The worst part about it is that Cosima doesn't even like musicals. But Alison had asked, and there had been pleading and also the horrible promise to reveal her crush on the cute TA if she didn't comply, so now she's standing arm in arm with her sister looking at the cast list. Only, Cos is fairly sure a mistake has been made.
Cosima Hendrix - Elphaba
And then, further down the page: Alison Hendrix - Nessarose
They're identical and everything. A mistake has been made. It has to have been.
There are a lot of other names on the list, people Cosima doesn't know for roles in a play she doesn't know much about, but it's the tight grip on her arm that's keeping her attention.
"Well. This is clearly an error." It's almost a relief to hear Alison say it, though she's getting a little worried for her circulation in her arm. "I mean, you've never even been in a musical before. You don't even know the musical. I'm sure they just mixed us up and it'll be fine."
The major problem with this line of thinking, naturally, is that the director is their older sister and the stage manager the third triplet. Cosima steadies herself to point out these blatant, inescapable facts when a hand gently touches her shoulder.
"Pardonne, Cosima. I just wished to look-ah. Oh. Oh my."
Cosima half turns and is met with a bright smile. Delphine Cormier, the questionably ethical crush in question, is touching her and smiling, and Cosima is suddenly grateful for the steady pressure of her sister's arm on hers to hold her upright.
"It looks like we'll be spending some time together this semester outside of class. I didn't know you liked theatre."
"Uh...yeah. I mean, my sister asked me to and...you're playing," she glances at the list again, "Galinda? I guess I should read the script or whatever. You know. In between homework sets. And labs. And, uh, classes. Yep. Script reading."
Delphine smiles again, but Alison is dragging her by the arm away.
"If you could stop flirting really, really badly for just a minute, we are going to talk to Rachel about this. It's ridiculous. She knows how badly I wanted this."
The door to the student office is open, when they get there. Rachel sits, surrounded by fabric scraps and half-empty makeup bottles and piles of notes, a stack of scripts perched on one edge of the desk.
"We need to talk," Alison starts. "This is entirely inappropriate to give the lead to Cosima when she's never done anything like this before and I have loads of experience. I mean, it's really rude."
Their sister, older by two years and exasperated by a life of baby triplet sisters, sighs.
"I know how badly you wanted this, Ali, but it came down to the chemistry of it all. Cosima just seemed to fit the role better and she and Felix have a good tension. Anyway. You'll be playing sisters and Nessarose is a major character. It's going to be okay."
Alison looks like she's considering a new line of attack and Cosima winces.
"I mean, if you don't want to do the show at all…"
"No! Ugh. Fine. I'll do it."
She hands them both scripts and a rehearsal schedule. "Great. Cos, I'll see you tomorrow when we start, yeah?"
Cosima suspects she has gotten in way, way over her head.
She doesn't actually take a look at the script or the score until the first rehearsal the next day, held in one of the large theatre classrooms with late afternoon sunlight pouring in through huge windows. Cosima's early. She'd worried she would get lost trying to find this unfamiliar part of campus, but the opportunity to read a little of what she's supposed to be doing isn't going astray.
The others filter in, Sarah sitting next to her with a little snort of laughter. "I did tell you not to go along with Ali, Cos, and now look what it's got you. Bad enough Rachel wants me stage managing this stupid thing."
"You needed an art credit and now you'll have one," Rachel nearly snaps. Sarah just laughs again.
If there's more to their bickering, Cosima misses it. For a moment, a silhouette in the doorway catches her attention, all warm smile and gold curls. Shit. She'd nearly managed to forget that part of this was happening.
"Cosima!" She sounds happy, which is probably good, except Cosima finds herself glancing at her lap for composure and when she finally looks back up, only the ghost of a smile plays at Delphine's lips.
"Cosima? Oh, good. I saw your name on the cast list and I'm delighted." The man following Delphine pulls Cosima's attention reluctantly away from her and a startled laugh from her mouth.
"Dr. Leekie? Seriously?" Her supervisor. The head of his own bio lab and summer program-Dyad-for undergraduates wanting to get more lab experience before grad school. The one Delphine TAs for. Kind of maybe a god of biology in his own right, with dozens of papers in all the best journals doing exactly what Cosima wants to do. Definitely the most important, terrifying, brilliant man in her life. She shakes her head to clear it. "Sorry, I must have missed you on the list."
"Not a problem, of course. I'll be playing the Wizard."
He moves off to speak to Rachel about something, and Delphine sits lightly in the chair next to her.
"Are you familiar with the show?" Cosima blushes a little, shaking her head. "Ah. Have you read it yet?"
"Some of it. I guess, we're, um...we're kinda totes the main characters, yeah? And it's about moving from this distant, dislike stage to, um, it kind of reads like they're in love. But, ugh, heteronormativity and whatever so they don't get to be together and I end up with Fiyero and everything's a mess. Yeah?"
Delphine is smiling like she's not sure what to make of her, which makes Cosima nervous. "I mean, we don't have to-like, I guess it just sort of reads really gay to me because, uh," she gestures at herself, "and I make a lot of terrible jumps to terrible conclusions, except I do kind of think it could be supported canonically if I had to, like, write a paper about it. Which I don't. I'll stop now. God, you must think I'm such an idiot."
That does make her laugh, low and soft, as Delphine leans closer. "I suppose I hadn't really considered it in that light, though, of course, as a scientist, I know sexuality is a spectrum and there's no reason the characters couldn't...well. It would certainly make the ending more heartbreaking, wouldn't it?"
