AN: Blame Barbra Streisand for the title. Damnit, but that is a good song!

This is a three-parter story following Axel/Lea, Saix/Isa, and Xemnas/Xehanort, before and after they became Nobodies. Basically playing with the ideas of how it happened, why it happened, and what happened in-between. Enjoy, and look forward to more soon!

When the end came, it was easy to look back on those moments called his life and pinpoint just where everything had gone wrong. Then again, it wasn't all that hard to figure out that it was all Isa's fault.

And maybe, a little bit, Lea's too.

After all, Lea hadn't done anything to stop Isa from meeting the white-haired man they came to know as Xehanort. He hadn't done anything to stop him from going to that castle and becoming one of Ansem's apprentices. He certainly hadn't stopped Isa from participating in that experiment that changed their lives. The one that changed their names and turned them into mere shadows of themselves.

On the contrary, Lea had stuck by his friend through the whole journey, all the way to the end. That was just what friends did; they stuck by each other no matter what. At least, it was what Lea did, when it was for Isa.

Hindsight had a way of making one hopeful, and at times it made him wonder if he could have prevented the whole ordeal from happening. He'd lay awake at night, going through the memories again and again in his head, imaging countless scenarios where everything had turned out different. Scenarios where they were normal people, instead of heartless husks trying to regain everything they had lost. In the end, though, he knew there was no stopping it after they met Xehanort. That moment was the true beginning of the end.

It had been a relatively normal day; as normal as a downpour in Radiant Garden was, at least. The two friends found themselves huddled in the doorway of the bakery, which had closed a few hours before. Hair soaked, clothes dripping, they found themselves laughing through the chatter of their teeth as arms rubbed up and down water-slicked skin. They had left the house without an umbrella, the bright sun of the morning belying the torrent of water falling from the sky, though their foster mother had urged them to take one.

They snickered to each other at the thought of Esme's face when she saw them, of her "I told you so" speech, complete with hands on hips and finger wagging. It was only the violent growl from Lea's stomach that put a stop to the humor, reminding them that they hadn't eaten anything since breakfast. They had just decided to make a run for it when he appeared.

Xehanort had a strange way about him that Lea had never been able to figure out. It seemed on that day that he simply appeared out of thin air, wielding an umbrella like a beacon of hope in a world of darkness. It seemed like all he wanted to do in the world was help two sopping wet teenagers get home. At the time, the two friends were willing to take any help they could get, and gladly shared his large black umbrella. If only they had known.

Would it have made a difference if they had run from cover just a few moments earlier? Or if they hadn't stopped for cover at all? It might have, but the inevitable would still have happened. Isa and Xehanort seemed drawn together like magnets, destined to find each other and damned be to the force that tried to stop them. They would have met eventually, even if time could be reversed and the whole event rewritten. It was simply fate, and ultimately couldn't be stopped.

After that day, it seemed that Xehanort always found some excuse to spend time with them. Be it an "accidental" run-in in town or a visit to their foster mother's home, his presence persisted like an annoying rash. Isa didn't seem to mind—in fact, he seemed to enjoy the man's company quite a bit—but Lea didn't trust him. What would a grown man want with two teenagers, anyway?

As time went by, Lea watched Isa and Xehanort grow closer and closer, all the while keeping a careful distance. His friend didn't believe there was any reason to distrust the white-haired man, naively seeing only the surface of his behavior. Lea saw another side, when Xehanort thought nobody was looking. He stared at Isa like he was a shiny new toy to play with. He treated him like a child, handling him delicately as if afraid to damage what could only be described as his property. It was sickening to watch, and yet he knew he had to stay, if only for the knowledge that Isa might need him.

Things only became worse when they became apprentices under Ansem. After moving into the castle, a requirement for all those who worked there, Lea began to see Isa less and less. The blue-haired boy was always tagging along at Xehanort's heels, assisting him with personal projects and, inevitably, spending his nights in the white-haired man's room. Lea never let on that he knew about their relationship. His distrust of Xehanort never wavered, but if Isa, the most level-headed person he knew, was willing to start a relationship with him, Lea was willing to trust his judgment.

Then came the accident.

The abrupt change came as a huge shock for Lea. Isa no longer looked like Isa, with the X-shaped scar between his now-yellow eyes marring his pale skin, the mouth full of sharp teeth, and the strangely pointed ears. When asked, Xehanort simply said there had been an accident. Lea couldn't help wondering what kind of accident would cause such strange deformity.

The changes weren't only in appearance, either. The few times he and Isa spent time together, Lea found himself being snapped at by his friend over the smallest things. His temper was as thin as a razor blade's edge, and so violent that Lea became truly frightened of his friend for the first time.

He felt like his friend was drifting farther and farther away from him, to some unknown place where he couldn't follow. The loneliness began to set in. Other than Isa, Lea didn't have any real friends. Even at the castle, he was the scrawny, annoying kid that nobody wanted near a Bunsen burner. Without Isa, he was nothing; ultimately, that was his downfall.

The experiment that changed their lives was one that Isa convinced him to join. In hindsight, that had been the only reason. Though his friend was remarkably different now, it was that little smile and that earnest voice that he kept. Maybe seeing him act like himself again had given Lea hope that his friend might return to normal. Or maybe it was just a wish to go where Isa had gone, consequences be damned, in order to not be left behind.

