by Wil & Nina
Driving Miss Buffy or Dead Man Swalking
Xander, Anya, Willow, and Tara walked across the campus of UC Sunnydale, headed back toward Stevenson Hall. Students ran around helter-skelter screaming, jumping, and shouting out various things. It almost seemed as if they'd all lost their minds; but, then, they were college students and it was a Friday night.
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Xander inquired, "I mean, I feel like shouting, 'I send you out, a sheep amongst the wolves!' You know what happens when those two get together. Sparks fly, and not in a good way."
"Xander, nothing's going to happen. Buffy knows what she doing, besides, that's why we sent Riley and Spike with her," Willow answered.
"Which sounds like an Alpha male fight waiting to happen," Anya commented.
"Why?" Tara asked a bit hesitantly and more than a bit lost. "Don't they, you know, like each other?"
"Big check in the 'NO' column there," Xander responded, "Angel is Buffy's ex, and Spike's sire-which I'm still not completely clear on. Anyway, when Angel went all psycho on us he kind of stole Spike's girlfriend, and he's still just a little bit bitter about it. Considering Riley's new status with Buffy, I think we hit the 'wounded Angel' stage of the relationship... not a good scenario."
Willow nodded sympathetically, "I guess it doesn't look too good."
"And speaking of bad scenarios..." Xander continued, noticing a group of students blast past them. "what's with all the twitterpation going on? Is Spring Sprung that much?"
"The aliens are coming! Cut the cheese, flush the toilets!" a familiar voice ranted, getting dangerously closer by the second. Just then Parker slammed blindly into Anya, knocking her into Tara.
"Ow, hey!" The former demon snapped, pushing the suddenly limp Parker off of her.
Willow helped Tara up and Xander reached down, pulling Parker up. He was really a dead weight, and Xander placed him on the grass. Anya lifted a brow and looked at the boy, "That guy's not alive."
"Sure he is. He probably just passed out. You know college-drinking binges--" Xander trailed off as Willow knelt by Parker and checked his pulse. "He's good, right, Will?"
Willow looked up with a furrowed brow and shook her head "Parker's dead."
***
The sun had set over twenty minutes ago. They were running late, but it was the usual LA back up all the way back to the turnpike; and Buffy, Slayer powers and all, against road rage and traffic jams, was just as defenseless as the next person. Well, that and Riley drove like he was Amish.
"Any bloody slower and we could have seen cattle pass us," Spike groused rolling his eyes, "and considering the closest cow is in a package of Oscar Meyer weenies, that's saying something. Shove over and let me drive."
"I've got control of the situation," Riley snapped back, looking in the rear view mirror to meet Spike's eyes, before realizing the lack of his adversary's reflection.
"Yeah, control. You got to show 'em who's boss-play the tossers at their own game, you see what I'm saying?" Spike panto-mimed swerving in between cars from lane to lane.
The two of them argued like spoiled children. Buffy almost had the urge to say, "If you two don't stop it, I'm turning this car around right now!"
Finally the Slayer settled on offering in an exasperated tone, "Do you want me to drive?"
"NO!" the two blurted in agreement reflexively.
"I don't have a death wish, Slayer," Spike mumbled with a smirk, "boredom suits me like peaches and cream."
Riley finally managed to pull his car up to a rather large building and park across the street. He slipped a few coins into the metre and followed Buffy and Spike across the street, into the building. Pausing in the entry the commando looked at Spike.
"I thought you said Angel lived here, Buffy."
"He does," she answered, stopping outside the door lettered 'Angel Investigations' not sure what he was getting at. "So?"
"Vampires can't enter a person's home without an invitation," Riley stated almost as if he'd read it from a text-book, and lifted a gesture at Spike.
Buffy looked down and Spike snickered.
"Oh, Spike's been here before." was all she said somewhat off handedly, then opened the door to the office. She wasn't lying but she was afraid to mention that vital detail to Riley just yet. She glared at Spike before stepping into the office as if to say, "One word, and you're dust."
The vampire responded by keeping a straight face, content to laugh at her with amused eyes.
"Ok," Riley muttered.
***
"The William the Bloody?" Wesley inquired in amazement to Cordelia, who nodded. "The same one who received his name by-"
"Torturing victims with railroad spikes? That would be me, yeah," Spike answered, lounging in the door jamb, "Cordelia, pet, looking lovely as ever."
Wesley squeaked the tried valiantly to cover it with a cough.
"Spike..." Cordelia exclaimed, looking up from her coffee as they entered. She tensed, just looking at the platinum haired vampire, but she moved on feeling a bit more comfortable at seeing Buffy shoving him aside to reveal some other sandy haired boy. "Buffy... good old Buffy... and HELLO."
