"Sheldon Swifties XX: Lies, Damned Lies, and…"
Summary: Brief bits, not necessarily connected…Similar to my Buffyverse "Immortal Beloved" series…Possibly related to the idea that sooner or later I plan to pit Sheldon against junior adult fiction's greatest inventor…
Disclaimer: What's Chuck's is Chuck's…No infringement intended…
A secret meeting place to which 99% of us are not invited…
"This is a disaster…" grim frown…
"A disaster, brother Charles…A disaster…" head shake…
"Billions spent…For nothing…"
"Billions, brother Charles…Billions…"
"And not like that measely multinaire could ever pay us back…"
"Not likely, brother Charles…Not likely…" sad shake of head…
"Right…" frown from the head of the table…("Charlie? Who decided they should be at the head of the table" "Shut up, David." "Right, shut up. I can do that.") "But what the bloody hell, mates, do we do now?..."
"Charlie…?"
"Shut up, David…"
"Yeah, sure…But Charlie, how come she's speakin' with that Aussie accent?"
"She's married to him…"
"Yeah but…She's even movin' like him…And why isn't Rupe speakin'?...And what's with those wires connecting them?..."
Stern look…
"Right, shut up…"
"Well, I think…" a portly fellow at the other end of the table…The servants' end, the big boys had…Frequently…Joked…
"You're not paid to think, mate…Just to spew what we hand you on the radio and TV…" glare…
"Yes, sir…Ma'am…"
"Creepy, isn't it?..." David hisses to him…
"David?...Since when do we talk directly to the hired help?..."
"Sorry, Charlie…"
"Worst of all, we didn't even predict the result…Why was that?..."
"Well…No one could've predicted…"Arrrgh!...As trap door beneath speaker opens…
"Wrong, O'Reilly…And good riddance…Their boy Silver predicted it…Perfectly…And if we'd've had him…Quite a few shrimp could've been put on the Barbie, mates…"
"Yeah…But we don't have him…Right, Charlie?...Uh…Sorry, right…Shut up…"
"Exactly Davey boy…You touch it with the needle…" nod… "We need our own Silver…Which reminds me…" lovely fingernail pressing buttons…
Various screams as the statistical staff heads down to the tank with sharks…With lasers…
"Yeah…Look…" Charles frowns… "Could we speak to Rupe for a mo?..."
"You bloody well are speakin' to me, mate…" stern look… "Neural transplant link, awaiting the final stage of transfer…" taps wires running into back of neck… "And yes, mates…I do enjoy being a bird…"
"And a real purity one, too…" David, beaming…
"Hey!…I'm still married there, mate…" glare…
"The idiot brother didn't mean anything, Wendy…Go on…"
"Right…" nod… "So what we need is our own Silver…Only smarter…We need the finest calculatin' mind on the planet, mates…And hopefully with no troublesome human attachment to the average joe…And thanks to careful bribing of various institutes of higher learnin'…We have one on the payroll, so to speak…"
"We do?...Charlie?...Did you know that?..."
Glare…
"Whatdaya mean, so to speak…Is he ours or no?...And who is he?..." Charles, fuming…
"A bloke at Cal Tech…Name of Cooper…Sheldon Cooper…" Wendy indicates for attendant…Hannity in fact…To hand photos and note sheets round…
"He looks goofy…" David eyes photo… "Is he really all that smart?...He looks goofy…"
"Never stopped you…" Wendy notes… "Anyway, this one's the real deal, mates…One of the world's leading theoretical physicists at the level where the difference between 'em would be cause for a Nobel prize if it could be measured…"
"But he's not a stats man?..." Charles frowns, reading…
"He's light years above a 'stats man', Charles…" Wendy eyes him… "And he's the one we want…The one I want…So you're going to agree and we're going to get him…"
"But if he's that good…Won't he know the truth?...And tell the little dittoguys…?" David, innocently…
"He'll tell us…" Wendy, smug smile… "What we tell the idiotcracy is our business…And the only reason some of you little people…" grim glance down to the "servants" end… "Are still here and not in the tank getting' premeal sliced by the lasers…"
"You sure we can hire him away from Cal Tech?..." Charles frowns…
"Hire?..." Wendy chuckles…
"Hire, heh, heh…" David chortles…
"Shut up…" Charles, Wendy…
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