Final Fantasy 7 Karaoke Night
By: Jacob Troutman
Disclaimer: I do not own FF7 but that should be obvious
Again this is one of the fanfics I find after a long time and now putting it up. This should be the first fanfic I've written that you will ever see
(Setting= After a long, hard battle to save the planet from the psychopath Sephiroth, the whole group goes to a bar to have some fun back in Midgar, they had to fake Yuffie's age)
Barret: Where's this Watch-ya-ma-call-it place at exactly?
Cid: This bar doesn't have a name exactly… but its got real good booze! I first went here
when I was applying for a job in the Shinra space program and I went to go see
Loveless…have any of you seen it?
( Everyone starts looking up and goes "Eeeem" As Yuffie jumps out)
Yuffie: Hey! Isn't that the movie with that one 2-cent hoe actress, umm Lara Mission?
Cid: (shouts in her face) Lauren Michen and if you ever and I mean ever call her that again
I will personally hurt you!!
Yuffie: 2-cent hoe, 2-cent hoe!!
Cid: ( smacks Yuffie on her arm) Damn bitch!! She's my woman!!
Yuffie: Oh boy, don't make me bitch slap you!!( starts to think for a moment and starts
bursting out with laughter)
Red XIII: We're not there yet and she's already drunk.
Barret: What the hell is with ya.
Yuffie: (holding her breath so hard) Cid…Her…an old cook…and a…2-CENT HOE!!!
I'm sorry but…Cid's hopeless!….Oh wait a minute she's now pregnant so did you
hook up? Is this why you won't share the undying passion for Shera?
Cid: Girl you better learn when to shut-up.
Yuffie: Oh come on! Lighten up, will ya? We just kicked the worlds greatest villains ass!
We should all just laugh our butt off and have a good time and collect all the
Materia the world!
(Tifa is back behind the rest of the group adjusting her bra which has been bugging her after Cloud grabbed her up on the platform in the crater and she snaps her bra and everyone turns around and looks at Tifa who's face is bright red and her hand is down her shirt)
Tifa: Sorry…It's been bugging me really bad….QUITE STARING AT ME DAMMIT!!!!!
(Tifa's face is brighter than ever ( I knew all along she had it in her!)and Cloud steps towards Tifa)
Cloud: Okay everyone, let's move on the moments passed.
Yuffie: I bet we'll be hearing more of that after she gets rip-roaring drunk!!
Cid: And what about you? What happens when you get drunk?
Yuffie: Nothing 'cause I'm not gittin drunk, first I don't want a hangover, second I don't
want to be a total Jack-ass!!
Vincent: As if you already weren't?
Yuffie: Shaddup!! Why don't ya stick to the "Yet upon me is another sin", or, "The darkness of the light" mumbo-jumbo you normally say?!!
Tifa: Hey guys! Stop it! And even though we're going to another bar… I'm still a better
bartender right?
Cloud: Of coarse! And the sexiest!
Cid: We're here!! Yippee!!
( Everyone looks at Cid as he's jumping up and down like a princess)
Yuffie: Gawd I'm starved! Can I get a hamburger, some fries, and a coke here?
Cid: All but the coke. We know what caffeine does to you.
Yuffie: Damn you, ya frickin bitch!
Tifa: (holds herself and is bouncing up and down) Can we go now please….I GOTTA PEE DAMMIT!! (once again people look at her and face turns all kind of red shades)
( The whole group goes inside and finds a table to sit the order Cloud, Tifa, Red XIII, Cait Sith, Yuffie, Vincent, Cid, and Barret. Tifa immediately leaves and searches for the bathroom hastily and knocks three waiters and waitresses down before finding it, Yuffie looks through the menu for something to eat and a man walks over to the group)
Man: I'm sorry but no pets allowed.
Red XIII: (gets up and notices Yuffie's giggling behind the menu) I am not I pet, yet I am
that of another race, the last of my race and--
Man: HOLY S#!&, IT TALKS!!! Well no matter what you shouldn't be allowed in here.
Yuffie: (slowly gets up and struts over to the waiter and gets all googly eyed) Would you
please let him stay ( the man starts backing up)…for me?( She tilts her head and
gives an innocent smile)
Man: I, uh, I, errm, …sure for a little cutie like you!!( the man walks off, but kinda
stumbles as he walks off)
Yuffie: (walks back to her seat and sits down) God bless my feminine charms! HEY
DAMMIT HE FORGOT MY ORDER!!
Red XIII: I can't believe you could do that.
