Preamble: Two things inspired this story: One, Lister implanting Rimmer
with a memory of an old girlfriend from season one and two, a passage
from Last Human basically detailing the lost opportunity that Rimmer had
(or rather didn't) with Yvonne McGruder, seeing as she felt the same way
about him but neither ever called the other. So I got to wondering, what
if Lister could play with Rimmer's memory banks in a kind of BTL or Star
Trek holodeck situation and give him the happiness he missed out on first
time around?
Second Chance
Lister leaned back in the captain's chair and sighed. He'd had a good
laugh at the personal log entries of most of the dead crew of the Dwarf
and was getting bored with it. "One last log," he said out loud, and
punched in a random number. A slow, husky voice filled the chamber.
"Personal log of Yvonne Catherine McGruder, August 21st 2195." Lister's
ears perked up. He wondered if there was any significant dirt he could
use to torment Rimmer with. There was precious little other entertainment
on the ship these days, and he might be able to get a few more cigarettes
out of his crewmate.
"My head feels slightly better," the disembodied voice began "But I still
can't get to grips with what might or might not have happened last
night." Lister listened more attentively.
"My brain seems to think I slept with Arnold Rimmer, but I can't seem to
remember an awful lot of what happened."
Lister sniggered, this was going to give him a lot of room for manoeuvre.
Then he nearly choked on his lager.
"I hope it was Arnold I made love with last night, as I've wanted to get
to know him for ages, but I never seemed to get the chance to talk to
him. He seems quite a nice guy underneath all the nostril flaring and
sarcasm."
Lister's mouth dropped open in shock "Anyway, I'll know soon enough if he
calls me-I really hope he does, as from what I can remember, we had great
sex last night!"
A low whistle escaped Lister's lips. "Rimmer you old dog! Well, I think
you deserve a little treat. "Holly!"
"Yes Dave?" A bored computer voice responded.
"You know that holo simulation kit we picked up from Artemis 5 last time
we were there?"
"Yes Dave."
"I think it's time for Rimmer and I to go on a little trip down memory
lane. Now, I need you to do this, this and this, and oh yeah."
SOME TIME LATER
Rimmer stared down the beach that should have been perfect and sighed. As
usual, he felt totally incapable of enjoying what should have been an
idyllic situation. Whether this was because he was acutely aware of the
sand in his shoes or merely because he had left Lister chatting up a
stunning looking blonde in the beach bar he was uncertain. All he knew
was that he should have been enjoying himself like any sane, sensible
normal human being. He wasn't.
Ever since they had landed on this small, quiet planet, it seemed to
Rimmer that Lister had been in his element. He had settled easily into
the laid back way of life, while Rimmer had felt strangely displaced. He
knew he should be enjoying the break, but he couldn't seem to relax. Come
to think of it, he couldn't even remember how they'd got here, but then
Lister had insisted they turn his light bee off for the duration of the
journey to conserve the ship's energy. For once, he'd been too tired to
argue. He'd been tired a lot lately. He supposed it had something to do
with being a hard light hologram. Now that he could feel once more, his
days were much more active, and that increased activity had taken its
toll.
And then they'd landed on what should have been an instant paradise.
Rimmer, as usual, could not take it at face value. Surely something had
to be wrong with this place? The beaches were too perfect, the hotel was
too luxurious, the locals just too friendly. Having lived half of his
life and a substantial proportion of his death in constant paranoia that
something would attack him, all this seemed a little too easy. However,
Lister had almost persuaded him that it was all kosher, and despite his
reservations, he could feel his muscles beginning to relax and his
buttocks starting to unclench. Maybe in a few decades he'd actually start
to enjoy it here.
Slowing to look out at the late afternoon sun, he spoke out loud. "Holly,
can you change my attire to something a little more suitable for the
beach?" Several 'comedy' changes later, including a polka dotted string
bikini and some highly indecent red speedo trunks, Rimmer found himself
in a most satisfactory pair of beige khaki shorts and a longish navy blue
t-shirt. The espadrilles that Holly had 'thoughtfully' provided were in
his hand as he strolled along the sea edge, welcoming the feel of the
wavelets against his toes. He let out an almost contented sigh and once
again felt his body relax further. The tight knot of tension that almost
permanently seemed to exist in his stomach was dissolving at last. Being
a hard light hologram, and thus able to feel once more, had never been so
attractive.
As he walked further along the beach, he became aware of a figure in the
near distance. She was slim and tallish and was wearing a white dress
that floated around her ankles. She too was walking along the edge of the
water, her long dark hair stirring in the warm breeze. He unconsciously
quickened his pace towards her, but she seemed in no hurry. As he got to
within a few metres of her, he gave an involuntary gasp and felt his
knees nearly give way beneath him. It couldn't be her. It just couldn't
be. He ran the final few metres and closed the gap between them in three
long strides. As she turned towards him, he stumbled in shock and barely
stopped himself from going headlong into the water.
"Evie? Is that really you?" Rimmer stammered. He found himself looking
into the eyes of the one woman he had ever truly loved, and he was
stunned. Yvonne McGruder, source of his fantasies for the last thirty odd
millennia, was stood shyly in front of him, her white dress blowing
softly in the sea breeze.
"Arnold," she replied gently "I came back."
"B-but how? I mean, the ship, the accident. You never even called me."
Yvonne looked sad. "I was waiting for you to call me." Then, without
warning, she stepped forward into his arms. "Arnold, I've missed you so
much!"
