You stare. You don't know why, but you always stare. It's a compulsive habit for you, to look but not touch, to notice but not mention. You're rarely caught, but if you are, you try to play it off and avoid blushing as much as possible. But that doesn't ever stop you, because despite the day, or the weather, or the class, or the Hogsmeade trip, you always seek him out. You wake up every morning, and your first thought is Today I won't stare, but once his tall frame enters the room, the idea's shot to hell.
It doesn't matter what he's doing. Every movement of his is amazing to you. The way he brushes his hand through his hair. The way he eats. The way he walks. The way he tips his chair back. The way he smiles. The way he laughs. But the part that you always take notice of more than anything is the way he stares at you.
The way he stares at you...God, you could go on for hours. But that, that look, in itself, is the reason that you never accept his offer for a date. Because every time he looks at you, something is there. A sparkle in his eye that you always try to play off with the lighting. The way it makes your stomach twists and you always try to blame it on skipping lunch, even when you didn't. How your hands sweat when you notice, but you tack it up to the heat, even when it's the dead of winter.
He looks at you like he wants you. Like he needs you. Like every time you turn him down or avoid his eyes, it physically hurts him. And that scares you beyond the imaginable. Who was he to want you, anyway? To need you? You told yourself that he didn't. You told yourself you were a game. You knew you were lying.
But who were you to be needed? As far as everyone else was concerned, you were just an awkward redhead with a stubborn habit of always being right. You were not something to be desired. You never had been, and you never would be. And even though that had always left a loneliness in the pit of your stomach, you'd come to terms with it a long time ago. So when he looked, and you ran, but he looked again, you were put in a place that you had never been before. A place that was completely out of your comfort zone and over your head. Somewhere that you hadn't ever really wanted to go, but somehow got dragged into against your will.
He was driving you crazy, the way he looked at you. What were you supposed to do? Smile? Tell him? You didn't know. So you didn't do anything. And you supposed that was why your heart ached all the time. Because for once in your life, you didn't know what to do. So instead, you stared.