Title: Tell him
Pairing: sort of McKono.
Spoilers: if you haven't seen 2x16 or STeve's accident then you could call this spoiler-ish
Disclaimer: Not mine.
A/N: This is not my usual McKono story, this does not have a happy ending and it is kind of sad, at least to me it was *sniff*. Anyways this is based on the song "Tell him" by Celine Dion and Barbra Straisand, if you haven't heard it then please do so. And yes, I know my last story "Think Twice" is not done yet, I had to post this though.
Biggest super gigantic hugs to Martha Smith-Jones for being my beta. I adore you, you're the best, thank you so freaking much for doing this!
italics are lyrics btw
Kono's heart was raising, like never before. She froze on her spot, though her brain kept telling her to run, to help him out, her legs did not respond to her request. Lori was screaming, Chin was shocked and Danny paced. She wanted to do something but the only thing her heart told her was to cry, and she did. Silent tears ran down her cheeks and she stood on a corner, aside from her friends and prayed for everything to go right. She couldn't imagine her life without Steve. She just couldn't.
It took half an hour, an eternal half an hour for a doctor to come out. And she didn't know what to expect, she focused on the man in front of her and the words coming out of his mouth. Something about a concussion, a few broken ribs and scratches. She sighed with relief at the man's words.
She imagined all kinds of scenarios, all of them included crying on a corner and sobbing desperately. One of them was harder, she imagined Steve being dead and her heart stopped. She couldn't imagine her life without him.
"Can we see him?" Lori asked, wiping away her tears slowly.
"Yes, just five minutes each. He needs to rest."
They look at each other, neither moving nor saying a word, the only thing heard was Lori's constant sobs and Danny's hush words.
"I think you should go first" Kono spoke, to which the woman smiled. She did it because she was desperate, because her sobs and her tears were driving her mad. And also because she knew, she felt Lori's sense of guilt for what happened.
"Thank you" Lori whispered and moved away of the group and towards Steve's room. She disappeared behind it and the silent tears threating to fall finally showed up in Kono's .Danny squeezed her hand and she suppressed a sob as he tried to comfort her.
Each of them took their time to visit. Danny was the second one, he tried to convince her to walk in first but she wasn't ready, she wasn't prepared to see him in whatever state he was in. Chin walked in after Danny, and he gave her a hug in comfort. She wondered if that was a signal, maybe he was trying to warn her about what was yet to come.
She walked slowly, stopping right in front of his door and taking a deep breath. Her heart, once again, was beating fast inside her chest. She looked down at her feet for a brief second, thinking she was definitely not prepared for any of this, God she was not prepared at all. Even though the doctor has said he was going to be okay, she couldn't stops the thoughts bouncing around her head. The thoughts of how much blood was coming out of his head when he got hit. That moment was sure going to hunt her for weeks.
She took the doorknob with trembling hands and opened the door. She stood there, frozen. Steve wasn't in such a bad shape as she thought he would, his eyes were closed, his face was covered with stitches and bandages, the blood she saw before was long gone. She sight with relief, though her heart was still beating fast, she was happy to see him. Happy to know he was alive and well (all things considered).
She took the remaining steps towards him, to stand right in front of his bed. He looked as if he were sleeping; taking a long nap after an exhausting day instead of just being run over by a car. God, she was re living that moment again, and now the tears were about to fall yet again but she didn't want to cry, she didn't want him to feel her pain or her fear. She wanted to transmit all the hope she could muster so he would get up and walk out of this hospital. She needed him out so much.
I'm scared, so afraid to show I care
Will he think me weak if I tremble when I speak?
She wanted to say something, to speak the words she was so afraid to say. Maybe encourage him to open his eyes, to show a sign of getting well but she was scared. She had had a hard time accepting them and dealing with them, how was she supposed to say them out loud?
Something inside of her told her she should, that this was the right time.
Tell him, tell him that the sun and moon rise in his eyes
Reach out to him
And whisper tender words so soft and sweet
"Steve…" she whispered not sure if he could actually hear her "I…God I have so many things to say and I just…I don't know if I can" she watched him in silent for a brief moment, seeking for the courage to say her last words. She moved closer, until her lips where close to his ear, really wishing her could hear her. "I love you…" she finally said, tears running down her cheeks, a sob escaping her lips.
"Kono?" she turned around, Danny standing on the door. She wiped away her tears quickly because she was embarrassed of him seeing her cry and she didn't ask him to ask any questions. "The doctor says it's time"
She let him go, squeezing his hand one more time to then move away.
Two weeks later
She watches him as he spoke to Lori, she couldn't see her face but from his reaction she must have told him something relatively shocking. Then he hugged her, his arms wrapped around her waist, squeezing her tight against his chest. They stood like that for a minute or so, she watched her with envy for he has never hugged that way, and they had never shared anything that wasn't work related. She was dying to be in her place right now, to feel his strong arms wrapped around her, to feel his breath crash against her cheek. Sadly that wasn't close to happen any time soon.