The old Cordelia snapped into motion and she rose flashing a smile and extending a hand, "Hi, I don't think we've met. I'm Cordelia Chase and-"
"I'm so terribly bored," Spike finished, eyeing Wesley menacingly. They obviously hadn't gotten word yet about his situation, and Spike missed watching people squirm under his gaze. "Riley, Cordelia. Cordelia, meet Buffy's new boy-toy."
"How, Buffy?" Cordelia asked exasperated, "Mr. Salty Goodness times two and you can't even match your purse with your shoes."
Buffy only smirked and shook her head, "It's a Slayer thing, Cordy, comes with the powers. Where's Angel?"
"I'm here," Angel announced stepping out of the shadows and into the lighted office. He approached Buffy, but stopped a few good feet away, noticing Riley's arm around her. He was that boy he'd seen her talking to back in November. She was moving on, good. At least that's what he tried to tell the strangling feeling around his heart. "Buffy, and-"
"Special Agent Riley Finn of the US Military," the boy held out a hand. Angel grasped it and shook it. He was strong... for a human.
"I'm here to investigate the epidemic that's been spawned in Sunnydale."
"They've called out the military over this?"
"It's a long story, Angel," Buffy said, avoiding his eyes. "One that I'd rather not get into at the moment. We're here for some answers."
"So I've been told. My question is, answers to what?"
Spike had been wandering about the office, poking at this and that. He looked up and grinned, "Why don't you tell them how Dru went crazy, 'poodle'? And speaking of missing familiars, what happened to that 'Mc' you had working for you?"
"He died," Cordelia said softly. It was quite obvious that she was upset.
Spike glanced at Cordelia, almost identifying with her for a moment. That's how he felt without Drusilla... how she looked: hollow inside. He shrugged it off and went on. Ridicule them, it'll make you feel better. It always did. He opened his mouth to snap a snide retort, but it came out a bit too sympathetic.
"Too bad. I liked him. He had balls... could have been real hero type, if I met one." He glanced at Wesley, "Stood up to me. This wanker here looks as if he's about to wet his knickers."
"He *was* a hero," Cordelia snapped defensively. Angel laid a hand on her shoulder in silent support.
"Oh, you're guilty. I can just see it eating you up," Spike turned his attentions back to his sire. "What's the matter, Angel, couldn't save him in time? Or did you want that heroic glory all to yourself?"
"Shut up Spike." Angel warned.
"Yeah, you gonna make me?" Spike's eyes narrowed. If he could fight demons, he could hold his own against Angel, Spike figured, and he'd had his rage building up for weeks. He begged to let it loose on the plonker's hide.
"Spike." Buffy cautioned, glaring at him.
The vampire rolled his eyes and shrugged, but stood down notch, "Right. So you going to tell 'em?"
"I killed everyone she loved until Drusilla went insane," Angel said, sitting down on the edge of the desk, "We've been through all this."
Riley glanced at Cordelia and Wesley and took a step back from Angel.
"You dragged me out here for this?" Buffy growled glaring at Spike, edging in on him.
The vampire looked down at the Slayer and shook his head. "You're leaving out a vital detail, mate."
"Perhaps you should clear it up, er, Spike," Wesley voiced. "You do seem the most informed. I see that whole trip rather unnecessary if-"
Out of annoyance Spike lunged at Wesley, who plastered himself against the wall eyes clenched in fear. Spike cried out as the blinding pain hit him full force in the head "Gah!"
Angel and Cordelia froze in mid-dash watching the British vampire with wide and confused eyes. Slowly Wesley opened his eyes and realized he wasn't dead, and the vampire was scowling in pain.
Buffy and Riley actually shook their heads looking rather unimpressed.
"Stupid, sodding..." Spike mumbled.
"He's not dead. Why is Wesley not dead?" Cordelia managed, the words not coming out right, but the message conveyed.
"Hostile 17-"
"I have a name, 'Farm-boy'."
"Spike," Riley corrected himself, "has been implanted with a microchip that neurologically transmits signals to his brain receptors when ever he tries to harm a human."
"Fascinating..." Wesley breathed.
"Painful," Spike growled.
"So what you're saying is that the cockney can't kill?" Cordelia smiled almost giddy at the idea. She had the urge to poke the vampire and test it, but she wasn't about to be the guinea pig in case it didn't work quite the way she expected.
"Not without intense neurological pain," Riley affirmed.
"But I can still kill you, Angel," Spike growled.
Riley started and stared at Angel, then looked at Buffy, "What? You're not human?"
Buffy lifted her eyes guiltily.
Spike laughed, "Very good, Riley, what was your first clue?"
***