Stone by stone
I'm drowning. The walls I've built mean nothing. They crumble at the sight of a black ponytail, two inked arms, brown eyes and one devilish grin. I find that we have changed positions. I'm taller than her. I don't know how she managed to tower over me but she does. I'm older than her, but she makes me feel young. She towers above me, strong, determined and confident. Not the psychopath that I had barely known. I am scared. I am filled with emotions I don't recognize, emotions that I don't want to be familiar with. I feel weak. I wonder if she can help me. I don't know why. I didn't help her. She helped herself. She fought. She's stronger than me.
I'm happy to see her. I can't deny it, even to myself. It's clear in the way my heart is beating just a bit faster and my knees feel week. I'm either glad to see her or I'm getting ill. Perfect people don't get ill.
She doesn't swear at me. She smirks. It feels like she is seeing right through me. I look into her eyes and my heart hurts. I swallow. My throat is dry. I haven't slept well or eaten for days. I should have drunk some water. I force my eyes to stay cool. But it doesn't matter, because I close them when Jack crashes into me. She kisses me and I break. I shatter into a million pieces, my walls demolished. Stone by stone they have fallen.
Jack. She growls and pushes me against the wall. She bites my neck, nips at my jaw and attacks my mouth. I let her. I want to drown in her. I try to kiss her back but it's difficult when she never stays in one place for more than a moment.
Miranda. It takes me a moment to realize that she's said my name. Miranda. Fuck. Miranda. It feels foreign coming from her lips.
I want to cry. I want to whimper and moan and reciprocate. I want to bite her until she bleeds. I want to push her off the wall and drag her to the bed but I'm immobile. I stand still as she keeps kissing and biting. I'm not called ice queen for nothing. Cerberus bitch. I have nothing to give her. Jack is warm, burning, alive. I might as well be dead.
I need to fucking have you, Jack growls next to my ear and suddenly I'm pressed up against the wall, front first. My heart is pounding in my ears as her hands grab my hips and pull herself against me. I don't feel cold anymore. I burn as she reaches to the front of my trousers and jabs her hand into them.
Jack. Is that me? Is that my voice? It's a voice I don't recognize. Jack. Jack, please. I hope to god that I have not said those words out loud but by the way Jack chuckles behind me I know that I have.
She is there. She is here. Here inside me. She whispers in my ears as she plunges into me with one, two, three fingers. She whispers dirty things, shameful things. She whispers about how hot I am. How hot and wet and open I am for her. How I must have been thinking about this for a long time as well, otherwise I wouldn't be so wet. She is not wrong.
All I can do is hold on and let her fuck me. I want her too. There is nothing else I want as much. Oriana is forgotten. Henry Lawson is forgotten. Cerberus is forgotten. The fucking reaper war is forgotten as Jack fucks me. I feel biotics tingling over my skin. I am so alive, I can't contain them.
That's cute, Jack whispers next to my shoulder, your wee biotics coming out to play. She flares her own. On and around the fingers that are inside me. I scream.
She licks her fingers afterwards. I catch my face in the mirror. I look strange. My cheeks are flushed, my lips red and there are bite marks on my shoulders. I look like bliss. I feel like I'm breaking. I know that Jack is going to look at me, reject me and leave me. I'm her toy. She won't let me touch her. What does it matter to her that she tore my walls down? Maybe she doesn't even know. Cerberus cheerleader. That's who I am. I mustn't forget.
She releases her fingers from her mouth. I want her again. I want her inside me and I want to be inside her. I don't want to be dead again. But there is no time. There is never any time. Whatever happens with us, there will always be suicide missions or reaper wars keeping us apart. And if not that our own stupidity is enough. Because I'm not really a princess, despite what Jack calls me and this is not a fairytale.