A/N: Episode 43 fucked me up, I'm sorry ;u;

It was painful to watch. Every time Tetsuya saw Aomine play, his heart hurt more and more. Every time he scored a point, his face impassive, as if he couldn't care less, Tetsuya had difficulty breathing through his much too tight throat. Every time Aomine won and no one was there to oppose him, he felt helplessly guilty, fighting the tears that threatened to spill down his cheeks. He could only look at his back and fall deeper into despair.

Now was no different, crushing his hopes ruthlessly. The whole Seirin team was watching the match between Touou and Kaijou, the battle between Aomine and Kise. He knew they were captivated by the raw talent and power both of them possessed, by their determination, technique, skills. He was sure that he would be too, if his inner thoughts weren't breaking his heart in a slow torture.

It wasn't always like that. Watching Aomine used to be the light shining through the clouds of dark thoughts. He used to be his light. But he wasn't anymore. Not for a long while. Tetsuya took a deep, slightly shaky breath to somehow alleviate the pain in his chest. Every play Aomine executed brought back more and more memories he wished he hadn't remembered with such vivacity and rawness of emotions.

The day they first met, their trainings together, the smiles they shared, the love for basketball that brought them close. Tetsuya clearly remembered how he wanted to give up, how exhausted he was by never getting any better at the game he loved with his whole heart. He remembered the desperation before each test of skills, the disappointment after he didn't get in the second string, the sobs he couldn't stop and the resignation he fought so hard against.

He would have probably given up at one point, if it wasn't for that smile and those words of encouragement, if it wasn't for Aomine. He was his light, even before Tetsuya became his shadow. Thanks to him, he was able to keep doing his best, and finally made it to the first string. There were no words to describe the joy he felt when, after all this time, he was able to stand on the same court. It was the happiest he's ever been.

But as hard as worked to be in that position, as fast everything started to crumble. Tetsuya nearly gasped when his heart fluttered painfully in his chest. Aomine's face, distressed, pained, resigned, appeared before his eyes, the reminder of that day, that match that ruined everything. The back he always looked at was strong, no matter the pressure, and he could always rely on it. If he stretched his hand, he'd catch the hem of the white-blue jersey, getting the attention he wanted.

But it all changed after that one match. There was nothing but void in its place and that scared Tetsuya more than anything. His light disappeared. The smiles at well-placed passes and scored points, the cheerful encouragements throughout the match, the shining presence of optimism and positivity, everything was gone. His heart was breaking apart, more and more with each day, until he couldn't take it anymore. The sport he loved so much became too painful, making every match an agony.

And yet it wasn't what hurt the most. The most excruciating part of it all was watching the change in Aomine settle for good, watching his light lose hope. Tetsuya closed his eyes, barely stopping the tears glistening hollowly in them.

It was still a fresh wound on his heart, one that refused to heal, no matter how hard he tried. It wasn't unusual for him to wake up at night, haunted by the desperation and loneliness of the moment when Aomine turned his face away and left him alone in the darkness. His mind often drifted back to that day, looking, searching desperately for any signs he missed, for any mistakes he made, for any way out. But there was none. The only thing waiting for him was heartbreak and the sea of tears.

Yet even in this state he never gave up. He still believed that there was a way. There had to be something he could do. And there was, completely outside of his reach, but still, possible. The phrase Aomine repeated throughout all those years shot a bullet of pain through his heart every time. The only one who can beat me, is me. This was it, Tetsuya knew, this was the only thing that could bring back the carefree, basketball loving smile onto Aomine's face. Defeat.

His stomach did a wild back flip, as he remembered the match Seirin played with Touou. It opened his eyes, showed him the difference in their power. He knew he would never be able to win, not alone. They had a hard time with the regular lineup of Touou and when Aomine finally appeared on the court, he annihilated them without an even ounce of mercy.

Looking back, Tetsuya was glad. It showed him that even after he changed so much, there were still things from the good days that remained untouched. One of those was Aomine's love for basketball. He wouldn't admit it, but it was there, Tetsuya could see it. And it gave him hope, it wasn't over yet, he wasn't done, he won't give up. This time he'll be the one to show Aomine the light. Only this thought, this tiny ball of hope kept pushing him on.

