October 31, 1981
Jenny stared at Sirius, seated astride his bike, and wondered when she'd see him again. Should I tell him? she wondered. No, she didn't want to worry him any further.
Sirius gazed down at Jenny. Her face showed her fear a little, but she was struggling to smile.
"It's all right," he said. "I'm sure everything will be fine. I'm worrying about nothing." He leaned down and kissed her. "I'd better hurry. James will be wondering where I am."
She nodded. "I love you, Sirius."
"I love you, Jenny," he said softly, wondering whether to tell her. No. Best not let her worry over anything else. Besides, the fewer people know the better. He kicked the engine to life and the bike shot into the air. As he gazed down, she waved, and kept on waving until he could no longer see her.
His uneasy feeling did not leave him as he reached Pettigrew's home. They'd set up the most secure wards and spells they could a week before, when Pettigrew had become Secret-Keeper. Sirius could feel that they were all still in place, but something felt wrong. He set the bike down and burst in.
The house was empty. He could feel it at once. He searched for some trace of Peter, but there was none. There was no sign of any kind of struggle, no message begging for help, no anything. Sirius' anxiousness turned to fear. He ran back out, leapt onto his bike and took off.
He knew the worst had happened when he landed. The Potters' house was destroyed. He ran up to it anyway, hoping that he could do something, hoping against hope that James and Lily and Harry might still be alive. This was his fault! Peter had betrayed them all.
He saw James, lying motionless in the hall, wand four feet from his outstretched hand. James was dead. There was no mistaking that. His oldest, best, truest friend was dead.
"Prongs," he whispered, stooping near. "What have I done?"
A noise made him turned. There was Hagrid, holding a bundle.
"Hagrid!" he exclaimed. "What? Why?"
"Harry," Hagrid said simply. "Dumbledore sent me fer him."
"Harry's alive?" Sirius exclaimed. "What about Lily?"
"No, I'm sorry," Hagrid said gently. "I knew yeh were their friend, and they were both good people, Sirius, but not even they could stand up teh Yeh-Know-Who."
"No," Sirius said desperately. "No!" He felt like smashing something, smashing, killing Pettigrew.
"I'm sorry, Sirius," Hagrid said, trying to comfort him. "There was nothing yeh could have done."
"Give me Harry," Sirius said. "I'm his guardian now. Jenny and I'll take care of him."
"I can't," Hagrid said sadly. "Dumbledore's given me orders."
"Hagrid, James wanted me to look after Harry should anything happen to them."
"Dumbledore said," Hagrid said firmly. "I'm sorry, Sirius."
"Fine." Desperation was welling up inside Sirius. "Fine. Take my bike to get him there. I won't be needing it anymore."
Hagrid looked at him, surprised. "Are yeh sure?"
"I'm sure." Sirius helped Hagrid get on and showed him how to start it. He watched as it sailed off into the night. Somehow, when the noise had gone, he felt twice as dead inside. James and Lily are dead. It's Peter's fault. You made him Secret-Keeper, and he betrayed them. A burning hatred for Peter consumed him. His one thought was to find and kill the rat.
Somehow it was daylight now, and he was in London. He had no clear memory of how he had gotten there, but there was Peter in front of him, cowering and whimpering. Sirius smiled, a cold and vicious smile.
"You'll pay now," he whispered. Only Pettigrew could hear him. He held his wand ready, ready to kill.
Peter gulped, then shrieked so loudly half the street turned to him.
"James and Lily, Sirius! How could you?"
As Sirius blinked in astonishment, Peter gave a tiny, triumphant smirk, and blew up.
For some reason, Remus felt vaguely uneasy when he woke up. The sky was gray and overcast, and he felt, for an instant, that something was wrong. But the feeling passed and he dressed quickly.
As he ate breakfast, an owl flew in the window and dropped a note on his head. Remus ripped it open. It was a barely-legible scrawl. Please come quickly. Jenny was all it said. He stood and rapidly crossed the room, flung open a closet, and pulled out a battered broom. Ten minutes later he was airborne, soaring toward the Blacks' home.
Jenny met him at the door.
"Thank goodness you're here, Remus," she said. Her face was white with fear and anxiety. "Something's horribly wrong. Sirius was supposed to come home last night, and he never did. I have a horrible feeling that something's terribly wrong, and I can't seem to reach anyone. I didn't even get the Prophet this morning." She turned toward the house, and hesitated. "What should we do?"
