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A Jack/Kate fic.
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Disclaimer: nope, still don't own Lost … but maybe someone can answer a question for me, 'cause I've been reading conflicting "facts". Are they ending Lost at 5 seasons or 6?
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A/N: Alright, I know I said I'm a Skate fan through and through, but that doesn't mean I'm not allowed my weaknesses. How many Skate fans can say they didn't find it adorable when Jack walked in just as Kate finished her shower? That's what started this whole thing, anyway. Besides, as much as I want Kate and Sawyer to end up together … something about the only other love of her life being a doctor kinda tells me where that's going.
We can still hope for Skate, but for now, I'm enjoying my weakness and writing a Jate.
Okay, so this fic will take place in season two after Sawyer came back, and the kiss/run away thing between Jack and Kate in the jungle, but instead of that scene where Jack says he isn't sorry Kate kissed him, and then if it weren't for Michael they would have kissed again (we all saw the lean), they get into a fight about it instead, because of all the time Kate's been spending with Sawyer.
Okay, one of my longer Author's Notes … enough chatter out of me before my laptop decides to freeze up, and on with the story!
As always, please read and review, I live for feedback!
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Sawyer was recovering well. Kate had been so worried about him, obsessing over the fact that she didn't get a chance to say goodbye to the one person on this god-forsaken island who could possibly understand her, and now she was so relieved that he was healing, faster than expected to boot.
Kate had been putting off her conversation with Jack. She knew it had to happen, but she kept making excuses. The latest being Sawyer's desperate need for a haircut. She'd seen Jack after she was finished, when he came to give Sawyer his pills, and she could tell by the way he wouldn't look at her that they really needed to talk.
She hadn't meant to kiss him. Not to say that she hadn't enjoyed the kiss … but it was the wrong time. The way wrong time, and everything was all messed up. She just wasn't sure if it was because she had kissed him, or because she had ran away.
It was night now, and Kate knew that Jack was on shift at the hatch, so she made her way there, still unsure of what she was going to say to him, how she was going to explain herself.
She found herself in front of the door to the hatch, and after a few deep breaths, she made her way inside.
She found Jack at the computer, finishing typing the numbers for the button. She waited until he was done before she made her presence known, but she still surprised him.
"Uh, hi, Kate," Jack said, looking back at the computer.
"Hey," she replied, making her way to him and sitting on the edge of the desk. "Can we talk?"
Jack sighed, and she could almost read his mind. Here we go …
"Sure, Kate, what's on your mind?"
Kate was quiet for a few seconds, pulling her thoughts together, but when he shifted in his seat, she found the words just pouring out.
"I'm sorry I kissed you. It was a mistake, it shouldn't have happened, and I just wish we could go back to the way things were before, if that's okay with you?" she said in one breath, then waited nervously for his response.
When his eyes finally met hers, they were hardened and fierce. "What you mean to say is, now that Sawyer's all healed up, you don't need to turn to me for companionship, and we should just forget about that little slip-up," Jack said.
Kate's eyes widened, shocked that such words could come out of Jack's mouth.
"What?"
Jack stood up from the computer chair, standing in front of Kate. "I'm sick of this game, Kate. I'm sick of you playing me and Sawyer against each other for your own amusement and fulfillment. I'm done playing," he told her, forcing the words to come out, if only to protect his own heart. "I don't need you, Kate. I don't need this thing you do, I have more important things to deal with, so if you don't mind, I'm sure Sawyer could use some quality time."
He motioned towards the door, and Kate just stared at him for a few seconds, her eyes on the verge of tears. Then her instincts kicked in, and she left the hatch, running through the jungle, barely paying attention to where she was going, just letting her body run on auto-drive.
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Jack finished the rest of his shift in the hatch after being relieved by Locke and Hurley, and then grabbed a quick shower before heading down to the beach. He couldn't believe the things he'd said to Kate. If my mother had been here, she'd have smacked me ten ways from Sunday, he thought to himself as he walked the worn path.
If I get a chance, I'll apologize, Jack told himself. As much as it may hurt him to be around her, he couldn't bear the thought of knowing he'd hurt her as well.
He finally arrived at the beach, and almost immediately, Claire came over to him.
"Jack, have you seen Kate?" Claire asked him.