He opened his eyes, automatically being drawn to Aomine's silhouette. His heart clenched painfully, but with a promise, with hope. He'll do this, he will succeed, no matter the cost he'll have to pay.

It was easier said than done, and Tetsuya realized that most of the burden lied not on him, but on the only person who could actually defeat Aomine. Since that Kaijou versus Touou match his eyes often followed Kagami during practice and classes, trying to make sure he'd be able to do it. The more he watched, the more convinced he became.

This was it, Kagami was the thing Aomine needed, he was the rival Aomine always dreamed of. With more training and embracement of his full talent, he could finally make it happen, he could defeat Aomine on the same ground. Equal in terms of speed, power, flexibility, it would be a match with no clear winner. Yet the possibility of triumphing over the ace of Generation of Miracles was exhilarating.

Tetsuya was really grateful to God that he met this red-haired tiger. But he was also jealous at the same time. He could never compete with Aomine as an equal, no matter the work he put into his training. He simply wasn't physically capable of making him recognize his power. His height, his weight, his aptitude for basketball, everything was inferior to that of Kagami's. In the one on one between them, it was clear he would never win. It was the bitter truth. He could try as hard as his body and mind let him, but all in all, he had to rely on Kagami to bring Aomine down.

He knew that there really wasn't any other way, though he couldn't help the feelings of longing and jealousy. Especially when Aomine started noticing Kagami's existence. Tetsuya tried to make himself believe that all there was to the jealousy and envy, was only his wish to bring back the old Aomine. He refused to acknowledge any other reason than him wanting to help a friend and repay the favour.

At least that was what he used to tell himself before their match at the Winter Cup. He had no idea what was actually happening to him on that court, all the emotions heightened, his precise control over them snapping under the pressure. Though the breaking point was yet to come. He thought he couldn't get even more unstable, but he didn't know how wrong he was. It took Aomine barely a second to stop his Vanishing Drive, and in that one second he crushed down.

The flood of feelings left him confused, shocked, desperate. He completely cut off the world around him, only Aomine's silhouette and voice reaching him through the veil of his thoughts. Was he going to lose? Again? The stubbornness he could always keep on a leash to a certain degree, came back with double force, making him reckless.

In slight shock he watched his body move, as if someone else took it over. He nearly stopped breathing, seeing Aomine's eyes narrow, his whole expression darkening.

'It's a useless effort.'

Those words shot a bullet through his heart. He remembered so well that it was Aomine, who cheered him on to do his best, who used to always say how much he respected him for all the hard work he put into his training and for never giving up. It was Aomine who said that no effort is useless, that if you try hard enough, you can do everything. And now…

Tetsuya knew the road he walked on would be painful, but even still, he wasn't prepared. He could already feel the tears welling up in his eyes, his throat clenched tightly. He could have broken down right then and there, on the court, if the coach hadn't taken the time out. Breathing deeply to gain at least a little of his usual control back, he joined the others on the bench.

'For now we'll have to switch out Kuroko-kun,' the shock and pain he felt in that one moment made him light-headed.

Not only did he lose his cool, he disappointed his teammates, lost the points and was nowhere near making Aomine learn the taste of defeat. What a disgrace… Absentmindedly, he noticed Furihata taping up his left knee and sent him away. He should be alone right now, he wanted to be alone.

The emotions swarming in his chest were very close to his heart, but also so alien, he would have never thought they were his own. The raw anger at himself, the disappointment in his lack of control, the desperation to make up for it all, those things he could understand. But there was this whole new variety of feelings he didn't experience ever before. And yet he knew exactly what they meant.

This was not the time or the place for his head to give up the power to his heart. However, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop those treacherous thoughts. All those little things he's been pushing to the back of his mind, all the jealousy, this drive to bring back a smile to Aomine's face, it all became clear in that single moment.

He was in love with Aomine.