They're close enough to be touching, now, thighs and knees pressed together. Cosima wonders if that was a hint or an invitation or what, because it was totally encouraging.
"If you could all quit talking, I'd like to start this read-through," Rachel announces, and though Delphine turns toward the table, Cosima can't help but notice she doesn't move away.
Totally encouraging, for sure.
It turns out that Delphine can fake a really good American accent when called upon to do so.
It also turns out that this just makes her natural voice even more appealing to Cosima, which is starting to be a real problem, especially in class. She finds it hard to concentrate, or at least harder, between the lilt and the smiles she'd swear Delphine is starting to give her all the damn time. It isn't that she can't pass the course half asleep, it's that she's worried she's reading too much into it all. Or, possibly worse, she isn't and someone like her lab partner Scott is going to notice. Or Dr. Leekie. That could compromise her hopes of getting into Dyad for the summer: a reputation for sleeping with her superiors. Plus, while she hasn't done the research to be sure, Cosima's best guess is that TA/student relationships are highly inappropriate no matter how fucking cute the TA is and how into it the student would be.
Delphine catches her at the end of a seminar with a barely-there brush of her fingers to Cosima's shoulder. "Hey. I was wondering, would you, uh, would you like to maybe run lines with me? It's kind of hard to memorize them on my own."
They're four weeks into a ten week rehearsal schedule, and if she's being honest, Cosima hasn't memorized any of hers yet, either. "Yeah. Yeah, alright. When's good for you? Now? I mean, uh, I'm free now. Or whenever. Like, all the time. Whatevs. Whenevs. Um. Wherevs." Making Delphine laugh is worth the awkward feeling in the pit of her stomach.
Leekie steps up behind Delphine, his hand resting on her shoulder. "It's good to see you two getting along so well. Cosima. Has Delphine talked with you at all about Dyad yet? I think you might be a good fit."
It could be nothing, but Delphine's smile slips the tiniest bit.
"No, not yet."
"Well she should."
Cosima shrugs, smiling. "I can do my own research and see if I like the look of it, but thanks for the encouragement."
Delphine's smile slips further, just momentarily, before she's turning to Leekie and brightly declaring, "She's cheeky, this one. I'll speak to her about Dyad. We'll see you at rehearsal on Saturday."
Cosima doesn't know what to think when Delphine takes her hand and walks her quickly outside. There is the obvious: my hand she is touching my hand hand-holding we are doing it we are holding each other's hands and there is touching and her skin is soft and warm and why are my hands like ice she must think I'm some sort of ice monster human hybrid without functional blood or at least functional capillary systems to ensure that all of my hands have a normal blood supply maybe I'm anemic maybe I should go get that checked out maybe-
"Cosima. I've lost you." Delphine's voice pulls her from the endless thought spiral and back into the early spring air, brisk and bright. She's still holding her hand.
"Sorry. I was...somewhere else."
Delphine squeezes. Cosima wonders if her circulation to her hands is poor because she's too busy using all of her blood for blushing. "We could go to my apartment to rehearse? Now, if it really is a good time for you?"
Cosima grins broadly. "Yeah. Now would be perfect."
Delphine doesn't let go of her hand until she's fumbling in her bag for keys. She bites her lip, digging for them, and then looks up with triumph. Cosima's reasonably confident she has never had a crush on anyone this bad ever.
"Si te plaît, Cosima," she pushes open the door. The apartment is light-filled and much roomier than she would have anticipated a grad student could afford. Something of that must show on her face as she steps inside, because Delphine laughs a little behind her. "It is very grand, I know. It came as part of my scholarship package to move from France. How could I ever turn such a place down? So I didn't. Could I get you a drink?"
"Oh. Oh, yeah, that would be great, whatever you're having is fine. Much appreciated. Many thank. Wow," she trails off, feeling like an idiot. There is messy desk before her, strewn with books and a laptop. There are very comfortable, loved looking chairs pulled under the large windows. A kitchen, of course, and she thinks she can see her bed behind a purple curtain. Her bed. Nope. Definitely not going to fixate on that for the rest of eternity. Probably definitely not.
Dropping her bag, Cosima slips off her coat. It looks uncomfortably perfect hanging on Delphine's coat rack between her things.
"I hope you like white," Delphine interrupts her thoughts, a glass of wine in each hand.
"Yeah, that's fine. Thank you." She bites her lip and decides it's stupid either way. "Merci."
The smile she gets is completely worth whatever residual embarrassment she might be feeling about her bad accent and long-forgotten high school French.
"Did you want to try to work on the dialogue, or maybe one of the songs?"
The worst part about being in a musical is probably the part where she's going to have to sing in front of a lot of other people, but if she doesn't start practicing that now it will surely be worse later. "I wouldn't mind a song or two."
She's pleasantly surprised when Delphine pulls a long bag from its hiding place between a pair of bookcases and reveals a keyboard and stand. After assembling them and plugging it in, she plays a few scales.
"You never mentioned you could play piano."
"I've never mentioned a lot of things, you know. So. Shall we go in order?"
Singing with Delphine turns out to be beautifully easy. Their voices blend without effort, so that by the end of the first time through What Is This Feeling? Cosima has lost her shyness about singing in front of her. She sips her wine and smiles from the chair she'd pulled over.
"I can see why they cast you. Your voice is totes amazing."
