Please pretend this was posted on February 12th, I tried to finish by then, but there was just too much that had to be written. This story took over my head after "Home Again," when I needed something to counteract "The Angst Chronicles of Dana Scully." The events of "Home Again" have not happened in this story. If you want a ship story, this is it. Thank you for reading.
Just Another Day at the Office
Friday, February 12, 2016
10:13 am
In Another Dimension
My pace is brisk as I walk into my place of work, but not brisk enough that I let the beauty escape me. We designed our building in the Gothic style, High Gothic Cathedral style to be exact, Chartres Cathedral to be even more exact. We didn't copy stone for stone, our workplace dispensed with the transept, but kept one end rounded retaining the chapel pattern for smaller offices. Although never used for a church service, we feel that the style is appropriate since so often the end result of our work winds up in a church. Normally, I take a meditative walk through the labyrinth (yes, we used that in our design too, I find helps keep the work force happy) in the foyer, but today I decide to bypass the labyrinth in concession to the heavy workload of the season.
As I walk through the foyer and into the main workspace of the building, nicknamed The Sanctuary, I didn't have to look at the calendar to know it was February. The office was humming with its customary seasonal controlled chaos. Workers were rushing even more quickly than usual in order to complete their workload by the deadline. I acknowledge each co-worker with a nod as I walk past, silently asking each one if they needed any help. Nothing seems to be pressing at the moment so I continue up the three steps to my office; which takes the space the altar would in a normal church. My assistant hands me my phone messages, I glance through them but find nothing requiring immediate attention. I drop off my briefcase in my office and head off to one of the chapels, current home to the break room. Some people may need their coffee or tea for motivation, but I am more of a hot chocolate person myself.
Upon entering the break room I see some jester has put up a handmade poster saying: Three Days Until Chocolate Liberation Day! Obviously the sign was placed there by those who deal with the stress of the job by focusing on February 15th, when candy goes on sale and they feel it their personal duty to liberate the chocolate from the heart shaped boxes. I let the sign stay because everyone needs a goal, and a sense of humor.
Taking a deep breath, fortifying myself for what the day might bring, I step back out of the break room and pause for a moment to admire the architecture of The Sanctuary. The area is a combination of stone pillars and arched windows, softened by woodwork in curved Art Nouveau style. The Sanctuary has never held a pew, instead there are heavy wooden desks and bookshelves lining the walls. An airy screen divides the foyer with the labyrinth from the desks. The screen is a masterpiece of the sinuous curves of the Art Nouveau style, running the full width of the building and up to the tops of the bookcases. The graceful word work swirls and curls forming delicate patterns. There are those who swear there are many heart shapes secretly hidden in the patterns. I think some people try too hard to find things that aren't really there, but as everyone sees what they want to see, I never try to dissuade anyone from what they thought they saw. There is one non-hidden heart shape in concession to the focus of our work, I thought the design a bit over the top, but I was over-ruled. The main entrance through the screen is heart-shaped. Almost heart-shaped at any rate, the point at the bottom is non-existent to allow passage. Most workers just pretend the wood continues on through the stone and does come to its point underneath the floor.
The stained glass windows do not contain Bible stories or saints, except for one saint, but it would be immodest of me to dwell on that. We do have Rose Windows, but the glass in them tends toward the classic romantic colors of roses; reds and pinks. At some points during the day the sunlight infuses the room in a colorful aura. The effect is quite ethereal, which always struck me as appropriate for our work and who we are. It could be that the calming effect of the color was how The Sanctuary was christened.
Many departments are housed here: Chance Meetings, First Dates, Switch Flicking, The One, Engagement Inspiration, Going to the Chapel and Client Maintenance. Starting out on my rounds I hear a frantic, "Val, get over here, quick!" The call was from Client Maintenance.
The true beauty of being able to communicate telepathically was that even though the urgency of that call was heard by everyone, the serenity of the office was not broken by a loud voice blaring out like a siren through the calm. I hurried over to my co-worker's desk to see what had concerned her so. Upon arriving, my jaw dropped. Her computer showed me image after image of two people who were supposed to be together; had been together, and now weren't. We have special software on the computers of our own design, it lets us look in on peoples' lives. Use of these computers is sacred, we never use them to intrude on intimate moments. Judging from what I was seeing on these images, we weren't going to have to worry about any inadvertent intrusion, and that worried me.
Image after image of each one of my former couple appeared. Some showed them eating alone. He was often pictured sitting by his own computer, searching and searching, for what I did not know. She seemed to have buried herself in work. He was living alone in a house they used to share. She looked like she was living in of all places, a hotel room. The lack of permanence in her living situation encouraged my a little. If she hadn't put down roots anywhere else, it showed me that she hadn't completely given up the them. Still, looking at them so miserably apart, my own heart felt like it was breaking.
"Fie! I worked so hard on those two. What happened?"
"I don't know, I was just doing the annual check up and saw this. There are some more recent images," my coworker said with a little hope in her voice. She pulled up pictures of them from the past couple of days.
"Ah, back in the basement office where they belong. That's a step in the right direction. Still, they seem to be so distant, even in the same room. Does she still not have a desk?"
"No, and it looks like her name isn't even on the door either."
"Unbelievable."
"Unbelievable doesn't count for much with these two."
"True. Gather up the rest of the Eternals."
