door and sits on the first step that's still covered by the shade and just stares at the garden and the rain.
He listens to all their voices drifting through the house and to back here. They're all so happy and he is happy too.
He hears the backdoor open though and figures Rick has come out to join him but then he sees a familiar blur of blonde hair and that small frame sitting down beside him. He turns to look at her and he sees her smile. She looks away shyly for a moment before he sees her stretch a hand to curl around his where he has it at his knee. She intertwines their fingers as if they're back there at that funeral house standing by that gravestone. She looks back to him and she isn't smiling anymore but he knows what she is trying to tell him.
"Y'should be in there…" he murmurs, "'m alright."
She bumps her shoulder into his and he can hear her voice in his head again; can hear her telling him that she wants to be here and not in there right now. He nods at her because he should know by now that when she has her mind on something she isn't about to let up on it that easily. But his thoughts drift to the darker ones a moment later and he looks away from her to stare at their hands.
"'m sorry, Beth…" he murmurs.
He feels her squeeze his hand and he looks up to her and sees her shake her head at him.
"I know…" he sighs, "Y'think it ain my fault…but 'm always gonna feel like it is."
She looks at him so seriously and nods her head and squeezes his hand again. He lets the silence fall around them and he turns his eyes back to the garden and the rain and can't help but find the hilarity in this entire situation. He isn't one for words and she's lost hers completely and now all that's between them are his word and his voice. She leans against his shoulder and he knows she's staring at the rain too.
This moment is all so intimate and something that borders on a domestic level that they haven't quite established but have arrived at so naturally. It feels almost as if they're been like this for years; that they've crossed all those hurdles and milestones in life to build this connection between them.
"It was you," he murmurs and doesn't look at her but he knows she is listening, "Y'asked me what changed my mind…"
He finally turns to look at her and he sees her smiling as if she already knew; as if she already worked it out even though so much time has passed between them since that night.
"Y'already knew that though," he murmurs a moment later and lets the corner of his lip curl.
She nods and he sees the smugness in her expression. She stands a moment later though and drags him up with her. He stands there on that first step and she's on the porch and they're at equal heights. He knows that they're standing right and centre in the view of the backdoor and that everyone inside could see them. But his focus is entirely on her and he keeps so still and quiet as she looks at him.
He hears her hand move and sees it finally curl around the side of his face. He doesn't know what she is going to do and doesn't really feel as if he's deserving of any of this. But he doesn't run away. He couldn't even if he tried. He watches as she retracts her hand from the side of his face to touch the base of her neck as if she's motioning to herself. He then sees her move that hand again to curl around his face and the way she looks at him almost seems as if she's shouting her words at him.
"Missed y'too, Greene," he sighs.
She smiles a moment later and he doesn't know why but he seems to get her even without her having to say anything. He feels her piece him all back together when she curls a hand around his neck and when she pulls him to her. Hugs have always been awkward for him but hugging Beth is far from awkward. Hugging Beth is like coming home; it's like standing in the sun when everything is cold and gloomy around them.
"They're all starin'," he tells her and sees Rick looking and Maggie curiously staring too. He sees Glenn and Carol, Michonne and Carl and everyone else.
He feels her shrug her shoulders.
"They gonna think we hit it off or somethin' when we's were out together," he continues.
She shrugs again and when he pulls back he sees her blushing but sees her smiling too.
"Y'flirtin', Greene?" he asks and is met with a playful smack to his chest and the narrowing of her eyes.
She settles to curl a hand around his cheek again and then she shifts it to touch her chest where her heart is. He then sees her finally move to press that hand onto his chest and exactly where his heart resides and then he knows what she is telling him. It takes him a full moment to pull himself together but when he finally does there's a ghost of a smile on his lips. A rare but genuine one that he lets her only see as he turns them to guide her back into the house.
She falls into step beside him with his hand pressing into the small of her back and when he looks, she is right there and looking at him.