Thank you, a harry potter fanfic

A/N : I want to thank Danissa for giving me inspiration for writing this fanfic. Thank you sis! I love you!This fanfic is based on an online Harry Potter -Marauder RP.

The song I used was Louder by Charisa. I don't own the song or Harry Potter. They belong to their rightfull owners.

The sickness I used is fully called Chronic fatigue syndrome. I looked it up on Wikipedia

Summary : James Potter breaks up with his boyfriend because of his weakness. He doesn't want to be weak and will try to forget the memories the two had... Will he succeed?

There is an preview to this story. It's made by Magicanimegirl. She wrote the story called : Mask of Bravado. Please check it out!

Here is the link : /s/10483710/1/Mask-of-Bravado

Louder

James p.o.v.

I love you, but I still let you go….

Louder (x4)

I am still confused. Not knowing what I want. I know that we are different, but you never cared that I was different. Then why do I hesistate to run after you and beg you to come back? Why don't I run? Why am I standing here watching you down there by the lake? Am I waiting for you to come back?

I'm staring out of my window
And the rain is pouring down

I sigh and fall on my bed. I groan and scream in my pillow in frustration. It was starting to rain. I heard it. The raindrops falling on the roof. It relaxes me somewhat. I don't know why, but it just does. Like the clouds are crying. That what I always think when it rains. I sit up and look out the window again. For the first time dropping my mask again, but this time not for you, but for me. I have to let it go, the pain. I let it go. I watched you sit there, when I cried. I wasn't able to look away. I could only stare at you, crying.

Eventually I cried myself asleep. I woke up later that night. My head against the headboard, still facing the lake. I looked out the window. Expecting you to still sit there, but of course you weren't. "Of course not, it's the middle of the night, idiot" I say to myself I sigh and stand. I hear that it is still raining. I get the urge to walk out and just stand there, lett the clouds drown me in their tears. Hoping that would maybe take away the pain.

When you left, I was so low
But I'm not gonna drown

So I walked out. I was only wearing my shirt and trousers. Not bothering to take my cloak. I didn't care if I would get a cold. I just didn't care anymore. I sigh and walk out through the giants doors of the castle and out into the rain, towards the lake. The lake…. It held memories. An important memory. That's where I asked you to drop your mask for me. To show me that you really cared about me, that you truly loved me. I sit down at the place where it happened. Yes under that one tree. I cry remembering it. I know I need you to hold me and comfort me, but I don't want to look weak in your eyes. I told you so many times. I have to get strong myself. I need to learn to take care of myself. Instead of hiding behind someone. I sigh and look at myself in the lake. I see my own crying face. Then I throw a stone right in the face of my reflection. Hating to see myself like that. I groan and fall back on the grass, enjoying the rain fall on my face. Thinking. Just thinking of what to do.

I decided to try to forget you and move on. I somewhere knew it was impossible, but I was gonna try it anyway. I will show you that I don't need you. That I can survive on my own. That I am strong! And not the weak little lion cub you know me as.

I don't need no shoulder
I'm gonna be a soldier
I just wanna feel somethin' I don't understand

The next few days were like hell to me. I couldn't stop thinking about you. I tried to take different ways to get to class. But no matter which hall I passed, you would always be there. I sigh and look at the ground. On my way to potions class. I hated the class. I sucked at it. No matter if you tried to help me with it. I always screwed up. Ended up with my arms bandaged, and you would feed me because I couldn't eat. I shake my head, pushing the memory away. I continue my way untill I bump into someone. That someone was you. I looked up, see that it is you, look away, apologize and try to run away. But you grab me by my arms, pushing me against the wall. I shiver having missed the feeling of you against me. You lift my chin and look straight at me, trying to read me. I won't let you. I refuse. I'm not going to be weak again infront of your eyes, infront of you. I couldn't. I just couldn't! I had to show you. Show you I can take care of myself. I push you away, hard, and run. I ran as fast as I could.

I catch my breath a few hall ways away. I freeze at where I a mand what wall I'm leaning against. I whisper to myself, "no…. Not again….". The memory hits me like I was being hit with the cruciatus curse. Yes I know the feel of it…. The memory was still so fresh in my mind. I couldn't let it in, yeti t happened. The wall, that one wall, that one night. The wall where you pushed me against for the first time. The night when we first kissed. I surrendered to your strengt hand let you dominate me. I know I'm not the dominant type, yet I act like it. Why? Because I have to, to survive here.

I'm just gonna run right through the rain
I'm just gonna dance right through the pain
I just wanna feel that rhythm, feel that drum
Let my heart beat louder

I pushed this memory away. I tried to relax. I walked to class like nothing happened. Setting up my cauldron. Starting on my potion. My friends join me. Sirus just laughs when my potion explodes in my face. Remus chuckled but checked if I was okay and Severus looked annoyed at Sirius for laughing, slapping the back of Siris his head. I sigh and clean up the mess. The professor comes over to see what happened. He scowls seeing that it was me again and walks away. Remus helped me clean up the rest. I restarted on my potions, this time Severus was trying to help me. And this time it didn't explode but it was still terrible.