A strangled sob escaped his lips, his trembling hand clutching the material of his shorts. It was too much, he couldn't take it. How didn't he notice this earlier? Now when he looked back it was so obvious, his fixation with Aomine was never normal. He should have seen it coming, he should have been able to recognize his own feelings for what they were. But as always when it came to himself, his observational skills seemed to disappear without a trace.

Tetsuya squeezed his eyes shut, muttering a shaky, broken curse under his breath. It wasn't the time for this, he had to focus, he had to get back in the game. Aomine's words echoed through his mind, another painful jab at his heart. Was it really useless? Was there no way to win?

'It's not useless, idiot,' a hand on his head startled him out of his thoughts.

He looked up at Kagami with wide, surprised eyes. He was right, he couldn't give up, not now. After going through so many hurdles, he couldn't, he wouldn't give up that easily. Looking at Kagami's back, he couldn't help but smile. They were both so alike, Aomine and Kagami. It was no wonder, he found his place in Seirin, being a shadow to the completely new light. But even though they could work together well, make a perfect combination, in the end there still was something missing. Tetsuya knew he could never truly belong to Kagami, he'd never truly be his shadow, because he could never forget Aomine. Their similarities didn't help at all, they just emphasized Aomine's absence even more.

The buzzer beater ending the second quarter of the match resonated through the air. They were only 2 points behind, and Tetsuya knew he had to calm down. He got up and ignoring the slight discomfort in his left knee, left the building to get some fresh air. He worked so hard for this, too hard to let one moment of weakness destroy everything. Revelling in the cold breeze, he got a grip on his emotions. He'd worry about those later, for now there was a game to be won. This was his priority above everything else.

A jacket thrown at his head made him spin around. There he stood, his new light, Kagami. His face was marred with a slight scowl, but Tetsuya could clearly see the worry in his eyes.

'What were you thinking just now?' Kagami asked, bringing his thoughts back to Aomine. Should he tell him? The only one who could beat Touou's ace was Kagami, after all.

Closing his eyes briefly, Tetsuya felt the emotions he tried to push back stir again. The prints Aomine left on his mind were still burning, always burning and the only way to stop it was to defeat him. All of a sudden, his thoughts were filled with the good times when both of them played with true joy coming from simply handling the basketball. The times when they shared smiles, victories, their whole lives.

Tetsuya's heart clenched painfully yet again, making him take a deep breath to stop the oncoming weave of feelings. He was finally getting back the control over himself, he couldn't let it slip now.

'Just once more I want to see Aomine-kun playing with a smile,' he answered Kagami's question, aware of the softness and longing in his eyes and voice.

He could hide it, but he didn't want to. He was using his new light for his own selfish reasons and the least he could do, was to be honest with him, if only in this one matter. Kagami didn't say a word about it though, just turned around, face burning with determination.

'Nothing will change if we lose,' he said, bringing a delicate smile to Tetsuya's lips. He was right, the only thing that mattered now was winning. There was nothing else.

With a new-found calm he went after Kagami inside the building, mind clear of unnecessary thoughts. They just had to win, that was all.

And they did. There were so many moments when Tetsuya thought his heart couldn't take the tension anymore, but it still stubbornly kept telling him not to give up, to fight. Especially when Kagami was surpassing his own limits just to win. It was both exhilarating and terrifying to see two so powerful players enter the Zone and clash together. Even more when, in the end, it was Kagami who came out victorious. A momentary joy overwhelmed every other emotion he was feeling now, making Tetsuya laugh carelessly, freely. They did it, they won, they defeated Aomine.

All it took was one glance at his old teammate for the happiness he felt to puff out of existence. A single look was all it took to bring back the anxiety, longing and desperation that coursed through him during the match. Was it enough to make Aomine change? Did his plan work? His hope still didn't die, heart believing in the best till the last second.

The look in Aomine's eyes told him everything he wanted to know. It worked. It worked, but it was too much. The iron grip on his heart started to suffocate him. The midnight blue eyes that were always so expressive bore deep into Tetsuya's mind. Yes, he did it, he won. But the hurt, the shock, the sheer vulnerability in Aomine's gaze hit him right into his already aching heart. He was lost, like a child left alone without its mother, and all Tetsuya wanted to do right then and there was to hug him close and just be by his side. The ace of Generation of Miracles was defeated.

