Okay here is the deal, this started out as a one shot and with a completely different idea in mind, but my mind took it somewhere else and I loved where it was headed so I kept writing. Also I love playing with the idea of Deeks undercover and Kensi…well her moping.

Not sure where this story is headed, and I should probably focus on my other stories but sometime you just need a change in perspective for new ideas.

And if I do continue with this story I have the desire to show a strong Nell and Kensi friendship.

Enjoy, and sadly I do not own anything.

Solitude

Chapter 1?

Nell's P.O.V

Eric and I are sitting in the bullpen with the team; we are all engaged in some form of conversation except Kensi. She has been awfully quiet since Deeks went undercover two months ago, But when Hetty called Kensi into her office last week she came back more withdrawn then before. I could tell that the female agent was thinking hard about something, like she had a problem that she just couldn't find the answer to. She was fidgety and often lost in thought, the tough as nails agent only came out in the field. As soon as the clock hit six Kensi was up and out the door every day for the last week.

"Okay she has done that every day for the past week." Callen said watching the retreating form that was Kensi. "I wonder what Hetty talked to her about last week."

"Well I can venture a guess that it is about Deeks." Sam said turning back to us. "I think that we should go and check up on her." Sam said turning to all of us.

"I think that we should," I said turning their attention to me. "But we should do so gently if we wish to live," I say with a smile. "Just because her partner is not here doesn't mean she can't and will kick all of our asses into next week."

Callen nodded in consent. "Alright, how about we meet up at her place in two hours, I will bring beer Sam can bring pizza. She needs the company."

"Wait why am I the one buying the food G?" Sam asked in mock irritation causing the team leader to smirk as he threw his bag over his shoulder. I watch as the senior partners disappear towards the parking garage.

"So what do you think is going on with Kensi?" Eric asks. "I mean other than Deeks you know her better than the rest of us." I chuckle and look over at my partner.

"What about Hetty?"

"Well that just goes without saying." He said making me laugh before growing serious.

"She's worried, scared, sad… reserved."

"Yea, it is almost like she has reverted back to the Kensi before Deeks." He says. And I realize I came here after Deeks, I have no clue as to how the old her acted, Eric must have sensed my internal question because he answered. "She was hard headed, always wanting to charge in guns blazing. She had no sense of personal safety, it was like she had nothing to live for. There were cases where I was actually afraid that we wouldn't be able to save her. Then at the end of the day she left to be in solitude."

"She really has changed." I whisper.

"Yea, now she has him, he gives her a reason to live, to think about her own safety, it's made my job a lot easier." He laughs.

I look over at Kensi's usually cluttered desk, it was now almost pristine, and a testament to how much Deeks being gone has affected her. "Alright we better prepare ourselves for Kensi's wrath when we show up at her door unannounced." I say as I stand up from the couch.

"Hey Nell," I turn around at Eric's voice. "You know her, do you know how she feels? I mean we all know because this last month has confirmed it but… has she actually come out and said it?"

I run my hand through my hair as I thought back to the night after Kensi's first day back in the field.

I was in my apartment, cleaning up the flour I had spilt from making cookies. Baking always reminded me of home and my mom. It was a nice feeling amidst all the pain of the last year from Sam and Deeks' torture to Kensi being shipped off. Yes thankfully everyone was safe but there was an air of tension between Kensi and Deeks yesterday and today. I was torn from my thoughts at the banging on my door.

I grabbed my gun and peeked through my curtains. And what I saw was definitely not what I was expecting. Opening the door I came face to face with one drunk Kensi Blye. "Nell!" she said cheerfully as she stumbled into my apartment. "Ooh it smells good." She said as she swayed and took another swig from a bottle in her hand.

"Kensi, what are you drinking." I had to stop myself from laughing at the put on her face as she raised the bottle to eye level.

"I don't know, I do know that I had tequila at some point." She slurred. I walked up to her and tried to pry the bottle from her hand but she had an iron grip on it so I raised her arm instead.

Whiskey. "Oh Kens, this is not how to deal with what happened in Afghanistan." I say sadly as Kensi took another swig.

