Letters From Kensi
Things fall apart, and they fall apart fast, and with out warning. They can makes us or break us. They can help us or destroys us. So many thoughts kept running through my head. Why did this have to happen now? Just when things were finally going to be as they should. I told him I wanted him more then anything else. I have never needed someone as badly as I needed him. I wanted to tell him goodbye, and ask him to wait for me, but the thought of saying goodbye to him was unbearable. How would I look into his precious blue eyes and tell him? How would I tell him that as much as I love him I have to walk away right now?
I leaned my head against the plane window fighting back angry tears. "Your not gonna cry." I kept repeating to myself over and over again. The more I said it the more I wanted to cry. God, I wanted to cry more then anything else in the world. I had finally been given everything I have ever wanted and in less three hours it was taken from me. I reached into my go bag and pulled out my journal.
Deeks,
This is the last thing in the world I ever saw coming. Granger still hasn't even told me what this about. He keeps watching me out the corner of his eye like he is waiting for me to kill him or something. Uh, even though your not here I can see you reading this and laughing, and saying something along the lines of 'that's my girl'. I am you know, your girl. I wanted a chance to say to goodbye to you, but I don't know if I could have. I don't know if I would have been strong enough to look into your eyes and keep myself together I am barley holding on now. I hope you will wait for me, because I do love you with all of my heart, and I wish I had been brave enough to say those words out loud to you instead of just writing them. I'm trying, this is all new to me, and I know you understand, you have always understood me better then anyone. I hope you understand this.
-Kens
Deeks,
Its been four days since I have left home, and I cant sleep with out you next to me. I know we only had one night together but, it feels wrong not waking up in your arms. I miss your smile, and I miss your stupid ass jokes. I could really use some right now. I wish my partner was here to have my back, I don't trust anyone else, not the way I trust you. I still remember the first day I knew I could trust you. Do you remember that day? It was the day at the bank when The Russians took me. I remember your face, and how angry you were when I got into that car with them. The only reason I did it was because I had complete faith that you would find me and get me back. I will never forget that day you took my hands in yours and the world stopped. I knew then that no matter what happened you would always have my back. I don't think I ever said thank you for that. If not I am saying it now, thank you for saving my life. I have to go try and sleep now, oh and one more thing tell Monty that mommy says hi.
-Kens
Deeks,
2 weeks, 14 miserable days. I want to come home so bad. I hate this place. I hate not knowing what your doing. I hate not knowing if your even getting these letters. Granger said he would give them to Hetty and she would get them to you, but you wouldn't be able to write back because of our classified status. If you are reading this then tell Hetty I said thank you. How is everyone? Are Callen and Sam being nice to you? If not you tell them they are going to have to deal with pissed of Kensi when I get home, and trust me Callen knows better then to want to deal with that. By the way ask him about that one time about the day I flipped out on him, more importantly ask him why. I wish I could see you now. Granger said maybe for Christmas I might be able to get in contact with you. Until then be careful there, I don't trust anyone else with my partner.
-Kens
Deeks,
Tonight I got to see you finally even though it was only for 10 minuets on skype. You have know idea how good it was to hear your voice. I worry about you while I am not there, that no one is taking care of you. I know its ridiculous but its kind of my life mission to make sure your ok. How am I suppose to do that from so far away? I know your not sleeping well I could see it in your eyes. You tried to hide it so I wouldn't worry but you know better then to hide anything from me. Is it the nightmares? Did they come back? Is it something else completely? I wish I was there to hold you, you could lay your head on my chest ,and listen to the beating of my heart, I would stroke your hair, and talk nonsensical babble until you drifted off into sleep. Then I would stare for hours just to make sure you were ok. I remember the night you fell asleep on me on your couch, when I came over with Yummy Yummy Heart Attack. I remember the next day I smelt like you all day from where your head had ended up on my shoulder, and we drifted off to sleep together. Simple memories like this are what get me through.
Deeks,
Merry Christmas, I wish you were here to make it merry. There is no cheer around this place that is for sure. What I wouldn't give to go on that vacation we talked about last year, with you, me and my mom in the ski resort. That is sounding like Heaven at the moment. What are you doing for Christmas? I want you to do me a favor, if you don't have any plans on Christmas please go see my mom, tell her, I don't know tell her I am ok, and I am happy, happy because of you. Tell her I miss her and I will see her as soon as I get back. Please do this for me no one should be alone on Christmas. Besides, I am sure she will have all kinds of embarrassing stories about me she will be more then happy to tell. By the way incase my next letter doesn't find you in time happy early birthday. Yes I remembered it this time, I will never forget it again. We will do something special to celebrate when I get home. Stop it Deeks, I can see your smirk from here get your mind out of the gutter. No worries there will be plenty of time for that too so stop pouting.
-Kens
Deeks,
4 months, 4 god forsaken months here in this place with out you. Guise what? I am coming HOME! I cant tell you all the details about the mission but I can tell you the damn thing is done, and I will be seeing you soon. I am anxious, and nervous, I missed you. I hope you all have missed me too. I cant wait to hear about all the things you boys have done while I have been away. Lord, only knows what kind of trouble you all have been into. I hope by this time next week I will be in your hands instead of just my letters. See you soon Deeks.
-Kens
The wheels of the plane finally touched down, I couldn't stand it anymore my nerves were getting the best of me. Four months, 2 weeks, 5 days it has been since I have been home, and today, today I was home. I saw the team out the window waiting for us. I watched Deeks as he paced back forth like a mad man, and Sam with his hand on his shoulder trying to say something to calm him down I imagine. But there was no calming down for us today. Today is the day our hearts have been longing for.
I busted of the plane at the first chance got. I turned to grab my bags but Granger stopped me.
"I got them, go on before he has a anxiety attack waiting for you Agent Blye."
"Thank you." I said to Granger.
I made it to where the rest of the team was waiting Callen was the first one I saw with a smile on his face. I didn't know if he was happy to see me , or if they were just glad I was back so I could take back what belongs to me (my partner). I didn't have a chance to say hello or anything before he took me in his arms. I held onto him like my life depended on it. I could feel everything through him. The tension of the last 4 months gone, my heartbreak cured, my best friend returned, my life perfect. All because of one person. I never thought I would be one to turn into an emotional mess. I always told myself I was to strong for that, that love was for the week. Boy, was I wrong. There is nothing week about loving someone, there is nothing wrong with needing them. I had never understood any of this before Deeks, before he loved me. But, now I do. Now, I am loved, and happy, and I will never be the same again. I pulled back looking into his eyes, his smile was…there are no words that I could use to possibly explain the look that this man was giving me right now. I reached up and gently rubbed my hand a crossed his jaw, leaning in I pressed my lips to his. It was soft, and sweet, but it quickly to grew to intense and passionate. We broke apart when we realized we were still standing in the middle of the airstrip with all our team gathered around. We separated, Deeks put his arms around my shoulder refusing to break contact with our bodies.
"Thank God, your back all he did the entire time was whine about you. I wonder where Kens? I wonder what she is doing?" Callen mocked.
"Hey I do not sound like that." Deeks interrupted.
I smiled turning to Sam, "What did he sound like Sam?" I asked.
"A man in love." He answered.
I looked back up to Deeks, who smiled down at me, our eyes met, and my life, my life was perfect. Everything I ever wanted, everything I have ever needed was right here right now with him. Though times may separate us, and the job may test us, nothing in this world will break us. Because when you love someone its not for a second, its not for a day, its forever, and forever starts now.