Title: End of the Rainbow
Author: Kait
E-mail: kait@hold-on.org
Category: Angel/Buffy. Angst
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, though I wish I did
Summary: Buffy and Angel come to a final decision about their complicated relationship. Buffy POV. Season 5. URL: sugar-cookies.net
I sat alone on the couch blankly flipping through the channels, my face was streaked with tears. Less than an hour ago the man I quite possibly could've been in love with had left me. Maybe forever. It was my fault, I couldn't love him enough and for that reason he had strayed. I wiped my eyes off and got up, I could still remember Xander's speech about Riley loving me and how I had to take a chance on him, that I had to let him love me.
I think Xander assumed I had some kind of problem with letting people in. A Psych 101 student would call it an "intimacy problem". It wasn't that though, the reason I couldn't give my whole heart to Riley Finn was because of Angel. I still loved the brooding vampire. We were in different worlds now and though I had told Angel I had moved on it was obvious I hadn't. I knew I was a fool to wait for Angel, to keep feeling the way I did about him. A part of me still expects him to come through my window with a small smile on his face, his eyes bright with love and sadness.
I sat back down on the couch and remembered some more things about Angel. The time we went to see that really, really bad foreign film and how afterwards we joked about it and kissed for a long time. That was one of my favorite memories. It was a simple moment but one of the ones that made our relationship worth continuing. Then there was Halloween, our relationship was fairly new and I was still concerned with impressing him. The way he told me that he loved me for who I was made me realize that what what we had was indeed real.
I smiled meekly at the memories. Then I realized something, I was more upset about Angel being gone then Riley. I hadn't ever really cared about Riley the way I did for Angel, and I would never be able to care for anyone in a loving sense unless Angel was out of the picture as a romantic possibility. Suddenly I had this urge for closure.
It was 1:00 am, but I couldn't wait until morning. I had to call him. I needed Angel more than ever. I needed him here in Sunnydale. So I dialed the number he had given to me "in case I ever needed anything".
The phone rang a few times, then someone answered. "Hello?" "Hi. is this Angel?" I answered in a small voice. "Yes. Somehow you've reached my cell, so I assume this is Buffy." "Yeah. it is." "What do you need?" "I need you Angel. I mean, I need you to come to Sunnydale. As soon as possible." "Why? Is there some kind of demon?" he asked with some alarm. "No. Well, not anything we're not dealing with. But I need to talk to you, I have to see you." "I don't know Buff. I'm really busy." "Angel. Please, you owe me this much." "Fine. But tell me, what's it about?" "I can't talk about it over the phone. It's too personal." "OK." He said reculantly "I'll be in sometime tomorrow." "Thank you. And Angel?" "Yeah?" "Come alone." "OK I will. See you." "Bye"
I hung up the phone. Nervous and ecstatic all at once. Angel was coming to Sunnydale. Just like old times.
I couldn't sleep that night. So I went patrolling. I kicked ass until 6:30 AM when the sun came up. After stopping in at McDonald's for an early breakfast I went home.
When I got home around 7:30, my mom was waiting in the kitchen.
She looked sad, "I heard about Riley. I'm sorry sweetie."
I looked down, "Um. Thanks, it's hard." I whispered truthfully, it was difficult, especially since I knew it was my fault for him leaving.
My mom wrapped her arms around me and we hugged. "Look, I'm going to try to go to work today. If you need me call."
I nodded. She put her hand out my face and turned around and walked out the door.
A few hours passed. I waited anxiously for his arrival. Finally at 10:20 I heard a frantic knock on the door.
I sprung up out of the chair and opened the door. Angel stood there with a dark blanket over his head. He ran in through the door.
"I'm here" he said.
"Yeah I can tell. Hi."
"So, what is it?"
"Let's go up to my room so we can talk."
Once we were up there I began to talk. "Angel. Riley left."
He didn't look shocked, "Why?"
"He left me to go to Africa, some demon thing with the initiative. I'll probably never see him again."
"Oh." He said flatly, "I'm real sorry Buffy."
"He left because of me."