"Not for a few hours, why?" he asked, the familiar thud of worry in his heart, despite his efforts to push it away.
"She was supposed to meet Sun at the garden before sunset, but she never showed, and no one's seen her since," Claire explained.
"I'm sure she's just off with Sawyer," Jack said, walking with Claire to the bonfire.
"No, he just went to look for her a few minutes before you got here."
Jack sighed. "Maybe she just went to let off some steam. Has anyone checked the caves, or the places she usually picks fruit, or the golf course?"
Claire nodded her head. "We've looked everywhere. We're starting to get worried. Kate's more capable than most of us out here, but she doesn't just disappear like this, without at least telling someone where she's going."
Jack nodded. "If Sawyer comes back empty, I'll see if I can get Sayid and Charlie to help me look for her, okay? I'm sure she's fine."
Claire nodded once more, then headed back to Charlie and Aaron. (P.S. in this fic, Claire never "kicked Charlie out" or told him to stay away from Aaron or anything.)
Jack made his way over to the bonfire/signal fire, and found a seat next to Ana-Lucia.
"Trouble in paradise?" she wondered.
"What do you mean?"
She shrugged, then motioned to the rest of the castaways. "Everyone seems to be "freaking out" about Kate's disappearing act."
Jack shook his head. "I'm sure she's fine. We got into an argument back at the hatch, and she just took off. She'll come back as soon as Sawyer finds her, and they'll live happy-ever-or-so for the next week before she finds something else to run away from."
Ana-Lucia raised her eyebrows. "I'm sensing some deeper issues there."
"I'd rather not talk about it," Jack said, and she nodded her head as they both returned their gazes to the roaring fire in front of them.
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Sawyer really only knew one place to look for Kate that the others hadn't, and he hurried his way there, not too crazy about wandering the jungle after sunset.
He wondered what had happened with Jack to make her take off without telling anyone, Sun or Claire at the very least.
He could finally hear the rushing of the waterfall ahead of him, and knew he was almost there.
He pushed through the rest of the foliage, turning his flashlight on and scouring the water and rocks for the brunette.
"Kate! You here, Freckles?" he called out, but got no answer.
He started to make his way closer to the waterfall, thinking maybe she'd decided to hide out in the small cavern behind it, but was stopped when his feet collided with something soft, and he almost tripped.
Pointing his flashlight down, his heart stopped beating at the sight of an unconscious Kate.
"Freckles, what the hell happened?" he asked, not entirely expecting her to answer. He set down the flashlight, gathering her up in his arms before picking it up once more and making his way back to the beach, his heart pounding in his ears.
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He finally reached the beach, and he could see the bonfire less than a hundred yards away, so he started shouting.
"Help! I need help over here! It's Kate! Help!"
Several people started rushing towards him, Claire and Charlie got their first, and they started asking him too many questions, so he just ignored them and made his way over to Jack, who he could now see running towards them.
"What happened?" the doctor asked, and he would have hit him if he hadn't been holding Kate in his arms.
"You happened," Sawyer said.
"What?"
Sawyer continued walking, making his way to Kate's tent. He set her down on her makeshift bed before letting Jack check her for injuries.
"Was she conscious when you found her?" Jack asked him.
"No," he replied.
"Where did you find her?"
Sawyer glared at him. "Wherever you drove her to."
"What is that supposed to mean?" Jack inquired, lifting her head lightly to feel the back of her head and her neck.
"What the hell do think it means, doc? You're the only reason she does anything 'round here, and if she took off and got herself hurt, it's 'cause you drove her to it."
Jack wanted to argue with him, but he knew that Sawyer was right. Kate knew her way around better than almost anyone on this island, was perfectly capable of walking and running through the jungle without hurting herself. This happened because he'd upset her.
Cursing himself internally, he looked back to Kate to see that she was starting to rouse, blinking her eyes open slowly.
"Kate, can you hear me? It's Jack," he said, holding the sides of her head so she wouldn't try to move. "I think you have a concussion, I need you to lie still, Kate."
She was becoming more alert by the second, and from what she could remember and interpret, she'd been running to the only place on this island that had brought her comfort, the last thing she remembered was tripping over some stupid rock, and someone must have found her, Sawyer probably, since she was the only other one who knew where the waterfall was, and brought her back here, and now Jack was doing the doctor thing.