Delphine blushes. It's pretty enchanting. "What a thing to say! You, your voice. I'm so unsurprised Rachel gave you this role. You're perfect."
Cosima flips through the score to double check herself and then grins. "You're perfect. So we're perfect together?" Delphine smiles brightly in return, then sighs in a way that makes Cosima's heart hurt. "What? What's the problem?"
"C'est ne rien," she waves her hand in front of her face. "Nothing. I'm sorry. Did you want to keep going?"
"Yeah. Okay."
They make it through For Good twice without incident, the bright smile creeping back into Delphine's mouth and eyes almost without her consent. Giddy with her and the wine and the slight oxygen deprivation from poor diaphragm usage when hitting the high notes, Cosima is helpless to do anything but smile in return.
"Have you practiced at all with Felix yet? You know him already, non?"
"Yeah, he's Sarah's best friend from forever. They had to go to the same school, and we kind of had to go to the same school because we're, you know, horrible, co-dependent human disasters, and then Rachel got accepted here for her MFA and now we're all here, annoying each other. He and Sarah are in the social work program. And...yeah. No. I haven't sung with him yet. Just the blocking rehearsals we've all been to. We're supposed to start this week and I'm not sure how I'm going to do it.
"It's just...he's Fe. He's my sister's extremely gay best friend, and even though he's the best dancer and singer and he'll be great, I am negative a thousand percent into kissing him, stage or otherwise. I'm really confident it's mutual."
Delphine considers her for a long pause, long enough to set Cosima squirming a little under her hazel stare. "Would...what if I sing it with you? Just for now, to make it less scary for us both. I'll also have to kiss him, but you've got more, euh, luggage? about it than me."
"Baggage. You want 'baggage.'" Cosima starts to smirk. "Can you even sing those notes?"
"Well, an octave up, I'm sure it will be fine!"
It's the perfect chance to maybe kiss her and maybe have a plausible excuse, so Cosima takes a breath and sings, "Kiss me too fiercely, hold me too tight. I need help believing you're with me tonight. My wildest dreamings could not foresee lying beside you with you wanting me. And just for this moment, as long as you're mine, I've lost all resistance and crossed some borderline. And if it turns out it's over too fast, I'll make every last moment last, as long as you're mine."
Delphine is biting her lower lip, worrying it in the prettiest way, her eyes apparently fixed upon Cosima's mouth. With the tiniest exhale of a laugh, Cosima leans in and presses her lips to Delphine's.
It would be perfect if Delphine was kissing her back, but she isn't. She takes Cosima's face in her hands and pulls back, all apologies unspoken.
"Hey, uh…"
"Oh, wow, I have made a terrible mistake. The worst mistake. Oh god. Um. I'm going to just...go. Yeah. Okay. Sorry." Cosima scrambles to her feet and then to her bag and coat.
"Cosima!" She pauses at the door to look at Delphine, still in her chair at the piano and looking bewildered and regretful. "It's okay."
Cosima has never left a place as embarrassed as she is right this second.
Saturday morning comes too quickly. The door to the rehearsal room looms in front of Cosima, voices muffled behind it. She has an annotated list of places she would rather be and things she would rather be doing. Delphine is going to be here and it's going to be awkward.
It's pretty improbable that Delphine is more magnetic than the average human, but she draws Cosima's eyes despite the science, her hair pulled back and her back to the door as she leans over a table. It takes Cosima a moment to steady herself, but then she gratefully finds Alison instead and goes to her.
"Hey."
Alison eyes her. "Hi. Look...can we not be fighting any more? Beth thinks it's not good for my long-term mental health." Cosima thumps her shoulder and pulls her into a hug.
"What, more psych advice from undergraduate psychology genius Beth Childs?" Cosima finds it funny or possibly sad that she's the only triplet who hasn't gone to college with her best friend. She does, however, have the tact not to point out that it was Ali who was maintaining the fight in the first place, so she just laughs instead. "All better."
"Good, because I'm going to need a lot of moral support. Chad, the cute guy who was supposed to play Boq? He dropped out. And you'll never guess who Rachel found to replace him."
"Alison!"
Oh, no. No. She'd recognise that obnoxious voice anywhere: Alison's ex-boyfriend from high school. She thought he'd dropped out of school, but apparently not. They turn in unison to face him, matching thousand-mile stares in place.
"Hello, Donnie."
He pauses under the weight of the combined glare, then continues forward. "I'm so excited we get to do this together. It'll be like when we did My Fair Lady together."
"Donnie, I was Eliza and you were an unnamed side character."
"It's going to be great."
Cosima steps away to let Alison crush his heart and soul in peace, only to be cornered by Sarah and dragged away by the elbow to a quiet spot in the built-in seating.
"Jesus, Sarah. I am related to too many people in this room and you all like to manhandle me."
"I saw you walking hand in hand the other day with Delphine, you know." Her expression isn't quite amusement and it isn't quite condemnation, leaving Cosima unsure how to answer.
"Yeah. And?"
"Well, fuck, did you sleep with her?"
Cosima covers her face with her hands and sighs loudly before dropping them. "Your confidence in my seduction skills is outstanding, really, but no. I did not. I babbled like an idiot because she turns off the important parts of my brain that make me sound intelligent, then we rehearsed a little bit." Sarah's expression is definitely edging into amused, now. "And I may have kissed her."
"What." She's laughing loudly enough to get anyone's attention. Delphine's attention.