"The Eternals? Do you think the situation warrants that level of attention? Shouldn't they be able to find their way back to each other on their own?"
I knew Aphrodite would try to see the best, she always does, but if there was ever a time for decisive action this was it. These two took the entire team to get them together (and keep them alive) in the first place. If they were having problems, it was going to take the combined forces of the Eternals to get them back together. They may think they have the market cornered on stubbornness, but they have yet to meet a team of stalwart Eternals.
"Aph, I may be a saint, but that doesn't mean I don't lose my patience from time to time, and I've definitely lost my patience with them. We're going for an intervention."
"Yes, sir, I'll get everyone and we'll be on our way as soon as possible."
Friday, February 12, 2016
10:31am
The X-Files Office
Dana Scully sat in "her area" typing up a report. Her back was to Mulder, but she could hear him typing away on his own report. Every once in a while she'd hear a sunflower seed shell bite the dust. The atmosphere in the office was companionable, but not as cozy as it used to be. Back in the day she felt as though they were a team, them against the world. They could conquer everything from the bunker of their basement office. Now she wasn't sure if they were fighting the world or each other. They kept their private life out of the office; they'd had years of practice at keeping their private life out of the office and right now all that experience was serving them well. She felt a presence and looked up.
Agent Scully was used to seeing things she didn't expect to see, but that didn't mean she still wasn't startled from time to time. She'd learned to cover her surprise and used that skill once again in this moment. The group that met her eye when she'd looked up seemed to have confused October with February as their clothing was more suited to Halloween than the cold Washington weather. The man in the middle looked like he had stepped out of a stained glass window. He was wearing a knee length deep red tunic over a floor length white robe. On either side of him stood a beautiful woman, each garbed in a Greek or Roman sheath, she didn't know which. Scully was not a devotee of ancient fashion, so it was all Greek to her. Their gowns were diaphanous, their hair was plaited and held in place with golden diadems. What struck her most about the women was that they were, there was no other word for it, shimmering. They were certainly solid, but there was a glow surrounding them. She supposed Melissa would have called it an aura, she just chalked it up to not having slept well the night before. Still, their presence was affecting, she felt what could best be described as pure unconditional love emanating from them.
Finally dragging her attention to the rest of the group, Scully saw a young man dressed in the stereotypical fashion of Robin Hood, complete with bow and a quiver full of arrows. Two other men completed the group, also dressed in Greek or Roman fashion. Their bodies seemed chiseled out of marble, but they emanated a preternatural glow as well. They seemed to be the strong silent type, hanging in the back, but making their presence known.
"May I help you?" Scully asked politely.
"No, thank you, we're here to help you," the man in the red tunic, who seemed to be the leader, said.
Dana Scully did not have time for this, she had a report to complete. Turning around she said, "there's a group of people here to see you, Mulder."
"Thanks, I've noticed them."
"I'm sure you have," she answered, trying not to notice how much Mulder was noticing the women. In his defense, any mortal would have had a difficult time keeping his eyes off them, but at least he was thinking that Scully would look great dressed as a Goddess, even though he knew she'd kill him if she knew what he was thinking. Scully turned back to her report, but was interrupted again by the man in the robe.
"I'm sorry, Dana Katherine, we are here to see both of you."
"How do you know my middle name? Or my first name for that matter."
"I know quite a bit about you, I know who your first crush was, I know about the boy who broke your heart in tenth grade, I know..."
"I'm going to stop you there. I don't who you think you are, but everyone has a first crush and some guy who broke her heart in high school. If you will excuse me." Scully rose to leave but the phalanx of visitors would not let her pass.
"I'm sorry," the man in red said, "I have been very rude, allow me to introduce myself and my co-workers, I am Saint Valentine." At this pronouncement Scully fell back into her chair in disbelief.
St. Valentine continued, "the lady on my right is Aphrodite," Aphrodite bowed her head regally in acknowledgment, "the lady on my left is Venus," Venus bowed her graceful head. "Hephaestus and Vulcan accompany the Goddesses today," the men in the back gave quick bows. Mulder watched all of this in eager delight. For Mulder this morning had been very tedious, the morning had taken a decidedly interesting turn.
Saint Valentine paused for a moment and sighed a long suffering sigh, he took a deep breath and presented the final member of their group, "this is Cupid. He is going through a Sherwood Forest phase, it's been going on for five centuries now, we hope it ends soon." Cupid gave an exaggerated bow, even doffing his cap, and Mulder silently mused that it wasn't likely this Sherwood Forest phase was going to end soon.
"Mulder, how much are you paying these people to pull this stunt? Because whatever it is, you're being ripped off."
The man calling himself St. Valentine answered, "Fox hasn't put us up to anything, Dana Katherine. We have come here on our own volition to repair the damage that has been done to your relationship."
Now she was angry, "our relationship is none of your business."
"Your relationship is our sole business."
Scully was actually shocked into silence.
Mulder, not having any idea where this encounter was going, but definitely wanting to find out, took up the duties as host. He rose from his seat, "may I get a chair for anyone?"
"Chairs for the ladies would be appreciated, thank you," Val answered.
Mulder sped to the back room and procured two chairs, privately sorry that the back room held no chaise lounges, while Scully started interrogating the man who had the audacity to identify himself as a saint.
"How did you get past security?"