"I have the same feeling, Jenny," Remus said anxiously. "We'd better go see James and Lily. They'll know what's going on, I'm sure." Jenny nodded.
"Should we Apparate there?"
"I think so," he said.
As the Potters' house became visible, Jenny gasped. It was completely destroyed. It was as if a bomb had gone off and blown the whole house up… but Jenny and Remus knew what must have caused it.
"Voldemort," Remus said, his face gray. They stared at Ministry workers poking around, and at Muggles gawking at the site.
"Do you think they might be alive?" Jenny asked hopelessly.
"I don't know," Remus said heavily. "Hey, you!" He tapped one of the workers, a man in a pinstriped suit and bowler hat, on the shoulder. The man turned around.
"No one's allowed near, it might be dangerous," he said pompously. "Who are you?"
Jenny ignored his words. "What happened to the Potters?" she asked quietly.
"You-Know-Who," the man said. He started to turn back around.
"No, are they alive?" she demanded. "Where are James and Lily and Harry?"
"Oh." The man turned back to her. "Friends of yours, were they? The lad's alive, I'm told – and it's said that somehow he made You-Know-Who vanish." He lowered his voice. "I can't say anything about that officially yet."
"But James and Lily are dead?" Remus asked.
"I am afraid so."
"Where's Harry?" Jenny asked, tugging at the man's sleeve. "Where is he?"
"I don't know. I believe that Professor Dumbledore sent for him." Just then, another worker shouted,
"Fudge! Get over here and help!" and the little man hurried off. Jenny and Remus stared at each other.
"How?" Jenny asked finally, her voice breaking. "Sirius would have – where's Sirius!" Her voice raised in a panic. "He's – we've got to find him! He could be hurt, Voldemort would never have just gotten the information from him…"
Remus had pulled out his wand and was attempting a tricky spell. "I can't quite locate him," he said, "but there's no mistaking his bike. Come on." And he seized Jenny's arm. In an instant, the ruined house vanished.
They were standing in the country, and they could hear the roar of the motorbike high off and far up. Remus again muttered a spell, and the noise grew louder. Suddenly, the bike was there in front of them. But it was not Sirius astride it.
Hagrid sat on the bike, Harry in a bundle of blankets in his arms.
"Where's Sirius?" Jenny asked desperately. "Where did you get the bike?"
"Sirius gave it ter me," Hagrid explained. "I'd just gotten Harry out of the house, and he showed up."
"He just gave it to you?" Remus asked, pressing for answers.
"Well," no." Hagrid looked a bit uncomfortable. "He wanted Harry, said he was ter look out fer him, but I had orders from Dumbledore. So he said I should take the bike." Hagrid looked grim. "I don' know where he's gone."
"Where are you taking Harry?" Jenny asked.
"Ter his aunt an' uncle's. Dumbledore said so."
"No!" Jenny stared at Hagrid. "Not Lily's sister! That woman hates wizards, she hates us all! She'll make Harry's life miserable. Besides, I promised Lily…" she broke down in tears. "I promised her that I'd look after Harry if anything happened to her."
"I'm sorry, Jenny," Hagrid said gently. "But Dumbledore said… I'm sure it won't be for long. He'll probably give Harry ter yeh right off."
Remus took Jenny's arm. "Jenny, we've got to find Sirius and find out what happened." He nodded to Hagrid, who took off once more. "Sirius is in London somewhere, Jenny. I've found out where he is, almost. We can go and look for him." For a third time, they Apparated.
The crowded London streets were full of people. Jenny and Remus were just two more. They scanned the crowds for Sirius, to no avail.
After a time, they became aware of a clamor up ahead. Hurrying, they rounded a corner to a horrible sight.
Half of the street was gone. There were broken bodies and shards of glass and bricks and items from stores littered about. Rats ran about in the street, let up by the huge crater in the middle of the road. And standing in the center, the eye of the hurricane was Sirius.
They could hardly recognize him. He was laughing and laughing, but there was no humor, no happiness, no life in the laugh. It was the laugh of a dead man. As they watched, two dozen black-robed Hit Wizards surrounded him. They were too far off to hear anything but the laughter, which continued as the wizards began to lead Sirius away.
Jenny realised that she'd been frozen, but now her feet began to move of their own accord.
"Sirius!" she screamed, trying to run to him. A Ministry worker blocked her path.
"You can't go there, ma'am, it's dangerous, that man's mad." She didn't hear his words, tried to shake him off. Remus seized her from behind.
"Jenny! Jenny!"