"It didn't go anywhere, she stopped me and sent me home. It's never going anywhere and I'm going to be in deep shit. Leekie told her to talk to me about Dyad and I won't be able to get in without her good word, I'm sure of it. I blew it on, like, every level."
"If that was true, and I'm not saying the Dyad stuff isn't because you are all deeply weird, but if the important bit was true-the bit about her not wanting to kiss you? Why's she staring at your butt?"
Cosima sighs. Sarah is the most exasperating creature on earth, but she has no reason to lie about this. Cosima, in turn, has no way to turn and find out without it being at least a little obvious.
"I hate you, Sarah."
"Yeah. I know."
The rehearsal is long, once it begins, and by the end of it they're all starving. Cosima's never danced so much in her life, though she's pretty glad Rachel's going to let her make up her own dance moves for the one big sequence she has to do. Delphine, meanwhile, looks like she must have been a trained dancer. She and Felix make quite a pair. It wouldn't be difficult to be jealous of him, but Cosima's trying to resist. She's only a little failing.
As they pack up their stuff, Delphine walks over. From her seat on the floor, Cosima has a long way to look up and a lot of distracting other things she could be looking at, but there's that magnetic smile again, so she manages not to linger too much in definitely inappropriate places. "I was thinking of ordering Chinese instead of going out with everyone for burgers." She glances around the room, suspiciously as if she were checking to make sure she hasn't been overheard, and her voice quiets. "Want to come?"
There is only ever one answer when a beautiful woman asks if you want to come, so she stands and smiles back, eyebrows raised in a question she'll ask later, maybe. "Yeah."
From across the room, she can see Alison and Sarah exchanging knowing glances and then pulling identical faces at her. She sighs with exasperation and leans in against Delphine, her head resting on her shoulder for a brief moment before straightening. "If your goal was to go uncaught, my sisters are watching us like hawks. I'm going to tell them I'm tired and going home. I'll come over in a little bit? I'll eat whatever you want."
She half expects Delphine to protest that it's unnecessary and silly, but no protest comes. She's biting her lip again, which really is unfairly distracting. "I think that sounds wise. I'll see you soon." She goes, making her apologies to the others gracefully, including Leekie, who looks disappointed or maybe annoyed, Cos isn't quite sure. After a minute, she moves to do the same.
"I'm not feeling burgers, guys, I think I'm just going to go home. I'll see you at rehearsal on Wednesday, Rachel, Fe." It's a pleasant surprise when no one stops her or questions her.
In the chill of the evening, Cosima's not sure if she should go home first and shower or not. It could be really presumptive either way, so she only dithers briefly before deciding on a shower. Clean guests are better than sweaty guests unless the host specifically makes them sweaty, after all. To her relief, her dorm room is empty. "Bless you, Helena," she mutters into the darkness before switching on the lights. Where her roommate goes when she's not around is a mystery, one Cosima is happy to leave untouched. Still, they had been lucky to get a room with an ensuite, not a typical communal bunch of showers down a hall, and a roommate who's never home is basically the best kind.
After a shower and a change of clothes, she decides to stop and grab a bottle of wine on the way over. It'd be rude to turn up without a present, right?
It turns out there's a lot of different wines and Cosima knows basically nothing about anything. She spends the better part of ten minutes staring in dismay at her options before a friendly-looking shop attendant comes over and helps her pick out a white wine in a pretty bottle that doesn't hurt her bank account too much. Shopping bag in hand, she heads over to the apartment.
Delphine answers on the first knock, smiling. "Good timing, the food just got here, too."
"Were you waiting by the door for me?" Cosima teases, shedding her coat. Delphine splutters a protest and stops as Cosima pulls the wine from her bag. "Here, I thought I should bring something?" She doesn't mean it to come out as a question.
"Thank you, you're very thoughtful." Delphine takes the wine into the kitchen, Cosima following and trying valiantly not to stare at her butt in very, very tight jeans. She uncorks it and pours for them both. "Take whichever food you want. I'm afraid my table is rather covered in papers, we'll have to sit on the sofa." The food smells amazing. She somehow managed to pick Cosima's favourites, which feels absurdly sweet and good and makes her heart feel fluttery.
They sit together quietly, eating and drinking the surprisingly good wine, until Cosima can't stand the tension anymore.
"Hey, so about Wednesday." Delphine looks up, alarmed, eyes wide. "I just wanted to apologise. I was out of line. I just...I just want to make, like, crazy music with you. And, uh, maybe this summer we can make crazy science." The alarm shifts into something Cosima can't quite decipher as Delphine stares at her hands, twisted together in her lap. "I didn't mean to upset you."
She looks up at this, a frown touching the corners of her mouth. "No, Cosima. No. You didn't upset me, I was...upset in general. Not with you." Cosima raises her eyebrows, wondering if there's more of this. Delphine sighs and covers her face with her hand for a breath, then looks back to her. "I can't stop thinking about that kiss. I very much want to kiss you."
There has never been a sadder delivery of such perfect news in Cosima's life. "But? I'm pretty sure I heard a 'but' there."
Delphine shakes her head a little with another sad exhale. "Dr. Leekie is a lot of things, um, a very good scientist, a charismatic educator, very smart. But he is also a, euh, a…" she gestures helplessly, searching for the right word, "a letch? Oui? Is that the word? He...he likes to have sex with his students, especially the beautiful women he asks to come to Dyad. Then he blackmails them. I've watched it happen before, but I didn't know what to do. I'm worried he's going to do the same to you. You're beautiful, and so smart, and if I kiss you I'm no better than him."