She remembered their "conversation" back and the hatch, and suddenly brought her hands up, pushing his hands away.
"Leave me alone, Jack," she mumbled, turning away, then wincing at the pain.
Jack turned her back to him, firmly. "Kate, this is serious, you could have died out there, you need to let me look at you."
She closed her eyes, willing away her headache. "Go away Jack, I don't need your help. I don't need anything from you," she told him. "I don't need you," she said, echoing his words to her. "Get out."
Jack was still for a few seconds, contemplating whether to listen to her, or risk getting thrown out by Sawyer, but she wasn't in any immediate danger, so he left.
Sawyer watched him go, then looked back at Kate, who was clearly in pain. Doc must have been a real asshole if she's refusin' his help.
"Not that I don't agree with you about ditchin' the doc, but I think he might be right, Freckles, you should let him have a look at you."
Kate rolled over facing the opposite wall of her tent. "I just wanna be alone for now, Sawyer, please," she said, softer than she'd said to Jack, but still getting her point across.
Sawyer nodded, grabbing a blanket from beside her "bed" and pulling it over her before he left.
"I'm just a holler away if you need me, Freckles," he said, and then left the tent.
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Kate spent the next few days to herself, staying as far away from the camp as she could without Sawyer coming after her, just sitting on the beach, staring at the ocean.
Jack was right, she had been playing Jack and Sawyer against each other, but she hadn't even realized she was doing it. The best thing for everyone was for her to stay away from them. She couldn't afford to make ties out here, to make friends with them, because the trust was, she was a dangerous person. She knew that, the law knew that. She would be in jail right now if the plane hadn't crashed.
A part of her wondered if Jack somehow thought the plane crashing had been her fault. Arguably, she gained the most from the crash, she had gotten her freedom, or a small taste of it at least, and even though he'd told her everyone should get a fresh start, whenever they got into an argument, or he thought she wasn't being honest with him, it always came back to her past, and the fact that she was a fugitive.
No one else had treated her differently since they'd found out, and she loved them for that, but it was an emotion she couldn't afford. Not in the real world.
So she sat, and she stared out at the ocean, alone with her thoughts, the way it should be.
After the fourth day, when people started bringing her food and water, Kate got up off the beach and wandered back into the jungle again, picking fruit, climbing the tallest trees to get the best fruit. It was the perfect place to be alone, were it not for the fact that someone would always follow her into the woods to make sure she was safe.
"I don't need a babysitter, you know," she called out, sliding back down the tree she'd been picking.
"Maybe I'm back to stalking you, then," Sawyer's thick voice rang out.
Kate sighed, making her way back to the beach to empty her pack before heading back into the jungle once more.
She noticed Sawyer start to follow her, and she stopped. "On second thought, I think I could use a cool-down," she said, and turned back towards the beach.
She dropped her bag and kicked off her shoes and socks, then stripped off her shirt and stepped out of her pants, running into the water and diving in.
She swam a few strokes before turning back to see Sawyer looking at her with an odd expression on his face.
"Don't follow me, Sawyer," she said, before diving under the water and beginning to swim laps, along their campsite, from one end to the other.
The temperature was warm, but the saltwater stung the cuts and scrapes she still had from her fall. She ignored the pain, and the aching of her stiff muscles already sore from the tree-climbing, and kept swimming, keeping count of how many laps she did back and forth.
She was in the middle of lap 14 when she saw a ruckus on the beach as she turned her head to take a breath, and she stopped her strokes, taking a moment to figure out what was happening.
She started to make her way out of the water, as Michael and Jin pulled Sawyer and Jack apart, but they kept yelling at each other.
"You think I wanted this?" Jack shouted.
"I don't think you stopped to think at all, Jackass!" Sawyer shouted back, trying to get out of Jin's grasp without hurting him. He had a soft spot for the mostly quiet Korean man, but he was pissed, and he wanted to cause Jack some harm.
"I don't know what you did to her," Sawyer yelled, "but just fucking look at her! She's punishing herself for something she don't deserve, and you're just sitting there with miss Trigger-Happy, acting like nothin' happened!"
Jack broke out of Michael's grip and lunged at Sawyer, but someone else got in his way. It wasn't until he heard the sound of the voice yelling before he realized who it was.
