"Ben!" Rey cried out for the third time.
"What is it?"
"You better hurry," she sighed.
Leaning against the sink became more problematic as of late. She rinsed another glass.
Then another.
And another.
Only now she appreciated a solitary bowl and one tin plate she used on Jakku. All those years, she had been spared the most dreaded task in their domestic life. She hated it so much, Ben wasn't even allowed to mention the D-word.
He bought her a domestic droid after the war; a strange shiny fellow who didn't do much good around the house. Their small villa stood at the shore of a lake on Naboo; a rustic place where they both found their safe haven.
"I told you – you don't have to do it. I'll finish it later," Ben's muffled voice teased her. Rey rolled her eyes and circled the brush around the pan a little too hard. Suddenly, a thunderous noise resonated in the very bowels of the house. Ben dashed up the stairs form the basement like a madman, tripping over boxes and stacks of old resonators.
"What is it? What happened?" he immediately sized her up several times. She appeared whole and shocked, beyond words.
"Rey?" he moved her shoulders gently when she still didn't respond.
"Here," Rey grabbed his hand and put it on her stomach. "I felt it. I felt the first kick."
Ben withdrew his palm from her protruding belly. His breath hitched somewhere in the middle of his windpipe. Rey furrowed her brows. That wasn't the reaction of a happy future father she had expected. His eyes shone wide like saucers; his full lips bared his slightly crooked teeth she found so endearing.
He paled even more, if it was possible.
"I'm sorry," he blinked. Apparently, her disappointed expression brought him to his senses. "It's just so unexpected, so…"
"Real," Rey sighed. "I know you're afraid."
"I'm not," he puffed and straightened his back. He was used to towering over mere mortals, his exceptional height intimidated people on a regular basis, but not her. "I'm not," he repeated indignantly when Rey stifled a laugh.
"Ben, look at me." Rey grabbed his chin into her hand. "I told you when we first found out – I don't want you to think back, ever. Imagine you've never been a kid. Nothing that we went through will ever happen to her." She gently patted her bump. "It's you and me. It's just us now."
His dark eyes followed Rey's hand. "I remember when I told you those exact words." He sighed bitterly. "You see? I can't stop remembering, I can't repress it. It's in me. I'll screw up. I know I will, and when it happens and I come to my senses, I'll never forgive myself for not leaving you when I had the chance."
Rey swallowed a bulge in her throat. She knew he had his doubts, but they never discussed it openly like this. The baby kicked again. Rey let out long sigh; the sensation didn't cease to amaze her.
"Our daughter just told you that you're an idiot." Rey crossed her arms.
"Daughter? You can tell?" Ben's hands twitched a little, as if he longed to touch her but restrained himself.
"The healers can. Of course, but I didn't want them to. I can feel it through the Force. It's a girl."
"A girl." Ben's arm felt the empty air behind him, till he found the chair railings. He slumped down, sporting a look of utter panic.
Rey waddled towards him and sat down on the next chair. "Will you be disappointed?" she asked in a small voice.
Ben returned her gaze with such intensity, she nearly looked away. "Of course not, never. Nothing you do will ever disappoint me. It's just… "
Rey smiled again. "You played a small role in the 'doing' part, if I'm not mistaken."
"Rey," his large, warm hand enveloped hers. "I love her already. I can't explain it, I just do. Do you remember what I said when you first told me?"
"You mean after you bolted out the Falcon without a word and left me wondering for two nights whether you accidentally speared yourself with your own lightsaber? Yes, I remember that time very well." Rey snickered and tightened her grip of his hand.
"Uhmm, after that, I mean." Ben swore he felt a small bone shatter, but he didn't dare utter a word.
"You said that the part of the baby that is half me will keep your cursed one in check. So, we're good. You went on afterwards, which was quite poetic. I loved the comparison of your genes to the fiery lake of sulfur and brimstone. I'm glad you have such a high opinion of yourself."
Rey struggled to keep a straight face. She joked about it now, but six months ago, she nearly lost her mind. That night almost broke them. She hadn't seen him angry in a long time, but that night, his hatred for Kylo Ren reigned free. Ben couldn't accept Kylo, and Kylo hated Ben. Ren died on the day of the final battle, Ben Solo buried him. Rey almost forgot what they were, once. In the midst of their idyllic life, it seemed almost impossible to believe.
"I'm not going to ruin her. I swear to you, I'll do my best. As long as we stay together, of course. Why wouldn't we? When you have to leave for the Academy, I'll take care of her. And when they call me to the senate, I just take her with me."
Rey simply nodded.
He feared their baby would suffer like he did, when Han and Leia parted their ways. She tried to avoid the subject of her training the new generation of the Force users. Ben would never be accepted to do that. Even the Senators made it clear that by granting him a seat in the senate, they honored the memory of his mother, not him. He rarely used the Force; he never touched a weapon anymore. Despite all that, only few villagers in Naboo had ever showed them the courtesy of at least pretending they were welcomed. Rey was a war heroine, a brave Jedi who had fought alongside the resistance and Luke Skywalker. Liberated masses elevated her former master into cult like figure.
Ben Solo was neither of those things.
And by marrying him, Rey's pristine reputation shattered into pieces. No one knew what he did in the end, when he bled for the information that saved the Resistance. He helped Rey in more ways than once to defeat the First Order, but those dark tales were not for public ears. He wore the mark of a mass murderer and a traitor, until the senate of the new Republic extended an olive branch. So here they were – two exiled people who shared an unbreakable bond.
Rey yawned and her eyelids suddenly got heavy.
"You should take a nap, I'll tell MI-2I to make you something to eat."Ben pulled her hand to his lips and kissed it.
