No one would believe me when I told them, no matter how many times I tried, no matter how I presented it. I thought that after knowing them for so many years – my time, not theirs, they could never understand, never survive like I do – I'd be able to know how to appeal to them, how to get them to see the truth. I was wrong. They never understood. Only she ever believed me without proof, right from the start – and oh how I loved (love) her for that, for her innate herness, for being who she is, for anything and everything and nothing, and the world can burn if it makes her happy (I'll be the one to light the match) – though the others always came around in the end – too late, always too late, once I'd failed and it was all over and I had to move across and back and start again alone, always alone, except for when she is with me, or is it was, this isn't her, she's long gone, but this is her, it has to be, she has her face, has her past, but what if I'm wrong, no, I can't be wrong, then it's all for nothing and I'll break, it's all for her, all of it, always. No matter how many times I fail and move across and back I won't give up, I can't, there are still more of her it's not over yet it can't be I won't let it end until I succeed (ever) no matter how much it hurts no matter how much I cry it's not enough she deserves more she is my everything I will not let her burn out and disappear she is too important she can't go she can't leave me all alone
We almost destroyed the world together once, did you know that? We expended too much of ourselves against that, so we could no longer maintain our minds. We had none of the precious jewels we needed to purify ourselves, and were falling into madness and despair. I wouldn't have minded, really – as long as I'm with her I don't care if I'm protecting the world or razing it to the ground – but she did. She purified me with a gem she'd hidden, and asked me to save her – both the still-pure her, who had to be saved from that damned (damning) contract, and the her who lay before me, from her transformation into a monster. I saved that her. It was difficult. I could barely force myself to do it. I only did it because she asked me – or I would never have been able to pull that trigger – I love her, I could never hurt her (never deny her) – but she was at peace, so my pain didn't (doesn't) matter at all – then I moved across and back and started again alone, always alone. How am I supposed to approach her (to save her)? "Hi, I'm the new girl. You don't know me, but I know you (all about you, your favourite colour, your three sizes, your favourite flower, where you live) and I love you. Let me protect you!" No, that won't work (would never work, I know, I've tried it) but nothing else does either (I've lived hundreds of years and even more worlds and I know). I'll take the only path (paths) left and become the devil (when it's really that little white bastard with his constant smile and that damned (damning) contract). You'll fear me (may even hate me), but if it keeps you safe and happy it's all okay (even if I can't (won't) feel your warm body beside me, won't taste your lips or hear your laugh), because you're all that matters. It's all for you.
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