Feliciano cried soft tears, body too worn to create the racking sobs it had done too many hours ago.
"Why?" he whispered to himself. It was a useless question. He knew why.
Once again, he started to hum the sweet lullabies his brother use to sing for him. It was rare for Lovino to willing let his younger brother hear the calming melody, but one sleepless night Feliciano was aware of his brother's voice close to him. After discovering that Lovino sang to him once he fell asleep, Feliciano made sure to just close his eyes and listen every night for his brother to sing to him.
The thought of this happening again was absolutely beautiful, but he knew it couldn't happen. Not anymore.
He found the strength for one more rib-aching sob, tears pouring down his face.
His brother was gone now. He'd killed himself the night before. It was all Feliciano's fault.
His brother had been perfect. Still was perfect up in heaven. He'd been loving and caring, even if others didn't see it. He was helpful, even if he didn't often help those outside his family. He was more faithful to his religion than anyone else Feliciano had ever met. But most of all…his smile. It was perfect in every way. Lovino had a habit of scowling, but that one moment that you could catch him off guard and make him smile just made Feliciano's world light up.
He was going to miss his brother. He didn't know if he could live without his brother. Honestly…he'd love his brother.
Last night, Feliciano had been dancing around and joking with Lovino when finally he'd achieved his lifelong dream: he'd made Lovino laugh. It was a beautiful, true, heartfelt laugh that filled the room. It was so wonderful that Feliciano couldn't do anything but smile, before he whispered that one fatal sentence.
"Ti amo, Lovino. Ti amo, you're my everything."
Lovino had stopped laughing, looking shocked. For a moment he almost smiled again, but he faltered before looking angry and almost scared.
"You can't!" he had yelled. But this was different than his normal yell, this was refusal and almost like he was yelling at a lawbreaker.
"I-I'm sorry, fratello. I-"
"No! I can't love you! You're my brother! God says this is sin and I can't do this!"
"Lovi, you don't have to-"
"No, Feliciano! This is wrong, it's sin for me to love you that way!"
Feliciano realized then that Lovino wasn't rejecting him, but denying himself. He was denying himself so he could love his God.
"Lovino-"
"Stop it!" the older boy ran off then, straight to his room.
Feliciano followed quickly. "Lovino-"
"If you open this door I'll jump out the window! I need to be with God!"
Feliciano paused, frightened knowing that they were on the second floor and Lovino could die if he jumped. "Ti amo, Lovino," he spoke quietly though the door before walking to his room, silently praying that Lovino would be okay.
His hopes were shattered three hours later when he heard a large crash.
"Lovino!" he'd screamed as he rushed quickly to his brother's room.
It was locked, but the boy pounded at the door, refusing to let his brother be taken from him. Finally, through fear and love, he was able to break the door open.
But it was too late. He found his brother dead, hanging from a rope hung from the ceiling. His brother had gone without oxygen for too long before the door could be opened.
Through teary eyes, he looked away from his brother. There he noticed the chair which had made the crash by hitting a pile of his brother's stuff.
His brother, who had kicked that chair out from under himself, so he would die.
His brother who he loved. Who loved him too. Who killed himself to stop the love he didn't want to feel. His brother…who was gone forever. And it was his fault.