She turned to him. "Remus, what happened? What happened?" She shouted so loudly that she felt dizzy, and then suddenly it was all too much and she fainted.
Remus crossed the room to where Jenny sat on a sofa. She didn't look up. He wasn't sure what to say; her sobs filled the room. Lord knows I feel as if I could weep, too, Remus thought. He sat on the sofa beside the heartbroken woman.
"Oh, Remus," she sobbed, turning to him, "What am I going to do?" Remus had no answer for her. He knew exactly how she felt. He knew the sorrow that had filled him when he had learned of the Potters' death, the horror when it became obvious that Sirius had betrayed them, the pain that he had felt when Pettigrew's heroism and death became apparent. Again and again, his mind showed him scene he had seen, the photograph that had been plastered across the papers. Sirius, his head thrown back, just laughing and laughing….
Obviously Sirius had gone mad. Remus hadn't been able to speak to him before the trial – the Ministry claimed it was too dangerous – but after Sirius had been sent to Azkaban, Remus had made an effort to speak to the court-appointed lawyer for the defense.
"Oh, he was insane, no doubt," the lawyer had said. "Just kept muttering under his breath. Didn't say a word to anyone after he was arrested. And he was guilty. Never seen anyone more guilty than that Black." The lawyer had looked suspicious. "Did you know him?"
"Some," Remus had admitted. "The wizard he killed, he was-"
"I see," the lawyer said gently. "I just wish we'd gotten information out of Black. I'm sure that You-Know-Who had a lot of supporters who never revealed themselves. Ministry said it'd investigate Black's acquaintances, though."
Remus thought of the questions that the Ministry had asked him since the arrest of Sirius. If it hadn't been for Dumbledore defending him, he felt that he'd be occupying a cell right now, too. And what of poor Jenny?
"Has the Ministry come to see you?" he asked her as gently as possible.
"Just Dumbledore," she said. "He said they had to have information from me, but he asked me all the questions and things. He told me that nobody would arrest me, that I could live here and everything, but he said it might be wise to use my maiden name." Remus agreed with Dumbledore. He could envision the reaction of a vengeful wizarding community upon the wife of Voldemort's chief supporter. Even if she were as innocent as Jenny was.
"Oh, Remus," she said again, her voice breaking, "how could this have happened?"
"I don't know," Remus admitted. "I know that I would never have suspected Sirius… I still can hardly believe it." He knew that his words didn't convey the numbness he still felt when he thought of his friend, the traitor.
"I loved him," she sobbed. "He said that he loved me, again and again, he said that he'd always love me, that nothing was more important to him than my happiness. He said he loved me, I believed him. Did he lie?" Remus looked at his friend and considered his answer for a moment. He knew that Jenny was hurting and wanted to comfort her, but he didn't want to lie to her. She'd know, for one thing, but he did have to say something to her…
"I don't know," he said. "We don't know how long Sirius was working for Voldemort. And even when he was, that doesn't mean he couldn't have loved you. I think he did love you, Jenny." His words seemed hollow to him, but they were the best he could do.
"And, oh, Lily," she whispered. For a moment, she didn't seem to be in the room with Remus at all as she addressed her dead friend. "My friend, my sister. How can you be dead? I can't believe it, Remus. Not even when I saw their bodies, I thought 'this isn't real. This isn't them.' But it was."
"I know," Remus said gently. His heart felt as though it would break in two. "James and Lily –and you and Sirius –were as close to me as anyone in my life. The brothers and sisters I never had. I loved them, too."
"Oh, Remus, I'm sorry," Jenny said, sniffing. "I know you're hurting too, that it's selfish of me to act as if I were the only one here…"
"Jenny, don't apologize," Remus said. "I hurt, yes, but it's got to be worse for you. After all, Sirius is your husband."
"Dumbledore says I can't have Harry," Jenny said tangentially. "He said the Ministry won't let me take care of him, that they're too afraid that I might be mixed up with Voldemort, no matter what he tells them. I said that you'd help me and everything, but he said that there wasn't anything he could do."
"Well, I suppose the Ministry doesn't think much of putting their young hero into the care of a werewolf and the wife of a traitor," Remus said gloomily.
"What about my baby?" Jenny wailed. "I didn't tell him, I didn't want him to worry when he had to go and be Secret-Keeper and go into hiding. I should have said something, maybe things would have been different?"
"What baby?" Remus asked, knowing what her answer would be.
"I found out that I was pregnant about three days before the Charm was performed and Sirius had to go and hide," Jenny said. "I was so thrilled, we'd been wondering when we'd have a baby and talking about little Harry. And then I found out… now I'm scared, Remus, I'm really scared."