"What the hell is wrong with you two?" Kate yelled, standing in between them in her bra and underwear, sopping wet, panting heavily, fire in her eyes. "Can you not get through a single day without jumping down each other's throats?"
Jin loosened his grip on Sawyer, and he nodded to the man he'd called his friend before looking back at Kate.
"Freckles, it wasn't –", but she cut him off.
"Sawyer, I didn't ask you to stand up for me, or follow me around, or look out for me. It's touching, and sweet, and I'll thank you for it eventually, but right now, I need you to leave me alone. I need you to not get into a fight because you think something's wrong with me, please," she said, holding his gaze until he finally "broke down", and nodded, walking back to his tent.
With an angry sigh, she turned to look at Jack.
He opened his mouth to talk, maybe to explain, maybe to bitch at her some more, maybe to tell her to go after Sawyer, but she didn't wait for him to speak, she simply walked back to her clothes still lying on the beach, and throwing them on before grabbing her bag once more and heading back out to pick fruit, even though she was exhausted. She needed to walk, she needed to work, she needed to focus on something other than Jack.
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The next day, on one of her many trips into the jungle to pick fruit and clear her head, she heard a strange squealing noise from about fifteen feet away from her. She made her way closer to the sound, hand on her knife incase it was something dangerous, and came across a wounded boar.
She knelt beside it, noticing immediately that it had broken its leg. Its mother probably just left it for dead … poor thing.
She placed a hand on the boar's head, trying to calm the creature, and found herself singing a soft lullaby that her mother used to sing to her when she was a child.
The song worked, the boar stopped struggling and squealing, just listened to the smooth notes coming out of her mouth, and was dead before it even knew she had stabbed it in the neck.
She was silent, sitting in the middle of the jungle, holding the innocent creature's head in her lap, until the tears started to fall.
She pulled the knife out, wiping the blood off with a rag from her pocket, and re-sheathed it, sobbing the whole while.
"I'm sorry," she whispered to the animal before standing and dragging it behind her as she made her way back to the beach.
Everyone congratulated her when she got back to camp; they all wanted to know how she'd killed a boar by herself, but she just handed the animal to Michael and Jin, and not caring who saw her, she stripped off her outer clothes before walking into the ocean, washing the blood and sweat off her hands, arms and face.
That night while everyone was feasting, she sat in her tent, knees pulled up to her chest, thinking about everything she'd done in her life, all the mistakes, all her regrets. She should have made Tom get out of the car, she should have left the farm that night like she'd planned, instead of waiting until morning, then she never would have been on flight 815, she never would have met Jack, and her heart wouldn't be killing her right now.
She hated that she cared about Jack so much, it was Tom all over again, only in this case, he hated her.
She heard someone approach her tent, and remained quiet, hoping they would just go away, but her tarp was lifted, and whomever it was walking in.
She looked up, and saw the girl who'd shot Shannon standing awkwardly in her tent.
"Hey," she said to her, and Kate just stared at her.
"Okay … look, I know we're not exactly bosom buddies here, but I just wanted to say good job with the boar tonight, and thank … and there's plenty left if you want to join us," Ana-Lucia said.
Kate shook her head.
"Well, I just thought … I mean, you can't just not eat," the other woman stated.
Kate shrugged. "I'm a vegetarian."
Ana-Lucia gave her a strange look. "Then why did you …?"
"Because not everyone here is a vegetarian. "We" needed the meat, that's all," Kate said. "Excuse me."
She moved past the other woman, out of her tent, and down by the shore, sitting down close to the water, letting the tide come up to her feet.
Kate could see Sawyer sitting with Jin, Sun and Michael, laughing while they ate around the bonfire. Kate was happy that he'd bonded with people other than her, happy that he had other people to turn to.
She looked back out towards the ocean, wondering if things would have been different if they'd never launched the raft. Would they have been able to protect Walt? Saved Sawyer from being shot?
Kate sighed. She felt like all she'd been doing lately was asking herself "what if".
She stood, turning to head back to her tent, but she must have stood up too quickly, because she was suddenly dizzy, and would have fallen back down if strong arms hadn't grabbed her and held her up.
She blinked her eyes open, but she didn't need to see him to recognize his scent.
"Kate, are you okay?" he asked her.
"I'm fine, Jack," she said, pulling away from him and walking back to her tent.
