FanFic 100 Challenge #:: 030 – Death
Tears In Heaven
It wasn't until a few hours after Harry had defeated Voldemort that Minerva found the time to talk to him and he told her everything that had happened that fateful day: What he'd found out about Severus Snape and what Dumbledore had told him.
She smiled when he told her some of Dumbledore's words, like "This is, as they say, your party.".
Minerva had known Albus since her early childhood, he had been a good friend of her godfather Nicholas Flamel, then he had become her teacher and later on her colleague. So she was very familiar with his sense of humour. And it was one thing that she had always appreciated. No matter how horrible she had felt, he had always been able to brighten up her mood.
Harry noticed the tears in his professor's eyes when he told her what Dumbledore had told him about love: "Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all, those who live without love."
He wasn't brave enough to question why that had touched her so much.
She saw his insecurity in his eyes. He wanted to know the reason for the tears in her eyes.
Having come to love this young man like a son over the years and knowing that Albus had felt the same, she decided that he had the right to know everything.
"Harry", she saw him flinch when she used his forename, "I'm sure you have heard Albus talking a lot about love. Like Lord Voldemort has said: It was the one power he believed can conquer everything. You already know a lot about Albus' past: About his parents, his brother and his sister, how much he had changed since the summer with Grindelwald. He had come to understand that love was much more important than wealth or power. In life and in death."
She paused and it took her some minutes until she could continue.
"When I got to know him as a child, I could only see the great wizard, the excellent chess player and his big heart. I'd already adored him as a young child. With eleven, I became his student and I saw what a great teacher he was. He even helped me to become an Animagus. But when I left Hogwarts to become an Auror, I – just like you – had no idea about his past. I just thought that he had never found a woman that was good enough for him and that that was the reason why everyone called him a permanent bachelor. I had no idea that he feared to love and be loved again, that he would hurt the people that meant the most to him."
When Harry heard these words, he could understand even better than after the conversation at King's Cross why Dumbledore had never talked with him about his own past.
"After a few years, I returned to Hogwarts and became the Transfiguration teacher. It wasn't until long that I realized that I had fallen in love with Albus."
Harry looked shocked which didn't go unnoticed by his teacher, but she tried to ignore it because she had already expected such kind of reaction.
"We were best friends and I didn't want to ruin our friendship because I had lost my senses. After a few years, I – by incident – met his brother. We liked and trusted each other from the beginning. He told me everything and I was very shocked to hear all these negative things about the man I'd been adoring for nearly all my life. But I started to understand his behaviour. Why he always tried to prevent himself from being with me alone at night, while he never shared a dance with me at the Yule Ball though I was his Deputy Headmistress."
She stopped because she sensed that Harry wanted to ask something.
He hesitated. "Professor, … But, if I'm not mistaken, you two played a lot of chess at night, and he danced with you at the Yule Ball."
At that statement, she looked him in the eyes and he could see her smile.
"That's right, Harry. – Things have changed over the years. I won't bother you with details. Let's just say that it took me a lot of years and nerves until he finally admitted that he also had feelings for me. But in the end, we got married and lived happily together for many years. Despite all the danger around us. Not a lot of people knew about our marriage. Your parents were two part of our inner circle. Lily once found me and Albus in a … an unmistakable situation when she was in her seventh year. Before she could panic and tell her friends what she had just witnessed, we told her about our secret marriage and she said that she was happy for us and wouldn't tell anyone. When she married your father a few years later, we were invited and so your father also came to know about our secret."
"You've never told me that you knew my parents that well."
"I'm sorry, Harry. But just like Albus' decision to bring you to your uncle and aunt and let them raise you, it was all to protect you."
Although he had hated the time he'd spent at the Dursley's house, he had understood a few years ago that it had been for his best.
"Though it might sound unbelievable, Harry, I have to admit that Albus and I had secrets the other one knew nothing about. It was for the better though it caused us many a fights. I knew that he had a plan to help you win against Lord Voldemort, but I had no idea that he was looking for the Horcruxes and the Deathly Hallows."
Tears appeared in her eyes and ran down her cheeks.
"After Albus had told me that he was going to die, he made me promise that I would help you whenever you ask me to help you. That's why I changed my mind when you told me that you were acting on his orders."
Harry looked bewildered.
"You two were married and you didn't know why he trusted Snape?!"
"Yes, I trusted Albus and his judgment and knew that he had his reasons not to tell me everything. Just like the decision to hide our marriage it was because he wanted to protect me. He knew that – should Lord Voldemort ever find out about our marriage – he would try to kidnap and hurt me to get information."
"It must have been hard for the two of you."
She sighed and then smiled at him.
"Of course, it was, Harry. But if you really love someone with all your heart, you know that sacrifices must be made."
Harry knew what she was talking about. One year ago, he had told Ginny that they couldn't be together because it was too dangerous.
"I guess you'd better go now, Harry."
The tears on her face had dried and she almost looked happy.
Harry walked to the door, but turned around to ask her one last thing.
"Will you tell me more about my parents and … more about your husband?"
She gave him a brilliant smile.
"Of course, I will, Harry, whenever you want me to."
A few minutes passed until she arose from the chair she had been sitting in.
She went to a shelf filled with hundreds and books. For a few seconds her eyes travelled over the books, then she found what she had been looking for. She took the object and opened it after speaking the words that only she and Albus had known about which allowed her to see the hidden pictures. Pictures taken on their marriage day, pictures from their honeymoon in New Zealand, pictures of the day their first child was born, …
For a few hours, she reminisced about their past.
When she closed the book, she remembered the words Albus had not only used when he had been talking to Harry at King's Cross, but which he had also spoken to her the night he had been killed.
"Then we say goodbye for the present."
She wondered when she would see him again.
Turning around, she went to the quarters she and Albus had been occupied for the all the years of their marriage. She changed into her nightgown, went to bed and put on some music that she had been listening to every evening since her husband's death.
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong
And carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven.
Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way
Through night and day,
'Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven.
Time can bring you down,
Time can bend your knees.
Time can break your heart,
Have you begging please, begging please.
Beyond the door,
There's peace I'm sure,
And I know there'll be no more
Tears in heaven.
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong
And carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven.
It had been one year since they had been separated by death and now was the first time that she really understood the words of the song. Now she knew that she couldn't live in the past. She and Albus were no longer in the same world. Though she would never forget him, she had to accept that she had to go on living. Without him.
She closed her eyes and whispered words she knew he would hear. "Until we meet again, my love."
THE END
This story means a lot to me. I've just returned from Norway where I've spent a couple of days with people from our church community. We sang a lot of songs. One of these songs was "Tears in Heaven". So it reminds me of this great time I've had in Norway and of people I've lost over the years. It helped Eric Clapton to deal with his loss and I can imagine that it would have helped Minerva …