This Story Occurs: Season 1 : Episode 15 / Stardate 41365.9 / Starbase 74
Episode Title: 11001001
Written / Directed By: Maurice Hurley, Robert Lewis / Paul Lynch
Originally Aired: 2/1/1988
Awards: Emmy for Outstanding Sound Editing of a Series
Disclaimer: Star Trek: The Next Generation is the ultimate brainchild of Gene Roddenberry with the support of: Maurice Hurley, Rick Berman, Michael Pillar, Jeri Taylor, Paramount and CBS.
This Could Not Have Happened Without: Redheadgrrl1960 (Gun Brooke), Peetsden and Heeledmira.
Note: As you all are well aware, writing for this fandom is new to me. Please be tolerant and even forgiving as I try something else. I am currently—and will always continue—to write DWP. There are many things I need to finish and even some things I need to post which are gathering dust under my nerves. This project is a challenge but also a way toward calming myself and working through some personal issues. Thank you for your understanding and please feel free (as always) to comment. Sometimes, those are all that keeps me afloat.
Chapter One
Beverly will only have forty-eight hours. If she's lucky. Which she won't be; she's almost sure of it, knowing Jean-Luc as well as she does. He will press the engineering team at Starbase 74, and the Bynars, to have the upgrades to the holodeck and other maintenance checks completed far ahead of schedule, no doubt. And never mind that the Enterprise arrived a week late. This won't matter to him, and he'll make sure it doesn't matter to anybody else. Beverly will be shocked if they're not in and out of here in no less than thirty-six hours.
Good for their next mission—a trip to Pelleus V.
Bad for Beverly's own personal agenda—an agenda she's not entirely certain she should attempt.
Every time she starts having that sort of debate with herself, she's quick to remember there are two beds and a lot of space in the quarters she reserved on the starbase a few days ago. One for Beverly and one for Deanna Troi, the ship's Counselor, a woman she's never been able to stop thinking about.
Regardless of those two beds and all that space, Beverly remains skeptical of just about everything going on in her head—so the debate on whether or not this is right, never ends.
Nothing has to happen, though.
Friendship is more important, isn't it?
Like the well-educated and sensible adult she is, Beverly knows this but what she feels for Deanna is something she can't push away any longer. At some point, within the next two days, something has to happen.
Simply put, Beverly knows she's moved on from friendship—actually she never felt something so ordinary for Deanna anyway—and is subsequently no longer capable of performing the fine art of concealment. That used to be her specialty; the patient comes first, doctor second—if at all. Now she is like a holodeck program with the safety feature removed, capable of causing harm instead of being the ever-faithful healer who only has good intentions and a deep attachment to her work.
So, yes, something has to happen.
Coming to terms with that brought on the seemingly innocent conversation about, "Since Wesley will be staying aboard the ship to enjoy a camping trip on the new and improved holodeck…?" By the end, she quickly talked Deanna into sharing a suite on the starbase. As friends, of course. They plan on relaxing, having dinner and possibly shopping—all the things friends do.
These days, though, how good of friends are they, really?
In the last month, Beverly has made herself far less available to Deanna. They used to spend so much time together… But Beverly couldn't handle it. She couldn't handle the emotions Deanna would eventually sense from her; it was inevitable. Now, their friendship is barely a friendship at all and here Beverly is, worried about ruining what's left of it when she wants so much more.
To be honest, Beverly is kidding herself if she thinks even for a minute that Deanna doesn't already know there is something more to this invitation. It's even possible Deanna knows more than Beverly's ready to contemplate without having a panic attack. The fact remains, even if it is only by half, Beverly is dealing with a Betazoid; but a Betazoid who's often busier blocking out than searching and accepting.
She's confessed to Beverly that she distances herself emotionally from whomever she can, whenever she can. Yet, it's as if Deanna either chose to open herself to Beverly so long ago or, for some reason, was unable to resist. Deanna never made that particular statement... But at times, it was so evident at how she voluntarily clung to every minute they shared. She wanted to be there. She wanted to be closer to Beverly; otherwise none of this would have ever happened.
And then Beverly all but put a complete stop to it, too afraid of what Deanna would sense from her when, all along, she might already know the truth already. Or maybe she doesn't. Maybe Deanna completely missed it: the nervousness, the fear of possible heartache, the inability to focus. But either way, for the past few weeks, Beverly has been avoiding Deanna, always busy with Wesley, always too wrapped up in her work, always taking the longest way around the ship in case they might run into one another. Another words, the doctor has turned out to be a horrible friend to someone she cherishes.
Either way, whether she is angry at how Beverly has been treating her, or knowledgeable of the truth or not, Deanna still said yes. She still agreed to spend time with Beverly on the starbase for however many hours they find themselves blessed with. That's got to mean something, right?
But maybe it doesn't mean anything at all.
Perhaps all of this is in Beverly's head.
Wishful thinking.
A case of loneliness trying to correct itself.
Beverly isn't lonely, though. Not in such a simple way. To her, saying that you are lonely indicates you could stand to have a few drinks in Ten Forward and maybe play a few hands of poker. It means that you need to branch out, make some friends, and get away from your job for a while. Granted, making friends has never been Beverly's forte, more of a challenge than a pleasure, but she'd done well enough, no longer the awkward and shy girl of her youth. So none of this has anything to do with the need to get a few drinks, play some poker or branch out.
She isn't lonely.
She's in love.
