Disclaimer: I no eet, you no eet, Disney eet. :D
… OMG! TURN BACK! THIS IS /NOT/ A RS! O_O It's CURSED! It should be BANNED!!
_o *SHOT* x_X!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N:
… And tell me Mary… /why/ am I starting a new fanfic? ^^
Mary: *shrugs* Eet.
I don't know either! But… I think it has to do with either… me being bored and
that there was over 20 reviews on my other fanfic… or because Norway is
controlling my mind to do it. But it doesn't really matter! Enjoy… and no hurt
time, because this is my first ACTUAL Humor fic on the KH section.
This fic is dedicated to my best friend, Mary. (chibilinnet)
Warning!!!: … Flaming kittens and chunks of falling crab. :D
~~~~~~~~
Enter Hollow Bastion!
… Or whatever's left of it. Due to the sudden disappearance of the
aforementioned world, Square-Enix was forced to set up the villain's home base
at Disney HQ. Of course, this made Ansem angry, but what was he going to do?
Open their hearts to darkness? *evil cackle*
"Stupid
author…" Ansem hissed, banging his head onto the plastic table.
And so, because our 'Overlord of Darkness' was powerless to do anything ( And
because of copyright acts) he and his minions were forced to resign into the
aforementioned building. Currently, they were situated within one of the Cafeteria's
many tables for the normal meetings that have occurred around them since that
familiar incident one year ago. Ansem abusing the cheap plastic table from
underneath him with his head while 3 hooded people that sat around him watched
in interest.
The one that sat right to the fake Hispanic had blond hair covering his eyes.
Though… the author has no name for this 'unknown', so she shall lazily call
him… Number 3. Stupid author.
The one that sat left to Ansem had his whole face covered with a conveniently
placed shadow. People might have known him has the 'Enigmatic Man'. The author
thinks he's cooler. So the author decided to steal a name for this unknown. She
called this one 'Blackcoat'.
And last, and definitely the least important, glowing eyed unknown of whom the
author decided to be lazy again and just call him Number 5. This 'thing'
decided to sit next to Blackcoat, who had finally stood up and started to beat
Ansem with a mop.
"Why does the author hate /me/?!" Number 5 whined out. The author…does not
know. And so she sat there on her computer chair, thinking /why/ she loathed
Number 5 so.
"… Maybe it has something to do with tacos." She spoke to herself, stopping
momentarily in her typing. Then she realized that the story was still typing
itself and ran out of the room, screaming something about monkey butt sex.
"DARKNESS!" With a fist twitching in the air, Ansem looked up at the cheaply
ventilated ceiling with much madness in his eyes. The mop of which Blackcoat
was molesting him with, lay broken in pieces in the portable gray trashcan.
"Yes yes, darkness Ansem. Now sit your ass down before I give you the pill, old
man." Blackcoat muttered, hissing at
the little nerd employees who walked by, snorting like they had a severe nasal
allergy. This noise angered Blackcoat so. It intimidated his sanity, like a jar
of mayonnaise.
… But back to Ansem.
He hated the pill. He also hated the light. But what he hated the most was…
"KFC! Why do they call it KENTUCKY fried chicken, when it wasn't fried in
Kentucky?!" Ansem screeched out. The few people reading just stared at the
glaring veranda font blankly. They did not find the author's desperate attempt
at humor funny. The author hung her head and ate a doughnut.
… Even though she technically didn't. But Ansem did have a point, and so the
other unknowns pondered this infamous question throughout their brain meats.
They failed into succeeding the reason for this question though, and just sat
there looking high once again.
It was boring in Disney HQ. Of course, it was
great lighting helpless employees on fire and cackling in glee when they jump
out the window in a fit of crab seizures, but it got boring after the first 50
times. And since there were always smelly little teenage fan girls swarming
about them like sex crazed tacos, they could not continue on with their 'plans'
for KH2 or risk getting them sold in a pink Glad Ziploc bag on Ebay for 5
dollars. And so they couldn't do
anything else but sit around and look menacing, but that was kind of hard in
the environment they were currently situated in.
"… LLAMAS!" This outburst was proudly owned by Number 5, who had risen from his
chair and tried to look important. Everyone ignored him though, and continued
to do the doomish things they've been doing even BEFORE Number 5's outburst.
… Which was play croquet. The boring game. The one where there was no
explosions or naked people running about. It was just as boring as golf, but
more unimportant. But Number 5 was more unimportant than croquet. Though he was
not more unimportant than environmentalists. This made him happy… for the
moment, until he realized he wasn't more important than croquet.
"Argh…" Everyone continued to ignore him though. Maybe because the door to the
Cafeteria burst open, knocking the geeky nerds away with it's holiness. Such
holiness it had. And who was the beholder of such holiness??
… The child of Jinly of course! With flamboyant red spiky hair and vibrant
green eyes, it was hard for people NOT to think of the Jingly season when they
caught the sight of such a thing. Clad in the same infamous coat, it wasn't
hard to tell that he was an unknown. But the author liked this unknown. She
thought he was as sexy as microwavable corndogs. So she shall call him the same name she's been calling him for
nearly 5 months now… 'Margret'.
" Ansem! Oh Ansem!" The redhead shrieked happily, skipping over to the lunch
table Ansem was in. This was not a happy sight for Ansem, and so he screamed
like smelly girl who died on the Ring and hid under the table like a frightened
wiener dog. All hope was lost though, and Margret skipped up to Ansem's hiding
spot, taking out a flashlight from his pocket and shining it under the table,
preferably in Ansem's eyes.