"What?!"
"I caught him with these vampire whores. Apparently them sucking blood from his arm provides him with more pleasure then I do. So, I broke up with him."
Now Angel looked shocked, "What a bastard." He breathed, "I know he was an asshole from when I first met him."
"It was a shitty thing for him to do. But he was right about some things, when he told me he was leaving. I didn't love him. And you know why?"
"Why?"
"Because I loved you. And I understand that I'll never be able to love anyone again unless you and I come to some kind of conclusion about our relationship."
I stared up at Angel. "So Angel, decide. What do you want from me?"
He sat down on my bed. "Sit down." He said.
I sat down, facing him. Angel looked into my eyes, "I love you more than anything in the world. You're what I came back from hell for and the thought of being with you is what keeps me *alive* to this day."
He rested his forehead against mine, "and to be honest. There's so much I want from you, but there's so much I can't have."
"Why can't you have it Angel? Why can't we be together?"
"Because. We could never be happy. And Buffy, if you're not happy when you're with me I want to grab a stake and kill myself. We could never live that way."
"So we can never be together?" "If you must know now. than yes, we can never be together."
I sniffed, hot tears filled my eyes. I nodded feebly, "You're right."
He too looked like he was about to cry. Suddenly he reached forward and kissed me on the lips. He pulled me close and we fell backwards onto our backs. For one glorious hour things were like they used to be, we lay on the bed holding each other and kissing. After the makeout fest we lie there in each other's arms talking about our lives. I found out about Wesley returning and Cordy's new found power. I could tell he never wanted to let go. But we both knew that eventually we would have to return to our daily lives, the lives we lived without each other.
"I love you." I told him again.
"I love you too."
"I guess this is the end of our little enounter?" I said weakly.
"Yes, every good thing must come to an end." He murmured with a certain bitterness I couldn't help but recognize.
We got up out of the bed and walked downstairs arm in arm. A feeling of sadness enveloped the house and when we reached the door. He stared into my eyes again and for one last time we kissed. Finality. We had reached the end of our rainbow
~end
E-mail: kait@hold-on.org
Category: Angel/Buffy. Angst
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, though I wish I did
Summary: Buffy and Angel come to a final decision about their complicated relationship. Buffy POV. Season 5. URL: sugar-cookies.net
I sat alone on the couch blankly flipping through the channels, my face was streaked with tears. Less than an hour ago the man I quite possibly could've been in love with had left me. Maybe forever. It was my fault, I couldn't love him enough and for that reason he had strayed. I wiped my eyes off and got up, I could still remember Xander's speech about Riley loving me and how I had to take a chance on him, that I had to let him love me.
I think Xander assumed I had some kind of problem with letting people in. A Psych 101 student would call it an "intimacy problem". It wasn't that though, the reason I couldn't give my whole heart to Riley Finn was because of Angel. I still loved the brooding vampire. We were in different worlds now and though I had told Angel I had moved on it was obvious I hadn't. I knew I was a fool to wait for Angel, to keep feeling the way I did about him. A part of me still expects him to come through my window with a small smile on his face, his eyes bright with love and sadness.
I sat back down on the couch and remembered some more things about Angel. The time we went to see that really, really bad foreign film and how afterwards we joked about it and kissed for a long time. That was one of my favorite memories. It was a simple moment but one of the ones that made our relationship worth continuing. Then there was Halloween, our relationship was fairly new and I was still concerned with impressing him. The way he told me that he loved me for who I was made me realize that what what we had was indeed real.
I smiled meekly at the memories. Then I realized something, I was more upset about Angel being gone then Riley. I hadn't ever really cared about Riley the way I did for Angel, and I would never be able to care for anyone in a loving sense unless Angel was out of the picture as a romantic possibility. Suddenly I had this urge for closure.
It was 1:00 am, but I couldn't wait until morning. I had to call him. I needed Angel more than ever. I needed him here in Sunnydale. So I dialed the number he had given to me "in case I ever needed anything".
