Notes: The Adventures of MarySuebot was written entirely in jest. This is making fun of all of the crappy Mary Sue fics. I'm not serious. Really. I promise. I don't know if I'll continue this; it's probably been at least a month since I finished this chapter. But anyway, comments are appreciated.

Disclaimer: I don't own Beast Wars.

The Adventures of MarySuebot

MarySuebot was the smartest, prettiest robot ever. She was a gorgeous machine with a sleek frame and a slender figure. She was strong, and brave, and could shoot lasers out of her eyes.

Oh yes. MarySuebot was the coolest Maximal who had ever existed. All of the Maximals loved her for her striking intellect and her stunning beauty. But MarySuebot didn't want any of the Maximals.

Oh no. MarySuebot loved Megatron with all of her spark. From his intriguing speech to his amazing strength, Megatron was definitely the bot for her.

However, they were on different sides. But MarySuebot knew, deep inside, Megatron was good. MarySuebot could never love anyone truly evil (or fatticons).

She sat outside the maximal base, looking down into the river.

"Oh, Megatron," she sighed, wishing he could be beside her.

"What's the matter MarySuebot?" Cheetor asked sitting down beside her.

"Oh, it's nothing Cheetor, you could never understand," MarySuebot sighed. No one would ever understand her, because she was just so much smarter than all of them.

"Maybe I could," Cheetor replied. He knew his intellect could never compare to MarySuebot's, but he had to try to help this beautiful machine.

"Well… I love someone who could never love me back. I guess I'm just not good enough for them," MarySuebot sighed; tears formed around her eyes, sending out frightening blue sparks.

"No! Don't say that MarySuebot! You're the most wonderful, sexy bot ever, and anyone who doesn't agree is a dumb as Dinobot's ass is big, and deserves to be thrown into a vat of boiling slag!"

"By the Matrix, you're right! I am amazing! Thank you Cheetor!" MarySuebot cried.

"So who's the lucky bot?" Cheetor asked hopefully.

"Oh, Cheetor… He's so wonderful! He's big and strong, and -Oh Cheetor! He's amazing. Someone like you could never compare to him. He's hot- unlike you, and mature- as you can see, your total opposite."

"Oh- of course. My total opposite…" Cheetor murmured.

"Absolutely. I could never love someone like you. You're whiny and immature- not to mention an uggobot!"

"Uggobot… So who is it? Silverbolt? Dinobot? Optimus? Rattrap?"

"Silverbolt? Certainly a bot as virtuous as me would never steal another bot's boyfriendtron. And Dinobot- please! His ass is twice as big as me! And Optimus- definite fatticon. And Rattrap is such a homosecticon."

"And what about the other guy? You know he's green… and brown…"

"You mean fat-ass-bot? Unlikely."

"Then… who is it? How many Maximals have you met? It's not- it's not Blackarachnia, is it?"

MarySuebot promptly vomited bolts.

"That's enough from you, artichoke," she replied testily.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Megatron sat in his bathtub, squeezing his rubber ducky thoughtlessly. It let out a squeak.

"Oh MarySuebot… I would love to make the sex with you, yessssss…" Megatron said, daydreaming.

"Megatron? Wazzzpinator sees maximalzzz on Predacon territory." Waspinator interrupted.

"Is it that MarySuebot? She's such a hoticon, yessssss…" Megatron trailed off, kicking his feet a little in the tub.

"Wazzzpinator does not know."

Megatron stood up to check the computer, wrapping a towel around his waist (so no one saw his little bot).

"Ah interesting," Megatron said, scanning the screen. "Come to me, yessssss…"

End of chapter one