It was another long night, I got home from work late, Sam still wasn't here and it was going onto 11pm. I got sick of waiting and went into the bedroom and laid down hoping he would be home soon, trying to keep the worry at bay. The next day when I woke up the house was too quiet so I knew he never came home. I sighed and got out of bed, and walked into the kitchen. It was just after 7am. I decided to grab some coffee and go sit on the couch, seeing as I didn't work today. I stared at the tv and aimlessly turned the channels, my mind kept going to Sam, worrying about him. Wondering where he was, if he was okay.

A few hours later the door opened and I didn't move. I turned my head and saw a giant out of the corner of my eye.

"Hey." Was all he said to me as he walked into the kitchen.

I got up off the couch and walked to the kitchen seeing him standing over the counter, hands gripping the sides like he was about to pass out.

"Sam? Are yo-"
"I'm fine." He snapped before I could finish my question.
"I..okay." I said kind of hurt, but didn't leave.

I stood there beside him, not wanting to leave in fear that something might happen. I looked at him, really looked at him. The way he looked was like he hadn't slept in years, he was under stress, and that worried me.

"Sam, please go lay down."
"Just go away!" He yelled.

I just looked at him, and before I could stop myself, I yelled back, "where the hell were you last night?! I was worried sick!"
"I was here!"
"Oh, no you weren't! I was up until at least midnight! And I even got off work late!"

I felt guilty as hell for yelling at him, but I just couldn't stop.

"Okay, so I wasn't home for the night, so what?"
"So what? So what!" I exclaimed and threw my hands up, "for all I know you could've died or something! Something could've happened! I could've lost you, but you know what? So what!"

I grabbed my bag, the keys and slammed the door on my out. I went down to the ground floor, running down 3 flights of stairs. I ran outside and just kept going, not bothering to get the car. I finally stopped, tired, and all cried out. I dropped myself to the ground and tried to get my breathing under control as I hugged my knees and buried my head. I was there for a while, probably more than an hour, but then my phone started ringing. I glanced at the caller ID. It was Sam. I was hesitant to answer, but I did.

"Jess.." He started off, with a guilt filled voice.
"What?" I said with a hitch in my breath.
"Please come home."
*sniff* " why should I? You don't care."
"I do care."
"No you don't. If you did, you'd call and say you wouldn't be home, you'd talk to me.. You'd care."
"Jess," he said with a sigh, "I do care."
"Ha, right."
"Come home. I'll tell you where I was."
"Sam, that's not going to make me come home, I.. I need a bit. See you after."

I hung up the phone and threw it in my bag. I looked up at the sky wondering why couldn't I just listen to my heart, and not my head?

A little while after, I finally pulled myself up off the ground and started back home. I glanced at my watch, not really reading the time, but to just seem normal. I got home about 30 minutes later.

"Hey." I said glumly.

He just looked at me with this look he doesn't normally allow me to see. I instantly changed my mood.

"I, I'm sorry for freaking out." I said apologetically.
"You have nothing to be sorry for. I do."
"Wanna talk about it?"

He just shrugged his shoulders and walked into the living room, and I followed like a lost puppy and sat down beside him.

"I love you, you know that right? No matter how angry you make me, or worried you make me."
"I know." Was all he said.
"Sam, what's going on?" I said worrying.
"I don't know how to tell you this..." He began, "I.. Dean, well uhh, nobody's heard from him in a while, and I've been trying to get a hold of him for a few days now. I should've known something was wrong, I should've tried harder… I-"
"Sam," I cut him off, "you tried, you did, that's all you could've done…"
"You don't get it, he's in the hospital. I should've known. He always calls back within 24 hours. I should have known!" He yelled getting angry with himself.
"Is that where you were last night?"

He nodded at me and flopped his head onto my shoulder.

"You should go lie down, get some rest." I said trying to get him to sleep.
"I can't."
"Please, Sam. I doubt you slept all night." I got up and looked at him, "c'mon, bed."
"Jess, I..I'm not ti- *yawn*-red."
"Yes, you are."

