She eats chipped ice in the summer. It's always lemon flavor. She likes the way the tangy juices melt to sting her tongue. It reminds her of them.
She sees them often. They go to universities now. Effy isn't sure if she should feel happy or left behind. Sometimes they stop and ask her if she has heard from Tony. Most of the time they just walk by, forgetting that she ever even slightly fit in with them. Her brother doesn't answer their calls anymore.
It's probably all her fault. She shouldn't have fucked around with their lives, she should have made friends her age before they left. She should have set down the drugs and the alcohol and listened. It would have helped. If she had, then she wouldn't be stuck with the pain of lemon ice. She could have started eating chocolate and been like a normal teenager. She could have thrown away the manipulation and lies and become normal, or at least more normal than she is now.
But her brother always used to tell her, "Should-a', would-a', could-a' doesn't count."
So, she's Effy Stonem, and she is left behind.