I Do. I Don't. I Do.
Summary- The groom's drunk, the bride's got second thoughts and the best man and Maid of Honor have run off. Remus Lupin is in charge of putting the wedding back together… but can he do it?
Obviously; I do not own Harry Potter. JK Rowling does. If I owned it, I would be out making lots of money, not writing fan fictions about my characters :) The only thing I own is the poor grammar.
I sent Sirius and Emily off ages ago with specific instructions. Get James a cup of coffee, a bottle of water and some Aspirin. Personally, I did not think those instructions were that difficult, but it was now an hour later and they still were not back.
Figures.
Any other day, I could have cared less where they went. But considering it is one of the most important days in their best friends' lives, they could be a bit more thoughtful. Yes it was James, the idiot, who drank one to many shots the night before his wedding, (I had stopped counting after six), but had it not been for Sirius I doubt he would have ever done it. That wasn't even counting the butterbeer and tequila.
A cup of coffee, a bottle of water and some Aspirin.
How hard is it?
Merlin.
The best part about today Lily and James put me in charge of making sure their wedding goes as intended. Why they just didn't hire a fucking wedding planner, I will never know.
Putting it simply, I'm fucked.
After today I will never see the light of day again because once James is sober and Lily finds out what is going on with her wedding, they'll kill me. No second thoughts.
"Moony," James moans from his fetal position on the floor. "I feel like shit." He gags a couple times.
Please do not throw up on the tux, I pray silently. I do not have the time or the patience to find you another one this close to the wedding.
"Well, Sirius and Emily should be back soon with your water."
I only said that forty minutes ago too. I seriously hope he gets all his shagging in now because when he gets back he's dead.
D-E-A-D.
Dead.
They can find someone else to be the best man.
Like the fat man I saw walking in the church this morning.
I was sitting there with James, going over the multiple ways I could kill my supposed friend, Sirius Black. The friend who left me alone with a drunk who is about to vomit all over himself. Wonderful.
I've come to Chinese Water Torture when I heard a car screech to a stop outside the door.
Sirius walks in the door followed by Emily. Her hair, which had been so perfectly done hours earlier, is mused. Sirius' tie is crooked and his tux is buttoned wrong. I sighed.
"Moony, my man," he said walking in and slapping me on the back. "How's Prongsie?"
"He would be better if you'd just give me the damn Aspirin," I growled out, pushing him off.
His face clouded and he exchanged a quick glance with Emily, who shrugged innocently. "That's what we forgot…"
"Do not even tell me you didn't even bring back the three things I asked. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I do not think it was that hard to bring me back some coffee, some water and Aspirin. What the bloody hell were you doing all this time anyways?" I ask, irritation rising.
Sirius grinned and turned to look at Emily. Her usually pale cheeks turned bright red. Between her pale blue Maid of Honor dress, her bouquet of white daisies and her red cheeks she looked like an American flag. "Well Moony," Sirius said slowly, "We could always go get it now."
"No!" I practically shouted at him. "I'll get it. It'll be easier that way. Just make sure he doesn't gag all over himself," I said before disapperating with a small pop.
I re-appeared behind a clump of bushes right outside of a drugstore. Brushing off my black pants, I stepped out from behind them, pulled some Muggle money from my pocket and entered the drugstore. I got some water from the cooler and a bottle of travel Aspirin. James would have to make do without some coffee. I wasn't about to waste time making that trip too.
Had the clerk at the drugstore thought it a bit odd for a man wearing a tuxedo and not knowing what to do with the money I was carrying, he didn't say anything. I just shoved the wad of bill into his hand and walked out the door without another word. I really hoped I had given him enough.
Back at the church Sirius was sitting on the loveseat, Emily in his lap. She giggled as I walked in the door. I lazily flicked my wand at them separating the two. Sirius glared at me, as they picked themselves up off the floor.
"I suggest you fix your hair," I told Emily as I bent down beside James to hand him the water bottle and the Aspirin.
She looked at me sheepishly. "I guess I should. I don't think the Maid of Honor should look like she just crawled out of bed no matter how bad the groom looks." She grinned at James before walking out of our little "dressing room."
Five minutes later she was back, hair and dress immaculate. James had slowly begun to make his way off the floor, his headache receding, hopefully long enough to get through this blasted wedd…
"Lily's run off, Remus," Emily said, flopping down on the couch.
"What do you mean," I adopted a tone that sounded shockingly like her own, "Lily's run off, Remus."
"You know, chickening out, cold feet, backed out." I looked at her blankly. This could not be happening. "She doesn't want to get married…"
"I know what it means," I growled. "Why doesn't she want to get married?"