"GAHHHHH!!" The scream the Hispanic made was clearly that of not human. It is
the similar scream males make when they are being castrated. This snapped the
other unknowns out of their drunken stuphor, quickly attacking anything that
moved… like that conveniently placed squirrel.
"GET IT!" A gigantic pile of doom was made soon after, random squeaks escaping
out once in a while.
But back to Ansem again.
After bumping his head on the bottom of the plastic nuisance, he stood up,
covering his eyes and hissing in unbearable pain while Margret continued to
look on stupidly before clinging onto Ansem's waist with much edible love.
"GOOD MORNING!!" The redhead shouted out, hugging tighter onto Ansem's waist
and preventing any oxygen to travel through the poor Hispanic's head. This was
bad of course, since people technically /did/ need oxygen. And so, Ansem
collapsed onto the floor in a crumpled heap of pig manure.
"How IS my chocolate muffin?"
"In pain…" Margret had finally loosened his grip, and so Ansem was fully
capable of breathing once again!
"Aw, I'll make it better wetter then!" Margret cooed to the Hispanic with much
love.
Yaoi fangirls: FOMG!1 Tis i5 n07 R/S! =0
… The author threw a salmon at them and continued to type with bouncy
enthusiasm. Like milk, for milk is sexy like Ansem.
"I'm compared to 'milk' now??" The author nodded happily, eating a bagel. And
such a tasty bagel it was! Ansem sighed, pulling him and Margret up off the
floor.
"… Aw hell, why not?" The Hispanic said, bringing Margret's head until they
were inches apart and slowly inched forward… until…
"VIOLATION OF CODE NUMBER XX696!" A robotic voice boomed throughout the
cafeteria a split second before an onslaught of rubber chickens aimed
themselves toward the unpopular pair. Ansem and Margret gave the most
convincing impression of infamous Shuyin/Lenne scene on FFX-2 (Yeah, you know
what I mean. _o ) as they saw the array of chickens being blown at them.
"FD;SFLJALSDFJ!!" The force of the blows were strong enough to knock Margret
away and be buried by the horrible nuisances.
"DAMNIT!" Ansem screamed out before a salmon was thrown at his face.
" NO VULGAR LANGUAGE IN THE PREMISIS!" Ansem hated Disney HQ. One of the many
reasons why was the major limitality he had on his free speech and whatnot.
Also, the fact that there was no homosexuality allowed brought the unknowns
into a horrible depression. Stupid Bush head.
"Owee…" The redhead whined out, fighting his way through his poultry prison and
stood up. Mostly everyone in the cafeteria were knocked out. Blackcoat and
Number 3 looked up in confusion while Number 5 was passed out on the floor. All
was quiet… but you know it'll never be quiet for long.
…
Ah see? There's someone coming. It could be noticed quite finely as the
previously abused doors slammed open again, revealing another unknown. This one
has silvery hair with a blindfold wrapped around his eyes. Yes yes, squeal all
you want little fangirls. It is Riku… or whatever the plot theories say about
him. But he's Riku, okay?
"CARDBOARD BOX!" The fangirls squealed in much delight as their God had spoken
with such 53x. Now, they thought, if only Sora were here…
"SORA!" Riku cried in anguish, doing some random soap opera dramatic shit and
fell on his knees on the floor, raising his hands into the air and screamed out
something about air fresheners. The fangirls could of DIED just there.
"My love!" Blondie Number 3 giggled happily, prancing over to Riku with
happiness. The fangirls looked on with disgust. What is this?? This is not R/S!
Unfortunately for Number 3 and the happiest thing in the world for fangirls,
Riku sidestepped.
"Ew… you're not my love. Sora's Keyblade is!" … No. Get your mind out of the
gutter. NOW.
"But… but… I thought what we had was special!" Number 3 cried out, producing
big sad puppy eyes. Like that'd help though, since Riku had that stupid
blindfold on. "I have keyblades too you
know! Two!"
"Your keyblades are not good enough for me. I demand Sora's keyblade, for it is
much more 53x. And once I find Sora, I shall have his Keyblade!" And with that,
he stomped out of the cafeteria, but not without tripping about 500 times due
to his stupid blindfold. Ha.
This made Number 3 very sad. What was wrong with his keyblades? He would of
cried, but the distance cackle of the fangirls made him anger so. He should get
revenge!
"REVENGE!" He shrieked out, stomping out the Cafeteria also. Blackcoat looked
on with much confusion once again before sighing and collapsing, trying to find
Ansem and Margret. They disappeared though, probably from some stupid plot hole
of laziness he assumed.
"… Stupid author." He hissed. A crab suddenly fell on his face though, and he
was knocked out from the force. The
crab just clacked and scuttled around his head.
~~~~~~~~
And now the Author's rant.
Basically, this fic was made to fulfill a purpose… to bash Repooped! … Or Riku.
Or /at least/ make good harmless fun of him.
Lately these days, I see more
and more Riku/Sora fans making fics here and there, everywhere! O_o Some are great! But others are… neh.
And the RS fans seem to have one-tracked minds. They BREATHE the
relationship with their smelly lungs filled with the air of corruption! _o
And make fun of Kairi till she's twitching on the floor dead. ;_;
I mean, what's WRONG with her??
Does everyone have their own personal reason to hate her? … Or is it
just some conspiracy or fashion sense to 'hate' the poor girl. I mean, from her
big head, there's not really anything bad about her. She's just someone who
really cares for her best friends. What's wrong with that, people? _o
I, unfortunately, was one of them before. But now I have changed! And so this
fic is for all of the other RS pioneers who now loathe the pairing to the
highest content! So
um…yeah. My rant. :D
Er… it's all pointless, but this thing DOES have a plot! O_o Just… stay tuned?
Yeah…