Whatever the reason, Lea ignored the doubt in his heart as he stepped into the machine along with the others. He ignored the voice whispering in the back of his mind that this wasn't right; he ignored the trembling in his arms, the urge to run out the open door and never come back. This was for Isa, and his friend would never ask him to do something that would hurt him.

One bright flash of light later, Lea learned that he had been very, very wrong.

"Axel. Hey, Axel."

The red-haired man groaned and peeked out from under the arm slung over his eyes, wincing at the incredible brightness. That was the problem with living in a completely white castle: everything was always so damn bright.

"What do you want, Demyx?" he mumbled sleepily at the blond boy currently leaning down to invade his personal space. The Nocturne straightened when he realized Axel was awake.

"Saix sent me to fetch you," he said innocently. "Something about a special mission."

"And it can't wait until morning?"

"It is morning," Demyx said with a frown. Axel glanced out his window, an old habit he'd never been able to get rid of, and cursed at the never-changing black sky. How was he supposed to know what time it was if it always looked like night here?

"Yeah, yeah, okay." Axel sat up, rubbing his face with the leather gloves he'd fallen asleep in. He sighed as he looked down at himself, fully dressed in black trench coat, pants, and even his thick-soled boots. There had been a time when he bothered to undress for bed, but now it was just a chore. Sleeping was the only thing he still looked forward to, and undressing just took more time away from that.

"He said to meet him in his room instead of the main room today," Demyx said as Axel tried to wake himself up. "Something about it being too private to just announce to the whole group. Too bad; I wanted to know what mission was so special that only you could do it."

"Maybe I'm supposed to kill you," Axel joked.

"Nah, Saix could just do that himself," Demyx replied with a shrug. "Anyway, it's not like you stand a chance against my water."

Axel shrugged and stood, stretching out his arms until a distinct popping noise brought relief to his stiff joints. "Whatever it is, I just hope it won't take too long. I'm still tired."

"You're always tired," Demyx said with a laugh. It was flat, humorless and insincere, just like all the others. After all, they couldn't feel joy anymore, so why would they need to laugh? Maybe it was that deep-down feeling of wanting to be normal again that made them persist in the behavior. Maybe it was just old habit.

He and Demyx parted ways as they left Axel's room, the blonde boy making his way toward the main room with the others while Axel made his way to Saix's room. It wasn't that far—practically next door to his own—but it always felt farther because of the long white corridors. Honestly, he never understood the color scheme of this place. He wondered sometimes if it wasn't just to annoy him.

One short walk later, Axel found himself in front of Saix's door. He knocked once, and entered without a reply. The blue-haired man had his back turned, ruffling through the top drawer of his small desk for something Axel couldn't see.

"So, you sent Demyx to fetch me like a good little dog," Axel said after a few minutes when it seemed like Saix wasn't going to say anything. He closed the door and leaned against it casually, arms crossed. "Why?"

"The Superior has asked me to relay a very important mission to you," Saix said in his monotone voice.

"Not that I wouldn't love to help you out, Sai, but I've just been so tired lately, I don't think I can." He let out a huge fake yawn.

"It's about Roxas."

Axel froze, hand still covering his mouth. "What about Roxas?"

"He's been deemed hazardous to the Organization. The Superior wants him eliminated." Saix's yellow eyes finally rose to meet his. "He wants you to take care of it."

Axel's brows settled into a hard glare. "Why would the Superior want him eliminated?" he asked. "Don't you still need him for whatever half-baked plan you two have cooked up?"

"We can't risk Sora coming back," Saix said, turning back to his search. "We're thinking of a new plan, but for now we can't sit idly by and let the Keyblade Master be awakened after all the trouble you went through to put him to sleep."

If Axel didn't know any better, he'd say Saix was trying to mock him. "Why not just recapture him, hold him here in the castle and make sure he and Sora never meet?"

"That course of action is too risky."

"But-"

"Axel." Saix was staring at him with hard yellow eyes, a glare so intense that Axel would have felt fear if he could. The blue-haired man's temper had never really gone away when they became Nobodies, and Axel had seen it used too many times to push his luck. He shut his mouth.

"I trust you'll take care of this mission without any trouble." The danger in his eyes, flashing just under the yellow surface, made it abundantly clear to Axel that failure was not an option. If he didn't kill Roxas, someone else would be sent to kill him. Roxas, the only real friend he had since the Organization was formed. Roxas, who looked so much Ven, the boy he'd met all those years ago when he could still answer to the name Lea. Roxas, who had earned Saix's scorn the minute he joined the Organization. Was it because Saix, too, saw the resemblance, and was reminded of the past?

As Axel turned to go, he hesitated. The ghost of a desire wafted across his non-heart: he had to know if there was even a small part of his friend left in that monster he'd become. He had to know if there was anything in this group left fighting for.

"Hey, Isa…"

"Don't call me that," Saix said in that same monotone voice, back still turned and head bent low as he searched.

If Axel had a heart, he might have felt it drop at those words. Instead, he simply opened the door and left.