Title: The Pieces We Keep
Disclaimer: I do not own anything. It's quite sad.
A/N: This fanfic is for Ivonne for our little fanfic exchange at the TWC. She wanted an angsty story that took place after the S2 finale with Haley standing at the door.
A/N 2: The biggest biggest thank you to Luna for being so extremely helpful and supportive with this.
Feedbackwould be quite lovely. I'd love to hear what you all think!
There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it. - George Bernard Shaw
Surreal. That was the only word to describe what it was like seeing her, his wife, before him.
Opening the door, he was sure that it must've been a dream. A trick of the eyes.
After all, she had been gone for so long and he hadn't stopped thinking of her. Hadn't stopped thinking of how wonderful she smelled when her hair tickled his nose, how yummy she tasted when her tongue was dancing with his, how lovely she sounded when her voice whispered into his ear, how soft she felt when her hand brushed against his cheek, how peaceful she looked when her petite body was tucked safely against his larger one.
She may have left him, but the memories of her had stayed behind. Haunting him like a ghost.
He had to wonder if what he was seeing before him now was a ghost as well. Maybe he was finally becoming delusional and had conjured her image up before him. It wasn't entirely out of the question. He'd been doing a lot of crazy things over the past few weeks. Insulting a teacher at school with a beer in hand, landing himself in jail, driving himself into a wall.
But when he looked down for a second and lifted his eyes back up, she was still there.
Looking solid and real and broken and afraid.
Then she spoke. Her voice sounded strange to his ears. He didn't know if it was because he hadn't heard it for so long, or if it was because he didn't think he'd ever heard her sound so helpless and vulnerable.
Either way, he didn't know what to make of her simple "hi."
He'd never had to make anything of it before. The word had been typical, a standard greeting that had always been tossed around lightly between them.
He'd come home from work and she'd stop whatever she was doing, cooking or studying, to look up and say "hi." Then he'd drop his keys on the counter, and before he knew it she'd have her hands wrapped around his neck and her body pressed against his with her lips inches away, ready to give him a proper greeting.
He wondered now, as his eyes simply continued to take in the sight of her, what the proper greeting was for this moment.
Her "hi" seemed unfitting considering how long she'd been gone, considering where she'd been and with whom - considering the fact that she'd left him, and her old life, all behind. And here she was again, showing up out of nowhere, and that two-letter word was all she could say.
And yet, he didn't know what to say himself. He wasn't sure how he should feel. He'd dreamt of this moment, when she would come back to him, for a long time.
When he'd been bitter and angry, he could see himself yelling at her and demanding answers. During those times that he woke up in the morning, seeing her empty pillow beside him, he could imagine taking her up in his arms - forgetting about everything she'd done - and just burying his head in her neck, simply wanting to breathe in her scent once more and never let go.
And lying in the hospital bed after the crash, he'd finally understood why she left to go on tour. So he'd done what he thought was best for them, what he thought was best for her. He'd given her an out. He'd told her not to come home, sure that she would listen and chase after her dream freely without him holding her back.
That had put things in perspective for him and he'd decided to focus on his own dreams. Dreams that had become nearly buried in his resolve to devote himself entirely to his wife and to their marriage.
Like he'd told Lucas, he couldn't pretend anymore. He couldn't pretend to believe that love was enough when all that had happened told him otherwise. When so many people, for so long, had been telling him otherwise.
He'd loved Haley as best he could and he was sure she'd loved him, but she had left anyways and broken his heart.
Tragedies happened, and all he could do was pick up the pieces and keep on going.
He would attend High Flyers and when he got back from Florida, he'd be living with his parents again. Somehow, he and his mom would figure out how to break free of Dan.
After weeks of feeling lost and uncertain, he'd finally found some sense of focus and figured out a plan. He was going to put Haley and his marriage behind him and move on with his life.
After all, sometimes they don't come back.
But she had come back, and all he could do was look blankly at her and fumble with his hands.
Haley's presence here now hadn't been part of the plan.
For some reason, she always managed to upset all his plans. She'd done so from the moment she'd first stepped into his life and made him care for her so much that he couldn't use her to stick it to Lucas. Once again, he'd underestimated her ability to throw his world upside down.
Because as he saw her shiver involuntarily and stare at him with sheer pain and fear in her eyes, he couldn't help but care.