I grabbed his hand and made a motion for him to stand, he complied. I took him to the bedroom and made him lay down. I sat down beside him, "get some sleep. You need it." I got up and started walking towards the door.

"Jess?" He said half asleep, "stay here, wake me up in half hour."

I walked back over to the bed and laid down beside him, and whispered, "you're sleeping for a few hours." But I was greeted with even breathing. He was asleep.

I stayed with him for a little while just to be sure he stayed asleep, when I was reassured I got up and went out to the kitchen. I leaned against the counter staring out the window, I wondered when Sam was ever going to catch a break. If it wasn't one thing, it was another thing. If I could keep him hidden away from everything for one day, just one day, I would.

A few hours later I heard the bedroom door open, and I looked in that general direction. I smiled at him, he looked confused, and had bed head.

"Hey" I said, hoping he would come sit with me.
"Hm?" He looked at me and walked over, "what time is it?"
"Almost 4."
"How long did I sleep?"
"About 3 hours, and you needed it, I don't care what you say."

He gave me a slight smile, and ran a hand through his hair.

"Go tame that mop." I said laughing a bit.

He gave me a confused look, then clued in and shook his head and got up and headed to the bathroom. He came out a little while after looking a little more presentable. I smiled and we both went into the kitchen.

"Hungry?" I asked.
"I guess," he said with a shrug, "I'm gonna go back to the hospital in a bit."
"That's fine," I said as I grabbed the plate of food I had made earlier and gave it to him, "want me to save you a plate of dinner?"
"Uh, no, no, don't worry about it."
"Sam, look at me." He looked at me, "how are you?"
"I," he cleared his throat, "I'm fine."
"Right, and I'm a cat. How are you really? You've barely slept in the past week, you've always been at work, working late, now this. I'm concerned. I've been concerned."
"Don't worry about it, I'll live. I've been through worse."

I just stared at him, hoping he'd realize how much damage he was doing to himself.

"Alright," he said in defeat, "as soon as Dean is out and okay, I'll take a few days off to do nothing."
"Good. I..I'm just worried about you. I don't need you collapsing or something from exhaustion."

He nodded at me, and ate somewhat of the food that I had made earlier. He left shortly after and once again I was alone.

I waited for Sam to return home, I waited as patiently as I could, I swear. I tried to keep busy, I really did, I baked, I cooked, I cleaned, I even went for a run. But in the end, I still got back home before Sam had returned.

Later that evening Sam had come home, and he looked absolutely exhausted.

"Hey, Jess." He said with a yawn.

"So, how's Dean?"

"He's… He's doing um, better."

"Good to hear."

We sat there in a moment of silence. He didn't look like he wanted to talk anymore, but I still had had a question I wasn't sure if I wanted to ask him or not.

"Hey, um, do you think I could maybe meet him someday?" I asked curiously.

He looked at me as if I had just spoken to him in foreign tongue.

"Sam?"

"Jess…" he started, "I don't know."

Now I was the one who was confused. He always tells me that his brother is a person he looks up to, his favourite person. If that's the case, then why doesn't he want me to meet him? Why? Maybe I don't know as much about Sam as I thought I do. I know he has secrets, about him, his family. I only know this because he tends to avoid the subject of family.

"Okay," I sighed, "I'm going to bed."

I got up and walked into the bedroom and crawled into bed wondering what I should do next. Do I question him? Do I just let it go? Or do I hope he'll someday tell me everything?

It was shortly after midnight when Sam came into bed.

"Jess? Are you still awake?" he asked in a whisper.

I turned around and faced him, and began to stroke his cheek.

"I'm sorry about earlier." He said.

"I know."

"No, you don't. I want you to meet him, I just…"

"You just what, Sam? You know you can tell me anything."

"I just don't want anything to happen to you. You're already at risk just being with me."

"What do you mean?" I asked, "Sam, what's going on?"

"Jess," he started, "I love you."

"Just go to sleep."