It's a lot to take in, Cosima's mind whirling. The reputation Dyad has for taking the best minds from all over the country. How closely Leekie seems to follow the research of the people who've come through his program. How many of them are women. Young, easily swayed women. "Did...did he do this to you?"
Delphine blinks rapidly. "I think it's why he only has women TA for him."
Her favourite professor, the man with the fate of her academic career in his hands, is an abusive asshole pervert. Overwhelmed with this information, Cosima's mind flails for something concrete to hold onto. "You want to kiss me? I mean, I think you said that. I wasn't imagining it." Delphine is blushing, hard, biting her lip again. "It's...you're not like Leekie, Delphine."
She laughs, soft and hollow. "Using my advantage to kiss a student is exactly like Leekie."
"Hey. No. If nothing else, I want you to kiss me, so that's already working in your favour. I...really want that." She shrugs, overexposed and raw. Delphine reaches up, tracing Cosima's cheek with her thumb, then runs it across her lips. "Please?"
The kiss is searing, Delphine breathing another apology against her lips and then carefully removing every atom of it with her tongue. Cosima's hands find purchase in her hair, around her neck. Delphine slides her hands from Cosima's face and down to her waist. When they finally pull back to breathe, just enough room for that between them and no more, they're both smiling.
"Um. Wow?"
Delphine laughs, and kisses her again and again.
"We really shouldn't be doing this." It's at least the fourth time she's said so, but it hasn't stopped Delphine from kissing Cosima like her life depends on it. Her tongue curls around Cosima's earlobe. "It's going to get us into trouble."
"We're, uh," Cosima struggles to think when she does that, a fact that Delphine seems to be joyously taking advantage of. "We're just rehearsing. You know. The kissing bits." Her laugh at her own joke melts into a groan as Delphine runs her fingers up her sides.
"I have never wanted...not like this."
"Do you want to stop?" There is nothing in the world Cosima wants less.
"No. Ugh. Maybe? We should, but I don't want to." It's like Delphine's hands aren't entirely under her own control, a hot contrast of her palms against the bare skin of Cosima's back as she pushes under her shirt to the frustrated confusion of her voice.
"I don't want to, either."
She would jump off a bridge if it would make Delphine Cormier smile like that at her.
Cosima is surprised and not surprised when there is never the nudity Delphine's hands had half been promising, but instead a shift to her bed and slower, sweeter kisses. Sleeping in her clothes is not the best thing, but it's an easy trade-off to sleep in Delphine's bed.
Morning brings a headache, but also Delphine peppering her face with feather-light kisses until she squirms and laughs and pushes her back. The sight of her laying in bed and smiling at Cosima is enough to very nearly convince her to never leave this place, this moment.
By breakfast they're able to mostly keep their hands to themselves, Delphine serving up scrambled eggs and black coffee and heart-melting smiles. Cosima picks through her papers while she cooks, reading bits of immunology she doesn't fully grasp. Most of the ones Delphine's name is attached to have Leekie in the author list as well.
"I came to Dyad before I came to the university as a Ph.D. candidate," Delphine explains around bites of egg. "Most of my research has been through, or with, Leekie."
"Do you think I shouldn't try to get in?" The implications of the night before are heavier in daylight.
Delphine sighs, taking Cosima's hand. "I don't know, cherie. I...do not want for you what I think has happened to many of us. But you're also much less naïve than I was."
"Oh, yes, you're super old. The oldest. Ancient, practically. It's a wonder I didn't break your frail, frail bones." She laughs, and it warms Cosima's heart.
"I'm glad you understand. It's very good science. It's a good place to start research you can do after university. The labs are-well, you know. We have good equipment, plenty of room for research goals. Maybe he won't choose you to target." Their eyes meet. They both know that isn't likely. "I suppose, also, I'm a little selfishly wanting you to say yes and come, because I need a second researcher and I want you."
"Delphine, that's kind of nuts. I'm a junior undergrad and you're doing stuff that's way over my head."
The quirk of her eyebrow could possibly kill Cosima when combined with that soft, amused smirk. "You don't think you can be taught?"
"I think this conversation just went somewhere entirely different."
"You are so very clever, cherie."
The last thing Cosima expects to see when she leaves Delphine's apartment is her older sister.
"Did you have a good time?" Rachel is primness personified, unlikely in a theatre worker. Cosima's always suspected it's an act, but Rachel is very good at theatre. "Sleeping with your-"
"We didn't sleep together, Rachel," she groans, covering her eyes with her hand briefly. "I slept over, but there was absolutely no sex. None. Back off."
Rachel eyes her throat. Cosima adjust the scarf that's not completely covering marks Delphine left and glowers at her. "We all know about your," she waves her hand dismissively, "crush, reciprocated or not. Dr. Leekie asked me to remind you that while you are, of course, allowed to be cordial friends, Delphine does some of the marking for your course and he would hate to have to turn you into the academic review board. And I don't want to lose my two leads, so keep it in your pants."
Cosima splutters, outrage colouring her face. "What, are you his messenger now? You wouldn't even know the man if he wasn't in this stupid musical."
"But he is in this musical and I do know him, and having faculty support from other disciplines is getting me a lot of bonus points right now. This is my MFA final project, Cosima, I won't have you messing it up."
"And I won't! Jesus, Rachel, can't you trust me with anything?"
