"Oh, no!" My hand flew to my hair. "No, Johnny, not my hair!"

I could tell by that look on his face that he meant to cut it. I sighed and gave up, I had to let him. He sawed on it for awhile with the same knife that he killed the soc with, the same knife!

Then he bleached it. I couldn't fucking believe it. Jesus Christ, Johnny, they'll still be able to tell that it's me.

Then he handed me the knife.

"Alright. Go ahead," he said, head down, penitent. I took the knife, surprised at how heavy it was, how powerful it was still.

"Okay," I whispered, and took a chunk of his black greasy hair between my fingers. I'd never touched his hair before and was surprised by how slick it was, I'd always just put a light layer of grease in mine. He really slathered it on.

I sawed at his hair, maybe cutting it shorter than he'd cut mine cause I was mad at him. Mad at him for cutting my hair, mad at him for causing all this trouble. Shit, Johnny, you don't get out of trouble like this.

After he washed his hair he leaned against the door, shivering in Dally's jacket.

"I guess, I guess we're disguised," he said through chattering teeth. I leaned back next to him.

"I guess so,"

I started to cry then, I didn't expect to but I couldn't seem to help it. Tears fell fast down my cheeks. Johnny saw me crying and looked miserable.

"I'm sorry I cut your hair off, Ponyboy." He stood up, paced a little, slapped at his pockets like he did when he was edgy. I noticed how he looked tough in Dally's jacket despite it being too big. I kept crying, there was nothing to say.

He came back over to me, kneeled in front of me. I wanted to stop crying with him this close cause it wasn't tough to cry and Johnny might think…well, anything at all.

He reached up and brushed at my tears with his fingertips and I felt a little shiver when he did that.

"Don't cry, Pony, we'll be okay. Don't cry…" Then he kissed me, he closed his eyes and brushed his lips against mine and I pulled away a little, startled. But he did it again and it felt nice, it felt warm, so I closed my eyes and kissed him back.

"It'll all be okay," he said, and his voice was thicker, like he'd ran a race or something and I could feel his heart beating, he was so close. In this place, this rotting church and sacred hills, I knew it was a lie. We were fucked. But he was so warm and so close, he was the only thing that made sense here.

I touched his hair, cold and wet but clean, and traced the scar, watched him shiver.

"It'll be okay," he kind of murmured and closed his eyes and kissed me again. I opened my mouth this time and felt his tongue, flicked it away with mine and was surprised at how strong he flicked it back.

He pushed me down onto the ground but almost gently, a soft pressure. He straddled me with his legs and I felt his weight on my stomach, looked up at him and noticed that he was older than me, and I liked how his eyes looked half closed.

I thought wildly of what my brothers would think…fag…but they weren't here and in the light blue sky that spread over that strange distance I understood that it didn't matter now.

We weren't playing by the same rules anymore.

"Johnny," It was almost a question and he trailed his fingers along my chest and up my arms, laced his fingers through mine, this way pinning me down.

"Shhh, I know," he said, and how had I never noticed how deep and scratchy his voice was?

He leaned over and kissed me again, more insistent, and I felt Dally's jacket hanging off him and covering me. I kind of thrust my pelvis up toward him, maybe to get him off me but he thrust back and I hadn't realized Johnny was actually strong, and 16 and not 14, and he rolled off me but still held me down and trailed his fingers to the belt loops on the jeans and tugged. Maybe I gasped, anyway I sucked in the cold mountain air.

He looked at me sideways, a look I'd seen before, and I watched him tug on the button to my jeans, just watched as my breathing kind of quickened and my heart pounded in my ears, blood just rushing…

"It'll all be okay," he said, kissing me while at the same time sliding his hand down my jeans, and the air was cold but his hand was warm. I sighed and felt his tongue slide against mine. I put my hand on the back of his neck.