Yuffie: (runs across the place) Are you the waiter?…Hey are ya a waitress?…By any
chance do you even work here?( She finds a fat waiter) Okay some of us over here
would like to order something!( She runs back to her seat and sits impatiently)
HEY FATTY COULD WE PLACE AN ORDER!!!( The fat man walks over)
Fat man: What can I get for ye today?
Yuffie: That's right, remember…TODAY!! Okay I'd like a hamburger and some fries and
a medium coke!
Fat man: Would you like that as a garden burger?
Yuffie: What the hell! Does it look like I'm on a diet?! Are you calling me fat?!
Fat man: ( mumbles under his breath "if the customer complains about an order say
"Do you want me to take it back"") "Do you want me to take it back?"
Yuffie: Yes I would, Thank you!! I don't appreciate people talking about my weight,
Jack-ass!…Oh sorry.
(Tifa runs back and everybody orders some booze except Red XIII who orders some steak and Cait Sith who would probably malfunction if he did)
Cait Sith: Why'd you apologize to him?
Yuffie: I think he's retarded or something cause he's got a special bracelet which I know
he and his little friends didn't go out and braid!
( Just as everyone gets settled and start telling jokes and other crap an announcer came on stage and made an announcement (obviously))
Announcer: Ladies and drunken gentlemen! We will have a karaoke contest up here and
the winner of the contest will receive the Carbuncle materia and prize money of
5,000 Gil. Now all you have to do is get your sorry asses up here pay 100 Gil pick a
song that's up here and sing what little is left of your minds!
Yuffie: Yay! Entertainment!
Tifa: Hey how about we all sign up?! C'mon it'll be fun!
Cloud: Sure but, no laughing.
Cid: Hell Why not? I'm gonna get plastered anyway so why don't I just loose the rest of
Sanity?
Vincent: Sure, the power of a song… is determined in the presence of our soul( He looks
At Yuffie and smirks above the mask over his face)
Yuffie: Okay maybe you could stop that. Hell I'll join!
Barret: The hell are you all doin' ya bunch of pansies?! I'm not doing this!
Red XIII: (starts humming a low tune from his tribe, actually not bad at all) Hmm…maybe
not, besides I would attract a lot of attention
Cait Sith: (jokingly) Yeah, Yeah, I got a great voice an' all but, this stuffed toy would
probably ruin the reception, so no.
Yuffie: Cool! I'm signin' up now( Yuffie leaves)
Tifa: We should too!( the rest of the group that wants to participate went up and signed
and chose a song.)
Tifa: Hey Yuffie! What are you singing?
Yuffie: It's a SURPRISE!
Tifa: Well I'm singing Bring Me Back to Life with Cloud!
Yuffie: Well that's cool…I guess…
Cid: I'm singing Kiss by a Rose, that's better!!
Tifa: The hell it is!
(Vincent comes back and his face is all sweaty)
Tifa: What's wrong?
Vincent: I….can't…. do….it. Too embarrassing…
Barret: Whatever man. This whole thing is stupid.
(the waiter comes with food and drinks)
Yuffie: Yeah, food!!( she stuffs her face and everyone watches) *smack* well *urmf*
there are your drinks *gulp* so drink up!
(everyone drinks up the booze, that ordered one, Tifa belched, Yuffie and Red XIII ate their food and everyone got another drink ( that had ordered before) and by the time they finished that they were drunk and yet they ordered another and this time they ordered 2 for each and Cid dumped some booze in Red XIII water dish while he wasn't looking and they all got completely blitzed, even Cait Sith because Reeve had a secret cabinet full of vodka, except Yuffie who instead was getting hyper from all the caffeine and then the contest began)
Announcer: Could we please have Cid Highwind up to the stage.
Cid: Whoo-hoo! ( He starts up to the stage when he falls down, tripping over the air (crazy Dimwit) and starts singing, very horribly, 'Kiss by a Rose' and after the first section of the song he falls forward off the stage)*thud* I'm alright…I think.( He walks off to his seat and the only thing said was "Dum-dee-da-dee-dum" I guess his roses weren't red (tee-hee))
Announcer: Okay…I love my job…I love my job…Okay next could we have Lauren
Michen?
Cid: God…I must be totally drunk or I hit my head to hard, did they just say *gulp*
Lauren Michen?
Yuffie: (comes back after running through the place working off her energy) No! Sorry
Cid. They said…2-CENT HOE!!!! HAHAAHAAAA ( She runs off again)
Cid: Huh? That's a weird name!
Barret: Yo Cid you are one F@(#&$% terrible singer!!
Cid: F@($ you!!!
Barret: No F@($ you Dumbass!
Tifa: A FIGHT! A FIGHT! BRING US SOME EMPTY BOTTLES!!
Barret: Nah I don't wanna fight'ya, it would look bad on me reputation.
