Notes:
The original works are not mine, never were, never will be. This is done purely for my own enjoyment, and yours too, should you happen to like what will follow. More specifically: some passages have been taken/paraphrased directly from the movie. Those passages are obviously even less mine.
On the other hand, since there is no beta, I can lay claim to all the mistakes present in the text !
Today is the day and I still do not know which Faction to choose. Yesterday, the Test was supposed to tell me where I belong. But it didn't. The only thing that is preventing me from panicking right now is a memory: 'while it is our belief that choosing the Faction indicated by your Test is the best way to ensure success within the Faction system, you will have the right to choose any of the five Factions tomorrow during the Choosing Ceremony regardless of your Test results.'
The Test is here to help us choose, not to choose for us. It is not perfect otherwise the Test itself would be our Choosing Ceremony. It could simply be a guideline. If it is, mine is far less precise than the norm. But it will have to make do.
"Factions, please gather in your assigned areas."
I look around the auditorium. Members from all the faction form a coloured crowd that is slowly dividing in neat blocks of colours as people take their seats. We come to a stop at the bottom of the stairs leading up one side of the Erudite area. I follow my father's gaze and see him looking at their leader: Jeanine Matthews, who is making her way down toward us.
"Morning, Jeanine," my father says once she has reached our level. His demeanour is uncommonly cold. Perhaps I shouldn't be so surprised: he left Erudite without any regret at his own Choosing Ceremony and his distaste of his former Faction has only grown with the years.
"Good morning, Andrew," Her answering tone is cool yet polite "How is Marcus holding up?"
"As well as can be expected."
She adopts a sympathetic expression as she answers, "We need to find out who is behind these rumours."
"I think we all know who it is," my mother interrupts and I cannot remember the last time I heard her adopt such an accusing tone.
"If it is someone from Erudite, I promise you I'll find out their identity and deal with them accordingly."
Apparently, the enmity seems to be mutual.
"These are your children," Jeanine's tone is suddenly warmer as she turns toward Caleb and I. "I was unaware they were choosing today." She focuses on my brother and extends her hand for him to shake. "What is your name?"
"I'm... I'm Caleb." His shy smile and his unusual stutter take me by surprise. I didn't know he admired her. "It is a pleasure to meet you."
"Jeanine Matthews," she answers, more to be polite than out of true necessity: everyone knows who she is.
She releases Caleb's hand and shifts her attention to me: "And you are?"
I wasn't prepared to feel so self conscious. Her piercing blue gaze is intimidating and the words get caught in my throat.
"This is Beatrice," Caleb answers for me and I am grateful for his Abnegation instincts.
"You both have a big decision to make today. I am certain your parents will support whichever choice you will make."
Maybe it is because she is not focused on me anymore, maybe it is because she is echoing what I was thinking earlier about the Test and our freedom to choose: suddenly, my voice is back and the words are out before I can even process them. "That's not supposed to be a choice. The Test should tell us what to do."
"You are still free to choose." Her tone is still light but her posture has straightened and her eyes stare unwaveringly into mine. If I found her gaze intimidating before, it doesn't hold a candle to how small I feel right now. But this is important so I stand my ground. She could have an answer that will help me find my way out of this mess I am currently in.
"But you don't really want that."
"Beatrice..."
Should I decide to leave Abnegation, I know I will not regret Caleb's disapproving tone.
"I want you to choose who you truly are and where you truly belong," her voice cuts through my thoughts. Her eyes now hold a sharpness that wasn't there before and her voice carries the full weight of her authority. Where before she was making an effort to seem friendly, it is now a Leader who is talking to me. "Not on a whim. Not because you wish you were someone you are not. But because you honestly know yourself. I want you to choose wisely, and I know you will."
Oh. I wasn't expecting that. It was surprisingly inspiring. She closes her argument with a thin smile before turning back to my parents. They exchange a quick but stilted goodbye while I train my eyes to the floor and keep them there. My little outburst took a lot out of me and I am shaking like a leaf. I am not used to defying authority figures.
"Beatrice? Are you coming?" Caleb's voice shakes me out of my daze and I see my parents are already on their way towards the Abnegation section of the room. We take our seats there and Jeanine steps on the stage. The words she delivers seem to echo those she addressed me a handful of minutes ago.
