Disclaimer: I don't own Gakuen Alice. It's way too awesome for me to own. :)
The Reason
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Written by EzMouse
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I didn't care about the consequences anymore. I just wanted her to remain by my side… forever.
My life was a lonely existence.
I gave it my all, but I expected nothing.
I was different from everybody else around me. They said I had a gift and they used it to their advantage. I had no choice but to abide. I know all too well that I was just brought into this world to be used—used until I served no purpose anymore.
They called it a gift. I called it a curse.
As much as I detested it, I had no choice but to accept my fate. I was made for this. I was made to follow orders.
I was a puppet.
My missions were hell. I became a slave of that hell. I have lived my life in darkness for too long. I had no feelings. I had no emotions. I only did what I was ordered to do. It was too much even for someone like me, but I didn't care. I was used to it. I had to get used to it. Letting my emotions take the better of me was too naive. I had to grow up sooner or later.
Then she came along.
From the moment she stepped into my world, it has never stayed the way it was supposed to be. Meeting her opened doors to different feelings I thought I had already locked away deep inside of me. It was all because of her light. Her light shone so bright that the darkness that caged me dissolved at her presence. It blinded me, but somehow, I was overwhelmed by it.
And I hated her for that.
I hated every single thing about her. At least that's what I was forcing myself to do. I couldn't accept the fact that after all those years of being alone and forgotten, this girl suddenly shows up… attempting to rescue me from this prison.
She cared when nobody else did.
Hope.
She found hope for me when I never even bothered of looking for it. For the first time in my life, I was given importance—that I wasn't as useless and alone like I thought I was—that I, too, was human.
She was the only one.
Why? What made her so different?
I couldn't understand at all. She was pulling me in, changing me little by little. It disgusted me how I was slowly succumbing to her.
She made me feel weak… and strong at the same time.
This girl was bursting with too much optimism and selflessness. She put others' happiness before her own. She was the complete opposite of me, yet I was drawn to her. Her presence took away all the negativity that I had. Because of that, I began to yearn for her.
Without my consent, I had already surrendered to what seemed to be my only weakness. Her. Resistance was futile. I must have lost my mind then because I actually considered it—about accepting her. I was ready.
Then it came to me.
No. It shouldn't be this way.
I can't lose my mind. I can't accept her. I mustn't.
I had to push her away. I was still in hell. I was still trapped in my world of hatred and sorrow. Accepting her would be like pulling her into that world. How could I have been so careless about thinking of myself? I can't submit to my wants just yet. She was not meant to be in the same darkness that I am in.
The dogs of hell that controlled me will only destroy her… and I wouldn't forgive myself if that happened.
It would all be my fault.
I don't know what I'll do if her light suddenly stopped shining—the light that was supposedly shining for me. It was the only thing that kept me hoping—that kept me hanging on. I can't be the cause of it to disappear. I needed her light, it gave me strength, but I couldn't risk her safety so I could feel strong again. It was better if I didn't get involved with her. It was better for me to keep suffering.
I'd rather rot alone in hell than have her rot in there with me.
I stayed away from her and continued with the life I had before she came. I distanced myself from her and it pained me more than a bullet through my head would have done.
Despite everything I did to push her away, she still forced herself inside my heart—inside my world with that light of hers that shone brighter than the sun. The darkness was no match for her.
I was no match for her.
I wasn't even able to control myself anymore. She got so close that I didn't want to let go of her. I can't keep staying away from her. I needed her—I needed her so much. I didn't care about the consequences anymore. I just wanted her to remain by my side… forever.
Because leaving her felt like dying.
I finally understand it now.
I used to wonder why I've been feeling different ever since I met her. I wondered why I had grown so attached to her. There was always a twinge of regret in my chest whenever I did everything I could to pull myself away from her. I tried to deny her existence, but now, it's the only thing that's keeping me alive.
Leaving her… felt like dying.
These emotions I have, they were all because of her. They were all for her.
I had the choice to break free, but I never did it. I thought that doing something I wanted wouldn't make a difference.
I was wrong.
I vowed to myself that I would protect her even if it cost me my life. I finally found the real reason for my existence and I wasn't going to just let it all go. I wasn't born to become a puppet of hell, I was born to protect her. I was no longer the shadow of the people around me. I was no longer controlled by them.
I was free and she was the reason.
I will protect her—I will protect her with everything I have. She rescued me from my prison. I have to return the favor. I owe her my freedom and I will not let her efforts go to waste.
I still have a lot of questions that need to be answered. Hardships and problems will never stop coming and it would be like the two of us against the world now. But that won't stop me from doing what I want. That won't stop me from hoping for a brighter future.
And I will make sure there will be a future—for the both of us.
Because right now, protecting Mikan Sakura is my top priority.
Author's Notes.
Hello, everybody. I'm back… from almost a year of being on hiatus. :D This is just a little something I cooked up last night. I was used to writing happy romantic comedies, but I suddenly had the urge to type something angsty and dramatic. Well, I just thought of giving it a go, you know, for a change? I tried to make it sound slightly romantic without it being mushy or out of character. I didn't stretch the story too much either and it's still a happy ending, so it's not entirely bad, is it? Oh, and I just realized how much I like writing oneshots in Natsume's point of view. :)
By the way, the seventh act of Fate Strings is in the works, just in case you guys were wondering. :P
A little review for my little comeback oneshot?