luigi's dating ventures(aka luigi must die)
chaptarp 1: the breakup
luigi was always known for his meek and generous personality. unlike some of the others in the smash mansion, he didn't sexualiize not treat any of the women like objects. in fact, he had it all; an caring brother and even more so, an extremely lovely grill by the name of daisi sriracha. she was beautiful, regardless if nintendo retired her fine ass and said screw dasy, its rosalina and petch time.
unlike mario and the rest of the krew back st the manshun, lueugi was an virgin. he didn't believe in the act of one night stands of even paying someone to have sex with him. unlike mayro, he has MORALS!11!1!1!
then, there was captain falcon, the guy who did the f-zero races as he had samaus all over him. both of them were close within age range, not teenagers as samus was always mistaken for one.
luegy passed by, waving at the two as they were making out. he hummed an happily, merrily sappy tune as it was none other than the maereo brothers theme saung.
ness was there, being well, ness. he was known for his taunt, the OKEY. he usually did it to troll people, to watch them ascend into madness, cry to sakurei and master hand before giving up and leaving da tournamint.
"OKEY!"
"ness stop already," said diddy kong who was so fed up with ness' trolling attempts. no matter how much the rest of da fighters knew, they still fed him. don't feed the trolls, especally ness or he'll say okay for the rest of ur life, just like the true american hero he is.
"OKEY"
"no im serious."
"OKEY!"
"OH GOD JUST FOR THE LOVE OF THE GIANT BANANA STOP!"
"OKEY!"
diddy kong gave up. he ran off, arms waving in the air as he made chimpanzee noises, frustrated that he once again, fell into ness' trap.
of course ness smiled evilly, rubbing his hands together at his devious actions. he was just an kid after all, and like all children, they loved memes, pulling pranks on da adults and even more so, annoying their superiors.
lueggy always made an good mental note to say out of the psi boy's path, otherwise he'll recieve the... OKEYS. as he continued humming, he was greeted by none other than shulk, the guy who was really feeling it, or rather, that was an lie. he was sick of feeling it. shulk had enough of feeling it to the point where his face will transform into tfw no gf when someone harassed him with his taunt. poor shulk, once you're in the meme life, you can't get out of it.
"hey-a shulk!" greeted the green italian plumber.
"hey luigi," said the british hom who totally wasn't from england and from some make believe land.
"how's it-a going?" asked the green, lean fighting machine.
"it's going great. just had an match with meta knight earlier," replied the hom. "after that, i'm going to go practice some swings with the bat!"
"i wish you the-a best of-a luck!"
with those words, sholk was gone in a flash! luogoi sighed, as he continued his way in the manshion, thinking about the smash ball that was tonight. he was finally going to ask daisy to do the thing! however, his trail of thoughts were interrupted by frankie goes to hollywood's "relax(spencer & hill remix)," the song that's really about gay sex and not what most people think it is.
luigi's eyes narrowed a bit as he saw HIM. he enjoyed his presence, the guy was nice however, something about him was getting more off as miyamoto gave him more and more games, spinoffs and even recently, a warriohs game.
link walked in, wearing his blue heroic scarf and sunglasses, posing with none other than his babe, his grill, zelda. they ditched their twilight princess get ups when their new, more beautiful designer looks from zelda musou came out. soon, lueogi remembered why he found him to be off.
the poster revealed itself, saying link and his bitches. it showed all the girls that link has even came into contact with in his games, the ones he toyed around with, stomped on their hearts because zelda was forever his bae.
luigen wasn't one for that. he couldn't stand it however, didn't see much wrong with link. after all, he was nice when it came to dating tips because unlike mayro, he didn't tell him to go straight for the bed after every single date evar.
"hey luigi," greeted the hyrulean princess. she looked as charming as evar, smiling as she playfully poked links cheek. its been an year since the events, or rather, filming of the game hyrul warios.
"what's up green man," greeted link, doing the fist bump thing he always did with members of the green krew.
the green krew is pretty much everyone who wore green or who was green so it consisted of liunk, lueggo, yoshi, toon link, bowser and his son junior, palutena, and little mac. they usually would hang out in an room near the mansion pool, discuss strategies, fighting techniques and even practice sparring with one another. afterwards, they relax in the pool, play children's card games or even just watch a good movie together. nothing hectic like ness' trolling or dark pit running high on coffee due to the great piece of literature he's been working on recently.
"nothing-a much. just nervous for-a tonight," replied the italian man. he gulped a bit, hoping things didn't go wrong.