"Security? My dear, we teleport." He did not say "my dear" with any sort of condescension, only unconditional love.
Mulder had returned and his eyes grew big as saucers, "you teleport? Tell me how it's done, what's it like?"
"Teleportation is a means to an end, it is not the purpose for our visit today." Val was not going to be distracted from his quest.
The ladies sat down, Vulcan and Hephaestus stood even more erect. If Scully were to diagnose their stance, she'd swear they were guarding the door to keep her from leaving. She desperately tried to think of a way to get out of the office nonetheless, for no matter what the lunatic in red said, she knew Mulder had put them up to this, and she wasn't going to play along with this game.
Cupid, thinking himself rather jaunty, leaned against a filing cabinet and crossed his arms. Mulder pulled his own chair out from behind his desk and positioned himself closer to Scully. Scully did her best to ignore everyone in the room and turned back to her computer.
Seeing that everyone was settled, in Scully's case, too settled, Val started pacing the room like a professor. "We have come here today because we are very troubled by the recent developments in your relationship."
Scully turned away from her laptop, "how do you know about our relationship?"
"As I said, Dana Katherine, your relationship is our sole business."
"Our relationship is no one's business but our own," Scully said with finality, hoping it would end this inane experience. She looked over to Mulder, hoping for back-up, but he was just sitting there grinning at her. Mulder was enjoying this all too much for his own health, if he didn't keep the smirk off his face Scully was going to shoot him, again. She glared at him, "what do you find so amusing, Mulder? Please ask your friends to leave, I have a lot of work to do." Once again she turned to her computer.
Saint Valentine silently reprimanded himself, he should have known that the easier path to reconciliation for these two was through Fox. It was time for a change in tactics. "I believe you are fond of slide shows, are you not, Fox?"
"Sure, but even I concede that they're outdated."
"We have no issues with dating, in any form." As Saint Valentine finished his sentence, he swooped his hand and an image appeared on the wall to Mulder's right. Scully studiously stared at her computer, willing herself to not look around.
Venus sighed, "oh, I remember this, it's one of my favorite moments." Aphrodite nodded her head in agreement. Their escorts continued to be stone-faced. Cupid grinned, jauntily.
Mulder swiveled his chair around and propped his feet up on his desk. If some guy in an antiquated robe wanted to show him highlights of his time with Scully, he wasn't going to argue with it. In fact, he was so intrigued he had decided to not even bother with correcting the use of his name to Mulder.
"Antarctica," Saint Valentine announced. He wasn't wasting any time with hand holding or glances containing repressed desire and unspoken truths, he went straight for the "actions speak louder than words" examples.
Mulder didn't need the travelogue, he recognized the two of them curled up together on the mass of white, but he did have a question, "could you choose a scene from a few minutes before, so Scully could see the ship?"
"Sorry, we are not in the business of ships; at least not ships that convey people."
Scully continued to be very interested in her computer, but if one listened closely, an ever so barely articulated scoff could be heard.
Fighting feigned ignoring with feigned ignoring, Saint Valentine continued as if Scully were paying rapt attention to his words, "everyone says 'I'd go to the ends of the Earth for you' but in most cases it's just a platitude. For you two, it's the truth. Yes, Fox, I used your favorite word. You've always been so interested in the truth, always expecting it to be out there somewhere, but only on rare occasions do you even dare to look within and see the truth for what it is."
Mulder had the decency to nod his head in acquiescence. "I guess some of us can't handle the truth."
"Was that directed at me?" Finally, Scully turned away from her computer and eyebrowed Mulder. He took his feet off the desk and turned to her, "no, it was directed at myself." Scully seemed to accept this and took the eyebrow down a notch.
Venus wasn't just here to be another pretty face, it was time for her to encourage Scully, "I remember this so well, Fox fighting through so much just to get to you, then fighting through even more to get you out," she said with admiration.
Scully gave the barest of glances to the image on the wall, the image that was there without any means of conveyance, "that was a long time ago."
"I'd do it again in a second."
Everyone in the room knew he was telling the truth.
Val took control of the situation, he again waved his hand and a different image appeared on the wall, "and lest we not forget that what's good for the gander is good for the goose." There was Scully at Mulder's bedside in Alaska, one out of the myriad hospital bedsides they had each attended. Mulder openly gazed at the "slide." He remembered how seeing the smile on her face when he woke up showed him that there was finally someone by his side and this gave him the reason to keep on going. He wondered when had she stopped smiling, and what could he do to put a smile back on her face.
Scully looked at Mulder and the way his eyes went out of focus scared her, she didn't dare examine the way she felt when this "picture" was taken so she took a different approach, "he's my partner, that's what you're supposed to do, it was just part of the job," she said rather harshly, "besides, I wanted to kick his ass for ditching me."
Mulder laughed in a way Scully hadn't heard him laugh in a long time, "aw, c'mon Scully, tracking me down has brought you to so many interesting places."
"Interesting?" There went the eyebrow again. "Mulder, if you take off on me once more, after I hunt you down I will chip you with a tracking device and install a 'Where's Mulder?' app on my phone."
He wouldn't put it past her, "so sue me for wanting to keep you safe." he grumbled.
"Mulder, you can't keep me safe. We don't live on a safe planet. We don't know what's going to happen from one moment to the next. There are challenges that people have to face in life and there is nothing you or I can do about it."
