December 9th 1994 marked the very first King of Iron Fist Tournament.

It was time to put my swag on. That term was invented right? WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT HASN'T! I should know! Oh right I was there at the time. Let me look it up for a sec... HA! I did a quick check it was made in the 70's! SO SCREW YOU!

I was the adoptive son of Heihachi Mishimia, apparently he marked me as his male daughter cause I never had the "balls" to get into a volcano, despite me having sex with chicks since the third grade, and it wasn't til the sixth grade when I discovered condoms. Thankfully I only have two girls pregnant during those times! I had an odd relationship with my brother Kazuya... He always gave me whirlies, and wedgies, and wet willies, and also threaten me he would throw me in a volcano. So my brother hated me. My grandfather hated me, but he loved my bro. So generally, I was hated in the family, and lets face it, I never knew my step mom! But there was one thing that my father had, and it was a huge ass business, and that business was called the Mishimia Zaibatsu. It all sorts of magnificent inventions, and it got me interested in technology! So I learned about it like a mad man, thus I graduated High School as a freshman cause I was so damn smart and became a mackdaddy millionaire, and I moved out of my crummy old place, and moved into the USA baby! When I first moved there, I was so excited moving I forgot to do a lot, like finding a place to stay. So I wondered around the city and I was about to get killed by a street gang until two nice fellows saved my life! Those two guys were Marshall Law and Paul Phoenix, and we became BFFS. So for the time being I lived them, and I learned both their styles, at least a bit from each. So... I when I finally became 18 I entered my first Kung Fu Tournament, and won 1st. I was started to see potential in my fighting... I was a god with this style! With the mix of Jeet Kune Do and Judo, NO CAN STOP ME! I won tournaments left and right, my lose streak was only from my pals, but I eventually kicked their asses! It wasn't until I was 25 when my step dad called me on the phone on November 27th 1994!

I was just chilling on my mansion in Mi-frickin-ami, watching Ecco the Dolphin do shit to my fishes! And no Ecco the Dolphin wasn't there, it was a term in the mid 90's, that was used in a few weeks... By nerds... So I was designing my latest robotic mabobber, which I need to get done. By the by, I had this "new" piece of technology in the mid 90's called "cell phones" so I talked to my ass hole of a step father on my own cellular telephonic device!

"Ye'llow..."

"Hey! Lee! I've been seeing how you were doing recently... I see that you're doing well, maybe even better than your brother!" said Heihachi

"... Really?", ME! BETTER THAN MY BROTHER! That was insane, how can this be! I think I had a tear in my eye. But I can't get too excited because I'm wearing my violet speedo, and trust me, ladies can only imagine.

"Yes really, SON. I want you to meet me at some Airport in Japan, and we'll discuss it even further, Ciao"

I hanged up my phone with excitement (crap, I should of of bought stronger speedos), and HE CALLED ME SON! (and hey, the ladies liked it, you know the...) I started packing my things (trust me it was an awkward situation when my girlfriend was making me a PB&J if you know what I mean), and I was going to JAPAN! And yeah I stilled look the same, but I got away with it because I was sexier than a two dollar bill! What? Never mind, so I went to Japan, and magically was wearing full clothing, and I saw my dad looking happy, along with a pimpin fur coat, and he gave me a bear hug. He does like bears.

"Hey Lee! I wanted you to be here, just to give you this!" said Heihachi as he given me an invitation to the King of Iron Fist tournament

"Why couldn't you mail it to me? Or better yet, send me one of those "E-Mails" and I could print an invitation." I asked

"BECAUSE I WANNA TO MESS WITH YA YOU WASTE OF AN ADOPTION AH HA HA!" laughed Heihachi

Oh you better believed I'm pissed, and I was so pissed I walked home, by foot, very fast, and I was so angry I scared sharks, and I stayed at Paul's place for no reason, and he didn't bother asking. So when it was December 9th I went in with style. I was wearing two different colored socks, I stunned... Only Kuma... The people there are weird, there were ninjas, robots, a bear, and my BROTHER! He looked fierce, he was punching a punching bag like it was... OH MY! ME! I know that, because he always at the head for me, and the gut for my father. Oh, Paul, and Law are in too, and I defeated Paul, but I never faced Law, which I thought it was a good thing, because most of my moves are from Law! But my next Opponent was a beaut, and no it was not Armor King, who doesn't want to have sex with him though, even Bryan had his moments drooling the sight of Armor King. But no, it was... ANNA WILLIAMS! I was so attracted to her I stared at her faced awkwardly, which knocked her out... STUPID! But I was at the semi finals. Which was technically the finals, but after this you fight Heihachi Mishimia. So I was nervous, I was about to face my brother who gave me Atomic bombs of Wedgies, the guy who took wet willies to the BRAIN! I was so nervous I fainted, and lost! Not only that I NEVER FINISHED THE ROBOTIC PROJECT! So my angry evil business man associate complex money man, whacked me with his money fist. So I gave him another automatic can opener.

But it was only the beginning of this oddity...

TO BE CONTINUED BABY!