"oh, the ball's tonight! don't fret about it," said link, reassuring him. "i'm sure you're going to have an blast. besides, your girlfriend would be delighted when you give her the night of her life."
"y-yeah! thanks-a link, you're the-a best friend i could ever-a have!" luigi said, smiling.
tonight was the night! lueigue was so excited as he dressed his sundae best for the annual smash ball. he was gonna take his lovely girlfriend daisy out for an wild right and then, was the big night.
lueggy was finally gonna deflower after all of his years of being an virgin. he loved disney a lot. even though she was out of her prime compared to princest peech and rosalid, he always adored her.
jayzee was sitting outside the da porch as luigi approached his love. the fuller figured princest smiled softly, almost as if something was bothering her.
"ey-a baby," said loogi. "ready for the-a dance-a?"
"luigi i must confess... im not in love with you. in fact, i've been cheating on you for a very long time with roy's our boi," confessed the redhead or was she a brunette?
luigis heart sank as roy honked, wearing sunglasses like the smug anime jerk he is. daisy flocked over and hopped inside, leaving the poor green man alone. he couldnt believe it, deesay played him for a fool and even worse, he'll never taste the sweet, sweet taste of manhood and sex like mario. poor luigi forever a virgin.
the man sat on her porch, sighing. he was hurt, in fact he felt like crying an river but instead, decided to smile it off. after all of these years of him being faithful to her, him treating her like the princest she is, this is what she gives him. he felt angry but knew not to take it out on her. in fact, he was more angry with himself for being such an failure.
luedgy got up, deciding to man up and go to the ball anyways. perhaps there might be some single ladies out there that would at least appreciate a dance and an conversation.
at the smash ball, there were tons of couples as in the world of nintendo, everyone was invited to partake in the event. they were all dancing to the music that blared throughout the entire room, as everyone groaned because it was remixed by none other than dj ness. so the song was full of okays.
almost all the smashers had an date, female villager with greninja, shulk with his meme loving bae fiora, ike with soren, mayro and peechie, link and zordo, captain falkon and seamus, chrom and his wife female robin, otherwise known as refelt because of NESS, robin and bayonetta, palotena and ganondorf, riki and dundun, kirbeh and jigglypuff, magolor and an clone magolor made to look like an gurl, toad and toadette, villager and the bug princest agitha, even dark pit had an date. DARK PIT OUT OF ALL PEOPLE HAD AN DATE!
dark pit happened to be dancing with none other than the princess of ylisse, lucina. surprisingly, they were an match made in heaven as the future girl took an huge liking to the dark angle.
pit was meanwhile, dancing with his boyfriend morgan also known as lucina's brother.
luigi sighed, seeing every available girl get picked up in an quick sekond by either an man, woman, or even thouse who are a species such as fox mccloud. he decided just to give up as he slumped outside to the mansion gardens. it was pretty dark at night so it was hard to see as he just sat down and gazed at the moon.
he heard the music blasting as the next song, which was supposed to be "do the hussle" was turned into "do the okay."
DO THE OKAY
DO THE OKAY
everyone danced, even though they were heavily annoyed at the fact that ness ruined every song with his taunt, even worse, turning every song into an variation of his taunt.
chrom was annoyed, seeing how it was easy to do the hussle, but how the hell was one supposed to do the okey?!
"i see someone's having fun."
chrom and reflet looked, noticing it was none other than their favorite red head pal, anna. yes, the anna who was like nurse joy and officer jenny with the many sisters, jobs, outrealm gates to even saving your fire emblem file back in the day.
"oh hi anna," greeted the royal couple.
"surprised to see you arrive late for once," stated chrom. he had his right sleeve ripped off of his tuxedo to give it the chrom trademark or what he called, the chrommark.
"well, i had to convince my sisters to join in the fun. you know how that goes," replied the merchant, sighing.
"your sisters seem to be duing fine on their own," said reflet, pointing at all of the other annas' roaming around, engaging with guests, even trying to sell stuff to them.
"not those sisters, the two i've never told you about," said anna, sighing once more.
"wait, you have two extra sisters?!" said chrom. now he was just confused or maybe the music was getting to him at this point.
"yep. surprisingly, they're not named anna. mom decided to be different for once, or rather, father had his tubes tied so she had to go the sperm bank and get some sperm to become pregnant. first came one of my younger sisters, then years later, the youngest sister of the anna tribe," explained the redhead.