"They won't take your baby away," Remus soothed her. She was sobbing again, sobbing on his shoulder.
"That's not the problem," she cried. "With Sirius being what he is, what about my baby? Will Voldemort's people try to hurt him? Will he be evil?"
"Oh, Jenny," Remus comforted her, stroking her hair gently. "No matter what Sirius was, you aren't anything like that. You're a good person, really good. And Sirius was good once, I know. Think of your baby as having the chance to be what Sirius could have been." Jenny stopped crying, a little. She looked at Remus.
"I don't think I'm strong enough," she said. "With all of them dead, and Sirius in Azkaban – how can I survive like that? I don't have anyone except you left." Jenny's words tore at Remus' heart, for he felt the same way.
"Would Lily want you to lie down and die?" he asked her. "You're no quitter, Jenny. I've watched you many years. You never give up at anything. It's the same way here. We'll both go on, because we have no choice. But I promise that I'll be here for you when you need me."
"Thank you," Jenny said, her eyes still blurred with tears. "I need you."
"And I need you," Remus said. "We'll get through this together."
"I came as soon as I got your letter," Remus said. "You know that it was just the full moon."
"I know," Jenny said. She smiled gently. "Want to see?" Remus lifted the blanket and saw a tiny infant, sleeping happily. He smiled at the child. Lifting the blanket a little more to get a better look, his jaw dropped. He turned to Jenny, amazement on his face.
"Two?" he exclaimed. "I didn't know you had twins."
"It surprised me too," she admitted. "But I won't say no to two."
"What did you name them?" Remus asked, gently touching the one in blue baby clothes.
"James and Lily," Jenny said, hesitating only a moment. "I thought that was the only thing I could name them."
"Those are perfect names," Remus said. Both of the babies had jet-black hair and were very red in the face. "I'm sorry it's been a while since I've seen you."
"I've been busy too," Jenny said with a little smile.
"So you're going to live here after all?" Remus asked, looking around at the manor house that Sirius and Jenny had purchased a year ago.
"Yes," she said. "It is my house, after all. But I'm living off of the money that my parents left me. I don't need to touch Sirius'." She seemed a bit defiant. "That can stay where it is until the twins are old enough to need it."
"You aren't going to tell them?" Remus asked. "You've been using your maiden name."
"No," she said slowly. "If it's up to me, the children will never know the truth about their father."
"There are some people who know," Remus reminded her.
"I know," she said. "But I plan to keep them near me and live here. They won't go to Hogwarts."
"You decided that already?" Remus was surprised.
"Yes. Too many of the teachers there know the truth."
"That isn't your real reason," Remus said shrewdly, with the instinct that a person who has told many lies in his life has for an untruth.
"No," Jenny admitted. "It's not." She stared at the sleeping twins for a moment. "All right, it's because I'm afraid. Afraid to let them out of my sight because one of Voldemort's supporters might try to turn them to evil. Afraid that someone will find out that Sirius had children and make their lives miserable. Afraid that the other children there would be bad influences."
"Every mother worries that, Jenny."
"Every mother's children aren't the son and daughter of a traitorous, mass-murdering spy!" Jenny cried in anguish. "Sometimes I think I can hear Lily asking how he could betray them, Peter screaming as Sirius killed him, those innocent Muggles asking why…"
"I know," Remus said heavily.
"And sometimes I remember Sirius before. The way he was when we fell in love, when we married. I think about how he saved my life and how he was my friend."
"I know, Jenny. Sometimes I wonder how the mischievous boy who didn't mind befriending me even when he knew what I was, could do what…" Remus trailed off. Both of them knew what he meant.
"No one is really completely evil, are they, Remus?" Jenny asked, almost pleadingly.
"No," he said. "Not unless it's Voldemort himself. But no one is completely good, either."
"I know," she said. "That's why I'm going to be very careful about my twins." She smiled gently at the sleeping babies.
"It helps a little, doesn't it?" Remus asked, looking at the babies. "Knowing that even with all the death, there's life going on still."
"A little," she admitted. "Mostly it helps me remember why I need to live." Little Lily chose this moment to wake up and start crying. With a smile, her mother picked her up.
That's the conclusion of this story - for now, although I might just continue it later. For now, well, I'm almost done writing the end of Double Trouble, so keep your eyes open! Many thanks to Blaise and Peeves, both of whom beta-read pieces of this at different times