"I'm trusting you to do this show and keep your hands to yourself. What you do after that is your business and your academic future to risk." Rachel turns, walking quickly away and leaving Cosima seething. How dare she? How dare Leekie? Especially with what Delphine said, he has a lot of gall to try to threaten them this way.
She glances back at the door to the building. She wants nothing more than to go back upstairs and tell everything to Delphine. They're being watched, apparently. Monitored like lab rats.
Helena is still out when she gets back to her dorm. Cosima showers, inspecting herself in the mirror after. The marks on her skin simultaneously make her feel warm and terrified. Delphine wants her. Delphine wants to try. And now she has an explicit threat to keep them from doing so. This is pretty much shit.
Dressed against the cold despite the sun, Cosima makes her way across the quad to Felix's building. Sarah's most likely there instead of her own room, and she needs advice.
Felix raises his eyebrows when he opens the door, taking in her expression and also the loose scarf draped elegantly around her neck. It's a good thing she likes scarves anyway. Wordlessly, he lets her in, and she flops face first next to Sarah on his bed.
"Oi, don't land on me!"
Cosima laughs into the covers. "Sarah. You watch way, way too many BBC shows." Sarah smacks the back of her head affectionately. Cosima rolls onto her back and looks at them both.
"So, I've got a problem."
"Ew, I knew he was a perv." Felix's face scrunches in disgust. Sarah pets Cosima's hair soothingly. It's been half an hour in the telling, though she left out the better details about Delphine herself. Some things are private.
"Yeah, well, I don't know if we can let on that we know, okay? Rachel's attached to having faculty in the play, and he's also my advisor. I can't just confront him, especially when he hasn't done anything to me. Yet." She groans. "You guys, what do I do? Do I wait for him to make a pass at me?"
Sarah shrugs, still petting her hair. "I don't know, Cos. Look. You should tell Delphine about it. Maybe she'll have an idea."
"She's on a scholarship for this Ph.D. and I'm sure it's at Leekie's whim. I can't cost her that. If I got kicked out...whatever-"
"You are not Cosima," Felix interrupts, but she rolls her eyes.
"No, look, I'm just an undergrad. I could go elsewhere. It'd suck, but I could do it. But she's got like a year and a half left of this Ph.D. and I can't fuck that up for her. I am so stupid."
Felix pokes her side. "Yeah, but she's hot, so it messed up your brain." Cosima manages a laugh, rolling her eyes.
Monday comes, class with Leekie and Delphine. Cosima considers skipping, but that seems likely to be noticed-even if only by Delphine, who she doesn't want to worry-so she takes her usual seat in the front. Ass-kisser. Front row, always answering questions, volunteering, whatever it takes. Only now that she has a better idea of the scope of "whatever it takes," Cosima's not so sure she's into that anymore.
Delphine smiles when she sees her, a careful smile, as if she's afraid to be truly excited to see her because she knows her real smile is nuclear fission bright. Cosima gives a little wave, settling into her desk. Leekie comes in a few minutes later, eyeing them both in a way that makes her squirm with discomfort, but he says nothing and begins the lecture. Delphine slips between desks, handing back marked quizzes. Cosima gets an A and the ghost of Delphine's fingers on her shoulder, warm but faint. She smiles.
Class finishes without incident, though she thinks Leekie is taking even more time to pack up than usual. She gets her things together, briefly making eye contact with Delphine and raising her eyebrows, then heads out the door. If he wants to watch them, he's going to have to work for it. Cosima heads to the bathroom.
A minute later, Delphine comes in, half surprised and half delighted. "What, you don't want to speak to me in public anymore?"
"No! No, no, god no. Nothing like that. I…" Cosima breathes, then moves to make sure the stalls are empty, Delphine's face falling as she does so.
"Cherie...Cosima. What happened?"
She turns back to Delphine, her voice low and, to her surprise, a little shaky. "Rachel caught me leaving your place yesterday. She said Leekie threatened us. Threatened you. The academic review board wouldn't take kindly to you grading my quizzes and also sleeping with me. He's going to turn us in unless we stop-and I think it means stop seeing each other at all outside of group things where there are witnesses."
Delphine frowns, touching her shoulders. "But we didn't sleep together for that reason."
"Well, how are we going to prove that? Kissing is probably enough to get us in trouble anyway. He controls your scholarship, doesn't he, Delphine? I'm not going to cost you a Ph.D., that's ridiculous. And he could have me kicked out, which is less-"
"No, it isn't."
"Yeah, it is. But it doesn't matter, because the point is he's threatened us and I think he's got Rachel spying and who knows who else. It could be anyone. It doesn't have to be people from the play, it could be anyone in the bio department. It could be all of the bio department." She fists her hands in her hair with a frustrated noise.
Delphine sighs, taking Cosima's hands. "We'll figure it out. It will be okay."
Cosima sighs, too, squeezing her hands. "I really wish I could believe you."
Knowing what Delphine feels like in her arms and being completely unable to do anything about it is an exquisite sort of torture Cosima is less than thrilled to experience. It would be funny that her crush had turned out this way if it wasn't so damn frustrating. Rehearsals and classes are the only times they see each other, stolen glances and fleeting brushes of their hands, until Cosima is ready to explode from the tension.
Delphine's smile cracks a little as they sing through the show for the second time in an afternoon, swiftly followed by her voice shuddering to a squeak on a high note. Rachel makes an irritated noise, raising her hand.
