A/N: From Kaidan's perspective after Virmire.
Ashley's Corner
She's taking it hard. Real hard. I can't blame her, not at all. I'm sure glad I didn't have to make that decision, and I am grateful I'm here- but why did she spare me? Because I'm good for the crew? Or another reason?
She often goes into the garage- Wrex and Garrus are down there. And so was Ashley. I don't go down there myself, not anymore. When I do, I see her pause by Ashley's corner, she stares at it looking lost, as if she's expecting Ashley to be there.
I guess we're all expecting her to be there.
It hasn't changed. She refused to let anyone touch Ashley's stuff. The stuff that wasn't sent home. Sometimes I see her go down, and she comes back up and it's obvious she's been there. Her eyes are empty, and she can't look at me.
She never can when she thinks about Ashley.
She saved all Ashley's vid-mail. She hasn't been able to bring herself to watch them but I know she saved them. Ashley's gear is still in her locker, the gear she wasn't using. It's still Ashley's locker. No one has dared try to reassign it. Look the crew register up, 'Williams, Ashley' is still there, as if she's still on board, as if nothing changed on Virmire. It's just the Commander's way of dealing with it.
That God-forsaken planet was Akuze all over again for her.
I can't help but feel guilty. I know that it was Saren's fault, that he pushed it, but if I hadn't been there, if it had been someone else arming the nuke, would Ashley be here? Worse, if I hadn't encouraged her, if I'd stayed in line and followed regulations, would her decision have been different?
The lines are becoming blurred. I don't know what's right anymore.