Red XIII: Improper English.
Barret: The hell would you know? You shouldn't be speaking at all….Hey don't fall
asleep when I'm talkin' to ya…screw it.
(Lauren Michen walks onto the stage, grabs the microphone and before anything started she was bursting out with laughter and somebody had to pull her off the stage)
Cid: Hey man let her go!( the men let her go) Your Lauren Michen! I can't believe I'm
talking to you!! ( Turns to Yuffie) See! She's not pregnant!( Of course Yuffie's off
not listening) You can sit with us if you want.
Lauren: Uuuugn…Sure! Hey your kinda cute!
Yuffie: (now taking notice) Hey you must be pretty drunk too! (whispers in Cid's ears
"Way to go old man!", and walks off"
Announcer: Next we have Don Corneo!
Tifa: What the hell are YOU doing here?!
Don: Well I've given up on my chicky search and now singing here in hopes to fulfill my
man search!
Cloud: You sick Bastard!
Barret: You Crazy Mo Fo!
Don: Oh come on! You all know you want me!
Cloud & Barret: Ewww Gross!! Die you flamer!!!
(Cloud chops off his head and Barret shoots his head up and blows it up, then Tifa uses the Exit spell to get rid of the remainder of his body… Why nobody notices this scene no one knows)
Announcer: Don Corneo? Okay let's go on! We've got ourselves a couple song Cloud
Strife and Tifa Lockheart ! *whispers* God this contest sucks!
Tifa: Come on Cloud! Let's *belch* go
(Tifa and Cloud go up to the stage with a glass of beer each, They start to sing "Bring me back to Life" but in the middle of the song they start becoming uncoordinated and they start laughing at each of their mistakes and they fall onto each other and they both started to spill the beer all over each other (now you can see straight through Tifa's shirt!) and the GUYS were about to take them off the stage when Tifa and Cloud start
having belching contest on stage and then they crawl off and lay on the floor.)
Announcer: Damn she's fine…Oh, next Yuffie… Kisaragi, is that it?
Yuffie: Yup( She zips across the bar and goes on the stage and goes toward the microphone)
Tifa: Oh *belch* no!!! Cover your ears!!!
Cloud: Open the windows!!
Barret: This is gonna blow your f@($'in ear drums!! Anyone got some earplugs
( Everyone starts to cover their ears up except Red XIII, be kinda hard. At this sight Yuffie gets teary eyed and then smiles confidently, as she starts to sing… "the Dream Within", Everyone is amazed with how sweet her voice is, how graceful her dance steps were (except when she about tripped over the microphone wire, with the exception Cid's making out with Lauren, Yuffie starts to finish off strong)
Yuffie: (singing) Free, The Dream Within…The stars are cryyying…a tear…a
sigh…Escapes from heeaaven…and the wooorrld…eeennnds.
Barret: Holy S#!& ! She sings better than Tifa!!
Tifa: She does not!! I was umm, distracted!
Barret: Whatever.
Cloud: Ahh, don't worry. Your still sexier!!
Tifa: Thanks Cloud.. How about we get a hotel room, and…..
Cloud:…OKAY!!!
(Cloud and Tifa walk out of the bar)
Yuffie: Told ya that bra would be snappin later!!
Lauren: Cid that seems to me like a good idea too!
Cid: Okay! Whoo-hoo!
(They leave the bar)
Vincent: Ahh! I'm left out!
Yuffie: EEEEEWWWWW!GROSS-NESS! No way in hell am I goin with you!!
Barret: Aww! You'd make a cute couple!
Yuffie: Shaddup unless you want a couple of shurikens and chakrams in your face!!
( the contest continues on and on for a long time)
Announcer: We have a winner!! The winner is Yuffie Kisaragi!!
Yuffie: *snore* Hmmm, huh, I won? I won! I won! I WON!! ( she walks up to the stage
and claims the prize money and the Carbuncle materia and summons Carbunkle)
Awww, he's so cute!!!!
*The End*
Author's comments: Hi! Hoped ya liked this FanFic! Some things to explain about this is first of all Lauren Michen is not the real name, it's just something I came up with from Cid in the video game saying he went to see Loveless. Next I hope any readers aren't offended by the comments made. Third, all the songs on here are actual songs, Kiss by a Rose I know you know, Bring me back to Life by Evenescence, and The Dream Within by Lara Fabian, Great songs, you should hear them. I would have used Ace of Base songs, there my favorite group for a long time, but I didn't use them because I thought it would be to biased to my song judgments, listen to them sometime. Last thing when they say " The only thing said was "Dum-dee-da-dee-dum"" that is from an old Aqua song and the next line is "Roses are red" if that makes any sense .