Scully was hitting close to home. They'd had this argument before and Mulder knew there was no winning it. He also knew his need to keep Scully safe started even before he'd met her, with Samantha; he wanted to protect her to compensate for the way he could not protect Samantha. Too often, instead of the numerous times he had been able to save Scully, all he could think of instead were the times he couldn't save her or wasn't there for her. He was learning to discipline himself from going down the path to darkness, so he eradicated those thoughts from his mind in favor of enjoying more of this trip down memory lane, so he turned and nodded, "play it, Val."
Val agreed and with another swipe of his hand and there was Mulder in another bed, this time restrained.
"Ugh, this one?" Mulder had hoped for a much better memory.
"Scully's curiosity got the better of her, she looked around to see herself taking hold of Mulder's restrained hand.
"I know this one," Aphrodite said.
"Do you have moments memorized?" Cupid quipped.
"We can send you home at any time," Aphrodite reminded him, regally. She then recited, most definitely not to Cupid, "you're my one in five billion."
Venus wasn't going to let this pass, this was one of her favorite moments too, "this needs to be updated to seven billion."
Mulder was all in, he rolled his chair over to Scully, placed his hands on her chair, looked her deeply in the eye and said, "Scully, you're my one in seven billion."
Scully closed her eyes, hoping that when she opened them she would find herself back in bed and that this had all been a very strange dream. Mulder removed his hands from her chair and pushed away. He shrugged an "I tried" to the Goddesses and they looked at him sympathetically.
"Perhaps we should move along," Val said, producing another moment on the wall. This one wasn't just a still photo, this was a mini-movie.
"Baseball!" Aphrodite and Venus cheered in giddy unison.
She couldn't not look, even Scully wasn't that strong. There they were, Mulder with his arms around her "teaching" her how to hit a baseball. The were both smiling and laughing. This was one of the most precious memories of her life. Scully dared a quick, surreptitious glance at Mulder, judging from the look he had on his face, this was one of his favorite moments too. Scully admitted to herself that she could watch this segment of their lives all day. She lost herself in the joy of reliving this, releasing the anger of the past few months and letting the happier memories back in. She was gaining perspective, seeing something she hadn't been able to see when she'd lived this: Mulder's face. It was showing carefree joy and elation that they were there together. She'd never considered this time from his point of view before and she liked what she saw. She was now observing from an outsider's point of view and this new perspective afforded her the chance to see nuances in their looks and gestures that she had overlooked and denied for so very long.
This was one of the best birthday presents of her life; early or late. There was a very nicely wrapped present there too, and he was probably the best present she'd been given in her entire life.
Not only had he himself been a present, but Mulder had given her many gifts during the time she'd known him. Most people wouldn't consider them gifts because they didn't come in boxes wrapped in pretty paper; Mulder's gifts came from a deeper source. He gave her the opportunity to use her intellect. He gave her respect and friendship. He gave her the gift of the innermost secret of his soul; the heartbroken little boy who missed his sister and ached for someone to acknowledge his pain. He challenged her, their verbal sparring was always was from a place of equality, somewhere it had never been with anyone else. He gave her a world she never dreamed existed and he elevated her life from the mundane (even if there were some times she wished she could return that particular gift.) There were times when she wondered how dull her life would have been if she had never met him. There was no denying it, everyone else bored her.
"Maybe it's time to tell Fox the truth, Dana Katherine," Venus said.
"Hmm?" Scully tore her gaze away from the baseball, "I don't know what you're talking about."
"You can't lie to a Goddess."
Mulder answered the question, "don't worry Scully, I knew you were a baseball fiend in junior high school, your mother showed me pictures."
Once again today, Scully was shocked, but she only answered, "you sneak," and that didn't have any venom behind it.
"Takes one to know one. I apologize for nothing," Mulder shrugged and grinned then went back to watching them hit. He was glad Val had picked this moment, it was one of the few memories in his life that was nothing but pure joy, and he was enjoying it all over again.
"The field is still there," Val prompted.
"It's a little chilly..." Scully trailed off. There was no way to phrase the next sentence without setting Mulder up with low-hanging fruit to joke about. If she had said, "It's too cold out for baseball." Mulder would have said, "we can always play indoor baseball." If she had said, "I'm not going outside, it's freezing." He'd have said, "so we'll stay in and warm each other up." If she had said, "I'm not standing outside in the cold." He would have said, "I'll keep you warm." There was no winning, so she shut up; ignoring the fact that "a little chilly" could be taken as a comment on her recent behavior.
"There are fields in warmer climates," Val said, but no one was really paying attention, they were all watching baseball. Val let the baseball watching continue "No couple in human history has sublimated the way you two did, and trust me, I've known every couple in human history. I should amend that, you still sublimate. We have created a special superlative for you: Couple Most Likely to Raise Denial to An Art Form."
Mulder chuckled, Scully was not as amused.
Val decided it was time to change the subject, he moved to wave his hand again, but Aphrodite and Venus protested, "no, don't go elsewhere, we want to watch the baseball!"
"You may watch baseball when we arrive home, right now we need to move on."
"Wait, you watch us at home?" Scully asked. Idly, she wondered where their home might be.
"Our lives our devoted to romance, we love love, of course we watch, but do not worry Dana Katherine, we do not trespass upon the most sacred of moments," Venus soothed.