Well, is it worth continuing? Feedback is greatly appreciated (and shamelessly begged for!!) Ta v. much (
with a memory of an old girlfriend from season one and two, a passage
from Last Human basically detailing the lost opportunity that Rimmer had
(or rather didn't) with Yvonne McGruder, seeing as she felt the same way
about him but neither ever called the other. So I got to wondering, what
if Lister could play with Rimmer's memory banks in a kind of BTL or Star
Trek holodeck situation and give him the happiness he missed out on first
time around?
Second Chance
Lister leaned back in the captain's chair and sighed. He'd had a good
laugh at the personal log entries of most of the dead crew of the Dwarf
and was getting bored with it. "One last log," he said out loud, and
punched in a random number. A slow, husky voice filled the chamber.
"Personal log of Yvonne Catherine McGruder, August 21st 2195." Lister's
ears perked up. He wondered if there was any significant dirt he could
use to torment Rimmer with. There was precious little other entertainment
on the ship these days, and he might be able to get a few more cigarettes
out of his crewmate.
"My head feels slightly better," the disembodied voice began "But I still
can't get to grips with what might or might not have happened last
night." Lister listened more attentively.
"My brain seems to think I slept with Arnold Rimmer, but I can't seem to
remember an awful lot of what happened."
Lister sniggered, this was going to give him a lot of room for manoeuvre.
Then he nearly choked on his lager.
"I hope it was Arnold I made love with last night, as I've wanted to get
to know him for ages, but I never seemed to get the chance to talk to
him. He seems quite a nice guy underneath all the nostril flaring and
sarcasm."
Lister's mouth dropped open in shock "Anyway, I'll know soon enough if he
calls me-I really hope he does, as from what I can remember, we had great
sex last night!"
A low whistle escaped Lister's lips. "Rimmer you old dog! Well, I think
you deserve a little treat. "Holly!"
"Yes Dave?" A bored computer voice responded.
"You know that holo simulation kit we picked up from Artemis 5 last time
we were there?"
"Yes Dave."
"I think it's time for Rimmer and I to go on a little trip down memory
lane. Now, I need you to do this, this and this, and oh yeah."
SOME TIME LATER
Rimmer stared down the beach that should have been perfect and sighed. As
usual, he felt totally incapable of enjoying what should have been an
idyllic situation. Whether this was because he was acutely aware of the
sand in his shoes or merely because he had left Lister chatting up a
stunning looking blonde in the beach bar he was uncertain. All he knew
was that he should have been enjoying himself like any sane, sensible
normal human being. He wasn't.
Ever since they had landed on this small, quiet planet, it seemed to
Rimmer that Lister had been in his element. He had settled easily into
the laid back way of life, while Rimmer had felt strangely displaced. He
knew he should be enjoying the break, but he couldn't seem to relax. Come
to think of it, he couldn't even remember how they'd got here, but then
Lister had insisted they turn his light bee off for the duration of the
journey to conserve the ship's energy. For once, he'd been too tired to
argue. He'd been tired a lot lately. He supposed it had something to do
with being a hard light hologram. Now that he could feel once more, his
days were much more active, and that increased activity had taken its
toll.
And then they'd landed on what should have been an instant paradise.
Rimmer, as usual, could not take it at face value. Surely something had
to be wrong with this place? The beaches were too perfect, the hotel was
too luxurious, the locals just too friendly. Having lived half of his
life and a substantial proportion of his death in constant paranoia that
something would attack him, all this seemed a little too easy. However,
Lister had almost persuaded him that it was all kosher, and despite his
reservations, he could feel his muscles beginning to relax and his
buttocks starting to unclench. Maybe in a few decades he'd actually start
to enjoy it here.
Slowing to look out at the late afternoon sun, he spoke out loud. "Holly,
can you change my attire to something a little more suitable for the
beach?" Several 'comedy' changes later, including a polka dotted string
bikini and some highly indecent red speedo trunks, Rimmer found himself
in a most satisfactory pair of beige khaki shorts and a longish navy blue
t-shirt. The espadrilles that Holly had 'thoughtfully' provided were in
his hand as he strolled along the sea edge, welcoming the feel of the
wavelets against his toes. He let out an almost contented sigh and once
again felt his body relax further. The tight knot of tension that almost
permanently seemed to exist in his stomach was dissolving at last. Being
a hard light hologram, and thus able to feel once more, had never been so
attractive.
As he walked further along the beach, he became aware of a figure in the
near distance. She was slim and tallish and was wearing a white dress
that floated around her ankles. She too was walking along the edge of the
water, her long dark hair stirring in the warm breeze. He unconsciously
quickened his pace towards her, but she seemed in no hurry. As he got to
within a few metres of her, he gave an involuntary gasp and felt his
knees nearly give way beneath him. It couldn't be her. It just couldn't
be. He ran the final few metres and closed the gap between them in three
long strides. As she turned towards him, he stumbled in shock and barely
stopped himself from going headlong into the water.
"Evie? Is that really you?" Rimmer stammered. He found himself looking
into the eyes of the one woman he had ever truly loved, and he was
stunned. Yvonne McGruder, source of his fantasies for the last thirty odd
millennia, was stood shyly in front of him, her white dress blowing
softly in the sea breeze.
"Arnold," she replied gently "I came back."
"B-but how? I mean, the ship, the accident. You never even called me."
Yvonne looked sad. "I was waiting for you to call me." Then, without
warning, she stepped forward into his arms. "Arnold, I've missed you so
much!"
Well, is it worth continuing? Feedback is greatly appreciated (and shamelessly begged for!!) Ta v. much (