In that one moment Tetsuya wished he could take back the time. He fought so hard, physically and mentally, he struggled through the maze of emotions in order to get to this point, to defeat Aomine, to bring back a smile to his face. And yet, he hurt him even more. The eyes that looked into his right now were empty, void of any emotion. There was only the fragile control over the hurt and loneliness that almost brought the tears to them.

Tetsuya's whole world went black for a second, strength leaving faster than his breath did. He would have fallen down if it wasn't for Kagami taking him by the arm. He couldn't raise his face to look at Aomine. After all he did, after he chose this path, he could no longer look at him without feeling all the guilt and doubts crushing down on his conscience. He did not want to see the man he loved hurt. His throat clenched painfully. He didn't want that…

'Why are you making a face as if everything had ended?' he heard Kagami speak and he wasn't sure to whom he was referring. Raising his head ever so slightly he noticed the life slowly flowing back into Aomine's eyes. 'It has only just started. Let's play again, I'll be waiting for you.'

The smile that appeared right then on the face of Touou's ace was the one Tetsuya tried so hard to bring back. It was still a shadow of what he was capable of, but this was the most sincere and happy one so far. A true, genuine smile, not the half smirk full of disdain for the weak.

Somehow seeing this made Tetsuya feel even worse. Wasn't this what he wanted? It was, but at the same time it felt so wrong. He was glad the old Aomine was back, and yet he wanted to curl into a ball, cut off the emotions and never leave the safety of his shell ever again. Because that smile was directed at Kagami. It was really Kagami who made the change happen. It was Kagami, not him.

Feeling another rock settle in his chest, Tetsuya raised a fist, holding it up to Aomine. Just for a moment he pushed back the tears he was trying to stop, it wasn't the time yet.

'Next time I'll win,' Aomine promised, his competitive spirit waking from the slumber, which only made the ache stronger.

'Yes,' he answered, glad that his voice didn't tremble.

He'll suffer through it. He'll do it. For Aomine's sake.

It was a really hard decision Tetsuya made deep in the confines of his mind. He saw the way Aomine's eyes brightened as they gazed upon Kagami and the mere memory made a painful throb enter his heart. He wasn't sure the ace of Touou himself noticed what the emotions he felt truly meant. But Tetsuya knew, he never hated his perceptiveness as much as he did right then.

He saw the hope enter Aomine's eyes, winning against the overwhelming sense of loss. He recognized the gratitude, the relief, the joy, the light coming back to shine. He was so happy for his former teammate, he could finally go back to enjoying basketball with a carefree smile on his face. That was Tetsuya's objective all along, and now it was fulfilled.

And yet he couldn't stand to look at the beginnings of passion sparkling in those midnight blue eyes, because they didn't sparkle for him. He might have as well be invisible, as he always was, the only person Aomine saw in that moment was Kagami. Not him, not the other players, not the audience, just Kagami.

This newfound affection Tetsuya was holding for the former light of his would never work, he was sure of it. Not when Kagami was in sight. That was why he chose to bury his feelings deep inside and never let anyone know about his aching heart. The pain was unbearable, making his vision shift, breathing speed up, his throat clenching and forcing the tears into his eyes. The love he just found had to be given up only a second later.

The cruelty of this reality made Tetsuya's anger rise, but there was nothing he could do. The only thing he still had some influence over were his own actions, which made him decide to suppress his emotions in order to make Aomine happy. It was hard, harder than he expected, but once he made up his mind he would always come through. Aomine's happiness was what mattered the most to him, after all.

'Hey, Kuroko,' Kagami's voice echoed through the now empty locker room. The rest of the team was outside, waiting for the two of them to finish changing. 'You coming?'

'I have something to take care of, so please go ahead without me,' he answered, zipping his bag shut and putting it on his shoulder.

'Oh, okay, see you at school then.' And Tetsuya was left alone.

Part of the truth was the reason he gave Kagami. But there was also the darker part of him that couldn't stand to look at his partner right now. He tried to curb his raging emotions, and mostly he was successful, only the nagging thought at the back of his mind kept him painfully aware of the situation.

