A/N: I know I should be working on my longfic instead of writing more silly drabbles but I can't, THE PLOTBUNNIES HAVE TAKEN CONTROL OF MY LIFE Also, I've been giving private math lessons to kids in my spare time because I need money and life sucks so drabbles are the only things I get the time to write. But I promise I'll work harder.
Anyway, there's a petition going on for netflix to save Young justice and it got me really hyper because I NEED YOUNG JUSTICE BACK SO BAD so here's the link, pls sign: www . change p / netflix-netflix-please-acquire-rights-to-produce-more-seasons-of-young-justice-and-green-lantern-the-animated-series (sans spaces)
It's 2 am and I am naming it Jigglyprank because PUNS and because it made me laugh so hard you guys have no idea omg I really hope I don't regret this tomorrow.
xxx
"Dude. What. The. Fuck." He enunciates his words very slowly to his cellphone as soon as the other picks it up. "Why did you go all Jigglypuff on me?" He's been trying to wash the marker off his face to no success and he decides to take a break so he can yell at the person responsible, which just happens to be his boyfriend.
He knew it was Wally instantly because the prank had the redhead's name all over it and because he actually had Wally's name signed on his cheek, inside a big uneven heart.
"Because I could." Wally chuckles. "Also, you brought this on yourself, okay? Last night I asked for your help solving a math problem and you went full mathlete on me, you gave me math books and made me actually study instead of realizing it was all a pretense to make you come over and cuddle me to sleep."
"You know you could have just called and asked me to come over and cuddle you to sleep, right?" Dick remembers he's supposed to be mad and bites on his smiles to stop it from getting bigger. "Besides, cuddles, like all things, are the best when conquered. I couldn't just give it to you, you had to earn it.And you did, by deriving all the equations correctly."
"Dude." Wally pauses and he has the 'I don't even know where to start on how wrong you are' tone of voice, but surprisingly gets over his usual need to monologue. "Anyway, you kept telling me to highlight the things I thought it was important, aaaaaaaa-and I did." He singsongs at the end, for emphasis.
"So you highlighted my entire face?" Dick pauses for a moment and wonders if he should feel flattered because he kinda does. "You jigglypranked me?" He pauses again to appreciate his own pun because it's the greatest thing everand it deserves to be appreciated.
"Yup." Wally sounds so extremely proud and Dick can't decide whether he wants to punch or kiss him, so, since he can do neither by phone, he decides it's high time to fill his boyfriend's heart with fear.
"Batman isn't feeling the aster, dude."
"Why would you tell Batman? That's so not asterous!" Wally's voice immediately rises, but he tries to keep his cool, nonetheless, which Dick finds hilarious. "I didn't go running to tell uncle B that time you pranked me."
"You didn't tell Barry because you knew he'd recognize my genius and laugh his ass off at your expense." Dick doesn't ask him to specify which time, because he knows Barry would laugh at every single prank, and enjoys the silence that follows his statement.
"Yeah, whatever." The redhead groans and Dick licks his lips because victory's so sweet.
"Plus, I didn't tell Batman. All he had to do was just take a look at my face."
"Dude, thank god he only looked at your face, then, because..."
Dick can't hear anything anymore because he strips so fast, he drops his cell phone on the bed. When he opens the door to his closet so he can look himself over in the mirror, he almost falls back from relief and laughter.
"Oh, my god, Wally. I can't believe I fell for this!" He picks the phone up again and fake whines. "Ugh, I hate you."
Wally wholeheartedly laughs.
"Now, babe, don't be mad I'm smarted than you. But, really, you're such a heavy sleeper, it's ridiculous, I could have drawn dicks on your dick, you know..."
"Why am I friends with you?"
"And your name's Dick and you're such a dick sometimes, so it would be perfect and funny and clever and did I already say perfect?
"Why am I dating you?"
"Because, despite your dick being very important to me, I used all of my self-control and resigned myself to only highlight your eyes and mouth and cheeks and forehead and, like, everything on your face."
"You know you could have just told me that I'm important to you, right? Using your words, like any sane normal person would."
"But where's the fun in that?" Wally says and Dick's already plotting his revenge. "Now, just stop brooding over how good at pranking I am and come here, I miss you, already."
"Dude, you're a speedster and you're asking me to come over?"
"Yeah, I'm lazy and you need to get back here so we can cuddle because lazy cuddles are the best cuddles ever, and, by the way, we need to discuss that. I can´t let you go around saying stupid things about a subject that's very close to my heart, no. Come here and I'll guide you towards the light, my young padawan."
Dick snorts.
"Why don't we cuddle your way then my way then all of the other ways there are to cuddle and then we can rate them from best to worst, a.k.a. from mine to yours."
"Yes!" Wally agrees fast, too fast, and it leaves both of them with enough time to realize that they are the biggest dorks in the universe. They aren't bothered by it. "See you in ten."
Dick ends the call and gets to his laptop, opening a file called "101 different ways to prank one Wally West." He smiles; ten minutes is all the time he'll ever need.