Although Scully was slightly mollified by this, as it was more than could be said of some human (or maybe not human) forms of surveillance, she was still not on board with this whole situation and therefore dripped sarcasm when she said, "that makes me feel so much better."
Everyone's attention was now captured by the next moment on the wall, another mini-movie.
"...you were my friend. You told me the truth. Even when the world was falling apart you were my constant, my touchstone," Mulder said.
"No!" Scully said, jumping up from her chair and pushing it away behind her, "make it stop...," but it was too late and she saw herself saying to Mulder, "and you are mine," then kiss his forehead. She wanted to run, she couldn't confront this, even in all the years she and Mulder had been together between then and now they had never discussed this moment. She wasn't about to start now.
"Play that one again, Val," Aphrodite urged.
"Absolutely not! What gives you the right to come in here? What gives you the right to intrude on these intimate moments?" This moment was too raw, too personal, and no matter what the woman calling herself Venus had said, this, in Scully's opinion was a sacred moment and was not to be trespassed upon. Her innermost truths were being torn from her and put on display, for a woman so private, this was torture. Not only did she have to confront her own feelings at this moment, but she was seeing the look on Mulder's face after she left him at the door. What she saw there scared her, the truth of his heart was written on his face and she could not deny what she saw.
When she'd walked away from him in the hallway of his apartment building that day so long ago she went on with her day, doing her best to keep him out of her mind so that she wouldn't go running back to him, feeling that it was too soon. They'd been through so much, they both needed time to heal the schism in their partnership. Now she could see the vulnerability, she wished she hadn't walked away that day. This was also tying in with her recent actions toward him. What had she done? Rejected him and broken his trust when he needed her the most. This was a truth very difficult for her to confront within herself. She was disappointed in her actions towards him and angry with herself for not being, what she considered at least, strong enough. She couldn't handle this.
Scully had reached her breaking point, "get out! I've had enough."
No one moved.
"I said get out. Mulder, tell your friends to leave."
Before Mulder could make any sort of answer, Val broke in, "the reminder arrow, Cupid."
"It's about time someone acknowledged my gifts," Cupid preened as he moved to nock an arrow with a red heart shaped tip into his bow.
"Shut up, Cupid," the Goddesses said in unison, annoyed that their trip down Mulder and Scully Memory Lane had been cut short.
Seeing that Cupid was ready to shoot, Mulder crossed in front of Scully to shield her from being hit. He still had no idea who these people were and no one took an undefended shot at Scully, not as long as he had breath in his body anyway.
"Relax, Fox, Cupid will be shooting at the ceiling," Val said.
Mulder's paranoia had not abated through the years, so he didn't make a move away from Scully. Cupid took aim above them and sent the arrow on its way. It hit the ceiling and stuck there, just like one of Mulder's pencils. The arrow then transformed, disintegrating into a shower of tiny glittery silver and gold shapes that fell on to both Mulder and Scully. The effect was overwhelming for both of them. They could feel nothing but unconditional love while a bewildering amount of more moments from their past flicked through their minds, inundating them.
"I think it's remotely plausible someone might think you're hot."
"I had the strength of your beliefs."
"I wouldn't put myself on the line for anyone but you."
"Scully, marry me."
"Agent Scully is already in love."
"You believed me...Scully...I love you."
"Oh brother."
"The world didn't end."
Words and images, each appearing for just a brief moment before moving on to another. Scully didn't remember that there had been so many times when they had comforted each other. So many times when they'd needed their arms around each other to know that the other was there and they were safe, cared for and protected.
Scully sank into her chair, the reminder arrow had accomplished its goal. She felt everything she'd felt before but instead of being happy about it, she was angry. She shut her eyes, trying to will away these sights and sounds but they continued to drop into her consciousness. She wanted to cry, but willed herself not to.
Mulder took the gifts of the reminder arrow and used them to strengthen his memory banks for the next time he and Scully had a fight. He slowly sat down and looked at Scully. Seeing her in distress he said, "enough. That's enough."
Saint Valentine waved his hand and the shower of glittery shapes disappeared. This seemed to ease Scully's distress. The office was quiet. Mulder noticed that no matter how hard Scully was trying to hide it, she was shaking. He wanted to go to her, put his arms around her and hold her, but was afraid she'd push him away.
"Now perhaps we can start a discussion," Saint Valentine proposed.
"There's still nothing to discuss," a barely audible Scully said. "We tried, Mulder, we really did, but we are never going to solve our innate issues."
"What innate issues might those be, Scully?"
For once he wasn't being flippant, and as much as she had loved him in the past, loved him now and would always love him, there were some things love couldn't conquer. "The fact that I don't want darkness in my life."
"No one wants darkness, Scully, but it's a part of life and if we can help and save lives, aren't we obligated to do so? The darkness isn't so bad when we are together, at least for me. I know; I bear responsibility for turning your life from the realization of the American Dream to a nightmare..."
"Stop being a martyr, Mulder. I made my choices, you are not responsible for them. You do not have to take on all the world's suffering. You are not here to save the world." Even as she said it, the last bit rang false. What if he was here to save the world through his work on the X-Files? As if to balance all of Mulder's positive qualities she had pondered earlier, she now deliberately called his negative attributes to the fore. His slavish devotion to his quest, his inability to let go of his past, his arrogance, his impulsiveness, his penchant for self-destruction, his stubbornness, well, they both had that to contend with.