"Alright, break time. Take half an hour, fix yourselves, come back." There is a general murmur of approval and hungry stomachs, the group filtering out in pairs and trios until only Cosima and Delphine are left in the room. And Rachel. And Leekie. His eyes are intent even as he pretends to be looking for something in a tote bag, and Rachel makes no move to hide her stare at the pair of them. Delphine smiles and turns to Leekie.
"Hey, could we go over the exam rubric over lunch?" Cosima's not sure who's the most surprised, possibly Delphine herself, but she's smiling in a non-threatening sort of way at the professor. He straightens, smiling.
"Yes, good idea." The leave the theatre speaking softly together, Cosima watching long after they've gone.
"You kind of ruined my life," she says aloud. Rachel's wince is nearly audible, and Cosima turns to look at her. "Why are you playing nice with him? He's a creep."
"This is a serious change of tune from 'Professor Leekie is the best and I love him' that you were singing a couple of months ago, you realize?" Rachel has her arms crossed over her chest, shaking her head. "You're caught in some...transgressive lesbian geek spiral of bad ideas, Cos."
Cosima makes an outraged noise. "I'm going to ignore that. After the semester is over, Delphine won't be doing any of my grading any more, and I'm going to ask her out. You aren't going to rat on me-on us-to Leekie, because if nothing else I'm your sister. But also because he's gross, Rachel, I promise. I just need to get proof."
Rachel shrugs. "I need this show to go up perfectly, Cosima. After that, it's your business."
Cosima eyes her, frowning. "I've been thinking of putting my hair in dreadlocks. I should do it to spite you."
Rachel's eyes narrow. "I will shave your head myself."
There is a pause, and then they both start to smile. "You do whatever, Cos. Just do it after this show."
A solution to one of their problems turns out to be Felix. The other turns out to be Alison.
"Hey," he starts at the end of a rehearsal. The show is two weeks from opening. "Could you two stay back and we can run through the dance stuff again together? And maybe we can fit in an extra run through of As Long As You're Mine?" Rachel raises her eyebrows, but Cosima just shrugs.
"We'll be supervised like the children you seem to believe we are," she points out. "Though, again, this is all stupid." Leekie seems to think it's good enough, though, because soon it's just Cosima, Delphine, Felix, and Sarah left in the theatre.
They make a token effort at run-throughs of songs they're already confident singing, just in case anyone is listening. When they're sure they're alone, Felix has the good grace to talk with Sarah about the set construction while Delphine steals kiss after kiss between the heavy blackout curtains until Cosima is breathless and warm.
"I came back to-oh! That is not canonical kissing!" Alison sounds surprised and shrill. Cosima steps back from Delphine guiltily, both flushed red. "I thought you were going to be rehearsing," she hisses, looking around the theatre. "I am very sure that is not in the script."
"Alison, you can't tell anyone."
"That my sister is making out with her professor? No, gross." She pauses, face considering the pair of them. "Though, actually, if I'd thought telling her about your crush would end this way I might not have used it as a threat. I feel like this has all backfired somehow."
"I'm not her professor," Delphine points out.
"TA, whatever. I'm sure this is against the code of conduct."
Cosima shrugs, rubbing her upper arm with her hand. "Yeah, I don't know about that. Dr. Leekie seems to try to do it quite a lot. Ugh. Shit. I shouldn't have said that, forget it. You don't know anything about anything in the bio department."
Alison's eyes widen, scandalized. "He likes to do it with his students?" She looks between the two of them, searching their faces for reassurance. "Why hasn't anyone reported him?"
"He has a lot of grants, and a lot of power. It could massively backfire. Get someone blacklisted from the field."
"Well this is just...not okay. Not at all okay." She pauses, head tilting to the side as she thinks. "What if we could catch him? Proof. Visual, audio proof."
"Rachel will murder me personally if I mess up her show. It can't be until after."
Alison shrugs. "That timeline is probably better anyway. We need to talk to Beth."
Beth is pretty unimpressed by the whole story. "You're being idiots trying to sneak around like this. Even if what he's done is worse, you're still idiots."
Cosima remembers why they don't hang out now.
Beth considers her, and sighs. "But that doesn't mean I'm not going to help you. Blackmail and sex and harassing students is pretty gross." Cosima manages a wary smile. "Truce?"
"Yeah, alright. Thanks. Truce."
As the show draws closer, costumes and hair and makeup finalized, the set suddenly springing into existence over a long Saturday in which everyone learns Sarah is not to be trusted with a nailgun, the other set of plans begins to settle into place as well. Beth has a friend, Art, who has a fantastic set of spycams and is willing to lend a few. Cosima's concerned questions about why he has them in the first place are brushed off with reassurances about his criminology major and how he's totally cool, and she's not willing to turn away free help.
"I have a key," Delphine tells them when the plan is fully explained. "I can put them in his office myself when I know he's out."
They're crowded into the too-small makeup room, the triplets, Felix, Delphine, and Beth, spreading green down Cosima's skin in opaque streaks. It's the first run-through in full costume and makeup, not a proper dress rehearsal but more of a test to make sure she isn't going to faint under the stage lights in the thick, green makeup. Cosima meets Delphine's eyes in the mirror, and they share a smile.
"Gross, stop it, get a room." Sarah smacks the side of Cosima's head lightly. She laughs in response.
"Can't. We might get in trouble, and if I get kicked out of the show I bet Rachel will make you do it."
