(a/n - I clearly don't own harry potter and co or I wouldn't be sat writing this at the moment. Clearly. This also isn't entirely my idea, as I happened to stumble upon something by padfoot, prongs and Mooney which I thought was a great idea. However, it was years old and never finished so I thought, hey! Why not do my own version? So I have. In my own weird way. Get over it. This is also slightly au as all of the time periods are slightly dodgy and I am working with the idea in mind that nobody really died otherwise it just wouldn't work... Apart from that, enjoy!)
The Daily Prophet's Magical Matches! Dear readers... Just to let you know that we (in my office, so I) feel that the magical world needs some love spreading around. As said by well known muggle band 'the beatles' "nanananana love is all you need" or something like that anyway. Don't ask me. I'm a wizarding editor. Not muggle music buff. Anyway, so since my taking over and revamp of your favourite magical newspaper, I have decided to include this lonely hearts section. Awww. You may have noticed me advertising for lonely people in previous issues - yes I had a purpose... What did you think I was doing?! Don't answer that... Back to the point, however... Every so often we will print the advertisements you have anonymously sent in (we just need your initials and contact details, thanks - our owls are good but not that good that they can telepathically know who you are with just your initials to go by) and we will also print what we feel the best reply to your advert was, should you have received any (hahahaha only joking... OF COURSE you will get a reply. Hopefully. Fingers crossed.) Anyway, without further ado... Let me present you with issue 1 of The Daily Prophet's Magical Matches! The editor.
Lonely heart #1 - HP I would like someone who can hold me when I'm scared, who will love me no matter what happens and who will constantly be by my side. I sometimes get splitting headaches, so someone with a good knowledge of household and/or medical charms and potions would be useful... Especially the latter; I suck at potions. The person I'm looking for would also need to be very patient, as I have a tendency to get myself caught up in tricky situations... You must also not mind being in the spotlight every so often. Can't wait to here from anyone who replies.
Lonely heart #2 - SS I am a mature person who is looking for someone to spend some quality time with. I don't have much of a social life. This is not due to me being a 'greasy haired git' as some people so charmingly put it, but it is due to the fact that I am an extremely busy person as I have many talents which are in constant demand. (Wink wink nudge nudge.) Therefore I want an honest, truthful person (I will know if you lie to me... I CAN read minds) so that I am able to happily brew potions with someone I love. The person I end up with should preferably not be married or engaged or in a relationship or fancy someone else etc as this has happened to me before and since then I have been constantly heartbroken. Please, find some room in your heart to love a sensible, secretive and surprisingly sexy person...
Lonely heart #3 - LV I am an extremely powerful being, and therefore require someone who doesn't mind power and the spotlight as that sort of comes with being with me. As does hiding for a few years should the reason arise for us to. However, you must realise that you will always be second to me, and must never try and outshine me; this will result in instant death; I don't care how close to me you are, so no pressure. You must also be of pure blood heritage as I really don't want to be mixing myself up with the wrong sorts of people, if you get what I mean... It is also best if you don't have a fear of snakes, as if you do, then it's not really my problem to be honest... Snakes are GOOD! Contact me or I'll curse you.
Right, faithful daily prophet readers, there we have the first 3 lonely hearts. If you feel like any one of these lovely members of the greater wizarding community are for you, then contact our offices at the usual address stating why you feel that you are the one for these lonely members of the wizarding world. Our dedicated team of matchmakers (ie my good self) will then pick the best reply to each person and print it next issue, which will come out when I can be bothered to print it and I haven't got any other wizarding work on my plate. All's fair in love and war, eh? I will also go to the liberty of putting you together with this person, and it will be you and your now not-so-lonely-heart's duty to send us a letter each explaining how you've got on. Should we not receive any word from you we will follow the necessary procedures for your cheek. I'm waffling now, so am going to go and finish checking up on my other staff. Keep calm and marry on, you lonely hearts! The editor.
(a/n - hope you liked issue one... I sure did. However my dilemma now is that I don't know how to choose people to reply to the lonely hearts. Therefore, this is where you come in, lovely readers... YOU tell ME who you think should reply to each one and I'll pick one and construct the rest from there! All you have to do is let me know the name you think should reply and which lonely heart they are replying to. I don't need the whole reply, I'll do that because i'm cool like that. Clearly. This therefore means that if you don't let me know then the daily prophet magical matches can't continue. The future is in your hands, so no pressure there, then... Also, please don't be upset if I don't choose your reply... I can only do one for each lonely heart! ^_~)