"I'm keeping my appointments Scully. I've stopped drinking, I'm doing what needs to be done for you to come home. For the longest time I kept expecting you to leave me. I'd come into work thinking that today would be the day I'd find out you'd put in for a transfer. While we were underground I expected you to go and stop abetting a fugitive." It was a pattern in his life, the people he loved always left. "When you finally did leave, a part of me was relieved that I no longer had to live in the anxiety."
"I didn't want to go, Mulder. I had to save myself. It shattered me to leave you. I hate thinking of you alone in that house. I worry about you."
"I can live without you. Is it better than it was? No, but I am not pathetic enough to grovel and I won't beg you to come back."
"No one is asking you to beg, Mulder." She stood up and started to pace, "there's more to it. We're back on the X-Files, back into the basement darkness." This was a weaker argument; she'd made the choice for the X-Files a long time ago and there was no turning back, it was a lifetime commitment.
"You are the light in my darkness."
"I can't be that for you anymore, I'm not that strong."
"You? You are the strongest person I have ever met." The room was quiet. The Eternals were still there, but only as support, they were not saying a word. Mulder continued, "maybe there is no escaping the darkness for us."
"Rather morbid thought."
"Just truth," he said.
"Don't use the T word in front of me," Scully snipped out, but then softened, "I'm sorry, Mulder, we've been through so much. I'm terrified your obsession with the truth is going to get you killed. I can't bury you again, it almost killed me the first time. I buried you..." This was a memory she had never wanted to revisit, she closed her eyes to try and push it away, but all that did was cause the tears to flow. Mulder had kept a respectful distance up to this point, but his fear that she would push him away was now overruled by his need to comfort her. He walked over to her and put his arms around her. She didn't push him away, but she did curl herself in to protect herself as much as she could.
Gently he said, "I don't want to bury you either, Scully. No one wants to bury their beloved, but people do, even people who have no involvement with the paranormal. It's a fact of life."
No one said anything for several minutes. Scully continued to cry as she once again ruminated over her greatest dilemma; she could trust him with her life, but could she trust him with her heart? Was she going to go back to keeping her heart tightly guarded; or was she going to liberate it? She knew there could never be anyone else, it was Mulder or no one. How could anyone else be for her what Mulder had been through the years? She'd always thought that the greatest tragedy of his life was that his immense reserves of love had been hoarded away by rejection after rejection and learning to trust no one. She thought with a wince that he had trusted her, yet another gift he'd given her, and what had she done? Thrown that gift back in his face, adding herself to the list of people who had rejected him.
Finally Mulder spoke very softly, "if I could I would take away all the pain you've ever been through, surround you with nothing but happiness and throw roses at your feet every day."
She smiled a small half smile, "that's a little unrealistic."
He shrugged, "I deal in un-realism."
Scully moved out of his arms, she had to, she was perilously close to wanting to stay there forever. She found a tissue and turned away from him. "Mulder, don't put me on a pedestal, I don't belong there."
"Scully, sometimes...sometimes I feel like I'm Charlie Brown and your my Little Red-Haired Girl, unattainable, off-limits. Don't blame me for using the word little, blame Charles Schulz.
Scully was floored, how could he see the positions in their relationship like that? "Mulder, you are no Charlie Brown." There was an appearance of another difficult to love quality, his rarely seen, but always lurking Mulder insecurity. Sometimes it was easy to forget what a deeply scarred man he was, and that he still he still believed he didn't deserve to be loved. "Geez, Mulder, we really are a pair, for so long I did everything I could to impress you."
"You impressed me before I even met you."
"I did?"
"Einstein. Scully, there's nothing spookier than physics. I knew we'd work well together."
"You're just letting me in on this secret now?"
"Scully, I didn't want to let you in. Not into the Files, not into my life and definitely not into my heart. I thought I'd be alone for the rest of my life and I liked it that way. There had been too many people who used me." He didn't name names, but Scully knew who they were. "You didn't use me, and you could have. You could have reported to your superiors that my work had no merit within a month of your being in the basement. They would have given you a gold star and a promotion. They would have shut down the X- Files and sent me back to profiling, or fired me."
"I wouldn't let them use me either, Mulder. I wanted to prove myself, yes, be the hero who brought you back to the mainstream. I wanted to show I could handle anything the Bureau threw at me."
"They certainly threw plenty at you, right on down to petty gossip. I hated it when they started calling you Mrs. Spooky, I still do."
"I never did."
"You didn't?"
"No, it meant I was working with the best and on intriguing cases their brains couldn't comprehend. You were the only one with the compassion and intelligence to handle those cases." To this day she wouldn't let herself examine any other implications of the Mrs.
"All these years all you wanted me for was my brain?"
Scully couldn't help it, one corner of her mouth flicked up into a half smile.
"That's ok, Scully, I don't feel cheap or used."
That did it, she laughed and a little of the ice that formed around their relationship broke away.
"You got me, Mulder. Took you long enough. My secret's out, now I'll have to admire the rest of you as well."
"Admire away," he leered.
She laughed.
"Scully, no matter what happens after this conversation you will always hold a treasured place in my heart, and I will always be there for you in any way you want me to be."
Val finally stepped in, "a reminder, Monday is a Federal holiday, you wouldn't have to be back at work until Tuesday morning.