"People who are fine don't almost pass out," Jack stated, following her.
"Ever heard of head-rush?" she asked him, not looking at him. "I just stood up too quickly Jack, I'm fine. I don't need you to look out for me."
"I disagree," he said, and she finally stopped.
"Excuse me?"
"Come on, Kate, you aren't eating properly, you're over-working yourself, you've almost completely cut yourself off from the everyone. That's not what I call fine."
"Well, I'm so sorry I can't live up to your perfect standards, Jack. I guess I'm just human," she spat, walking into her tent, closing the flap behind her.
She felt the tears welling in her eyes, and was thankful he wouldn't follow her inside her space, but she was wrong, and soon found out.
"I never asked you to be perfect, Kate," Jack said from inside her tent, somewhere behind her. "But it's not too much to ask you to take care of yourself."
"Oh, wait, is this the part where you make some sacrificial statement telling me to get Sawyer to comfort me, or the part where you pretend to have an interest in me, until something better comes along? It's kind of hard to keep up sometimes, Jack," she yelled, storming past him and out the tent again.
By now, the chatter around the bonfire had died down, and most eyes were on them.
"I admit, I was out of line at the hatch, Kate, I'm sorry about what I said, I didn't mean to hurt you, but look at it from my side: you completely freak out and take off into the jungle, then you kiss me and then you take off, and then days later, you tell me you didn't mean to kiss me, and you wish we could just go back! How do you expect me to act?"
Kate glared at him, ignoring their audience.
"I expect you to not call me a manipulative whore, for starters!" she yelled, her voice getting louder each time she spoke, the throbbing of her head getting stronger and more persistent.
"You had no idea what I was feeling, what I was thinking, but you didn't even care! All you cared about was getting me out of your life, and then you keep showing up and making me feel worse for actually letting that happen! Make up your fucking mind, Jack! You can't tell me to be with someone else, and then constantly fight with them!"
"I only said that because I thought you wanted Sawyer," Jack told her, not quite as loud as she was. "When I saw you with –"
Kate cut him off, waving her arms around. "Have you seen me with Sawyer! You've got it in your head that it's gotta be either fucking or between you two! Sawyer is my friend, an amazing friend, who gets shit on by you any time he's around me! You don't want me to be in that part of your life, but no one else can be in mine? I can't believe I'm not crazy! Dammit, Jack, I went to see you because you were being weird around me, and I thought it was you didn't want me to kiss you, not because I wanted to have a go with Sawyer! I didn't kiss you because you were there, I kissed you because you're you, and you were the only one that I wanted to help me feel better, to fall into and with. But you didn't give me a chance to say that! You just … you juh … "
Kate put her hand to her head, feeling as though she were suddenly being spun around. "I can't – I …"
She took a few shaky steps back, stumbling as she went, and then she was falling.
"Kate!"
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Kate woke up slowly, her head throbbing, and heavier than usual. She brought a numb hand up to her head, and realized it was partly because there was a damp cloth over her forehead.
"Kate? You're finally awake," came a female voice from somewhere beside her, and she cracked an eye open.
"Ugh … please tell me I'm dead," Kate said, bringing her other hand up, attempting to massage her temples to relieve the stress there.
Sun picked up a glass of water from the table beside the bed, holding her other hand out.
"Some Aspirin," she said. "For your headache."
"More like head-earthquake," Kate said, but graciously took the pills handed to her, wishing she could take more, and dutifully swallowed without further complaint.
"What happened?" she asked the woman next to her as she removed the cloth from her head.
"What do you remember?" Sun inquired before answering.
"Uh … the bonfire, that Ana-what's-her-name chick coming to "check up" on me, and fighting with Jack … oh, that's just perfect. What happened?"
Sun gave Kate a soft smile at her attitude. "You passed out. Jack brought you back here almost 32 hours ago."
"I've been asleep for a day and a half?" Kate asked, surprised.
Sun nodded.
"Okay, well, I'm fine now, so I'll head back to the beach," Kate said, and tried to sit up, but her body wasn't cooperating with her, and Sun eased her back into a sitting position.
"Jack gave strict orders not to leave until you've eaten at least two meals, had a shower and a change of clothes," Sun informed her.
"Oh, well if Jack gave orders," Kate started, but the look on Sun's face made her stop.