He kept her hand on the small of her back the whole way to the bedroom. She gave up on protesting about a month ago. He knew she didn't require his assistance, but he had to be involved anyway. When she lied down into the plush bed, he drew the cover over her and gingerly stroked her belly. He approached it as a ticking time bomb that needed to be defused, but still, it was progress.
"Ben?" she murmured half asleep.
"Hmm?"
"We can do this. And I know we'll stay together, I just know it. I'm loving you also much." She was zoning out of it.
Ben felt a tug in his chest everytime she told him those three words. He heard it from her only four times in his life, so he treated even this jumbled version as a sacred confession. They didn't have to put their feelings into poetry. He knew what she felt and she proved it to him daily. Just saying it out loud wasn't something they were used to.
She slept like a child, curled with parted lips. He kissed her, softly brushing his knuckles across her cheek.
"Ben!"
"What is it?"
"You better hurry." Rey sighed. A strange sense of déjà vu overcame her. Quite possible, she thought. His tardiness was nothing new; and as much as it should have irritated her, it didn't after all those years together.
"I'm still finishing that speech for the Dathomirian ambassador I'm due to deliver tomorrow!"He yelled from below. Rey gave up on trying to convince him to set up a proper workspace, so they converted their basement into an office.
"It's not like you're the one with the hands full here. You should have finished that a week ago," Rey muttered under her nose. She put another cleaned utensil aside. Nothing had changed – she still forbade MI-2I to engage in the housework, it just wasn't the same. Of course, relying on Ben was completely out of the question. When immersed in his work, he became impossible.
"Daddy?" baby monitor carried a small voice across the kitchen. Rey sharpened her senses.
"Great," she frowned and spoke into the machine. "I'm coming sweetie, jut stay in the cot, all right? Don't climb over, Lyra. You promise?"
Even two years old, many deemed her to be a wonder child. She walked so fast Rey could barely catch her.
"I promise. Will daddy come?"
"Yes, in a minute." Rey laughed.
She loved the sweet toddler, but Lyra was such a daddy's girl, it was impossible. Ben didn't spoil her, but she certainly had him wrapped around her finger. Rey stopped paying attention for a brief second. She hissed. The spoon fell out of her hands and clinked on the floor. Leaning against the sink became more problematic as of late, just like the last time.
"Everything all right?" Ben shouted.
"Yes! You know me, just clumsy."
"Do you want me to come up?" He asked. He certainly wasn't buying it.
"I told you I'm fine. It's nothing. Just butter fingers."
She heard his heavy footsteps before she finished her innocent lie. He walked into kitchen and turned off the faucet.
"You're tired, you should take a nap. I'll finish it." His kind, dark eyes gazed at her. Rey blinked. That eerie feeling passed through her again, as if she already lived through a moment in life, identical to this one.
"Lyra called for you. I wanted to go, but she wouldn't have it. She wants you."
Guilt flashed across Ben's pale face. "You know she loves you, she's just being difficult."
Rey smiled. "I know she loves me. But she adores her daddy. Go check on her, or she'll end up levitating her toys again." Rey cupped his cheek.
Ben took her hand into his and kissed it. Rey almost recoiled, so familiar that gesture seemed. "Thank you, mom. I don't know what I would do without you. But tell me, are you in pain again? We have to see the healer. You know he ordered you to rest as much as possible."
Rey's smile bore a sad hint to it. "There's no cure for my disease. I'm old, Ben. It'll happen to you one day, you just wait." Rey patted arm of her son.
Ben studied her beautiful face. He sensed it – something was amiss. Then, a set of digital lights flickered in the calendar on the wall. He lowered his head.
"How could I forget? I'm so…so sorry, mom." He whispered. "Today is the day dad died, isn't it?"
Rey's lower lip trembled. Ben wondered how come she didn't cry yet. He felt a crawling sensation in his neck and a lump in his throat.
"I wish you remembered him more. You have to trust me on this, Ben – he loved you. I know all mothers tell this to their children, but I'm not just telling you something you want to hear." Rey let two large tears slide down her cheeks.
"I know, mom. I know he loved me from the moment he held me in his arms." Ben wiped those salty drops from her face.
"Actually – the moment he first held you in his arms, he shouted 'I won'. I insisted you would be a girl and he bet you weren't. I left the healing ward thousand credits poorer that day." Rey laughed through the tears.
Ben imagined her wrinkled face morph into a young, beautiful woman he knew from the pictures. He watched every single holorecord of Ben Solo, the man he was named after. His father was a senator – so he became one, to honor his memory.
His mother called it the greatest sacrifice for someone who had the Force and yet chose not to use it. Ben was force sensitive, but he never understood the hype. He studied to become a Force Guard, an equivalent of what was once called a Jedi; a guardian of peace in the New Republic.
"We couldn't be more proud," his mother told him the day he left the training and confessed he meant to follow in his father's steps. She said 'we' to everything he did. She never excluded his dad from anything. That's why Ben felt as if he never died. Dozens of pictures graced the walls of their Naboo home. Rey used to play him his dad's voice recordings instead of lullaby to sleep.
And then when Lyra was born, and his own wife died, she helped him grieve and live on. He loved his mother, but he felt the same way about his father. Ben Solo wasn't just a memory for young Ben, he was a man he looked up to.
"Daddy! I will climb from the cot if you won't come!" Lyra issued her last warning. While Ben dashed to check on her, Rey put her head into her hands and cried. Then, she quickly wiped her face and put on a bright smile for her granddaughter.
When Ben returned, he held a pale little girl with jet black hair, not a baby, but not quite a toddler either. She smiled and revealed her first crooked teeth. She was a spitting image of Ben – both of them. Only a few freckles were Rey's; but that was how she preferred it.
"You see, I proved you wrong." She pointed at the picture of her husband. "Your half of the genes wasn't so bad after all. They turned out pretty well." Rey said and walked to the living room towards her loving family.