"Sam, I am not going to bed until you tell me what you mean!"

"I'll explain later, I'm tired, Jess."

I laid there for a moment before getting up out of bed and walked into the living room. I turned on the tv, and curled up on the couch, trying to figure out what he had meant. Was someone after him? Was Dean in trouble? Were they both in trouble? Where was his father in all of this? Did he get killed? I fell asleep with all of the questions running through my head causing me to dream of Sam leaving, and never returning, not answering any questions. Just leaving.

"Jess!"

I jumped and sat up instantly, heart racing, and beads of sweat on my forehead.

"Sam." Was all I said as I hugged him for life.

"You're okay," he soothed, "you're okay."

"I, you, us, no."

"Just breathe, it was just a dream." He tried to reassure me.

"No, no it wasn't."

"Yes, it was. This is real, what you just dreamt, not real."

"So, you're not leaving me then?"

"No, I'm not going anywhere." He looked me right in the eyes.

"Promise?"

He was silent for a moment, "Yes, Jess, I promise. I won't leave you. Wanna tell me what it was about? Well, other than me leaving you?"

"I, you, we.." I tried to speak, but I didn't know where to start.

He got up from the couch, and walked into the kitchen and reappeared with a glass of water, and handed it to me.

"Drink, then talk."

I sat there quietly, drinking a bit of water, and tried to compose my thoughts to see what I should start with telling him.

"Okay," I began, "Well, you left me to go to sleep last night with wondering what you meant, and I stayed up trying to figure it out, and my mind just kept going and going, until I fell asleep. I guess my mind didn't know when to stop, because I basically dreamt everything I thought."

"Hey, everything's okay. I'm sorry I did that to you last night, it wasn't right of me."

"Are you ever going to tell me what you mean? Or are you just going to leave it in the dark and just keep all of your family secrets inside?"

"You're safer with the less you know, trust me. I'm trying to keep you safe, Jess."

"How is it safer to keep someone in the dark?"

"With what I know, it just is, Jess."

"Sam, what do you know?"

"I'm not telling you, for your own safety."

I just stared at the floor with anger slowly building inside of me, how did that make any sense to anybody? It's safer to keep someone in the dark, rather than tell them!

"I'm going out."

"Jess, please, just try to understand, please?"

"I tried, Sam. I really did, I don't understand, at all."

"Come with me."

"Where?"

"Trust me."

I just looked at him, and decided to go with him. We both went and got ready for the day, and we went out. While he was driving, I was sitting there wondering what he knew, wondering where we were going.

"Where are we going?" I asked for the 10th time.

"Jess, for the millionth time, I'm not telling you." He said with a slight smile.

We were on the outskirts of town when we pulled into a parking lot of a motel.

"Why are we here?" I questioned.

"Just come with me."

I followed him to the last door, and he unlocked the door, how he had a key I don't know. While he was unlocking the door, I noticed a lamp was on inside, and I wondered who was here. He opened the door, and that's when I saw him.

The man was up as soon as the door was opened.

"Hey, it's just me." Sam said with arms up.

"Sammy, let me know next time when you're on your way! And you brought Jess."

"How do you know-" I started asking.

"Jess, this is my brother, Dean. And Dean, this is Jess."

"Nice to meet you." I said with a smile.

"Yeah, you too."

There was a bit of silence, I looked around the room, wondered why Dean was here and not at home. This place was run down, and there were paper's up on the one wall, all being connected by string, weird.

"Have you heard from, Dad?" Sam asked Dean.

"Last I heard was before I was in the hospital."

"Before or after the hunt?"

"Before, sent the coordinates."

What were they talking about I wondered.

"Does she know?" Dean asked.

"Well,-" he began, but I cut him off.

"No, I obviously don't because he," I pointed at Sam, "likes to mention stuff then tells me to go to sleep the next minute. He avoids the topic of family, then all of sudden disappears when something comes up with you. I mean, I know you were in the hospital and all, but I mean, not even a phone call before, and he just vanishes?