Let my heart speak louder than my head [head, head, head]
Heart beat louder than my head [head, head, head]
Heart speak louder
Wanna feel that rhythm, feel that drum
Let my heart beat louder
Let my heart speak louder than my head

After class I leave with them and go to the Great Hall to get our lunch. I sit at the table with my back facing you. Not wanting to see your face, knowing it would hurt. I knew I couldn't stop loving you, but I still tried. Even when I do want you back. I groan and slam my face into the table. My friends look at me confused. They don't know. I didn't tell them. I couldn't. What was I gonna say? Tell them it is about my weakness that I broke things with you? No… I couldn't. They would laugh at me… I know that…

I, I am over overthinking of how to get you back
I'm checking out for the weekend
And I ain't going back

I stand up and leave. Not being hungry. I leave and walk up to the tower. Wanting to sleep. I was tired of everything. Wanting to forget and start a new day tomorrow. Even though it was just noon. I didn't care. I walked up the stairs, I yawned. I sigh and fall on my bed, falling asleep right away.

I don't need no shoulder
I'm gonna be a soldier
I just wanna feel somethin' I don't understand

I wake up and see Remus looking at me worried. I look at him confused.

"What's wrong, Moony?" I ask

"What's wrong?! You slept for a week, Prongs!" He yelled frustrated. I could easily tell that he was worried.

"Wh…what? No… I didn't…. I fell asleep yesterday…. Wait where am I?" I look around and see that I am in Hospital Wing. I groan and think 'Great…. Again….'

I'm just gonna run right through the rain
I'm just gonna dance right through the pain
I just wanna feel that rhythm, feel that drum
Let my heart beat louder

"In the Hospital Wing, you idiot!" He glared at me. "We brought you here when you wouldn't wake up. We have been taking shifts. Even Lucius took a few shifts to watch you when we had class" I flinched at hearing his name. Lucius…. My now exboyfriend…. It hurt tot hink it. I felt happy that he came and watched over me. Knowing that he still cares. I sigh. "Why the sigh, Prongs? I thought you would be happy that he would come." I put my mask up and hide my pain. I smile.

"Of course I am, don't be stupid. He's my boyfriend" I smiled, but then I saw him. Standing there. In the doorway. His eyes wide, shocked. Remus looked confused between the two of us. He shakes his head and walks away. Leaving us alone. Lucius walks over slowly, sitting in the chair where Remus just sat.

"Hey…." He says with a small smile.

"Hi…." I say, not knowing what to feel or think.

"How are you feeling? You should eat something" He looked worried. He offered me a plate but I shake my head and push it a way.

"I'm fine, just not hungry…." I bite my lip. I kno wit was a lie.

"Don't lie to me, James. You know I can look right through your mask" I blus hand look down.

"I'm sorry…." I apologize. Not for lying but for trying to push him out. Out of my life.

"Don't be. I forgive that lie." He smiled at me softly. I felt like crying.

"what's wrong with me? Why am I here, Lucius…. Why?" I was scared, he could see that.

Lucius bites his lip before he tells me what's wrong. "You are sick, Little Lion. You are diagnosed with CFS…. "

I look at him confused. "What is that? Is it bad?"

"No it can be cured. Well that's what the healer says, but for muggles it's chronical, meaning they have it for ever…" I nod slowly

"But what is it?" I ask, wanting to know. Getting more scared.

Then he starts to explain. As he goes on and on the more scared I get. Will it ever cure? Why me?

"I'm sorry, Little Lion…." He says. I look p at him. Wondering why he aoplogizes

"Why?"

"For scaring you even more now, but you deserve to know the truth" He says with a faint smile

"I…. I should be the one that needs to apologize…."

"Why? It's not you fault that you are sick…"

"Yes it is…." I sigh and decide to confess. "Since the break up…. I barely ate and barely slept. I was tired and did go to bed early, but when I woke up…. It would be worse…. Just like eating. I wanted to eat. But I can't If I did I would throw up…. My body started to hurt more and more…. I tried loosing up my muscles, but it got worse…. And now I'm here….In the Hospital Wing…. Sick….." I tried to stay strong, not wanting to show, but then he looked at me with that one look and I break down.

Oh, letting go
Yet it feel so good, so right
Oh, all I know
Is that I let my heart beat
Heart speak louder than my louder than my
Heart beat heart speak louder than my louder than my
Heart beat heart speak louder than my louder than my louder, louder, louder, louder

I break down. Infront of you. I couldn't take it anymore. I had to let it out. I cried. I cried hard and loudly, hiding my face.

"I…I'm so…so-orry" I sobbed, but I didn't care "I'm sorry for…for pushing you out…. I-I…." *sobs* "I never wa-wanted to break up…. Never… " His eyes were wide, but I did see his love for me there, he moved over and sat on the bed, he pulls me close and hugs me. "I'm sorry…. I-I can't live… whi-whitout you" *sobs* "I-I lo-love you, Lucius…. I can't stop… I love you so much….."

He holds me and rocks me, trying to relax me, making me feel safe and loved. "Shhhh It's okay. I'm here…."

"I'm sorry for…be-being so weak…" I slwoly calmed down a bitt. Just a bitt though.

"Don't worry about it, James" He kisses my head, and I look up. I sniffle, tears streaming down my face. And right then and right there…. He dropped his mask. For the second time. Showing me how much he loved me, how much he cared. "I love you too, James. Don't ever forget that. You're mine, remember?"

I nod and have a slight true smile on my face. I kissed him, knowing that I would be safe and loved. Not caring about my weakness anymore.

I end with the words "Thank you" Before kissing him again.

Thank you for caring, for not minding I'm weak. Thank you for loving me….

I'm just gonna run right through the rain
I'm just gonna dance right through the pain
I just wanna feel that rhythm, feel that drum
Let my heart beat louder
Let my heart speak louder than my head [head, head, head]
Heart beat louder than my head [head, head, head]
Heart speak louder
Wanna feel that rhythm, feel that drum
Let my heart beat louder
Let my heart speak louder than my head