The X-Files rarely ran on a Monday to Friday schedule, but Val's idea did have merit.
"A romantic weekend for two? Rather cliché for us, isn't it?" Scully asked. She ignored the fact that Valentine's day would be one of these days, they could take cliché only so far.
"Scully, for us the cliché happens so rarely it is paranormal." His face lit up, "pack your bags, Scully."
"Where are we going?"
"Someplace warmer than here."
"Well, that rules out Antarctica, barely."
It didn't really matter where they were going, it was obvious that Mulder had something up his sleeve. She never could resist him when he had that patented, "let's go on an adventure, Scully!" enthusiasm in his eyes, and he knew it. She wondered if he had the idea before their drop-in visitors. She turned to ask them if they had any other ideas, but they were gone. She started to the hallway, but stopped, fearing on one hand that she would see them walking away; and on the other hand that she wouldn't.
Scully packed up as as Mulder started to make the travel arrangements. "I'll pick you up two hours," he said as she reached the door. She nodded in acknowledgment, then tried to convince herself that she had imagined their visitors. Unfortunately, two chairs still sat in the middle of the office. She pretended they weren't there as she left.
Touching down at the Long Beach Airport, Scully was even more intrigued by this flight of fancy they were taking. Mulder was still being mysterious. She could see the excitement in his eyes, he was grinning, but controlled. Seeing him so happy made her happy. They'd missed the California sunset, but that seemed to suit Mulder's plan. It did, he didn't want Scully to see where they were going until they were there. They picked up the rental car, Mulder drove, "sorry Scully, but you don't know where we're going, I'd rather not wind up in Alaska tonight."
"Fine, you can drive, but I hope you know where you're going,"
He looked at her, "so do I." Suddenly Scully wasn't sure if they were still talking about directions.
After a relatively quick (for Southern California) commute, Mulder pulled into the hotel parking lot. Scully was impressed. They got out of the car and she could see that Mulder's enthusiasm had increased from its already high level. They stood side by side as they admired their home for the weekend.
Scully finally spoke, "the Queen Mary, Mulder? She looks suspiciously like the Queen Anne."
"Yes, she does, doesn't she? The great Art Deco ocean liners share the same sleek lines. Queen Mary, Queen Anne and Normandie were rivals for the Blue Riband in the halcyon days of pre-war Atlantic travel. This ship was the only one to survive the war, she served as a troop ship. The Normandie didn't survive its transition into wartime service. On February 9, 1942 she caught fire and capsized. She was eventually sold for scrap. Some say the fire was caused by sparks from a welder, some say it was sabotage, we'll never know the truth. Of course you know what happened to the Queen Anne."
"Yes, she turned up as a ghost ship in the Bermuda Triangle."
"Speaking of ghosts, did you know the Queen Mary is said to be haunted."
Now this trip was making even more sense to Scully. "You don't say."
Mulder pulled out his phone, "take a look, a Ghost and Legends tour, described as spooky. Dining With the Spirits at Sir Winston's; also comes with a tour, paranormal ship walks and a highly recommended non-spooky Sunday brunch."
"Why do I think we have reservations for all of them?"
The grin of a kid in a candy store couldn't hold a candle to the grin currently on Mulder's face. "C'mon Scully, we have rooms to check into."
Rooms? Scully was a little surprised that he was bothering with two rooms, but upon reflection realized that the journey back to each other must be taken in measured steps. A little too much togetherness too soon could quickly put them on the outs again and neither one of them wanted that.
After a relaxing dinner they wandered around the deck. Scully was satisfied with meandering, but she could see Mulder constantly looking for something on the ship itself.
"Ghost hunting?" she asked when he seemed to be paying more attention to the ship than to her.
"No, I'm looking for a specific place."
"You've been here before?"
"No, looking for a Queen Anne style location." So far there had been many that were close, but nothing that matched his memory exactly. He was about to give up, after all, even though the ships were similar, they weren't sister ships.
"What's going on Mulder?"
He'd run out of time. They stopped walking. Mulder looked around, if he squinted enough this spot resembled the Queen Anne enough for his purpose. It had been dark then and it was dark now. He escorted Scully to the railing where they could look over the water.
"This is nice Mulder, but obviously you have something on your mind. A story to tell? A ghost story?"
"No, this one is about the Queen Anne, but unless we want to go ship hunting in the Bermuda Triangle again..."
"And we don't."
"...this is the best place to tell the story. It's the full story of my experience in 1939."
She'd never heard the full story because she'd smothered his need to tell it, pushing away any details he had given her and mentally filing them under "Drug Induced Hallucinations," and never giving him the chance to tell her more about the experience even after the drugs had worn off. He'd never pursued telling her any more about it as she'd obviously considered the matter to be over from the time she walked out of his hospital room. Communication, spoken or not was not a strong point of their partnership at the time.
Now willing to listen to something that had obviously meant a lot to him and a little angry with herself for not listening to him at the time, for it was obvious that he believed what he had been saying, she smiled and that gave him the go ahead to tell his tale. He spun her a story of betrayal, sacrifice and heroism set against the opening salvos of World War II. Scully did her best to imagine herself running through an elegant ship in a gown and was suddenly struck with a memory of her own.
"What?" Mulder asked, seeing her visibly start.