"interesting..." reflect nodded, trying to let all that information sink in.
while ness was being an dj, an mysterious figure watched over him, going to the opposite side of the room, hidden from the crowd as they placed their dj set down. ness bobbed his head without a care in the world, feeling in his prime as master hand was going to kill him, yet couldn't because he adored him. after all, he was known as the greatest mind in the world.
soon, his new remix, OKAY OKAY, or rather him removing babara streisand off the ducksauce song came on as it went like OOOOOOOOOO OKAY OKAY.
OOOOOOO OKAY OKAY
OOOOOOOO OKAY OKAY
OOOOOOOO OKAY SE NO!
ness froze. who was tampering with his song?! how dare they ruin his moment, hsi glory to shine, his glory to OKEY!
OKEY SE NO
OKEY SORREE
SORREE OKEY
SE NO OKEY
"FOR THE LOVE OF GODDESSES, MAKE IT STOP!" screeched zelda, covering her ears.
every song from then on had an variation of okey, okay, se no and sorree! ness wanted to know who was the enchanter or the enchantress trying to out troll him and make him in return, trolled. he had to find out however, couldn't because he was banned from leaving the dj stand.
"oh gods," said anna. she held her head, feeling an headache. "i'm really feeling it... an headache!"
shulk heard those words and there his face went, turning into tfw no gf as fiora glared in her direction.
yelling could be heard outside as anna sighed. "oh gods, help me please." she went to check it out, however, just saw dante, who snuck his way in, covered in whine.
luigi sighed, a tear running down his cheek as he saw daisy and roy making out from afar. he was hurt, pain hurt, he wanted to sob but then heard sobbing not from afar. being curious, the polmber walked up to it
"hey," he said softly. "what's-a wrong?"
the sobbing continued going, however he got an reply as the voice sounded female.
"that asshole," said the crying ladee," he screwed me over. insulted me, said some mean things."
"i'm-a sorry to hear that," said the polmber. "i'm sure you'll find someone in-a no time."
"no i won't!" shouted the wimman. "they're all the same! they dont love me for me, once they see me, they get all pissy and start making fun of mi!"
"that's disgusting," replied luigi. "they shouldn't call themselves-a men if they're going to-a do that shit. ah who am i kidding, i'm not-a man myself. my ex-gurlfriend confessed to-a cheuting on me and broke it-a off."
the figure's sobbing cease to be as if they wiped away their teers. "i'm sorry to hear that... that must be really awful... she's stupid to leave such an sweet man such as you, probably for some jerk."
"... y-yeah... i dont mean this to sound fucked up-a, but im glad im not the onli one who got screwed over-a tonight-a," stated the green man.
"...me too..."
before luigi could reply, he felt a kiss on his lips as he couldn't see a thing. after all, crazy hand tend to like the dark the best so, things where dark and friskay. soon afterwards, the figure quickly took off, as if they didnt want lueigus to see who they were.
he wondered who that beautiful souding womun was.
after the ball, mayro noticed lueggy down in the dumps.
"what's a wrong-a brotha?" asked the red man.
"daisye broke up with me... she-a cheated on me with-a roy..." said luigi, sighing sadly.
"so no plucking of da seed?" replied mario.
luiegios shook his head, sighing once more before going to his room for the night. however, he couldn't help but wonder who that woman he comforted was. she seemed genuine and kind and didn't deserve to have that man hurt her. he never got her name nor saw how she luoked like becauz it was daurk outside but her kiss tasted sweet, like cherry chocolate wine.
at night, maero paced around. tomorrow, he was going to talk to his friends about luegi's dating life problem once and for all!
chaptarp 1 end
i hope you all enjoyed the first chaptarp of the series luigi's dating ventures(aka luigi must die). before i decided to write this story, on another website, i submitted some exerts from it and received raves. for those who are familiar with the world of tumblr, you might know me under an different guise, still anonymous though as i provide another hit classic on the website.
so, i've decided to create this into an story, dedicated to the mod and all of the fans of my other work(which im not saying which one). i hope you love and enjoi this story as much as i do.
note that the universe is nintendo, seeing how smash bros is owned by them. i promise some of the other chaptars won't be long like this but seeing how it was an introduction one, i feel that longer is sometimes better.
in the next chapter, feeling bad for his brother, mario can't help but reach out to his buddies at the roost. they discuss luigi's condition to include what to do for him until one of them informs the hero clad in red about a new dating website where singles meet one another to see if they want an relationship or not. seeing how this can do good, mario accepts, thus creating luigi an profile without telling him! how will luigi feel when he learns about this?!
tune in next time on chaptarp 2: nintendating