As usual, Beverly's fears wait in the background to chase all feelings of optimism away. Until now, she's never given another female a second thought in comparison to the way she thinks of Deanna. There's no way to explain other than to say—people change. She isn't the same woman who married Jack Crusher. God, Beverly's not even the same woman who boarded this ship for the first time at Far Point Station. But while gender roles are not as set in stone as they once were, and same-sex attraction is barely discussed in a negative or positive light—simply because it just doesn't matter—there are many levels in which this could be wrong. There's Wesley to think about. Her reputation on the ship. Deanna's reputation on the ship. Will they still be able to work together and be something more? There are so many things to consider; Beverly doesn't even know where to begin.
At the same time, she doesn't care—which should probably worry her but it's hard to shake the feeling that nothing matters more than Deanna. Deep down, Beverly knows she's ready and willing to get through whatever comes up, which is more than she can say for some people.
Well, she's is getting ahead of herself, isn't she? There's no need to analyze or worry or anything else because nothing has to happen. Beverly can always change her mind, keep her mouth shut and keep her friendship intact—what's left of it, anyway. Can't she?
Of course, while Beverly is busy analyzing everything for the millionth time regardless, the docking clamps barely have time to take hold of the Enterprise before she begins to run toward sick bay—taking the long way around, of course.
Professor Terence Epstein is visiting the starbase to conduct a cybernetics conference and she wants a front row seat.
Unsurprisingly, she's forgotten all about it until just now, and being as interested in this topic as she is—Beverly's got plenty of notes to show for it and will need them. It's not as if she's done all this work for nothing. The last few weeks—since she wasn't talking Deanna anymore—have been devoted to formulating not merely a theoretical approach for combining cybernetics and regeneration, but an approach she knows will work.
Normally, the chance to discuss this with the professor would have Beverly waiting to be the first one off the ship. Instead, she's running, going in the opposite direction, to gather her notes because her mind has been elsewhere. Most likely, she'll be late for the conference. But she'll be damned if she's late for dinner, shopping and whatever else they plan to do before Beverly ruins everything completely.
Because, really, what are the chances of this ending any other way?
And of course, it would have to be Will Riker—the last person Beverly feels like interacting with—who comes in to eavesdrop while she's busy packing and thinking and packing and thinking.
"You look like you're taking the entire office with you," he says with that goofy smile she wishes she could smack right off his face.
It's like trying to get into Starfleet Academy all over again, but Beverly does her best to be surprised and happy to see him. "Oh, Commander Riker," she says, looking up briefly before shoving so many PADDs into her case that it will hardly close. "I'm just gathering my notes. Professor Terence Epstein is at the starbase."
Will has no clue who this is and it's going to make him insanely curious. He's the type that has to know everything about everything.
"Is he anyone I should know?" He asks as Beverly darts out of sick bay with him close behind.
Again, it's like trying to get into Starfleet Academy all over but she manages to answer all his questions, hoping to bore Will to tears so he will leave her the hell alone. She doesn't want to talk to him. She never does and loathes that its part of her job, but Beverly cannot ignore the fact that he exists; he's second in command, after all.
Beverly cannot ignore that he gave up the most gorgeous woman she's ever laid eyes on, either.
What an idiot.
And she's determined not to make the same mistake. Isn't that what all this is about? Not just repairing a friendship, but getting and keeping the woman she has someone managed to fall in love with.
It takes a second longer than it should, but finally, Beverly realizes what Will has just said while she's been busy thinking of exactly how stupid he really is. But to be sure, she asks him to repeat it.
"I'm sorry, what did you say?"
"I said I hope you and Deanna have a nice time together on the starbase."
Beverly blinks a couple of times for no other reason than pure shock. By the look on his face, she can tell Will is alluding to far more than he should be aware of; her brain can't even think about why or how he seems to know so damn much.
He presses the button for the turbo lift and then, out of nowhere, she says what she's wanted to for what seems like a hundred light years at least. He's a fool. And it's about time somebody told him. Especially if he's determined to get in her business; she will certainly give as good as she gets. Play time is over.
The lift door opens and Beverly enters, turning around to look up at him. "Commander," she looks him right in the eye and he regards her with obvious surprise spread across his face. "Deanna would have never gotten in your way. Never. You could have had your career and her too. But that's not what you decided, is it? No… That's not what you decided. But it's what I've decided. I'd rather wait tables in Ten Forward for the rest of my life than give her up. And I suggest you don't get in my way because your chance came and went a long time ago."
Its apparent Beverly's said some things she had no idea she was capable of expressing. Not only has she told him he's the biggest idiot in the world; basically, she's also said a couple of things that Deanna should have been the first to hear. Not Will Riker. And what will he do with this information? Oh, and she's pretty much given him an ultimatum even though she didn't spell it out exactly: Beverly will toss him out an airlock if he tries to make a move on Deanna ever again.
Taking a step back, with both his hands in the air at chest level, Will says, "I'm not in your way now, Dr. Crusher, and I don't plan on being in your way in the future. You have nothing to worry about from me."
Well, that's a comfort.
Beverly impatiently waits for him to finish, trying not to lose her nerve. Even if she is known for standing up for herself, this little display of bravery and attitude tops the chart.
Putting his hands down, Will continues…or she thinks that's what he's going to do. But he doesn't, simply giving her a sad smile that speaks volumes. It's filled with regret and acknowledgement of the fact that, yes, he is an idiot and, yes, he gave up the best thing he could have ever hoped for—for no real reason at all.
There is nothing left for Beverly to say as the lift door closes on the image of Will walking in the opposite direction and she is suddenly overcome with the sense that this could work out. She might not ruin a single thing. In fact, Beverly might gain more than she ever hoped for.
All she has to do is open her heart and allow Deanna to see everything that she has been holding back.
To Be Continued