She saw Lori walk out of his office, tears running down her pale cheeks. She hugged Danny as well, then moved to where she was standing and said goodbye. Kono was lost of words, she has no clue was happening, neither did Danny.
So she walked into Steve's office, curiosity kicking in. Something must have happened to Lori if she cried the way she did, she wondered if it had something to do with his accident.
"Hey, Kono" he greeted her with a smile to which she returned.
"Hey. What's up with Lori? She left crying." She asked.
"Lori…she left." He whispered, waving a white envelope before her eyes "She resigned"
"What? Why?"
"The governor made her choose between Hawaii and Five 0. She said both, I guess he didn't like that answer so she resigned"
"Wow. No wonder she looked so distress"
"Yeah" he whispered "There's something…"
She stared at him, he was keeping something to himself and she was dying to know what. There was something about his eyes; he looked puzzled and a little bit sad. I guess he was going to miss Lori after all.
"She said her job had been clouded by her feelings for me"
She knew it. Kono knew Lori had feelings for Steve before she could admit her own. She wasn't open about it, but she saw the way she watched him work, the way she smiled when he said something funny. She saw the way she cried when he was laying on the ground, bleeding. The desperation in her eyes could only mean Lori loved him as much as she did, the difference was Kono had told him while he was lying unconscious on a hospital bed and she told him while he was wide awake. She wasn't brave enough to do that.
"It's sad she had to leave like that" She says and Steve nods slowly.
"I thought I knew" he spoke, frowning as if trying to remember something "I mean there was someone, while I was at the hospital, who spoke to me. It was female voice; she said 'I love you'. For a minute I thought it was you…but then after Lori told me I guess I was wrong"
Your love can't be denied, the truth will set you free
"yeah, I wouldn't…" she lied and her heart shrink inside her chest in a way she had never felt before. He knew but wouldn't believe it. How ironic was that?
"I know."
'No, you don't' she thought.
"At least she had the courage to tell you how she felt. Most women just hide their feelings afraid they might get hurt" she spoke with such honesty it would be stupid not to notice how much her words described her.
'Like me' she thought and swallowed the lump forming on her throat.
"I guess she did it because she knew she was leaving, otherwise silence would have been her choice" he spoke "besides, she knew about Catherine…"
"She knows you love her"
"Yeah"
"Maybe she thought she could tell you and see what you would say. See if she had a chance"
She wondered if she was now talking about Lori or herself. Seeing how much her feelings were alike.
"Maybe so"
"Did she?" she asked him, thought she knew the answer
"I love Catherine" he confessed and it took all of Kono's will not to cry right there.
What if there's another one he's thinking of?
Maybe he's in love; I'd feel like a fool
Life can be so cruel, I don't know what to do
"I don't think I can see another woman the same way I see her, you know?" he continued "Catherine is the one I've always wanted, she's the only one who can make me feel special and loved. I don't think I can see myself with some other than her"
I love him, then show him
Of that much I can be sure, hold him close to you
I don't think I could endure if I let him walk away
When I have so much to say
"But after what she just said to me." he spoke again "the way she said 'I love you' seemed to honest and pure. I don't think I've heard anyone speaking like that to me ever. She made me feel something different inside, you know? Like I could open my eyes and live, truly live and be happy."
Tell him, tell him that the sun and moon rise in his eyes
Reach out to him
And whisper, whisper words so soft and sweet
Hold him close to feel his heart beat
"Well, I think Lori is the luckiest woman for making you feel that way with her words. Even if her love was not returned" she whispered and somehow she felt if she didn't walk away she might end up crying in his arms and screaming it was her all along.
"No, I was lucky enough to hear her saying it."
She smiled, the silence between them could have been somehow revealing but he was so oblivious at not even recognizing her voice, nor even noticing (after working together for so long) that it was her saying those words, that was her the one who loved him and no Lori.
What was left for her to do? She wondered. Just pretending nothing happened, like she always did, like the love she felt inside was not killing her slowly. She had become a master at avoiding her own feelings, what was wrong with doing it a little bit more.
Danny watched them talk, he almost never did but this time he got glued to the couple inside the office. He couldn't tell what they were talking about, but telling from Kono's reaction it must have been something sad.
Then he saw it. He saw the tears running down her cheeks as she turned around, walking towards the door. She looked sad, positively heartbroken and when they looked at each other her eyes spoke volumes.
He could not understand how Steve could not see it, how can he not see the love pouring out her very being. Clearly he was blind; clearly he did not see her reaction when he was released from the hospital, or when he opened his eyes after being out for hours.
She loved him and for what he could see, her feelings were not returned.
THE END
I have no idea if I got the reason why Lori was leaving correctly but whatever, that was not the point...don't forget to review!