Taking a deep breath, Tetsuya left the changing room and made his way towards the one assigned to Touou. If he knew Aomine at all, he'd probably still be there, moping around after the loss. Sighing quietly, Tetsuya tried to convince himself that he just wanted to make sure that his light was back. Nothing more. He swore to himself.

He slowed his pace as the door came in sight. With some degree of amusement he noticed how nervous he was and took a deep breath to regain composure. Still feeling a bit out of place, he turned the knob and entered the room. The interior was exactly the same as the one he left just moments ago, making his eyes quickly catch Aomine's silhouette.

As he suspected, the other teen was sitting on a bench with his shoulders hunched, a towel covering his head and face. He didn't even notice when Tetsuya got closer. Only when he sat down next to him, did the midnight blue eyes look at him, widening in shock for a second before a bitter smile appeared on thin lips.

'What, you came to boast?' Aomine asked, turning his gaze away. He would never admit that, but his former shadow knew how hurt he was by that loss. And that was exactly the reason he was there in the first place.

'No,' he replied seriously, 'I came to congratulate you.'

There was nothing but silence for a few seconds, when Touou's ace froze and then slowly turned back to him, an angry scowl marring his face. 'Don't play with me, Tetsu,' his voice was deep and threatening, making Tetsuya's heart beat faster for all the wrong reasons. 'I won't forgive it, even if it's you.'

'I'm not joking, Aomine-kun,' he reciprocated, smiling the tiniest bit. 'I'm so happy for you, you've finally found him.'

It hurt to say those words out loud, Tetsuya's throat was starting to clench and his voice would be breaking anytime soon, he knew. Giving up was always something he hated and even though he was doing it for the man he loved, his gut was still wrenching painfully with every word, every look.

'Huh?' Aomine blinked in confusion. 'What're you talking about?'

Tetsuya only smiled wider, stomping hard on his surfacing emotions. It wasn't the time yet. He couldn't back down now, he had to be strong. For Aomine.

'Your rival, the one you have always dreamed of,' he said, watching the other's eyes change. From anger and confusion through sudden comprehension and towards relief and happiness. A taste of bitterness in his mouth made Tetsuya breath deeper. 'Kagami-kun.'

The smile that appeared on Aomine's face as the realisation finally dawned on him quite literally took his breath away. Struggling to keep his cool, Tetsuya reached out and embraced the other teen. That's all you'll ever get, the mean part of him jeered, making him almost visibly wince in pain. It was for the best, at least now Aomine could be happy, he tried to reason with himself.

But his control was slipping away from his grasp too fast, turning all his attempts futile. Especially with the person he loved so close. So close he could smell his sweat, feel the heat radiating from his body, touch the soft skin on the back of his neck… With tremendous effort Tetsuya pulled back, swallowing hard. Just a little more…

'Congratulations, Aomine-kun,' his voice was strained, but the other didn't seem to notice.

'Thanks, Tetsu,' a dazzling smile was sent his way, breaking the last bit of his self-restraint.

Tetsuya got up, as calmly as he could and left, never looking back, afraid of more pain. His heart was already tearing apart, everything he was holding in breaking free and hitting him twice as hard. His steps echoed through the empty corridor. His mind understood the choice he made, but the heart throbbed painfully, longing for the love denied of the start. He wanted…

His hand rushed to cover his mouth and muffle the sobs that threatened to break through. He couldn't go on. It hurt too much. Ripping his heart out with his own two hands would hurt less. Vision blurry from tears now streaming freely down his cheeks, Tetsuya slid down the wall to the floor. He hid his face in his hands, all the barriers still holding him up crashed down.

He got what he wanted. They won against Touou. Aomine was back to his old cheerful self. And Tetsuya…

In the darkness of the empty corridor he let himself be enveloped in the cloak of his own broken feelings.

AoKagaKuro is always so painful ;u; Especially when it's one sided... I'm thinking of writing it from Aomine's POV, but I'm afraid I'll butcher it *sighs* We'll see. For now, review, please?