The phone rang a few times, then someone answered. "Hello?" "Hi. is this Angel?" I answered in a small voice. "Yes. Somehow you've reached my cell, so I assume this is Buffy." "Yeah. it is." "What do you need?" "I need you Angel. I mean, I need you to come to Sunnydale. As soon as possible." "Why? Is there some kind of demon?" he asked with some alarm. "No. Well, not anything we're not dealing with. But I need to talk to you, I have to see you." "I don't know Buff. I'm really busy." "Angel. Please, you owe me this much." "Fine. But tell me, what's it about?" "I can't talk about it over the phone. It's too personal." "OK." He said reculantly "I'll be in sometime tomorrow." "Thank you. And Angel?" "Yeah?" "Come alone." "OK I will. See you." "Bye"
I hung up the phone. Nervous and ecstatic all at once. Angel was coming to Sunnydale. Just like old times.
I couldn't sleep that night. So I went patrolling. I kicked ass until 6:30 AM when the sun came up. After stopping in at McDonald's for an early breakfast I went home.
When I got home around 7:30, my mom was waiting in the kitchen.
She looked sad, "I heard about Riley. I'm sorry sweetie."
I looked down, "Um. Thanks, it's hard." I whispered truthfully, it was difficult, especially since I knew it was my fault for him leaving.
My mom wrapped her arms around me and we hugged. "Look, I'm going to try to go to work today. If you need me call."
I nodded. She put her hand out my face and turned around and walked out the door.
A few hours passed. I waited anxiously for his arrival. Finally at 10:20 I heard a frantic knock on the door.
I sprung up out of the chair and opened the door. Angel stood there with a dark blanket over his head. He ran in through the door.
"I'm here" he said.
"Yeah I can tell. Hi."
"So, what is it?"
"Let's go up to my room so we can talk."
Once we were up there I began to talk. "Angel. Riley left."
He didn't look shocked, "Why?"
"He left me to go to Africa, some demon thing with the initiative. I'll probably never see him again."
"Oh." He said flatly, "I'm real sorry Buffy."
"He left because of me."
"What?!"
"I caught him with these vampire whores. Apparently them sucking blood from his arm provides him with more pleasure then I do. So, I broke up with him."
Now Angel looked shocked, "What a bastard." He breathed, "I know he was an asshole from when I first met him."
"It was a shitty thing for him to do. But he was right about some things, when he told me he was leaving. I didn't love him. And you know why?"
"Why?"
"Because I loved you. And I understand that I'll never be able to love anyone again unless you and I come to some kind of conclusion about our relationship."
I stared up at Angel. "So Angel, decide. What do you want from me?"
He sat down on my bed. "Sit down." He said.
I sat down, facing him. Angel looked into my eyes, "I love you more than anything in the world. You're what I came back from hell for and the thought of being with you is what keeps me *alive* to this day."
He rested his forehead against mine, "and to be honest. There's so much I want from you, but there's so much I can't have."
"Why can't you have it Angel? Why can't we be together?"
"Because. We could never be happy. And Buffy, if you're not happy when you're with me I want to grab a stake and kill myself. We could never live that way."
"So we can never be together?" "If you must know now. than yes, we can never be together."
I sniffed, hot tears filled my eyes. I nodded feebly, "You're right."
He too looked like he was about to cry. Suddenly he reached forward and kissed me on the lips. He pulled me close and we fell backwards onto our backs. For one glorious hour things were like they used to be, we lay on the bed holding each other and kissing. After the makeout fest we lie there in each other's arms talking about our lives. I found out about Wesley returning and Cordy's new found power. I could tell he never wanted to let go. But we both knew that eventually we would have to return to our daily lives, the lives we lived without each other.
"I love you." I told him again.
"I love you too."
"I guess this is the end of our little enounter?" I said weakly.
"Yes, every good thing must come to an end." He murmured with a certain bitterness I couldn't help but recognize.
We got up out of the bed and walked downstairs arm in arm. A feeling of sadness enveloped the house and when we reached the door. He stared into my eyes again and for one last time we kissed. Finality. We had reached the end of our rainbow
~end