"The Faction system is a living being composed of cells, all of you. And the only way it can survive and thrive is for each of you to claim your rightful place. The future belongs to those who know where they belong."
The Test is supposed to tell us where we have the highest chance of flourishing but in the end, one thing matters more than the test: the choice itself. Once my blood will have touched the content of one of the bowls, I will belong to my chosen Faction and will be expected to fully embrace it.
Jeanine is replaced by Marcus, Abnegation's leader. He will conduct the ceremony from now on.
"When we leave this room, you will no longer be Dependents but full-fledged members of our society. Faction before blood."
The auditorium repeats his utterance of our city's motto. Never before have I doubted it as I doubt it now. Could I really abandon my family for a new Faction?
My mother takes my hand in hers and gives it a gentle squeeze. "I love you... No matter what." It is as if she is reading my thoughts and guilt assault me. She knows about my doubts so she is acting like a true Abnegation, putting my needs before hers or my fathers, trying to reassure me and setting me free. It has the opposite effect though. How could I in good conscience leave them now?
Marcus starts to read the names of this year's aspiring Initiates in reverse alphabetical order. I don't have much time left, my turn is going to come soon.
I need to think of my family. What my leaving would mean for them. I also have to think of myself. Ultimately, it is my choice. I cannot hide behind the Test. The responsibility of whether I will succeed or fail in my future Faction rests on my shoulders alone so I need to choose according to what I know of them.
I watch as Jonathan Ziegler, Erudite-born, chooses to remain in Erudite.
"Jeffrey Yates."
Erudite is for the smart ones, those who value knowledge and logic over everything else. I don't value knowledge for its own sake, I want what I learn to be of use to me.
"Dauntless."
I have always found the Dauntless amazing: they are brave, fearless, and free. It is fitting since they are tasked with protecting our City.
"Morgan Stokes."
Some people think Dauntless are crazy. They are, but it is an adventurous kind of crazy. I have always wanted to be one of them. But does this wish reflect who I truly am? Or is it me dreaming I were someone I am not?
"Amity."
Amity farm the land. They're all about kindness and harmony, always happy.
"Claire Satron."
The Test was right not to put me there. My personality isn't made for this place.
"Candor."
Candor value honesty and order. They tell the truth, even when you wish they wouldn't.
"Sam Robertson."
I have always lied too easily to ever be a Candor.
"Abnegation."
We dedicate our lives to helping others. Because of this, we are mostly civil servants, trusted to run the government. I don't think I am selfless enough for this Faction.
"Caleb Prior."
I jump a little as I hear my brother's name being called out. He smiles at me before getting up. A quick glance shows my parents smiling proudly at him. They are so certain he will choose to stay in Abnegation. Then again, so am I. If anyone was born for Abnegation, it would be him. I watch him take the knife and, with only the slightest pause in front of Abnegation's bowl, hold his fist above another one, full of water.
"Erudite."
Amidst the outraged murmurs of the Abnegation and the pleased applause of the Erudite, I observe the shocked faces of my parents. None of us expected this. Especially not a transfer to a Faction that becomes more hostile towards ours every day.
"Quiet, please," Marcus calls out before continuing: "Beatrice Prior." Contrarily to the others names, mine comes out as a question. It registers in me that Marcus must be shocked by Caleb's transfer too.
I manage to drag myself out of my chair and step past my parents who each give me a slight touch of encouragement. I descend the stairs slowly. It's too soon, I haven't chosen yet. I had nearly made up my mind but now Caleb has transferred and I don't know if I can leave too. Could I do that to my parents? Deprive them of their second child? I come to a stop in front of the bowls and take the knife waiting for me. As I clench my teeth and drag the blade across the palm of my left hand, I resolve to choose Abnegation. I close my fist and hold it over the grey stones. And yet, as I watch the little trail of blood make its way to the edge of my fist, I can't help but wonder. The Test showed me I could be brave. It told me I could have a place in Dauntless.
At the last moment, I move my arm and my blood sizzles over the coals.
I have made my choice. This is who I am.
Thoughts?