"Nothing." She was definitely not going to broach this topic with him, he'd read too much into it.
"C'mon, Scully."
"It's nothing really." She had to correct herself, if they were starting down a new path, it would take effort from both of them. "When the Gunmen and I were on the ship I went around a corner and felt...strange. I can't describe it, there was a...cold sensation that when through me, but I wasn't cold. I'm sure it was just a breeze created by one of the guys closing a door somewhere."
"Maybe you ran into yourself."
"Don't be absurd. Can we get back to your story please?"
"The only part I have left is what happened out here on deck." The more he looked around the area where they were, the more it resembled the Queen Anne. The railing was the same, as were the windows in the bulkhead. They were on the starboard side of the ship, looking over the water, if it weren't for the lights of civilization across the bay he could almost believe he was back on the Queen Anne.
"So what happened on deck?"
"I kissed you," he said, still looking out over the water.
Scully crossed her arms, "that doesn't seem quite fair, our first kiss and I wasn't even there."
"You were there, Scully."
"Funny, I don't remember being there. It's a nice dream, Mulder."
He turned to her, "it wasn't a dream. I was there, you were there and I said, 'in case I never see you again' and I kissed you."
"You kissed me? And what did I do?"
"You punched me; right here," he touched his hand to his cheek, and involuntary smile at the memory came across his face.
"I punched you?"
"Yeah," he was still smiling.
"You don't seem upset by this."
"I kissed you Scully. What did I care about what happened afterward? You could have thrown me off the ship and I wouldn't have cared. I did say that I was expecting a left."
Scully laughed, "Mulder, that was a vivid dream you had, but it was just a dream. The Queen Anne was long deserted."
"Maybe so, Scully but I felt the soreness from your punch even when I was in the hospital."
She touched his formerly sore cheek, "Mulder that pain could have had several causes. You could have been subject to many forms of trauma while in the Triangle. Planks from the boat could have hit you, the wind could have thrown flotsam against you. A wave could have knocked you into boat debris."
Mulder looked at her with affection through all this, she could come up with any explanation she wanted, but he knew what he experienced and it hadn't been a dream. Scully was tempted enough by the affection in his eyes to consider placing a kiss on that long ago hurt cheek, but fear crept up and she backed away.
"It's been a long day Mulder, with a cross country flight, I think it's time to get some sleep."
"Right, we have a big day of ghost hunting tomorrow."
She smiled and they started back to their rooms.
Saturday and Sunday were spent on various tours both on and off the ship. Being them, they ignored the fact that Sunday was Valentine's day, it had never been an important day for them and there was no reason for it to start being so at this point in their relationship.
Sunday night found them meandering the decks once again. They walked slowly and if Scully just happened to let her hand drop to her side and if it just happened to brush against Mulder's hand every once in a while and if their fingers just happened to catch each other, then that was just more of their masterful silent communication at work. They wound up in the same place they'd been on Friday night.
"I feel like I've gone back in time this weekend. I have missed you, Mulder."
"I've missed you too."
"It's not easy to live without you."
"It's not easy to live with me."
"For once I'm not going to argue with you," the joy in her eyes took any sting out of that remark, "but better with than without. I can't live anymore with being afraid of what might happen. I should embrace every second with you because who knows what could happen tomorrow. Forgive me?"
"There's nothing to forgive. Forgive me?"
"For what?"
"This." He pulled her close, just as he had in 1939 and kissed her even longer than he did then. 2016 Scully did not mind.
"You'll be relieved to know I won't punch you," she said when they finally broke the kiss.
"That is a relief, I don't think my jaw could handle it again."
"In fact, I'll do what I should have done in 1939." She reached up to kiss him on the same cheek her predecessor had made her mark.
"That was much more pleasant," he said as she pulled away. They stood side by side looking out over the water, his arm around her. Tonight was a night for bravery, so Mulder took a chance, "Scully, do you remember what I said to you in the hospital?"
He could feel her tense up.
"I see you do. I meant it; it wasn't the drugs talking."
"Mulder, you weren't lucid. I won't say I didn't think about what you said, but I wasn't ready to face it at the time." She placed a hand over his on the railing, "but that doesn't mean I didn't feel the same way." A small step forward, but a necessary one. Mulder, at least, finally had the answer he'd wanted at the time. He pulled her a little closer and briefly kiss the top of her head, "thanks, Scully."
It had been quite a weekend. Their office visitors hadn't affected the way Scully felt about Mulder, they just helped her uncover her heart from the layers of darkness she'd buried it under. They reminded her that he was the beloved of her heart and soul, and that the impact they had had on each other's lives was profound and eternal.
Sunday, February 14, 2016
In Another Realm
"You're working late, Aph."
"I've been checking in on Dana and Fox throughout the day."
"Ah, how are they doing."
"Take a look."
Val leaned over to see them walking hand in hand down a hotel corridor. They stopped in front of a door. They looked at each other a little hesitantly, but then kissed. Scully did not punch Mulder afterward. They smiled and Mulder unlocked the door. Scully entered the room with Mulder's hand at the small of her back.
"Shut down the computer, Aphrodite."
She did.
Funny story: when I was at the end of my rope with this story and needed "to get out of my head," I went for a walk to get something to eat. Walked into a place to pick up a sandwich and what song what playing on the radio? "Joy to the World." I'm doomed.