She looked confused as she walked over to the couch and sat down, without any sense of grace what so ever. "Afghanistan? I am not drinking because of Afghanistan." She hiccupped with what I think was supposed to be venom laced into her tone.

I walk over and sit next to her. "Then… why are you drinking?" A flash of anger speared through her eyes.

"What I can't enjoy a good drink every now and then." She spat. "I should be able to without Hetty on my back. I mean I can't tell anyone outside work my real name, I lie on a daily basis to my own mother, he doesn't want me, I can't love him because I get shipped off like a freaking puppet. So I can damn well drink if my heart desires to drink." She said angrily as she took another long drink from the bottle of amber liquid.

"Kensi, what are you talking about?" I whisper not wanting her anger directed at me.

"Tonight he…" she took a drink. "We made love the night before I was shipped off." Another drink, a lone tear, "He told me he was falling in love with me." Another drink, another tear, "He said he would be patient." Another tear, another drink, another hiccup, "He just broke up with me in the bullpen." Another tear, and a quiet sob of heartbreak. I take in all of this information, the relationship that was Kensi and Deeks was an eternal mystery to everyone.

I move next to her and wrap my arms around her as she lets the empty bottle hit the floor. "What happened?" I ask as her shoulders shake silently. I have to admit, I am a little scared I have never seen the female agent so… distraught before in a private setting. She surprised me again when she buried her head in my neck and clung to me, like she was afraid I would leave too. "What happened, Kens?"

She pulled away and moved to stand, angrily wiping away her tears. "What happened was that that self-centered, playboy made me fall in love with him against my will! I never asked to feel like this," she turned her polychrome eyes to me, they were filled with so much emotion, more than I had ever seen and one stood out; pain. "I tried so hard," she whispered. "I tried to hard not to love him, but I couldn't stop it." she said staring me in the eye. "I just want the pain to be gone."

"Kensi, drinking is not the solution… you have to talk to him because I highly doubt that he broke up with you…"

"I'm not enough," she shrugged.

I had never seen Kensi this way. She was strong independent, didn't need anybody, but tonight I saw the version of herself that she hides from the world; the her that was insecure and scared.

"Don't say that Kensi, you are more than enough. That man loves you, I highly doubt he stopped." She shook her head.

"I really, really hate frozen lakes and knives, and boxes, and raccoons…" she rambles quietly. "And third hearts." Another tear slides down her cheeks.

"What?" I ask thinking she was going a bit insane.

"Our fabulous communication skills at work," she says disdainfully as she sat down again. "Nell I'm so tired." She whispered. "I just want to be happy, don't I deserve to be happy?" she asks me, her voice pleading.

"Kensi, I have never met someone more deserving of happiness than the two of you. so instead of drowning in a bottle of tequila and whiskey fight." She cocks her head to the side in question, the gesture much like the man who holds her fragile heart. "Fight for him. Kensi he didn't stop loving you, he was miserable while you were gone, but something spooked him, you have to fight him, show him that you are not going anywhere. You two have seemingly switched roles." I say with a bit of anger in my tone.

Her head is still cocked as she looks at me, the tears gone, and a new fire burning in her eyes; hope and determination. "It's a love story." She mutters.

"What?" I say with a smile but she merely shakes her head. Clearly that is just another piece to the complex nature that is Kensi and Deeks. "Now lay down because you are going to have a KILLER headache tomorrow." I say when I seen her eyelids drooping.

The next morning I wake up to find Kensi munching on the cookies I made last night and a bottle of aspirin next to a cup of coffee. She looks deep in thought and well hung over. When she looks at me she smiles and hands me a mug of coffee and a cookie. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Listening to my drunken rant about Deeks, and I am going to do what you said, I'm going to fight for him because I am in love with him."

"Nell?...Nell?" I am brought back to the present as Eric waves his hand in front of my face.

"What?"

"You never answered my question; did she ever say she had feelings for Deeks?"

"Yes." I say sadly and simply as I turn and walk away.

So, leave as a one shot or continue…..leave a lovely review if you so desire :)