Sarah's eyes narrow. "There's no need to get nasty, Cos."
Delphine smiles and nods just once the next evening as they all struggle into costume and makeup for the real dress rehearsal. Cosima can't help but grin back. The trap is laid.
By the end of the dress rehearsal, Cosima is starting to think she understands why Alison likes musicals after all. She feels high on adrenaline, and none of them can stop laughing as they head home. She wishes she were holding Delphine's hand and going home with her as they stop to hug goodbye outside of Cosima's dorm, Felix and the others waiting to walk her away.
"I'll see you tomorrow," she whispers into Delphine's hair, and feels her nod in response.
Tomorrow. The opening.
Cosima has participated in plenty of academic competitions, debates, science fairs, and things of that ilk in her life. She has watched Alison's plays, gone to Sarah's concerts. But never has she been nervous like this.
The show passes in a blur, a confused wash of voices and dancing and that really uncomfortable moment when she has to kiss Felix. Standing on stage with Delphine singing that she has changed her life is pretty divine, all things considered. The flustered smile she can't contain when Delphine kisses her knuckles is entirely real, too. And then it's over, and they're holding hands and waiting for their curtain call.
Delphine leans in and presses her lips faintly to Cosima's before they run out to applause. Her lips tingle with the memory of it as they bow together.
As she heads back into the dressing room, she isn't sure if she's starving or exhausted, desperately in need of sex or a cuddle. Definitely in need of a shower. Rachel is all smiles and proud words and also a not insubstantial amount of vodka from pre-show jitters. They all seem to feel it, the giddiness of the production, and it's only catching Leekie watching her with a predatory sort of smile that keeps Cosima from laughing the loudest of all.
Tucked neatly into her student mailbox the next morning is an acceptance letter for Dyad and her work assignment for the summer. Cosima grins stupidly at the wall for an indeterminate amount of time.
For something they've put so much work into, it almost feels unfair that there are only three performances to show for it, but by the end of the third night Cosima is exhausted. Delphine catches her by the elbow after she's scrubbed most of the makeup off her face and is itching for what has become a ritual, long shower to de-greenify herself. She smiles, eyebrows raised. The others have mostly scattered-it takes Cosima the longest to get her makeup off-and they're close enough to alone that Delphine leans in close.
"I hear you might have got a very good letter in the post."
Her smile broadens. "I don't know what strings you pulled to make that happen, but thank you."
Delphine grins back, and touches her cheek. "I told you I wanted you."
She laughs, low and soft. "Yeah, you mentioned that. I seem to recall it coming up at least a dozen times. So when are you going to make good?"
"I was thinking probably this summer. If you have time and have decided not to change your major to theatre. You can't stay in your dorm room, after all-that part of campus will be shut down. And if you need a place to stay…"
"Are you offering to let me shack up with you? Oh my god. You are the gayest thing on campus." Cosima lifts her chin a little, still grinning. "Not that I'm complaining. Obvs." She takes a step back. "I really need to get all of this off of my skin, though. Um. I'll see you in class in the morning?"
Delphine takes a step forward and kisses her quickly. "Yes. Goodnight."
Cosima is pretty sure it will be. A night that ends with a kiss from Delphine can only be good.
Leekie isn't in class on Monday, or Wednesday. Delphine gives the lecture herself on Monday, and decides to hold a revision session on Wednesday for the final exam. She has no answers for anyone when they ask where he is except that she was told to hold class as usual by the department chair. By Thursday afternoon, a persistent rumour is circulating campus: Leekie was caught trying to blackmail a student into sleeping with him for a better grade. The Dean of Academics is involved. The President of the University and the Board of Trustees are involved. By the following Monday it's a well-known fact that he's done this before, to countless young women. He might lose his job. He has already lost control of Dyad.
Cosima decides she really does like Beth and her weirdo friends with their weirdo spycam collections after all.
With Delphine marking the exam and in charge of the course as far as anyone seems to know, Cosima is careful to keep the flirting to a minimum. It's one thing to kiss her TA when she's just the TA. It's something else entirely to kiss her when she's the stand-in professor and grading her exam. Not that Cosima needs the help. But she doesn't want anyone to tarnish what they have, so she waits.
Patience is not her strong suit.
By the time grades are posted at the end of the semester, Cosima is packed and ready to move. Alison and Sarah join her in the warm afternoon to carry boxes across the campus.
"This is really incredibly gay, the moving in together when you've only just started dating," Sarah teases.
Cosima grins. "Yeah, well, what can I say? She's really pretty and it makes me make stupid choices. Also, we aren't dating."
Alison sniffs. "It sounds better than 'sleeping with'!"
"Also no. You remember that whole thing where we didn't want to be accused of an inappropriate student/teacher relationship? That thing. That's the thing. The reason we aren't dating or sleeping together."
"Right. Just moving in together for the summer. For you to be her 'research partner' which, again, gay."
Delphine opens the door when she knocks, though her expression shifts to something bordering confused, horrified amusement when she sees the three of them.
"We brought stuff. There's more of it, though."
"I guess I'll make room. Particularly for your books."
Cosima catches her by the elbow and pulls her close for a lingering kiss. She resolutely ignores Sarah making gagging noises behind them. "Hey. Thanks. I, uh, I couldn't be happier."
Delphine searches her face, eyebrows slightly raised. "Cosima. Are you quoting song lyrics at me?"
She laughs and kisses her again. "Yeah. I might be doing that for a while. Or, you know, for good."