"Kate … we were all worried about you. Jack says you got sick the night you got hurt, and it got worse because you weren't taking care of yourself. It could have been much worse," Sun told her, visibly shaken.
"Sun … I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you worry," Kate said. "I was just trying to sort through some stuff, and I guess I tend to do that on my own."
Sun nodded, gripping Kate's hand for a second.
"Just … get better, Kate. We have much more to plant in the garden when you're ready."
Kate gave the other woman a smile, squeezing her hand back. "As soon as I'm allowed out of here."
Sun nodded and stood, letting go of Kate's hand. "I'll go get your food, just wait here."
Kate shook her head, trying to ignore the throbbing that caused. "Really, Sun, I can get my own food, you don't need to wait on me."
But she had already left, and Kate resorted to simply pouting.
After her first of two required meals, Kate felt too tired to even sit up without effort, so she slid down into the covers of the bottom bunk and drifted off to sleep, the last thing she saw before she fell asleep was a strange shadow against the wall by the door.
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The next time Kate woke up, she was feeling much better. Her head still gave the occasional pinching throb, but not nearly as bad as before.
She had slept facing the wall, and she turned over, stretching as she went, and her eyes fell on a sleeping figure in a chair by the bed.
She studied him as he slept, realizing this was one of his few unguarded moments. As much as she hated to admit it, she missed him … missed the simple act of him sitting next to her.
She remembered their shouting match, their tension over the last however long it had been, and tried to remember a guy who had ever made her feel like that. Not even Tom … although they rarely fought.
She shifted her position, and that caused the bed to squeak, and before she could do anything, Jack jolted awake.
She remained still while he regained his bearings, then looked down at her.
She wasn't sure what she expected. Maybe for him to glare at her and storm out of the room, maybe he would spout off some medical babble and force her to take some medicine, maybe he would continue their fight from before, but what he did end up doing surprised her.
He looked down at her with a sad look in his eyes, his entire body screaming exhaustion, and whispered, "I'm sorry."
She didn't know what pissed her off more. The fact that he thought those two words would magically make everything better, or the fact that they actually did.
"Dammit," she whispered back, letting her head drop back onto the pillow.
He slid off his chair, kneeling by the bed, his face closer to hers. "Kate, I'm sorry," he told her again. "I shouldn't have said what I said, I didn't even mean it, I was just upset at what I thought you were saying, and I let my emotions get the better of me, and I know you don't have to forgive me, and you probably shouldn't, but I just wanted you to know that I'm so sorry."
His head was tilted down so she couldn't see his eyes very well, but she had a feeling he was crying, or was about to.
"I forgive you, Jack," she whispered. "And I'm sorry … for running. That's what this whole thing was about, what it comes back to … who I am. I'm sorry, I was just so confused when I kissed you, even though I've wanted to do that since I met you … well, to be exact, since we were coming back from the cockpit, and I thought you were dead, but then I saw you and you were alive, and that's when I wanted to kiss you, but it seemed inappropriate, so I didn't. And then you found out who I was, and ever since then things were different between us, and I was afraid to push our relationship further, not that we have a "relationship" so-to-speak, but you get the gist, and basically I was "freaking out" in the jungle that day, but I didn't kiss you to be comforted, I kissed you because you were comforting me, and I haven't felt about anybody in a long time the way I feel about you, and there's just so much that –"
She was cut off by warm lips covering hers. Her eyes flickered open briefly, because her brain just couldn't seem to comprehend that Jack was kissing her, but there was the proof right in front of her, and her eyes closed again as she returned the kiss, her heart fluttering madly.
He was the first to pull back, even though he remained close to her body.
"Hi," he said, smiling down at her.
She smiled back, missing the feeling. "Hi."
They remained in silence for a few more moments, until Kate said, "So, about that shower …"
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The End.
Okay, that's all I got in me. I dunno, this story went a bit of a different direction than I intended … my whole inspiration for this fic came from the image of Kate sitting off by herself like Rose was at the beginning, and it being somehow Jack's fault.
Yeah … I also had to make Jack kinda asshole-ey, just 'cause I'm a Skate fan, but hopefully I didn't ruin it. Besides, who doesn't like their man a little mean …?
Don't be shy about leaving feedback!
Until next time …!