Emily shrugged and fiddled with her fake nails. "She doesn't want too. I don't know. Her mum just told me to tell you that."
I groaned. "Do not, I repeat, do not, leave this room, unless I come back and tell you, you can leave this room. Got it." Sirius and Emily nodded. James drooped his head. I assumed that was his idea of a nod. "And James, drink some more water, it'll help, really."
Lily had been given her own private room where only her mother, Emily and her bridesmaids were allowed to be at. I knocked softly and waited.
Mrs. Evans opened the door with a smile. "Oh Remus," she said brightly. "Come in." She opened the door the remainder of the way and gestured me inside. "Lily's over there," she said, lowering her voice. "Possibly you can talk some sense into her." She smiled before walking back out into the hallway.
"Hey Lily," I said, sitting down beside her on the futon. "What's this I hear about you not wanting to get married?"
"Hey," she said softly. She sighed. "I'm scared, Remus. More scared then I've ever been in my life," she paused. I waited patiently for her to continue. "I've always lived with my parents out of school. Now I'm starting a life. A family. Remus, it's the scariest thing in the world for me right now. It's not helping that everyone, Petunia, my mum, Emily; they're all saying I'm crazy for feeling like this, but I really don't know. Maybe I am crazy. Maybe I'm just being silly." She let out a tiny sob.
I wrapped her up into a hug. Her shoulders shook as I whispered into her hair. "Of course you're not crazy. Or silly. You're allowed to be scared, Lily. We can just sit here and talk. Wait until it's all better."
She sniffled into my shirtfront. "I just feel so bad. James is waiting for me and I'm sitting here like a sissy crying about getting mar-mar-married," she wailed.
"Oh, Lily," I said, kissing the crown of her head. "Shh. James is fine with this. He'll be waiting patiently for you."
That was a phenomenal lie. She took it all; hook, line and sinker. James fine. I snorted internally at the thought. He was worse off then Lily at the moment.
She stayed there and cried for a couple more minutes before her head popped up too look at me. "Oh no! I got your shirt all snotty," she looked at me, her eyes welling to cry again.
"Nothing a little spell won't fix," I said cheerfully waving my wand and clearing off my shirt. I stood up. "Whenever you're ready Lily, but I should probably get back to James."
She looked at me wearily. "Let me try and fix myself a bit, so I don't like a blubbering idiot out there. Give me five minutes, okay?" I nodded and opened the door. "Oh and Remus, thank you a lot. You really are a great friend." She hugged me and looked back smiling.
"Anytime, Lily." I turned and walked back out her door and back to ours'. Thankfully James looked much better.
"How's Lily?" he asked jumping up as I entered the door.
"Fine. I think she just needed someone to talk to, who wasn't going to judge her, at the first words that left her mouth. She needs about five minutes."
"Good, good," he said quietly, leaning into the couch. "I am never drinking that much again. My head feels like it might explode. It's better since I took some Aspirin, but still. I'm not going to manage today at all."
"Don't you start crying either."
James just glared at me.
Fifteen minutes later we were standing in front of the alter waiting for the bride. I sighed in relief. This was the last wall until I was home free again. No more wedding planning for Remus. Had we not been in front of fifty or so guests, I would have pumped the air with my fist. I settled for a mental image of myself pumping the air.
The short ceremony was wrapping up with no major malfunctions as of yet. Everyone had made it down the aisle safety and in one piece. No Death Eaters had attacked. No one was sobbing hysterically yet. The church had not caught on fire. I felt it was going pretty well…
"I, James Potter, take you, Lily Evans, to be my wife; and I promise before God and these witnesses to be your loving and faithful husband; in plenty and in want; in joy and in sorrow; in sickness and in health; as long as we both shall live."
"And I, Lily Evans take you, James Potter, to be my husband; and I promise before God and these witnesses to be your loving and faithful wife; in plenty and in want; in joy and in sorrow; in sickness and in health; as long as we both shall live."
The priest closed the Ceremony book he was holding and spoke the words I'd been waiting for all day. A single that hell was finally over.
"You may kiss the…"
Boom!
Crash!
Bang!
Every single one of the wedding guest leapt from their seats as the chandelier above the choir loft fell and crashed to the ground, catching the fabric on fire. In panic, the guests ran from the church, the priest ran from the church, the bridesmaids and groomsmen ran from the church.
Sirius and Emily roared with laughter, James and Lily gave quite a passionate kiss for us three onlookers and I sat down on the edge of the alter and put my head in my hands.
Dear Merlin, someone please pass me the firewhiskey.
Well… Did you like it? Hate it? Did it make you want to crawl into a hole and never come out?
Please drop a review! They make me happy.
xox.
Catherine.